Ripped my Heart In Two
By Amanda81587
@Amanda81587 (3042)
United States
February 7, 2012 8:33am CST
So for the last 3 years i was dating this guy and had a baby with him. We started being abusive towards each other. He would drink and do prescription pills really bad. We went through a very rough time. On christmas morning he called me all kinds of bad names like Wh@re and worst. So I packed up my stuff and left him. For the next three weeks everytime I took him to see his daughter and my two other kids he would cry his eyes out to me talking about how he didnt want to live if he could not have me and how much he changed and how he was sorry for the way he treated me and I should have been treated better. I would stay with him and hold him as he let out his feelings and we continued to sleep together. Then when my mom came back from Florida to help me with the babysitting situation every time I went to school and work he got upset and called me a liar and said he was sleeping with my sister when I was in the hospital having our child. So I changed my number and stopped talking to him. Then couple of days ago the break up finally hit me and I felt like crap for just leaving him to cry and move on with his life. I realized how much I actually do love him. So when he called me yesterday at work he gave me his number and he said he wants to see his daughter and he is in a better place now and stopped the drugs and alcohol and found someone who really makes him happy. My heart stopped and I could not breathe I wanted to collapse to the floor. All the feelings I have for him came rushing back. I went to the cemetery to visit his grandpa and he showed up there. All he wanted to say was how I was the one who did all this because when he cried his eyes out and held a gun to his head all i did was walk away and now i want to feel sympathy for him and want him back now when he is happy as can be. He literally rubbed her in my face saying how she looks like me but 125lbs and how she has a son the same age as mine and he even looks like my son. I cried my eyes out so hard to him and all he could do was talk about how great she was to him and how she is different and he is not going to mess it up and treat her badly. All I could think of is how hard I tried to help him change his life for the better and finally when he listens to me its for another girl. All my hard work and hard times I went through with him someone else gets to enjoy him. I told him everyone is not what they seem at first and he said no she is different we have so much in common and she doesnt like to go on dates and if we do go out to eat she would want to pay for it because she believes the girls should, and she likes to stay home and do nothing and shes going to school like you are but shes going to be a cop and how she just got out of a relationship because her fiance died so they are taking it slow but he really likes her. Why is it so hard for me to move on and why do I feel like I am being stabbed repeatedly? What do you think? Do you think he changed that fast and if she is really being true? I dont know what to do I dont know if i should fight for him because i am afraid if I do and win and get him back that he will go back to the same. I mean he and I literally got into fist fights in front of the kids thats why I left him so my kids wouldnt have to see that anymore, but he says he changed?
2 people like this
6 responses
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
9 Feb 12
I guess you're still nursing a broken heart. That's why this dilemma is a bit difficult for you.
I think that if you just give it time, and let your heart heal a little bit, you would see that the best thing for you and your kids is to just walk away. Let him live his life if that's what he thinks he needs.
I know it would be difficult for you, but I think you would be OK down the road. From all of the things you described, that you did, you have more capacity to love anyway. I'm sure you'll find your own one day. And then when you find your match, you'll get to experience all the good things that you've been missing out in this relationship.
@Greninee (369)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
hello friend!
I've been in love with someone whom I had cried so much with.I've done anything to change him even we are not really boyfriends and girlfriends. We are just M.U(lasted for one year)as what other people called meaning we have mutual understanding. I love him so much but he has a girlfriend. I never texted and lose all my contacts to him after knowing he has a girlfriend because he lied to me and that made me seem I am the third party. at first, I was so angry...very angry. He said, he would broke up with his GF but I said he don't have to and I said he would just give all his love to his Gf. But after 2 years, we met at the bus. All my feelings came back and I felt like a knife was stabbed at me seeing him with his GF. He introduced his GF to me and he seems he is very proud of her. He said that his GF knew everything about us but it's only the past. He then said, I'm glad I never chosen you instead of my GF. I slapped him in the face and said:I'm also glad I stopped loving someone like you who is a liar and I left.
But to your situation, I think the guy is just making face to see your reaction. I knew he loves you but I think he wants you at this time to please him. He is just making you jealous and I think the girl is not true( the one he's talking about). Your memories together is not that easily to be forgotten. If you found it hard to move on, how about him? remember, boys just keep their emotions inside not like us girls who are showy. Try to observe things to happen and tell us here so that we could help you more. I think that the guy is just lying.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
7 Feb 12
Yours is very touching story and it is difficult to understand if at all he changed or was pretending to be.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
8 Feb 12
You need to think something that the guy did not want a good reason to loves you and you love him also.
The guy is very much impulsive and temperament and don't think other to be happy but want you to be ruin all the time and jealous without proof...
Better to talk with him for good, my friend. Ask him what really is the matter with him and why he is acting like that so that you know what to do what solution you make to resolves his pain in life...
If you still love him...talk to him and find out the reason behind his anger. If he want to talk and realize things and change to make your life better...
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
7 Feb 12
I'm trying to read between the lines here to get at the truth and I reckon your ex is playing mind-games. It makes no difference if he feels better with his new love or not; he is still playing mind games with you. He is keeping his options open, that's what he's doing.
A guy I lived with was similar to the one you described although he never physically hurt me..it was all "mental." Eventually, he wore me out with it and I plucked up the courage to leave him. At first, I felt like sh*t and instantly regretted it. We would meet occasionally after we split up but I was kidding myself that he was a different person.
His sister worked at the same place as me and would often tell me the "latest" concerning her brother. I was upset when he found someone else and he got her pregnant. He had often gone on about kids to me but I always refused to come off the Pill as I didn't want kids..not with him or anybody actually.
Anyway, am I glad I made that decision because..about 6 months after the baby was born he left her as he was "bored" apparently. Didn't want the responsibility more like. When I found out I actually felt sorry for the woman realising that she could've been ME, do you know what I mean?
What I am trying to say is this; you may not feel like splitting with your guy is a good idea RIGHT NOW but, trust me, a few months on from now (yes, it will take time) you will think to yourself, "Why on earth did I waste my time with this man, there are plenty more fish in the sea!"
