Why can't parents be parents anymore? (U.S. based but all opinions welcomed)
By AidaLily
@AidaLily (1450)
United States
January 21, 2012 7:48pm CST
Why can't parents be parents anymore? Why in the U.S. is it a crime to discipline your child? Why on earth is it a crime to put your child to bed or ignore a tantrum as long as they aren't hurting themselves?
Currently, it is 8:35 pm where I live. My three year old has a bed time at 7 - 7:30 pm everyday since it is a good school schedule and so on.
Today, he didn't want to go to bed, but unlike a lot of parents I have noticed do, I refused to let him stay up and just give in to whatever he wants so he wont scream or throw a fit.
I live in a duplex. I told my landlord before I moved into my place that I have a three year old and he is very loud and throws tantrums. My landlord was pretty much like ok he is three. He will calm down eventually. My landlord is 81 years old. He agreed to letting us move in the place and we have had no problems. He likes us as tenants even with my three year old. He wasn't even upset when we told him my son drew on the wall. He just said that is what kids do.
So he was throwing my tantrum and my neighbor starts screaming next door (its a side by side duplex) about how I am abusing my child. Mind you I have never abused my children. I will never abuse my children. I am just a firm believer that kids need routines including having a set bed time. Its not abuse because he doesn't want to go to bed. So my neighbor calls the cops and says that I am abusing my child. So while I am telling my child that its bed time, he doesn't need *insert numerous things here* to go to sleep, the cops show up.
The cop understood that he is three and needs a bed time and just ask if I could find a way to keep the noise down but he understands if I can't.
So the woman gets pissed because the cop didn't arrested me for abuse since I was trying to put my son to bed and calls social services saying I am abusing my kid which even the cop said I am not. However, she plans to keep calling until they do something and I know they will keep coming out here.
The same goes for people disciplining their kids and more on. People say that some things make bad parents, but how can there be good parents if every nosy body with a phone wants to call and report you for being your child's parent?
1 person likes this
8 responses
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
27 Jan 12
It is situations like yours that really burns me up. The truth is there are so many children out there that really need to be saved and your neighbor did nothing but take away from the children that are in need of assistance. I think that it has come to a terrible point when a disgruntled neighbor can threaten the well being of a family because they are putting their child to bed and it just so happens the child is testing his boundaries.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
31 Jan 12
I hate situations like mine as well and agree that there are so many children that need the assistance. However, anyone.. and i do mean anyone.. whether they know you or not can call. You can pass someone on the street and if your friend's cousin's best friend's boyfriend knows the people and you just didn't like the way the looked then you can call.
I have a relative who works for this agency. They said they don't go after violent parents anyway. They would rather these neighbors and such call than have to answer an actual case of abuse because that puts them in danger and as much as they try to act like it, they are not law enforcement.
However she wasted law enforcement time as well. I guess some people don't understand that children push their boundaries.
@shiesse (306)
• Canada
26 Jan 12
I don't think this persons complaint was truly about abuse or you not being a good parent, but because she didn't want to listen to the noise your son was making. To accuse someone of abuse when they are being a good parent is just rediculous of this person. I had someone call children's aid on me before because my son has a speech impediment, and they even came to my home to investigate even though the complaint was simply my son has a speech problem. I agree with interferance when there is a valid reason for concern but people need to keep their uck parenting ideas out of others life when it isn't helpful and should not waist valuable police and social services time with nonsense complaints!
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
26 Jan 12
Both the cops and social services told her that it was nonsense after they came out and checked. My son goes to bed at 7 - 7:30 pm every day and they are up way later than that every day considering the noise they make. I understand if he was going to bed later and they were as well, but it was just ridiculous. Someone could have been hurt or something and the police were at my house because my son was throwing a tantrum. The woman doesn't even have kids so I am guessing its because she doesn't understand three year olds aren't all just going to be ok with going to bed when they want to stay up and play.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
26 Jan 12
I have wondered this many times and it makes me angry to be honest. We should be able to discipline without having a fear that our children could be taken away. It is unfair and it makes our job more difficult as parents. There is nothing wrong with correcting our children in a healthy manner. And I am SOOOO sick of people calling social services on people for stupid things, especially if it is just used out of spite for one reason or another. Your neighbor should have gotten in trouble for calling social services with a false report!! If more people would get in trouble for calling for nothing then there would be a whole lot less of wasted time! And more children who are being abused would be helped!!
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
26 Jan 12
I wish they would get in trouble for false reports, but they don't. I mean its terrible now a days and the kids who need help don't get it. My cousin works for social services and she says they don't try to go after any parents who may actually be abusing their kids since it puts them at risk. She says its horrible, but going after parents who get false reports of abuse for parenting their kids or working long hours and not able to clean at 7 am in the morning are easier targets because they don't have to worry about getting hurt or being put in danger.
I agree that I am sick of all these people, especially the ones without kids who figure that you should be able to automatically make sure your kid doesn't throw tantrums or anything when you say no, that will call them and say its child abuse because you don't want to raise a spoiled brat. Its ok though, because next time I will just go next door, hand her the phone, and tell her to call them with her stupidity and my son will still go to bed at 7 - 7:30 when his bed time is.
@surfer222 (1713)
• Indonesia
22 Jan 12
Maybe your neighbor know that you didn't abuse your child... maybe she has something else in her mind when she called the cops. Maybe she was irritated by the noise your child make and by calling the cop she's hoping that you get arrested and your child is taken away by social service so she can have a quiet evening...
i hope in the future you can catch her when she's doing something illegal and you can return the favor 
i hope in the future you can catch her when she's doing something illegal and you can return the favor @AidaLily (1450)
• United States
22 Jan 12
Lol. I kind of hope I can. XD. She probably did know. I mean if I heard her yelling about it, then she probably heard me tell my child that bed time is non-negotiable. I mean he screams and such for a few minutes if he doesn't want to go and then he is off to sleep. Nothing much I could do. I can't forced him asleep.
@Timeout (419)
•
24 Jan 12
Oh my... and I complained about my neighbours throwing parties on weekdays! Seriously your neighbour next door is a $%&$%& and she should mind her own business. As long as you don't abuse your child, you are his mother and you have the right to educate him however you like to.
It should be a crime to bother the police with such an stupid thing, somewhere else in the city someone could be mugging a poor old lady or robbing a shop and they cannot go because your neighbour calls them because your son is having a tantrum.
Kids are not stupid, they try to do things their own way because they don't know about limits, it's your duty as a parent to show them limits. When they are denied something they want, it's normal they have tantrums, or cry, or use emotional blackmail skills to make you feel guilty.
This is absolutely normal, it doesn't mean you are abusing your kid, any other healthy and smart kid would make use of any of this methods in those situations. This is it, in 2012 and 1912, in the US and in Russia. It is your duty as a parent to say NO, to send him to bed, to make him respect your authority. It is YOUR home and YOUR son, and in my opinion you are doing a good job as parent, I would do the same as you.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
26 Jan 12
I agree. The people came out and just said ok and left it at that which of course sent this woman on a rant outside as she yelled at the people for not doing anything. The women told her they seen my son (he is three and hates wearing clothes at home and just wears his pull up... working on that though) and there are no signs of abuse and my child was not locked in his room. She goes on and on and on to the point where the women just left and did nothing. I hope my neighbor gets a life or something.
I could see if I was putting my son to bed at 9 or 10 in the evening which means he is making a lot of noise late at night, but he goes at 7 - 7:30. They don't even go to bed until 11 or later next door. Its just a crazy situation, but thank you for being someone that understands kids are smart and they will throw tantrums when they don't get their way.
@sumatix (257)
• United Arab Emirates
22 Jan 12
Its really ridiculous of that lady. i really don't know why people keep on poking their nose in others matters.They should be enough mature to understand what is right nad what wrong. Moreover it is the parents who best can understand what is good or bad, right or wrong for their kids ,yes some exceptions do exist but it does not mean that one should rate everyone in same manner.
I think that parents should have the freedom of upbringing their kids and people should take laws seriously and should not misuse it for their own sick reasons..
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
22 Jan 12
I agree. It is ridiculous and with the way social services works now, if they decided to stay then they can. Of course I have the right not to let them in, but they blackmail, threaten and other things. The agency in opinion shouldn't truly exist because they have no real authority to do anything. On top of that if a police officer said I was well within my right to put my son to bed, what the hell would those people do besides try to twist it around to get a case? My cousin works for them and says they do it. She said while they don't all want to, they have to in order to keep their jobs.
She doesn't have kids so I guess its hard for her to understand kids don't just have 'off' switches especially that young.
@marguicha (230365)
• Chile
31 Jan 12
I wholly agree with you. Fortunatly in my country we don´t have that kind of harrasment from busybodies. People have to really abuse a child in order to have him taken away from his parents. But it seems to me that at the US now most of the kids will end up growing at foster homes without any love or real care just because someone thinks the parent is abusing the child when he is teaching him. I gave my two daughters occational spankings on the butt (nothing terrible) and they don´t seem to be sociopaths. In fact they both are good mothers, good professionals and an asset to society.
Cops should give a reprimand to people who use up their time to send them in such errands.
Cops should give a reprimand to people who use up their time to send them in such errands.
