Dealing with an overly friendly guy

@Aja103654 (5646)
Philippines
December 24, 2011 5:07am CST
At my workplace, I have a friend who is 6 years older than me. He's an English teacher like me. Our co-workers don't like him, because he's too 'fresh' or too 'confident' about himself. He garbs himself in weird patterned long-sleeved shirts, you would mistake him for Elvis Presley. He's loud, cheerful, always smiling and greeting everyone. He talks a lot and laughs a lot, even when don't laugh with him. He laughs about trivial things, that other people don't understand. He also fails at being sensitive to what others think of him. Too insensitive! when we were in a classroom along with other teachers, he was playing his radio too loud disturbing the others from their work. I can see the other teachers giving him a glare and talking behind his back and laugh among themselves. When the others were not around I asked him if he is aware of others being annoyed with him. He said that he's aware, doesn't really care and doesn't like those people either. he likes people like me, who is sincere and who listens to him. For me, he is a good person. He's got a good outlook in life. Is independent, friendly, helpful, cheerful and sincere. But he is kind of annoying. and he gets more annoying every single day. One time he called me on the phone asking me how I am, 2 hours after we left our workplace. Next, he asked me to go shopping with him. Then, he asked me again today if I would like to go somewhere with him. I declined all his offers. I don't want to be very close with this guy. I have a boyfriend and he knows that. One time during a meeting, he mentioned that what he wanted for christmas was a girlfriend. A girlfriend like me. I told I would kill him. and he laughed. Lately, he has been hanging out with me. Deep inside I wanted to be left alone but he is not getting this subtle messages I give him. remember, he's very insensitive about others not being comfortable with him. I'm okay with being friends, but I don't want him permanently sticking on to me. What do you think I should do? Should I avoid him? Somehow I need a strategy and draw a line between me and this guy. I told my boyfriend everything and he said if that guy keeps this overly friendly charade of his, he would get beaten up. Right now, I'm trying to think of ways of how to confront the guy about this. Sorry for the long post!
2 people like this
10 responses
mor
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
25 Dec 11
Ow , tell me about it :) I had a friend at the army and he was a very sticky one. Many people didn't like him and I was the only one who suffered him most of the time so he liked me. After all , those people does want some real close friends and fast , but they not really are lovable. I think about him from time to time and I think I could hang out with more people and not only him (like you already said at page number 1 ). Maybe I could find more things we can like doing together and enjoy his mind. I remember he tought me how to play backgammon and we played it a lot. I wasn't good at it and he liked winning. He always asked me for some small money or soap , his hygiene was very low... There were times we fought and I actually yelled at him he was stink. Well , those were good times as I think about it now. My advice to you is to fight with him for every annoying thing he does : if he talk about funny things , tell him how childish he is. If he is too friendly , tell him he would probabely like people who slap him , he would even hug them... I hope he will understand what a normal behavior is. Maybe you can hang out with your friends and if they don't like him , you may make him understand what types of people you hang out with.
mor
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
26 Dec 11
Some people are really problematic , aren't they ? I would like to know this person , lol , it would make a nice challenge dealing with him and getting along with him. You can prepare yourself before you talk with him , you can think about how to talk with him to make his attitude soft , maybe be more polite. If you responds in a way that doesn't encourage him to keep his behavior , I think he will stop acting like he does. You can make him be nice like you.
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
28 Dec 11
Haha, and I would love to introduce you to him. LOL, if you were around maybe he'd have less time to annoy his other colleagues! XD ... me.. nice? hehe, I don't know. I think what he really needs is 'impulse control' the impulse to talk and talk and talk. he's a nice guy actually, very friendly and hyperactive.
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
when an opportunity presents itself, I will tell him frankly about everything that has to do with his behavior and the people around him who are bothered by it. I just hope he will take it well and act on the problem. I think he likes himself the way he is... and changing his behavior is hard for him(but then, don't we all have the same problem every now and then?) haha, you are rather brutal to your friend but i suppose it helped your friend improve and that's what really matters! Thank you for sharing your experience. ah, he was the reason why other people couldn't stay with me, because i was with him and he annoyed them so much. Me, being the most tolerant of him, is left alone with him. -sigh- that's why i did not want to be with him all the time.
sabado_dc
@sabado_dc (1001)
• Philippines
24 Dec 11
well, i guess you should show some signs that you do not like his over forwarded actions if you cannot tell directly on his face. if he doesn't care about the negative comments of your colleagues against him, that means really something. if he keeps on acting and playing safe as in everything is favorable to him that does not sell to everyone, better give a 50-50 now before someone will grab his head down on the floor. lol.. or, maybe, you like his style... hahaha
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
25 Dec 11
Ack, I don't like his style at all. He's the kind of guy I would have as a friend but never fall in love with him. I really thought he was gay at first meeting, he's strange. Like what kind of signs am I supposed to show? He's not quick at getting the signs.
sabado_dc
@sabado_dc (1001)
• Philippines
25 Dec 11
say for instance, if he starts parroting, lol don't give any response. instead, don't look at him and divert whatever you hear on to doing something like everything you hear will serve as an stimulant to start being busy lol. put some makeup that distinct your new mood from the old ones something like that lol.. if he doesn't notice, then, he's really a nuts! lol
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
Haha, I did all of those, and they kind of worked! I think he was disappointed when I refused to have lunch with him and his friends. Today, I'm so relieved that he was busy doing something somewhere else, I barely saw him today Though, whenever I see him, i still greet him.
carmelanirel
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
24 Dec 11
I would find someone who is not involved, perhaps another co-worker who can be objective. Then sit down with this guy and this other person and explain clearly that though he is a nice guy, you have no interest and would appreciate it if he didn't ask you to go anywhere with him socially. Hopefully by having another person witnessing your suggestion, the man might get the clue to leave you alone.
carmelanirel
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
26 Dec 11
With some people, it takes going formal to make them understand..
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
that's a very formal way of handling. It's a good solution for worst case scenarios on this issue. thank you!
1 person likes this
globaldoc
@globaldoc (858)
• Philippines
25 Dec 11
To tell you something, you do not really have a problem, and this is so easy to solve. The guy is very insensitive for a reason. He is already so fed up with trying to be nice, and yet somewhere along the line, I believe he still had people not doing nice things to him, thus the insensitivity. He hated people who are not honest, and just trying to be nice and look nice. It would actually please him to see people who are brutally frank and honest. In fact, he will even appreciate it, even if the things said would be hurting against him. For this, it is better to just tell him squarely at your privacy, and he will listen to you. You just have to catch him off guard, while alone, and with brutal honesty.
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
brutal honesty... ah, that's hard. I'll just wait for a good time to tell him those things... today, i think he got the idea that i was really avoiding him. I just had to, because it will be more troublesome for me if this goes on. I can feel myself forcing to be nice to him, that's plastic, i hate being plastic... so i had to avoid him for awhile. thank you for that!
alansailing
@alansailing (74)
• China
28 Dec 11
Really pity to read this news , it seems your co-worker need to change his behavior !! I think the best way is you can have a shortly meeting with him face to face in an coffee store and better let your boyfriend join together. Then you can tell me directly that you have a boy friend and loved him so much. That he'd better to keep the distance with you and no need attached overly friendly to you. Hope he can realize this point clearly. In the meaning time, you also need to be more attention to this, leaving him far away, do not speak to him for the issue which not related with business and let him cool down . So maybe he will change his mind and looking after his next target :) good lucky and wish you can handle this case well!!
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
28 Dec 11
Haha, his next target!!! Hmm... the situation between us has improved as of late, so there was no need to do the coffee meeting with him, me and my BF. He's not sticking on to me anymore(yeay!), he probably got the hint when i refused his offer to go with him during lunch time and a lot more offers after that. Honestly, I felt sorry for him, but I have to do it for myself. It was hard. Someday, I will tell him about this all in good time.
mantab24
@mantab24 (28)
• Indonesia
25 Dec 11
Yeah, very long post. But it's ok, no problem with me. You have a unique friend. You need a good strategy to deal with a friend like this. I'm sure, you can face your friend well because you know with a variety of situation about your friend.
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
Haha, you bet. Everyone thinks he's strange and weird. Too intense and loud, that he becomes annoying. Which is why he is usually found alone. If he keeps being like that, i doubt he will have a friend he can constantly be with. A person has to be patient to be able to deal with him.
JeninND
@JeninND (65)
• United States
24 Dec 11
You can't avoid him completely at work, but you can decide not to answer your phone when he calls or texts, and you can be simply polite with him, not engaging in too much conversation. Eventually he will probably get the message. He is sticking to you because you're the only one there who can tolerate him, it seems. Telling your boyfriend about this guy was a good idea. Let your boyfriend know anytime this guy calls you outside of work, just so there is nothing for anyone to get suspicious about - this guy may try his best to sabotage your relationship with your boyfriend. Just be aware of that. And if his advances get too aggressive at work, report him for harassment.
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
LOL, yes, last saturday when he texted me i did not bother answering. he was asking me to go out with him, it's so awkward since we are not that close. He's too forward and attaches himself too quick to anyone who is willing to be with him. Poor guy.
kalyani1234
@kalyani1234 (637)
• India
24 Dec 11
Yikes! Sounds like he is being too sticky! If I were in your place I would get irritated too! but it seems like he just isn't taking any hints and is only trying to get fresh with you more! I think its high time that you talk to him straightaway and tell him that you do not want his attention any more than is necessary and too too, only when it concerns work. Other than that, you have a boyfriend and you are perfectly happy with him and this guy need not keep shoving his nose in between to get your attention. Subtlety isn't working for him and therefore, you don't have to feel uncomfortable telling him off! By the way, you could start dropping hints on how your boyfriend is possessive and is ready to break bones if someone tries to get close to you! All the best!
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
25 Dec 11
I'm thinking of ways how to tell him properly. I feel sorry for him though, but he's got to know his limits. Thank you, kalyani! I'm glad you guys understand. Yeah, and to think my boyfriend has relative who is a godfather -yikes-
chicksdigscars
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
24 Dec 11
i think you should actually make a point in saying to him, that you have a boyfriend, and you aren;t interested in him in that way. and that you find his persistence inappropriate, and that he is making you uncomfortable, and that if he doesnt stop, it is going to get to a point where you are going to want to distance yourself from him.. but if he were to stop, you would happily be his friend, but it is going to get to a point where you arent going to want to be around him.
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
I can't do that yet, not when he never confirmed any romantic feelings for me. If it is confirmed then I would have to be frank with him. he knows I have a boyfriend already, it annoyed me since he doesn't know when to stop and draw limits.
areskya
@areskya (398)
• Indonesia
24 Dec 11
Wow,,,,it is rather complicated. I ever felt what happen with you now. I feel so uncomfort to stay for along time on my workplace, so I try to go home as soon as possible after finishing my job. Then, I plan to go somewhere, a nice place to eat and talk there, me, my boyfriend and he eat and talk freely about anything. In the last meeting, my boyfriend talks to him and ask what is his intention doing so to me and also said about the relationship. After this meeting, his act was changed and he became the same person as in the past. Would try it?
Aja103654
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
26 Dec 11
you mean to say that I may try to let my boyfriend confront this person? well, i have thought of that, but i want to avoid doing so as much as possible. Today, things seem to be working fine, that guy was busy somewhere so i barely saw him today If things don't improve... I would have to resort to direct confrontation.