Ever scared of ending up alone?

United States
January 12, 2012 12:22pm CST
Well, I have a friend/boyfriend whatever you want to call him for the past 3 years. It seems like he has different goals than me and can never give me a straight answer on anything lately. I am 25 and hes going to be 30 in Feb. He already has a 11 year old daughter. I try to tell him that I am at the point in my life where I want to start settling down, get married, have kids, etc. And he always tells me I am not ready. He pushed me to go back to school which I am in now and I am not sure if he is saying this because he truly feels I am not ready or he is just trying to put me down. I do not want to wait until I am 30 to have kids. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being an older parent I just choose not to be one but sometimes I wonder am I ready or what and I am just scared that I am with someone for the past 3 years who doesn't see me in his future and then I have to wait another lengthy period to find someone else. Do you ever feel like your going to end up alone?
2 people like this
4 responses
• United States
14 Jan 12
He tells you you aren't ready? I don't like to be one to be negative, but it doesn't seem like this guy sees the qualities he would want to marry, at least not yet. Whether that be the case or not, please don't hold out hope if things don't seem to improve. I used to be scared to be alone, especially after having kids by my children's father. But after he left I found a strength in me that I didn't think I had. I want to be with someone, mind you, but I'm not accepting just any old thing to keep from being that way. I am comfortable with being alone, even though I want different. Will you stop being the wonderful person you are because you don't have a mate? Will you be less able to achieve the goals that you wish for yourself in life? Usually the answer to these is no. So stop concentrating on not being alone, and start thinking about living a fuller, richer life. Its usually when you are out living that life that love finds you anyway!
@bounce58 (17392)
• Canada
15 Jan 12
Great point of view drknlvly6781! You don't change the person you are just because you're alone. And I like the optimism of love finding a way. You're definitely a strong woman!
• United States
24 Feb 12
I think you may have to outright ask him what his goals are in life? If he does not have the same goals then maybe he's better as a friend and you move onto someone else. If you have to bluntly say I think we should be only friends. Women want to have a family and get married at a younger age then men often are ready to commit to. And you are right you don't want to keep wasting your time with someone who doesn't want the same thigns as you but you also don't want to feel like the time you spent in your relationship was a waste.
@bounce58 (17392)
• Canada
15 Jan 12
First off, I don't think there's anything wrong with being alone. Yes, I get the point that your friend/bf is trying to make you better. But if he's doing this as some sort of qualification, then I think you better start asking the hard questions. Sorry to be a downer, but the fact that you've realized that you're at this point in your life, then your f/bf should also see this. And he better step up (I think), or else...
@Rochaten (166)
• Portugal
22 Feb 12
Not at all! Better alone than in bad company.But I think we should not think about it,is counter-productive!We must live one day each time and not suffer very intensively in advance. This kind of thinking can corrupt our future. Anyway I have no fear, nor think of it!