Should have seen this coming..

United States
December 28, 2011 7:31am CST
Hubby's sister did it again. She had been being all nice and cordial, helping and actually acting like she cared. It's only been for the past month or so that she's actually been really involved, so much so that she even stayed with FIL for over 24 hours straight through Christmas. Knowing SIL, I didn't accept this as genuine.. I figured either she's feeling guilty, or she's having trouble at home. Anyway, most of you know that about 2 weeks ago we moved into FIL's home. The goal was to help him during his final weeks.. but the day before we moved in we found out he wasn't going to come back home, they were moving him to a hospice facility. What I haven't mentioned is that we exhausted every resource we had trying to get this place fixed up and cleaned up enough for us to live here. Not only did we use all of our own money, but we also used every last dime FIL had.. with his permission of course. But then FIL started slowly losing his mind and started telling everyone that he had $2,000 set aside for his final arrangements. That was not true, at one point he did have $1,000 that we were holding onto, but it was used on the house. At the time, he was 100% in his right mind and did consent to using the money. Hubby planned on selling our car (because he was getting FIL's car) and that money would be used for the arrangements. We had it covered and expected no help. Well, 2 nights ago I got a long, nasty e-mail from my sister in law, who already thought we were freeloaders. She accused us of using the money on ourselves, as if it was our choice to move into this house for our own personal gain, as if we took advantage of my husband's father. At one point in the e-mail she said something to the affect that since we have 3 computers, a big screen TV, and multiple gaming systems, etc. that we don't take good enough care of our kids. She said she'd never respect her brother again, and that she will NEVER help us financially (she never has, we've never asked her to, and we don't need financial help.. so I don't know where she's getting this from). Hubby was really mad, and tried to respond with explanations. I was also very mad. This woman has been ticking me off for over 11 years, and I've been biting my tongue because she's never said anything directly to me. She always goes straight to my husband, and I'm not childish enough to seek her out just to give her a piece of my mind. But this e-mail came directly to me, although it was intended for my husband. So I took the opportunity to tell her exactly what I thought about her, and I was not nice at all. I said things like she needs to get off her high horse, she's not the center of the universe. I told her she was selfish, jealous, pathetic, and obsessed with money which made everyone who met her dislike her (I used an example from my baby shower where a friend of mine got really angry because SIL was being a show off). So, the next morning hubby got a text and I got an e-mail saying she was going to forward my e-mail off to the rest of the family, which she did. I responded again telling her this was childish. She started the fight, it was personal between her and her brother and she dragged me into it by sending the e-mail to me and she knew full well it was my e-mail address. She shouldn't burden the rest of the family and cause drama just because she can't finish the fight she started. That was the last we heard from her, thankfully.. but she did send on the e-mails. Her uncle (who's a rich snob and is on her side) called Aunt Doris (who'se been on our side all along).. and everybody had to deal with the drama yesterday. Seems like it's all calmed down now. Aunt Doris is taking care of FIL's arrangements (we didn't ask her to, she offered). We are to sign over one of our cars to her for a tax write off in return. I've been forbidden to speak to SIL again, though Aunt Doris understands that I was angry. Hopefully that's the end of it. FIL died yesterday at about 2 in the morning. He is finally at peace, and reunited with his wife of 51 years who died almost 2 years ago now. There will be no services or calling hours. FIL said he didn't want them. I wanted to have them anyways because I don't think calling hours are for the deceased but for the living and I wanted my children to have a chance to say goodbye, but SIL and some of the other family decided to have a memorial in the spring instead when FIL and MIL are buried.. so they're getting their wish and there are no calling hours at this time. But she's paying for that, so whatever. Other than that, I just have to wait and see what's going to happen with the house. The loan company said hubby could just take over the payments and eventually put the house in his name, so I'm hoping it's as easy as that and we have no troubles. Once the house is taken care of, I will be feeling relieved. This was a very long, drawn out battle with FIL. I'm glad he's no longer in pain or suffering. Hubby is a bit sad.. and I think the weight of his mother's death is soon going to hit him as well since he never really stopped to grieve for her because he was so focused on his father. But now it's all over, he can grieve and move on with his life in time.
5 people like this
6 responses
@sreekutty (1051)
• India
28 Dec 11
My condolences dear. I know how mean relatives can be , I have six sil's all elder but anyways they are all kind of sweet except for the last one who really made up for all the rest right from marriage days along with the support of mil and fil who are still going strong. each day is a test for me trying to control my anger and stopping myself from going crazy because they suspect their daughter in law but believe their daughters who coolly praise them and get things done their way- you know what i mean. some day I will gt recognition I suppose but who really cares, the only sad part being my husband always believes their fake tales. well stop about me. I think you should stop talking to your sis in law if she is that mean. she does not deserve any explanations.tell all your relatives about her behavior before she starts spreading tales. I guess this is life.
• United States
28 Dec 11
Glad I only have the one!
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
29 Dec 11
She sure sounds like a gem! It's so sad when someone is determined to make things even worse than they already are at times like these. I think I'd have really let her have it and I don't even want to think about what my husband would have said or done. Anyway, I sure hope things get back to as close to normal as they can at this time. I'm sure you're right about your hubby not having grieved for his mother yet either, so he'll probably have some tough days ahead of him but he'll get through it, we always do somehow. I think it's probably best if you have no contact with that b1tch since she's not likely to change anytime soon, is she? Annie
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
30 Dec 11
That says it all; any person who could say that about her own father isn't worth the time of day. Resolve to erase her from your life! Happy New Year! Annie
• United States
29 Dec 11
No, she'll never change. Hubby thought she had started to change because she suddenly seemed to care about what happened to FIL, when 2 years ago she flat out said she didn't care that he was sick. I'll be glad to be done with her!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (121057)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Holy freakin' cow.
@jillhill (37353)
• United States
28 Dec 11
Honey I hope all things work out alright! And if you ever need someone to help kick you SIL in the behinder let me know! LOL.....I got some heavy boots that need a workout!
• United States
28 Dec 11
Yeah, she sure deserves it! Like I said, I'll just be happy when it's all over and we don't have to deal with her anymore.
8 Jan 12
Losing anyone is hard never midn with someone like your sister in law thrown into the mix too - I am glad he is finally at peace and hope now you can start to have a life without as much worry as much about your FIL as well as your SIL. I lost my dad last in July and found it to be hard but, hopefully your hubby can grieve properly for both his mum and dad now. My thoughts are with you all. x
• United States
8 Jan 12
Things appear to have calmed down for the time being. We've heard nothing of SIL as of yet, so fingers crossed it's all over now and we can move on with our lives.
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
30 Dec 11
Some people are just so narrow minded. And can't seem to see past their own flaws. I'm glad you told her off! Now, it's just time to move on. Let your husband deal with his loss. And afterwhich, I think your family deserve some quiet-time. Free to live your lives without any drama. Including your SIL.
• United States
30 Dec 11
I do enjoy having a drama free life. Seems like things have calmed down now. I never heard back from her after I told her how childish she was being dragging the rest of the family into her fight when they should be dealing with the loss instead. Hopefully I won't be hearing from her again.