Estranged from my mother
By SassyBrat
@SassyBrat (463)
Canada
February 11, 2012 9:57pm CST
This is not something I talk about very much.
Mother and I are estranged, and as time goes on I do think about the future, and her aging and one day no longer here on this Earth.
Yet, even with the therapy I am doing for me, and the healing I am doing for me, my mother still chooses not to be involved. She seems to still believe that my problems come from issues not related to her, but in fact they really do.
I still miss my mother, and I don't think that is unusual. A child's love for their mother is unfounded, a mother's love is something that is immeasurable.
But my health is vital to me, I've only got one shot at having a healthy mental life and have spent years, many years, in heartache and trauma. So as much as I miss her and the rest of my family, I have to believe that one day there will come a sense of understanding and forgiveness.
Statistically though, I have realized it may not happen.
3 responses
@allknowing (153530)
• India
14 Feb 12
There is a cut off time for anything in life and that includes deciding when to stop trying to patch up with loved ones specially when it is one sided. Human beings have a wrong notion that a blood relation is for keeps. Not if it destroys one's happiness day in and day out. In your case you have assumed that you and your mother need to stay connected but it does not seem to happen. My suggestion would be that you should move on and let go. Things will fall in place if they are destined that way.
I have that experience -not with my mother but with some who I thought would be there in my life with the kind of involvement I had with them. Unfortunately things have changed and I have moved on.
@SassyBrat (463)
• Canada
14 Feb 12
Thank you @allknowing, as it stands there is no relationship with my bio family. They made that choice not I.
In many ways I have moved on because I had to. If I wanted to have any semblance of a life of my own.
I think as I continue with my therapy, the parts of myself that have felt abandoned, will feel a sense of closure and acceptance with the adult person I am now.
@allknowing (153530)
• India
14 Feb 12
In the course of my life what I have come to believe is that we give too much importance to blood relationships even though they may not have anything in common with us. While I do support a hateless stance one should not bend backwards to retrieve a relationship that has no meaning. I have so many interests - writing, photogoraphy, gardening, organising parties et al but none in my family have those interests but here in myLot for example I can go on and on talking about my interests and I get so much attention.!
@allknowing (153530)
• India
14 Feb 12
How do you react to a situation when neighbours and friends rally round you and then when there is an occasion in the family all family members are given vip treatment who only come for the occasion and vamoose from the scene!
@pelgerhuet (136)
• Philippines
12 Feb 12
have you tried to talk to your mom regarding how you feel?maybe that way you could start a new relationship with her.
@SassyBrat (463)
• Canada
12 Feb 12
I have tried to do that. Even when I learned I am bi polar and have Borderline Personality Disorder. I wanted to let her know and my sister as it is genetic and only my sister was interested in knowing.
I don't know if it is guilt that holds her back, or it is her belief that if I am not around her then she doesn't have to think about it. Which was most of my life. Neighbors where she lives, never knew she had a second daughter and I know that even now, there is no semblance of me in her house either. Just my sister and her family.
My mother is very big on wearing masks and I have been working on breaking mine down. I realize and accept that she blocks things deliberately whether it be because they were painful or that once in her mind they were dealt with, she never talks about them again. Again, that is most of my life.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
8 Mar 12
I think a mothers love depends on the mother herself. Not all mothers have a strong love for all of her children. I just recently cut my parents out of my life because they brought so much negative energy into my life and my marriage. I have no feelings of missing them because they hurt me so bad. The only ones I feel sad for are my children because they were the only grandparents they had. I hate to see my children hurting. The thing with that though too is not one time have they asked to come see them or bring them to their house for the day to spend time with them so...Do they really love and care about them either? I am not sure. It seems they were just spitting out more word vomit saying they love them when I'm not even convinced they can love anyone but themselves...
I hope you can feel better for yourself. I hope one day your relationship can be mended if that is what you want. I will forgive them for my own sake but I will never ever forget the pain they have caused me...Not this time.
