Now I Know Why My Nephew Loved His Hotel Bed So Much
By Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
November 24, 2011 6:47pm CST
I feel so sorry for Mum right now.
Earlier she rang me and told me she'd been round to Danny's (my brother's) house as a neighbour rang her, concerned that the lock on the front door looked broken and she was worried about burglars.
Now, Mum hasn't set foot in Danny's house for years. There are various reasons for this but the main one is that she didn't like to interfere in the past, plus the fact he could come round hers for tea whenever he wanted, seeing as she lives just round the corner.
Anyway, Mum went round with my Dad to take a look. Dad had a go with the lock but it remained broken. Danny would've gone to work leaving it like that. It was dark and he wasn't in the house. The bare lightbulb in the living-room wasn't working so it was difficult to see in there. Mum's grandson, Tom is visiting his Mum in the North East so he wasn't there either.
Mum told me that the most upsetting thing she saw in the house (and she wasn't there long) was seeing Tom's bed, inherited from me some years ago. It had no sheet on it and the duvet was "minging" as she put it. This made me cry as Mum could never get Tom to rise out of his hotel bed in Las Vegas until at least 10am (in 2008) and now we know why. He often said it was the comfiest bed he'd ever slept in. It was the highlight of his stay.
I cannot see this situation in the house suddenly arising recently as Tom comes from a troubled background. His Dad has given up the plonk but his mother carried on and he told Mum that if "she starts" up in Consett then he's "coming straight back." Tom is amazingly upbeat, considering the crap he's had to endure over the years.
My brother made some bad decisions regarding the mortgage on his house at the height of his alcoholism. He now pays £600 a month for something that - quite honestly, resembles a shack. He reckons it will be paid for "by the time I'm 55." Clothes are stacked up and the lovely after shave I bought Tom last Christmas is on a "ramshackle little shelf" in his bedroom.
Now, they're not poor by any stretch of the imagination and I reckon a lot of this neglect is down to Danny not having time to sort stuff out. However, this gives him no excuse to not supply basic bedding for both his AND his son's bed. Yes, Tom is nearly 22 but he's unemployed and recieves little money off the State. It's obvious he's had to put up with this for years so he doesn't know any different..apart from Vegas of course.
Mum is now wondering how to broach the subject. Tom, especially deserves better treatment and he's never, ever taken anyone into the house because he's so ashamed of it. I have my suspicions that Danny is actually mentally ill as there is a history of it in our family. John has suggested that she pretends that she's bought bedding that "doesn't fit" her bed so it gives her a good excuse to go round.
Amazingly, the bathroom is spotless. It's been done up but a hole in the ceiling hasn't been plastered over. I dread to think how they both got through that horrendous winter last year.
No wonder Tom jokes about meeting "a rich, intelligent bird - preferably from Oxford!"
I cannot see this situation in the house suddenly arising recently as Tom comes from a troubled background. His Dad has given up the plonk but his mother carried on and he told Mum that if "she starts" up in Consett then he's "coming straight back." Tom is amazingly upbeat, considering the crap he's had to endure over the years.
My brother made some bad decisions regarding the mortgage on his house at the height of his alcoholism. He now pays £600 a month for something that - quite honestly, resembles a shack. He reckons it will be paid for "by the time I'm 55." Clothes are stacked up and the lovely after shave I bought Tom last Christmas is on a "ramshackle little shelf" in his bedroom.
Now, they're not poor by any stretch of the imagination and I reckon a lot of this neglect is down to Danny not having time to sort stuff out. However, this gives him no excuse to not supply basic bedding for both his AND his son's bed. Yes, Tom is nearly 22 but he's unemployed and recieves little money off the State. It's obvious he's had to put up with this for years so he doesn't know any different..apart from Vegas of course.
Mum is now wondering how to broach the subject. Tom, especially deserves better treatment and he's never, ever taken anyone into the house because he's so ashamed of it. I have my suspicions that Danny is actually mentally ill as there is a history of it in our family. John has suggested that she pretends that she's bought bedding that "doesn't fit" her bed so it gives her a good excuse to go round.
Amazingly, the bathroom is spotless. It's been done up but a hole in the ceiling hasn't been plastered over. I dread to think how they both got through that horrendous winter last year.
No wonder Tom jokes about meeting "a rich, intelligent bird - preferably from Oxford!"3 responses
@changjiangzhibin89 (17242)
• China
26 Nov 11
Your Mum's and your hearts bleed for Tom.I can well understand how you felt at that point. As you have said,they are not that poor,just because your brother are bad at household management ,plus his wife is absence from home.I don't see the point of "Mum could never get Tom to rise out of his hotel bed in Las Vegas".Doesn't Tom live in his own room but put up in hotel ?
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
26 Nov 11
In 2008 I got married so Mum shared a room with Tom, her grandson. We did try to get an inter-connecting room but it was taken, in the Planet Hollywood, Las Vegas.
In Tom's room were two huge beds. One for him and the other for his Nana. Invariably Tom wouldn't get up for breakfast because he loved his bed so much. I hope all this clarifies what I mentioned earlier.
He actually came round to Mum's this morning..just turned up and was wearing stuff he had on yesterday. He said he hasn't been able to get into his Dad's house "for the last 3 nights" and has slept at a relative's house down the road.
Mum reckons either Tom OR his Dad are lying about why the house is in a state and the lock situation. My brother says the lock needs sorting ("obviously" he said, sarcastically) but doesn't seem to want to fix it or replace it with another one. In the meantime, Tom says he "leaves the front door open all the time" which isn't good for security is it? The pair of them have a lax attitude and Mum can't get her head round it. I've suggested she gets them both in a room at her house TOGETHER (preferably on Sunday when they come round for tea) and have it out with them once and for all. At the moment she's not getting anywhere because each tells her something different.
All a bit of a mess.
@changjiangzhibin89 (17242)
• China
27 Nov 11
I guess "the Planet Hollywood, Las vegas"is a hotel in Carlisle.It seems that your brother's situation is quite a bother to you and your Mum.I think it will take a turn for the better.
@margerydaw14 (735)
•
28 Nov 11
this whole scenario sounds very sad and I believe both of them are suffering badly with depression. Its a good sign that the bathroom is spotless as that is normally that is usually the first place that shows signs of neglect like the kitchen. I am just going by my experience of visiting people when I was a councillor many years ago. These 'sort of people'(sorry about the dreadful label) usually own large dogs too. But I find your posting very sad but also hopeful as your mum and yourself are showing an interest and trying to help. another sad little note is the aftershave kept on a shelf. how very sad, I hope they get the help they need.
@ravisivan (14082)
• India
25 Nov 11
Hello - Tom is your brother or nephew? You have stated both in the discussion. I can understand your soft feelings for Tom. Probably he is living separately on account of his habits. You have not mentioned about his wife and children. 
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
25 Nov 11
Danny is my brother and is the father of Tom, my nephew and both are mentioned lol.
