My mom is a wonderful mom, why did she blow off my wedding?
By helpmeout123
@helpmeout123 (10)
December 8, 2011 12:27am CST
I am having a hard time getting over this situation and I know I need to own it and let it go. I got married (2nd marraige)10 months ago. We took my parents, and my sons to the island to get married...with only 6 weeks notice, we did all the planning and preperations for a lot of adventures while there. We had wonderful time.
My mom always scapbooks everything and posts things up at work on the wall to share their travels with customers. Many of the family work together including me & my dad, etc. My mom never did this of our wedding and I can't understand why. They recently took my brother and his wife on a trip and with in a week after the got back she had two huge scrapbooks and the wall covered and 2 videos made.
She had made one video and gave it to me but she said she was dissapointed that she didn't take many photos. (I had given her a CD of all the photos we had taken before this which was over 2500)
What I can't understand is why her daughter getting married wasn't important enough to get photos pages on the wall. I finally said something to her one night when I was feeling upset and i made her feel bad, and now I feel worse.
I just don't know how to get it out of my head why my wedding and our adventures weren't posted like all the other trips they have been on all over the world...and next door.
Give me some advice to help me not care or think about it.... even when everyday I go to work and see the photos of my brother and their trip in my face.
3 people like this
10 responses
@nezavisima (7408)
• Bulgaria
8 Dec 11
a difficult situation emerges from what I read.
I can not decide what to tell you.
I just confused.
everything in you is gone and is going well but this incident clearly isituatsiya they bullied a lot.
best to talk with everyone and to understand.
by clarifying these things will calm you and lighten the soul.
success.
nice day!
@ClassyLady1 (109)
• United States
10 Dec 11
Honey, there is a vast difference between calming your SOLE (one can do that by getting a good foot rub) and calming your SOUL - (One needs a belief in God and Jesus Christ to calm their SOUL!)
I do hope you call on God to assist you in this matter - He will never lead you astray.
Happy Soul calming.
@haopee (493)
• Philippines
8 Dec 11
Don't feel too bad helpmeout. Your mom might just have other things in mind. You should try to get over it even though it hurts so much. Comparing your wedding to your brother's wedding is a bad thing. You have to consider that maybe the reason why your mom had made a big deal of your bro's wedding is probably because it was his first. If your mom is big when it comes to the sanctity of marriage, you should respect that.
You can also try talking to her about it when you're no longer upset, maybe she will give you an answer. But I definitely insist to not bring up the topic when either one of you are having a bad day.
It's also possible that your mom considers it a big deal to have not made a prettier scrapbook or video of your wedding which is why she didn't post it on the wall. She may have a different idea of what picture perfect is. And I seriously doubt they're trying to hurt you intentionally.
@helpmeout123 (10)
•
8 Dec 11
Oh I completely agree with you. I absolutely know my mother loves me and didn't do it intentionally to hurt me. My brother's trip wasn't a wedding by the way...they just took them on a little trip to a time share. It was a trip she had planned...so maybe it's just that...She didn't plan the wedding at all and it was our trip and we took them so she didn't think to post it like the others.
My mom is a great lady and is constantly busy with helping us all with our kids... my brother just happens to be the one with the youngest kids right now. I remember when my kids were the little ones...and my older sisters probably felt some jealousy of the time my parents took with me at that time.
Most of the time I can rationalize why she didn't think to put the pictures up from this particular time... but I had never really thought of it from that perspective (2nd marriage and all). She is very conservative and Christian, so there might be some subconscious thing going on there about the first marriage/second marriage thing.
Thanks for your point of view. I'm feeling better just getting it off my chest here. When I have mentioned it to my husband he gets upset and does't like to discuss it. So Thanks!
@helpmeout123 (10)
•
8 Dec 11
That's what I keep thinking... When I finally discussed it with her she said, "Why didn't you say something". But see, I isn't the same if you have to ask her to post and create something...If she didn't want to do it on her own like she had for all their trips over the last 15 years, I can't ask her to.
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
11 Dec 11
I read through all the responses and comments and I notice you said your mom is very conservative and Christian. It sounds to me like it's possible that, while she supported you by attending the wedding on six weeks' notice, she may not feel it is appropriate to make an elaborate showing regarding a second marriage.
My mom was also very conservative, although not especially religious, but she had very strict beliefs when it came to showers, weddings, etc. For example, she believed that you should only have a shower for your first baby and not any following, you should only have a shower for your first wedding, you should only wear white at your first wedding... the list goes on but that will give you an idea. She was very conscious of "what other people would think" and she thought it was rude to invite the same people to multiple occasions for the same person... she said it was like asking people to buy gifts over and over again and she was uncomfortable with that.
I'm not saying this is the case with your mom but it's a possibility. Did she scrapbook and do the wall of your first wedding? If so, maybe she feels the second time around should be more subdued and more of an "immediate family" celebration. This could be reinforced by the fact that you described the wedding as being you and your husband, your parents and your sons. Don't be too hard on her... the main thing is she was there when you married and that's the most important part :)
@ClassyLady1 (109)
• United States
10 Dec 11
I think "Blow off" is a bit strong in this case! Your Mother traveled to 'the island' with you when you got married. The fact that she didn't make a scrap book and post pictures of that event on the wall at work doesn't necessarily mean that she 'blew it off'. You didn't mention your Mother's age or her current emotional condition. There are many factors with older women some of which may have a bearing on what was or was not done.
You should feel blessed that your Mother went with you and praise her for all she has done for you in the past.
I am the type of person who approaches this type of situation straight on and would take my Mother (if she were still here in this world) and ask, "Mother, have I done something to displease you?" followed by, "I am a bit disappointed that you have not made the scrapbooks of my recent wedding like you did of my first." Then, she will explain the reasons behind what she has done.
You will probably find that she didn't do this with intention to leave you out.
Pray about your feelings and the Lord will guide you to peace about this event.
@sizzle3000 (3036)
• United States
8 Dec 11
See I feel that if it's hurting you you need to get it out in the open. Yes it will possibly hurt other people but this was important to you and it should have been important to her as well. I would get together with her and just talk things out. I didn't agree with my daughter's wedding but I didn't miss it or any moment to take a picture. Now she's re-doing it on their 5 yr anniversary and I'll do the same thing.
@dodo19 (47217)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
9 Dec 11
This is a difficult situation, and I'm sorry that you're finding yourself in this position, which isn't the place you want to find yourself. Maybe if you try talking to her. This may help the situation. Who knows? It may help make things better.
@Fortunata (1135)
• United States
8 Dec 11
Talk to her about it again, but don't be emotional about it. Just ask in a casual tone of voice, and see what happens. If she doesn't answer you, just let it go. That's probably the best thing to do.
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
9 Dec 11
Maybe your mon doesn't like this is your second marriage. Maybe she is disappointed your first marriage failed. Another possiblity your mom doesn't like your new husband?I would ask her the real reason she blew off your wedding. You need to know!
