Very Sad Days ahead
By marie2052
@marie2052 (3691)
United States
December 30, 2011 9:39am CST
My very best friend in the whole world was diagnosed with Cancer. While I want to remain positive and supportive to her, it is breaking my heart.
She has seen me through a time when my baby daughter was a runaway, a divorce and a number of other things that she has been the best friend anyone could have.
We talk daily and email each other also.
She got the word yesterday it is terminal.
It started in her lymph nodes and has spread to her lungs and the lymph node is so large it is squeezing fluid into her left breast that caused it to become larger than her right.
The Surgeon thinks it is spreading to her brain, and they are going to do a CT Scan on it Tuesday and then Thursday she gets admitted to the hospital to find out what kind of cancer it is.
I was a little miffed about that. Since she is terminal why all the tests?
Can't they make her comfortable and do their darn tests afterwards to find out what kind she has?
I mean jeez do we have to be human guinea pigs for everything when we are already in such pain and hurt?
I want to go see her she is in Canada and she wants me to stay home (I am in Florida) She says she wants me to remember her for what we have done together.
She has taught me a lot, and I really don't consider her a friend. She has become the older sister I never had being an only child.
I usually take death very well but this one makes me know my new year is not starting out good, and how do you not call a friend after 15 years of friendship and loyalty?
Have to say I love her dearly.
She asked me for shirts so i am going shopping and take them to UPS so she will get them faster than parcel post. I think customs in regular post office toss them around a bit for fun to make them get there later LOL
K just needed my friends here on mylot know what is going on with my best friend who used to post here. She taught me to knit, and cross stitch. We got to go on a cross stitch cruise together with my son in 2006 and we had the best time.
her 99 year old mother just passed away two months ago and she is coming in to an inheritance that would have gave her some comfort instead of just living on Canada pension.
Now she will not get to enjoy that bit.
Its a shame sometimes how life keeps coming up and slapping us in the head.
Hope everyone else has a better day than me
It will not be a Happy New Year for me.
5 people like this
6 responses
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
30 Dec 11
I can see why you'd be upset. Your right, if they know there is nothing that can be done, just make her comfortable for the time she has left. Maybe when they do the tests though they will find out that it's not as bad as they thought. I had two friends die of cancer, and two survive it. It seems like everyone has cancer nowdays. I had family members die of cancer also, but it seems worse when it is your friend. You expect older family members to die of something, but you don't expect friends who are around the same age as you to die. I hope your New Year is better than you think it will be.
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
30 Dec 11
Thanks hon. no its pretty bad, she read me her Xray report about 2 weeks ago, then we sat and waited for the CT Scan results. They told her terminal. Said there was no reason to start any kind of treatment. Told her she could if she wanted to but it would just make her sick.
In Canada you have to wait a long time to see a doctor and I think if she had been able to got in sooner then maybe they could have caught it.
I just hope when everyone goes to vote this year, that this is the possiblity of us going on this kind of medical system and we will become a number instead of a person. I can't imagine our healthcare turning into this, but yea, unless we vote correctly (whatever that is) we will be doing the same thing...waiting.
2 people like this
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
30 Dec 11
I am surprised if they don't think there is any reason for treatment that they want to do more tests. If she doesn't have much time left, it should not be sitting around waiting for tests!
1 person likes this
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
1 Jan 12
She has two appointments on Tuesday and Thursday this week. Since they think its going to her brain, they want a CT scan of that, then Thursday is the biopsy to find out what kind of cancer it is although they keep telling her there is no use for treatment.
Man they don't want to have me in their face. I think she should be made comfortable and live out her time.
I don't think it has soaked in to her oldest son. He took her to the store yesterday and he told her "she was wheezing" What is wrong with men? Why couldn't he have gotten a list and done the shopping for her?
I don't know my way around in Canada as she moved from the area I stayed with her in. I still remember that area and would be able to have gotten around.
I know that if I did not stop my doctors they would use me for a lab rat human if I allowed them to. Having a medical background enables me to know what I need and what is nonsense. I don't allow people to prod over my body unless I know they need to.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (51811)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
30 Dec 11
Sending out a big hug, to both of you.
(((HUG*HUG)))
2 people like this
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
30 Dec 11
Thanks Barb I know you remember Gayle on here. She is in Canada too. I read her some of your posts on the phone you make her laugh.
Much love to you sweetie!
2 people like this
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
30 Dec 11
You are doing everything you can do. Continue to be her friend, and be her support, she will need you more than ever. I can only imagine how upsetting this is for you. I can understand her not wanting you to come and see her. I had a friend who refused visitors in his last days, as he didn't want people to see him in such a way. He didn't want to be remembered as a sick person, he wanted to be remembered as a virile man.
1 person likes this
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Thank you bonbon that is what she says she wants me to remember her as I know her.
Not what she is going through now.
In your short few words of response you helped me today
Bless you!
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
30 Dec 11
I am sorry to hear that your best friend/sister has terminal cancer and that it is spreading. My sister's was lung cancer which after a few months spread to the brain and then to the bones. She had chemo for the lungs and then had radiation for the brain, which then she ended up with short term memory. Near the end it spread to the bone in her arm and very near the end it was in her leg.
I am sorry she is going to have to go through this and that you also are going through this.
I can totally understand how you feel. I am not sure what to tell you. Do you respect her wishes or not. That is a hard call. To me I would suggest that you go visit her right away and spend time with her. Then if she wants to be alone when things get bad, you have respected her wishes.
Maybe letting her know just how you feel and that you feel you need to see her and spend some quality time with her, then maybe she will understand.
I know my sister was mad at me for some reason. Remember she had the radiation all over the brain which caused short term memory. She was made because I would not take her on a cancer walk. I have degenerative arthritis in the ball of my foot and big toe. I can't do those kinds of long walks. Needless to say her husband was blind to the fact that she had the short term memory loss and that she might be mad for no reason at all. She forgot that I was unable to do this walk.
He wouldn't even let me visit her or talk with her, or come watch her for him.
Which if he had things would have gotten patched up hopefully and I would have seen her more often, then just the day before she passed away.
At least she asked for me then. But, she was unable to have a conversation with me, but she did say my name and I did talk to her.
It is so sad that your friend will not be able to enjoy the inheritance that her mother left her. I hope that her remaining days will be good ones.
You both are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
1 Jan 12
I am sorry to hear that her son is going through all of this plus his mother being ill.
For some reason it seems men just take things in stride. We get all worried about things and want the best for others. The men just plug along like nothing has changed. They are busy with their jobs, etc., and really don't see all that is going on when they are not around. We are left to handle things while they are out and about.
My husband would have said something like that too. So it is not just your husband.
Well to bad you did say to your brother-in-law that if he had B_LLs he might have done what was right for his mother then leaving it up to someone else. 
You will make the right decision regarding your friend just as you did for your mother-in-law.
Hugs 
You will make the right decision regarding your friend just as you did for your mother-in-law.
Hugs 1 person likes this
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Her oldest son is going through a divorce, but his wife still lives at the house until it sells. so there is a lot of drama there. and I do mean DRAMA LOL
he just put his mother in law in a nursing home after having her live with him and his wife for 21 years (personally I would have shot her LOL) I can't imagine spending my personal time with my inlaw or parents living in the house forever with us.
I really don't think he realizes how bad off she is. although he took her grocery shopping yesterday and said Gosh mom you are wheezing bad.
Oh well...thats a man. My husband was the same with his mother. I knew when it was time for her to go to a nursing home. I could not do 24/7 care with my illnesses too. But hubby or his older brother would not make that decision. So they will always be able to blame it on me.
Her oldest son and his wifen come to see us last year and he told me to my face he had promised her he would not put her in a nursing home.
My husband said he did not know what to do so let me do it.
UGH MEN!
I will wait and see what this week brings and then I will make a decision to go.
Thanks for your kind words.
Hugggs Back to you too
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
31 Dec 11
I'm sorry, and I feel really sad for you.
And I marvel at the strength of your friend. Even with this sickness, she still has the conviction to let you stay where you are, and not let you see her suffering. Even more so, her advice to just remember her for the good times you shared.
I'm sorry that 2012 is not going to be a good year for you.
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Yea we are tough old birds. That is what drew us to each other out of friendship.
Thanks for your kind words.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
31 Dec 11
Hi marie: I understand that all this story is really sad but even if you can't do anything to cure your friend, you can at least make her feel happy. Try to share some time with her and give her some hope. Life is beautiful even in these sad situations and you can be a light of hope to your friend, specially on these days which are about love and be good to the ones that are important for us and those who are suffering.
ALVARO
1 person likes this
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
1 Jan 12
Since we are so far apart (she is in Canada and I in Florida) I wake up and immediately send her a morning email.
then at night I call her after dinner.
even though I have to monitor her over a phone I have her son's contact numbers and address in case I need to get in touch with him.
So I pay attention when I talk to her.
Thanks for your kindness!
