Does any one have kids & their dad is a dead beat dad?
By bnsp09
@bnsp09 (258)
United States
November 29, 2011 11:06pm CST
Does any one have kids & their dad is a dead beat dad? I know that I was married for five years. I had two kids with my ex-husband and once back from his deployments he became more and more of an alcoholic and abusive over the five years and eventually he threw me and my kids out at midnight after flipping on me because I asked him to help me clean the house. In his drunken state I guess that was too much to ask for. I left in April 2009 and headed from Colorado to North Carolina to be with family. My daughter was 18 months old and my son 6 months old. He saw them once that may and has not seen them since then. He'll call every once in a while on their birthday or Christmas, but nothing more then that. He has to by law send $189.00 a month for child support for the two kids combined! Pathetic? I know. Anyone who's raised kids in the last 30 years knows it takes more then double that to support a child a month!
I just don't understand how someone could desert their own flesh and blood like that. Can you?
Thankfully God has been so good and sent a man into my life that has been a God send. He has helped to raise my kids since June of 2009 and he's my soon to be husband! He's daddy to them. He is all they've ever known and I'm happy about that.
We have explained to them that my ex is their father and he made them and that my soon-to-be husband is their daddy because he loves them and takes care of them.
What do you think about the way we explained it? right? wrong?
I don't want them to think bad things about him I've told them he's sick and until he gets better he won't be around and he way not chose to be around after either. I just want them to know who loves them & is there for them even if their DNA doesn't match!
3 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
1 Dec 11
My eldest 3 have the drunk dad, haven't seen them since 20 years I think, so the 21 year one old doesn't really know him.
he never showed up at weekends and if I took them over to his place he did not open the door or if they were locked in a little bedroom for the weekend.
They don't miss him or see him like their dad. Don't feel any connection and I don't see anything of him in them. Actually everybody is saying they are my look alikes.
Well you can't miss what you don't have. Which is a good thing.
Dont think my ex has sleepless nights because of not seeing/knowing his kids. Always busy with himself.
@bnsp09 (258)
• United States
9 Dec 11
My ex seems to be the same way. He used to call a whole lot but it was only to talk to me and beg me to take him back it had nothing to do with his kids.
I spent many nights not sleeping because he wold call my phone and tell me he hates me then 2 minutes later call and say he's so in love with me.
He's just useless. How do you explain that to your kids? When he does call to talk to them on Xmas & B days my kids ask who he is and it's not their dad they have their dad here with them. I just don't know what to say. My daughter thought that he was in heaven and he called from heaven to talk to her.
@francesca5 (1344)
•
30 Nov 11
i think telling them their biological father is ill is actually a good idea, as in reality he probably is.
the best solution is not to give them the impression that he has rejected them, or to rubbish him too much, but just explain that he had problems that made it impossible for him to be a good father.
which is what you are doing, so it seems like you are doing the right thing.
well done.
@vincent1999 (68)
• China
30 Nov 11
I think that some guy is not grown up until he has been a father. And maybe he think be a good father is so hard so we can call these man as deat beat dad.It is so sad that you meet your ex-husband and he is not a good father to his children.but life will continue...
@bnsp09 (258)
• United States
9 Dec 11
Thanks. I know life will continue it's just figuring out how to explain him and his behavior to my kids. He calls on xmas & bdays and they have no clue who he is. They have a man that has stepped up to be a dad to them. They are bnot missing him because they never knew him.
