How to treat friends who like to bully verbally

I'm sorry wysecom, though I'm not micha I read your reply and think I must have misunderstood it. I got the idea you were advising micha to 'out-bully' a bully. I would never endorse that. How is the world benefited by having two bullies instead of the one? It sounds like micha took positive steps by leaving. Why stay in a negative situation if you don't have to? Why create a more negative situation? I'm sorry if I misunderstood your comment.

No,no wysecom, in this game you do not want to play fire for fire or eye for an eye...believe me, it will get worse and you do not gain anything from it. In fact, when you resort to such action, more likely, the bullying party will be the one to win because she has successfully 'provoke' you. It will be better to shoot with a firm and straight answer. This will really 'hurt' her and challenge her conscience even if she doesn't want to admit her mistake. I am not talking about people who just bully for fun, I'm talking about people who bully you in front of other people and overtime will destroy your self-esteem and self-confidence. And I am talking about so-called 'good' person here who actually use bullying as her way to get even or for her own satisfaction (her denials for her own weaknesses). I think it's a bit of psychological disorder too.

I don't worry about her wanting to empower me because I think for her, she's done and over with me. She can also be very arrogant. I am not really sorry about our parting as friends. In the earlier times of our friendship, I've already felt some incompatibility with her. Still because of charity work, I tried my best to understand and befriend her. I was sad that after all the effort I have put in our friendship, in the end she chose to take me for granted, belittling me, stepping down my self worth, envying my domestic skills and etc. So now that I'm out of the organization, she has no choice but to try to be good to others (which is good for her! if she applies what she learns).

I hope she will, but meanwhile stay away from her. Noone wants to be bullied by someone else, no matter what her reason or problem.

I don't like bullying in whatever form but I enjoy treating bullies with a bitter weapon. I would advice you not to stay away from her rather match up to her when next you meet and return it fire-for-fire, bullious word for bullious word (don't mind my english).

Yes, I also don't like bullies. The last time I was bullied was by my supervisor who kept calling me names, although at first it sounded very amusing. It ended when I resigned and got a better job offer. Then, when this friend started bullying me, after earlier bullying another friend, I was really surprised how she could suddenly treat me like 'trash'. I was her only confidante at that time because there were no one else that she could talk to. She has a problem and she used the problem to justify (whether she realize or not) to crush other people, not even thinking a minute the consequences of her words. Anyway, I am sure, one of these days she will learn her lesson.

Words are weapons: You Are Correct. It can only yield more powerful pains to a lily-hearted person. You may remember it but if you live under it, then you do not deserve to be here. Have you ended the relationship? NO, you haven't and I can't be deceived. In fact, you are deeper into it and you are hurting more than ever before. I can read through the lines of your words. How do you get those words of your friend out of you? Tell me before I comment on it.

Yes, words are double-edge swords. You don't see the weapon but when it is used to strike someone, it's more powerful than physical weapon. Many mental or emotional abusers don't realize this. My friend probably is not being liked in her office but who dare to tell her when they know she is 'perfect' and others are not?

You see the problem! You have been so attached to your friend. She seems to have this colossal image over you. Despite all your discussion on this thread, you are still under her whims and caprices. When next you see her, don't wait for her to call out first 'cos that will put you on the defensive end, rather be on the offensive, walk tall and bold to her and congratulate her on the purchase of the big oversize car that runs better in the garrage than on the highway. If all your friends are to behave like you or as you want them to, then you cannot grow. You need some good and some bad friends; I mean some docile and some overbearingly challenging friends to balance the scale. The good and the bad must grow together so that you can guide yourself and be well guarded. This bully has a purpose in your life. See the good part of her life towards you and grow. In future, things can happen demanding a bully on your side to step in and defend youverbally. Get what I mean? Bullies also need calm and collected people to help them at some point in their lives. We need each other.

Yes, I would do that. The best thing is just to say a polite 'hi' if she gives me the chance to do that. If she sees me and pretend not seeing me, I'll just ignore her, unless she is right in front of me which is 'unbelievable' if she can still pretend not seeing me. If this is the case, yes, I will be better off without this kind of friend.

Actually, I don't mind befriending her again, life is just too short for holding grudges and besides, we live very near to each other. I can easily bump into her when I go to the market or just about anywhere..The problem is she's the one who has decided not to talk to me, even when I tried to talk and joke with her. I got a bit fed up after a while. She is not a child anymore.

Yes Arieles, I want to maintain my composure If I stumble into her. I just want to be normal when I see her instead of dragging all the hurts and pains of our friendship into further turmoil. Holding grudges is not good for one's health. I think I was always the one who tried hard to understand her. On her part, she failed to be charitable to her friends when they're weak or make some mistakes. She always tried to project herself as being the 'perfect' one which she is not at all.

No one is perfect.

I think I just say 'hi' and omit the 'bye', less animosity, don't you think so? If she says 'bye' first, then only I'll respond the same.

She did not want to listen to me when I gave her my views and opinions about someone. There was a time she would tell me, "I think you're the only one who's good to C", she was referring another friend to whom she frequently looked down and bullied verbally. I think you're right...if she can bully anyone, why would I be an exception to her? It's just something she's so used to doing...

Yes tina05, I agree with you. I actually don't think she is a bad person. I think she is a very weak person but she doesn't want to admit it. She satisfies her 'weaknesses' by drowning and busying herself with gossips about other people mistakes, especially those to whom she holds grudges against.