He wants me to fight for him.

February 8, 2012 7:33am CST
My kids father never seems to amaze me. He is throwing one curve ball after another. I found out he was cheating. First he wanted me to accept it and I didn't. So now he wants me to fight for him. I feel like everything he has done, I have no more fight left. I don't feel like playing this game he is playing. It seems as if he is constantly toying with my life. Am I wrong for this feeling?
1 person likes this
15 responses
• Canada
8 Feb 12
There is no such thing as a wrong feeling. Feelings are feelings, and we have no control over them. What we DO have control over, is how we handle them, and how we ACT (or react, as the case may be). It's true... he is being very selfish. He believes it's all about him, and his "taker" is taking over. That's too bad that his emotional needs weren't being met and he chose to have an affair. That only makes things worse. But in his emotional fog, he can't see that. If you have no more fight left, then so be it. But before you give up, you need to know in your heart that you have done everything you could to save your relationship. Are you in that place?
1 person likes this
9 Feb 12
I am in that place where I'm done. His emotional needs have been met over and over again. He choose to have an affair because he got us relocated and I am upset about the whole thing. With that being said, because of that he should have been the one meeting me emotional. He keep to many secrets and they all are catching up with him. You right their is nothing wrong with feelings. But mines are no longer for him to hurt.
• Canada
9 Feb 12
My ex husband cheated on me numerous times, and I can honestly say, it's really hard to get over that kind of hurt. Ultimate betrayal is what it is. But you're sounding strong, and I pray that you will maintain your strength and resolve. You sound much better than I was when I was in your shoes.
@oxash222 (27)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
hi tasneem4! i've been in the same situation before(thank God we don't have a child.) and would suggest not to tolerate him. the more you make him see how vulnerable you are to his games because you love him will just give him the fun and satisfaction. What's important is you did your best to make the relationship work or to save it. if he doesn't give a damn after all your effort, i think it's time for you to let go and find someone who will treat you more importantly than his ego. you have a kid, so i guess now you have to focus all your attention on how to raise your kid the best that you can and to avoid his narcissistic father until he sees everything in a broader picture. goodluck tasneem4, hope my opinion helped...? ? ?
1 person likes this
9 Feb 12
Well of course your opinion helps. What you are saying to me is right. I live for them babies of mines. Regardless what he do, they are my life. When he do see the broader picture, it will be to late.
@bodhi_91 (191)
• India
8 Feb 12
You are not at all wrong. You should never accept something which is not correct. A person who commits mistake and a person who tolerates mistake are same way wrong. So you need to let your Husband understand how much wrong he is. Of course it will be difficult because his GF will be waving her magic wand, but I think if U really think with calm mind and explain him softly about your feelings, things would work for sure! Good luck!
1 person likes this
9 Feb 12
His girlfriend is expecting his child. Talking to him calm I have tried but on the same token I am not kissing his butt. He can care less about my feelings and this and other things he has done proves me right.
• United States
9 Feb 12
Hello tasneem, I can honestly say I have been in this same boat about 4 years ago!! My exhusband did nothing but mess with my mind and hurt me mental and physically. I always thought he would change and I held out hope for a really long time. We where together for a totally of 6 years and I just couldn't do it anymore. For the longest time I thought it was all my fault because he kept saying I just want you to fight for us but for 6 years that's all I did was fight for us when he wasnt fighting at all. I didn't like myself, my life and I never left the house. All I did was sit home and cry all the time. Then I realized that it was affecting my kids so I realized the only thing I needed to fight for was my happiness and the happiness of my children. I separated from him and got a divorced him. It was the hardest thing to do because, I had been with him for so long. But, little by little I found myself and who I wanted to be. Now, 3 years later I have never been so happy with my life. I am building a house which will be done next week. My kids are so happy now and like that mommy and daddy don't fight anymore and they have two house....lol I will be done with college in a month and I have amazing boyfriend that fights for us just as much as I fight for it. Now with all that being said you need to look deep down in your soul and heart and figure out what is best for "You" and the "Kids" because they way your feel does affect your kids trust me please!!! I only speak from experience!! You need to make sure you are happy and the relationship you are in is healthy!! You need to ask yourself a few questions 1. Are "You" willing to work on your relationship 2. Is "He" willing to work on your relationship 3. Is this the best thing for you and your family 3. Is there still love there in your heart (true love) It takes a lot to work on a relationship that has been broken from cheating or whatever the case my be.It will require a lot of hard work and deacation to your relationship.Im not saying you didn't but in work in your relationship because it seems from your post that you have. I guess what I am saying is that make sure whatever descion you make that your are making the one that will truly make you happy inside and out. I hope that this helps and didnt confuse you more......lol xoxoxo
@naldyo (16)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
Leave some respect and self worth for yourself girl!He's not worth fighting for! Why fight for the war that it was not you who started it?Let him fight alone!Anyway he's the one who messed up with your relationship, then let him clean his mess. The only way not to be abused by someone is stay away from the abuser.He doesn't respect you, your children and your family. Nowadays, there are no more martyrs.Martyrs were already hanged a long time ago.Don't live your life miserable, you deserve a better and happy life with your kids. It would be hard in the beginning but soon you will realized that you made the right decision, and that is leaving your animal husband behind. Go girl!
9 Feb 12
I feel as if I deserve happiness and he is not the one to bring it to me. I am so gone and is not about to fight for a man that doesn't do nothing but hurt me.
@naldyo (16)
• Philippines
11 Feb 12
Congratulations girl!At least you are now with senses. You deserved to be happy!Why stay with someone who did nothing but hurt you. Hope you could find someone who will love you as much as you love him. There are so many fishes out in the sea. Goodluck.
• United States
9 Feb 12
Honey, you are NOT wrong for feeling that way. Ive played the games with my ex. There was always something that was my fault. Getting mad too much because he spent all the money to go drink with his friends, always wanting to stay home because there was no money for us to use for gas besides going to work, always being "against" him, never accepting who he was. and ultimately he left to be with a girl he met and got along with and his reason was because I didn't care about our relationship. I didnt fight for him. But in reality he took took took...while I gave gave gave. Im sure you are the one that has been giving and he's been taking. Dont play that game. It takes two for a relationship. He's just trying to make you feel like you have to prove something but really if you open your eyes why isnt he trying to prove to you that you are the one he needs/wants and why isnt he trying to be with you? Sorry to say this but even I had to open my eyes and deal with the truth, he doesnt love you or see you as his one and only. Do you get what I mean? You arent the one that gives him that...feeling. Its hard to explain but just like with myself you need to cut him off and not care(except when it comes to your child)let him see what he lost and not feed into what he says.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Feb 12
to heck with him! you don't need to fight, he does. better yet, he needs to be wooing you and showing you how much he loves you and the kids. if he's not willing to do that, then tell him to go. leave him to continue to live his selfish life.
@prinzcy (32326)
• Malaysia
10 Feb 12
I'm okay for fight part but not the cheating. I don't like cheater. They never change. If you're hurt, do you still want to fight for him? He probably will hurt your feeling again in the future.
@shylade (3132)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
you have all the right to feel hurt my dear. i think every man has his reason while he cheats and play around. you need to know that and it might be because of you and your lapses. but again, its not an acceptable reason when he knows you have kids who might get affected. so you need to talk about it, there should always be an open communication between you and your husband. think about your children. sometimes parents who have marital problems are becoming selfish and wants to make even with each other and forget about their kids. the kids are the one who will be most affected so in every actions who would do, think of them not only yourself. hope you can still fix things out. listen to him because he might tell you something you really don't know. and of course pray and pray. God bless!
@eljayo (1105)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
Hi! I can't seem to find the connection between the ball and toying your life. But What I can say is fight for yourself, learn to do it. It is your right and don't let him play with your life. Be strong.:)
9 Feb 12
With everything he has done, I have become a stronger. You know, I have taken this as a lesson learned.
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
Hi there tasneem4, What ever you are feeling right now is correct but makes sure you make the right choice being a guy I think he thought he was not on the top of his game that is why he cheated. but there will never be an excuse for lying and making a fool out of someone who loves you with her life, so if you are gonna give him a chance to comeback in your life make him grovel, make him weep blood and take your time because what he did can never be undone and this is the punishment, and if you are nver coming back to him good ridance the man is a fool for doing this to you. You can find someone better than he will ever be! take care and welcome to mylot.
9 Feb 12
Thank you for your welcome. I think this with him is over. Somethings are not meant to be fixed. I feel in my heart I am doing what is best for my piece of mind. That in which I haven't had in a long time.
@duke1000 (100)
• United States
9 Feb 12
Generally if you have to ask the question you already know the answer and are just looking for support. Do what you know you need to do. It is quite obvious that you have already made up your mind not you just need to implement what you want and get it over with. By dwelling on it and stretching it out will make it more difficult.
9 Feb 12
You are so right.Considering the fact that he had us relocated to another state, you guys are my support. I appreciate every piece of advice I get. But my mind is made up on this one really.
• United States
9 Feb 12
please do not fight for this loser he is not worth to fight for.a man that cheats on a women is not a good man at all.you would look like a fool if you do fight for someone that is playing you. just ignore him. you could always find someone better because you deserve to be happy ok. don't worry about him he would get his karma. because what goes around comes back around.
9 Feb 12
That is exactly what I told him. Karma is a beast and I know all the dirt he has done to me, is going to come his way. When I finally do allow myself to love again, it is going to kill him. This I can't wait for.
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
I can see one thing that is clear. Your husband realize that he doesn't want to lost you and yet because of pride and ego he can't tell you directly, and he is doubtful if you still care and love him or not any more because he hurt you that much, that's why he told you to fight for him, Making sure for himself if he is still special for you. If you think about reconciling with him then you must let him do the move. Think of the grounds he had caused you and the pride his giving instead of humbleness.
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
Pride and infidelity is disrespectful to partners....Love yourself!
9 Feb 12
See that is just it I am not the one to strike his ego. Not over the next female. I am a woman that know can do soooooooo much better then him. Reconciling to me would never be the answer in this situation. Seriously this man has done to much really. I am done. Thanks for your words.
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
From what you are saying, it seems like he is very irresponsible. How old is he? Maybe he's too young to be a husband. Or it's just him? And if you're sick and tired of him, why can't you just leave him? I know you have your responsibilites but life is too short for you to be making it miserable for yourself. Hope I helped.