Who can you trust???

I totally understand where you're coming from. But now my girl made up with her mother and apologized for what she said. I still say it was her brother that egged her on in the first place. And besides, when someone pick up the extension, you can hear it while you're on the phone. So, he knew and did not say anything. But you're right, your mother should just tell you to your face. I like people who are direct and not behind my back.

Her mother is probably very hurt by the things she said but like you said the mother also should not have been snooping like that. Yeah, it just upset me because we are grown adults and if she has something to say she should have said it to my face. We are not children. It is hurtful and annoying. As a mother you should grow up and be able to talk with your daughter, you know? I would never do that to my children!

Your absolutely right. There is no one you can trust anymore! Not even parents.. It does feel awful and Im sorry that happened to you too. It is very hurtful when you trust someone and they break it.

thats so sad when one feels you can not trust anyone. Loving I think really you should come right out and say "MOM if you are so upset with me, why then did you let us come here and stay? you hurt me really bad and I want you to be honest with me. " maybe she is just too frank and does not realize how hurtful she can be. Anyway do talk to her and tell her how bad she has made you feel. thats horrid that ones own mom can be like tha. When I think of Mom, mine has long been deceased, I feel all warn and fuzzy inside as we really cared for each other. But not all moms are like that.hope things do get better. from hatley

No! They are the a$$holes, you are not to blame. Somehow you raised yourself to be kind and open and caring. It is their loss that they treat you badly. Never change! And you are breaking the cycle. I know by your username , that you are breaking the cycle. It is harsh what I Have to say now so forgive me. You have to break ties with your mom . As soon as you can get out , go and don't look back. I wish I could say your mom will see the light someday but after throwing your under the bus secretly makes me feel she will Never get it. She will Never see how nice and good her daughter is! It is sad and it makes me very angry. Just know you are the better person in this And you sister is too. It takes guts and heart for her to tell you what was said . Hang in there and think of this, You are a better mom than your mom could ever be. Your kids love you more than you can ever love her so you are doing right. And when you need to vent, write me.

I honestly did not even know she had any problem with anything! She hurt me so bad. My sister is absolutely her favorite one but in my opinion she is a bad mother. I am grateful shes letting us stay here for now but she throws that in our face all the time. You know a guilt trip. We are hoping and praying to get our taxes back soon so we can get out!! I cannot tell her that I know because my sister told me things she really was not supposed to. My mother told my sis not to tell me they went over her house today so they could talk about us! =( My sister did tell me all the things and although I asked her to, it hurt and I wish I didnt... Thank you for making me feel better. =) I wish she would respect me just a little bit...I try so hard to please everyone and people still find ways to hurt me, I don't know why. Do you think its because I am too nice???

Probably your mother want to do you a surprice so she said to your sis to dont tell it to you have u thought about that ?

Your very lucky you have never dealt with this. It is hurtful and immature of my mother. If she had a problem with anything she should have came to me and we would have resolved it. Going to my sister's house, keeping that a secret and talking about my family is just stupid and immature! When we move out I am done with both of my parents. My father went there too and talked just as much about us as my mother did. I have no use for them at all anymore. I will suck it up while I am living there but after that I am finished. I absolutely HATE drama and this drama could have been avoided completely which really annoys me! Unfortunately, I don't think time will be able to heal this wound. I will forgive because that is what the Lord says we should do but I will never forget...

I wish my mother was trustworthy but I just lost all respect for her. I do not trust her anymore. She tried to get my sis and I against each other which many have tried and it will never happen. Neither of us will let it! Unfortunately we do not get a choice as to who our parents are. If we could I would be trading mine in quick! Lol.

Yes I just don't have anymore trust for my mother. She does not deserve my trust. That is true, if someone hurts you in that way the trust is not the same at all...

I'm sorry MsTickle. It is very hurtful and I wish everyone would just say things to each other. It would avoid so many problems and pain. I am the black sheep too in my family and apparently no one likes a black sheep... I guess for some stupid reason I did not think my mother would talk behind my back but more than just talking about me I think the lying hurt worse. Now she has admitted things to my sister so she told her she was lying because she got caught in lies... For some CRAZY reason I sometimes feel like people will just like me or love me because I am a loving person and I do whatever I can for others. But the TRUTH of the matter is not everyone will like me or love me because I am loving and sweet, and unfortunately I'm not really sure how to deal with that fact. I thought if your a really good person to others, they will like or love you for it... Not so much. =(

I so know what you mean. I'm outgoing and loving and affectionate, loyal and trustworthy. I think I treat people well but I get treated like crap...not always or all the time but a lot by the people I reckon should care about me the most. I just don't get it.

oh... I'm sorry to hear this. I understand your side of it all and I agree that your mom "should have" talked to you rather than your sister. I also get your mom's side...she was just venting and didn't want to hurt you. I'm sure that even though you give her all of your food stamps, she is compromised financially. I'm not sure. My girls are grown. I'm trying to understand both sides. I have 4 girls and one in particular is really quite needy. She tries not to be and I try not to whine about it but truthfully, she drains me. I can't as her mom, let her or her son go without so I am always helping out wherever I can. I have vented to my other daughters. I know I shouldn't and it's rare that I do. I really think that your relationship with your mom is priceless. I can go on and on analyzing but the thing is ...you two are not me. You have a special relationship and bond. It is worth everything to work it out. I'm sure that your mom wants to be close to you just as you do her. I'm very close to all my girls and I can't imagine it being any other way. I will say that my girls talk to me if they question anything. communication is key. I think you should talk to your mom. she is helping you right now. Why? because she loves you. By the way...150.00 per week with 3 kids amd 2 adults really isn't much at all.

I am a mother as well to 3 children and I do nothing but encourage and praise my children. I would absolutely not hurt them like that. I want my children to always know they can trust me which I can no longer do with my mother. No I am not perfect but I would never hurt my children the way she hurt me! My husband and I were paying $150 per week before he got hurt at work and had surgery. Now our way of helping is giving them all of our food stamps each month while being here and of course helping around the house. I cannot tell my mother I know because my sister was not supposed to tell me any of it. I was not even supposed to know they went over there to talk about my family! She has lost my trust, both my parents have. I have lost all respect and trust for them... If she needed to vent she could have acted like an adult and talked with me about it. The way most adults act. Unfortunately she did not and as soon as we leave she has lost her daughter...

It is sad Hatley. And more than being angry or anything I am really terribly hurt. I have no idea why she could not just come to me and say she was annoyed about something, we would have talked about it and it would have been over. But no she has to act like a child and go behind my back to my sister and start things. It is just terrible to me. My sister and I are so close, I just think my sister wanted me to know that things were being done behind my back. My mother is kind of a two faced person. She will act nice to your face and talk about you when your not around and that is what she was doing. So I really feel like my sister was trying to protect me not hurt me. The one that did hurt me and is at complete fault is my mother. I will have to talk with her about it because it is bothering me so much. I never thought my mother would go down to this level, I really didn't. And my sister knows how much we give them in food stamps because she saw the receipt to a store only they go to for a high amount. So she knows I am not lying and it made her mad too that our mother lied about me and lied to her. I cannot wait until we get out of here Hatley. I know it is coming soon but not soon enough. Were waiting until our income taxes get here and we are gone. I will get a job once we have gas money for me to get there and back every day. And hopefully worker's comp will come through for us soon too. Your right though, no mother should be that way. I wish more than anything that I got a new one. Again, I love her because she is my mother but I do NOT like her at all...

Thank you for the hugs too, I need them more than anything right now! There is some for you too. =)

If I'm worthy to say this please;forgive her because all of us committing mistakes. I respect with your own opinion, my friend. Because you only mean do not trust your mother. What I am here to say was not forsake our mother in any common ground because mother is always a mother.

Yeah well if she didn't hurt me then this would not be happening. I am not a child anymore and she has betrayed my trust and I cannot forget that. I have children of my own and I would never do that to them... I trust God number one in my life also.

I'm glad your mother has not betrayed you like this! It has hurt me very much... That is exactly what it is. I never thought my mother would hurt me like that. It is terrible. No mother should ever do this to their child. I don't understand how people do this either. =( Do they like hurting people?? I am trying to be patient but it is especially hard now...

I am sure there are people who do like to hurt other people. I think that a lot of people do stuff like that to make other people feel sorry for them and get attention. I imagine it is a tough thing to do, being patient, but hang in there. Keep your faith and pray.

I'm sorry that you know what I am going through. I am going to walk away as soon as were out of their house. I am done with being hurt. I think its terrible for a mother to do that to her child. It is wrong and hurtful but maybe one day I will get past it and prove to all of them that I am worth something!

Never ever underestimate your worth! This is something I have been struggling with for many years, so it has been coming to light in my therapy. I am now feeling a lot of anger over things that I have been holding to my chest for many years. If you have any anger towards your mother, find a way to come to peace with it. I now am dealing with self punishment and self care issues as a result of the problems with my family.

I have not misunderstood her. She talked behind my back and lied about me. There is nothing to talk about...

I don't think I am being too harsh at all... My parents let us live their to help pay their bills, plain and simple. They said if we were staying there we could give them money and they would be better off getting some money coming in from us. My mother does not have any friends. That is why she talked behind my back to my sister who is my best friend in the world besides my husband. I am doing it on here because she already broke my trust. It is VERY different to talk about one of your daughters to another one. I am talking to basically strangers who have no way of knowing who she is or what she has done so I think it is a LOT less hurtful! We have done a LOT for my parents. Every year at tax time we have given them thousands of dollars! Since we have been living with them, we have paid them over $5,000 plus we help out at the house also. Really? So you would be perfectly okay with your mother going behind your back to talk SH*T on you to another one of your siblings??? Wow. You must be a different kind of person than I have ever seen in my life!!! My sister is my best friend so her going to my sister's house to talk about my husband, my children and me is WRONG. No matter what anyone thinks...

Would I be "ok" with it? I'd be mad, too, but that's what families do. I wouldn't expect her to never be able to talk about things that are bothering her. I mean, so what? She's entitled to her opinion. And you're not staying there to help them out, even if they get some benefit from it. You're also getting helped out. It's a two-way street. Your sister's conversation with you about them was EXACTLY what you're mad about happening TO you. Why is it ok for you and your sister to talk smack about your parents but not the other way around? I'm not trying to attack you, though you may think that. Please consider that what I'm saying is that your mom (and dad, apparently) are feeling stressed out about having an entire family living in their home and they're feeling unappreciated or wondering how to solve their problems. They probably talked to your sister BECAUSE they knew she'd say something to you and they hoped it would give them a way for them or you to solve the problem. Just as you have extra challenges living in a home that's not yours, they have extra challenges from you. I think you are being harsh, because they haven't done anything you aren't also doing. Even if you want to justify it by saying "oh, well, it's strangers on here" - I'm sure they have their justifications, too, and their reasons are valid to them. They might say, "At least we didn't go publishing our family's problems on a website that is completely public and will be available forever. We only talked to our own family about it." You are all grownups. Maybe frustrated ones, but to say you're going to turn your back on them forever over this is hypocritical and unfair, I think.

Thank you Shellyann! Yes there is tension but there are ways to handle that tension besides going behind my back and talking about me and my husband, especially to my sister... I will be getting out on my own as soon as I possibly can because I cannot handle knowing she is talking about us in such a bad way. We have done nothing wrong and we have helped them in so many ways so we are NOT the ones she should be venting about. Yes we are living here, but we have given them so much money to help them in the past. The past few years when we got our taxes back we have given them a couple thousand dollars each year! None of my other siblings have helped them out in any way, so why is she talking crap about me???

Thank you. I was sad when it happened and I am still hurt and angry. No, my mother broke her trust to me. It was not a miscommunication. She went to my sister's house and was talking about my husband and I. Telling her bad things and lies. I will always love her but I will never forget!

I can absolutely trust my sister, she has never betrayed me or lied to me before. Plus, my mother told her not to tell me she even went to her house! My mother kept it a secret from me... I cannot tell my mother I even know because my sister was not even supposed to tell me any of it! I am a mother myself to 3 children so I know it is NOT easy being a mother. =) I love my children though and I would NEVER betray them or hurt them this way... That is not what a mother does. I will not be fixing things with her anytime soon. She hurt me and until she apologizes to me I want nothing to do with her.

I know the only one I can fully trust is God. I can also trust my husband. There is no one else except myself.

Yeah she hurt me really bad. My mother has always said things about me to my sister but they were little things and they were the truth usually so it didn't bother me like this does. Now they finally admitted to my sister that they do have our card and buy food for the house with it. They know they got caught in a lie... This hurt me so bad because they out right lied about me and what I was doing to contribute. Besides the fact that if they had any issues with my husband and I why didn't they just talk with us about it? No, instead my mother and father went to my sister's house (which was a big secret) and talked about us to her! How immature is that? I am a mother and I would Never do this to my children. We are trying VERY hard to get out of this house, we are praying every day that God will get us out fast. We are hurt and I will never have trust for them again. They have lost all of my respect! I really cannot say anything to my mother and father about it because my sister told me when she was not really supposed to. If anyone talks bad about me my sister tells me so I don't think everything is fine when it really is not. That is true, if she can tell my sis she could have told other's too. That thought makes me cringe...

I'm so sorry you know what this feels like. =( I would not wish this on my worst enemy! My mother and father both hurt us very much and it is not okay for parents to treat their children this way. They should know better being grown adults... I have heard my mother say things to similar to what your mother said and I hated it too. You just don't say things like that!!