Expectations vs. Reality
By courtknee525
@courtknee525 (3742)
United States
February 18, 2012 10:06pm CST
As some of you may know from my other discussions, I haven't been too pleased lately with the fact that I got an Xbox controller for valentines day and a frozen meal for dinner. It may seem like a no-brained but I finally figured out why I sometimes get a little upset with my boyfriend. For a while now, whenever it comes to gift-giving holidays, I think of things that I think would be nice for me to receive as a gift. I get too caught up in my ideas that when the real thing comes, I'm often very disappointed.
It's not fair to get upset when he truly has no clue. There are a few things we've talked about before and I've thought they would've been good gifts. Like there's this army camo bear at build a bear that would be such a good thing for him to get me or I'd also love a promise ring, but he doesn't have a clue. As much as I'd like these things, I don't want to be the one to specifically tell him. I think it'd be a lot sweeter to have him come up with the idea rather than me flat out telling him.
But that's exactly my problem. Since I don't tell him, it's very unlikely I'll get these things. I get too caught up in my ideas of what he should get me that I get disappointed when he gives me something totally different.
Earlier I told him why I was upset and he started going on and on about how he wanted to get me anything I wanted and that he loves me so much and doesn't want to lose me or upset me.
This absolutes broke my heart and I immediate py felt horrible about how I acted. I don't want to have him go buy me all these things and I feel awful that he feels he needs to. It just made me really sad :(
5 responses
@TheShadowXX (100)
• United States
19 Feb 12
Not to sound mean, but what does it matter what your boyfriend gets you? isin't valentines day about the love between two people and to be happy with the relationship that you do have? Why do you make it a materialistic holiday, thinking "ohh my gosh my boyfriend didn't get me such an such an item he sucks!!!" Material things come and go and are replacable, people, friendships, and relationships are irreplaceable, remember that.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
19 Feb 12
I know, and that's exactly what in realizing. I get too caught up in what I think would be good and get disappointed. I shouldn't worry and u should just take things as they come and not expect things so much.
@TheShadowXX (100)
• United States
19 Feb 12
I'm glad you've came to that realization, just be happy to spend some quality time with the person that you love, that's all that really matters. :)
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
20 Feb 12
She never said 'he sucks' or that she doesn't appreciate him, what she said is that what she gets never seems to meet her expectations and the reason this happens is because she never SUGGESTS things she WOULD LIKE as gifts or suggestions for things they could do together.
Communication is important, nobody is a mind reader so most couples and friends actually DO need to make suggestions now and then about things and activities they LIKE and would like to receive or do together. Only people who never mention things to other people get disappointed because they are expecting the other person to just KNOW without telling them.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
20 Feb 12
It helps to give people an IDEA of what you want and what you DON'T want. If time spent together is a priority (which for most couples it is), then a suggestion of something you want to do together is a good place to begin.
Likewise if you really don't want an x-box controller, make sure you let your significant other know that you are not interested in gaming essentials or accessories for your x-box/ps3/wii etc.
I'm a little put out with the frozen meal for dinner thing, I thought it was common knowledge that couples like either sharing something they cook together themselves, get takeout and bring it home, or go out somewhere for dinner. It doesn't even have to be expensive, just something you both enjoy that you cook and/or eat together.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
21 Feb 12
Well that's good 
Honestly, men need ideas from time to time. Women are good at choosing fun gifts for OUR friends and family too, but it's because we pay attention to so much. I don't think men pay attention, so at the last minute they are often stumped lol.
Honestly, men need ideas from time to time. Women are good at choosing fun gifts for OUR friends and family too, but it's because we pay attention to so much. I don't think men pay attention, so at the last minute they are often stumped lol.@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
20 Feb 12
It is definitely my fault I get disappointed sometimes. He tries very hard and is a sweetheart. Even though the controller wouldn't have been my first pick, it's actually pretty cool and a unique gift. I was only annoyed by the frozen meal thing because he didn't even suggest going out to eat or making an actual meal. Despite how our day turned out, we both agreed to a "redo" day to make up for things.
1 person likes this
@GemmaR (8517)
•
19 Feb 12
It is never much fun for us when we have higher expectations than the things that actually happen in our lives. I have had this problem a lot in the past and, because of the fact that my boyfriend doesn't have all that much money, I have had to come to the conclusion that there is nothing much that I can do about it and if I want to be with him I am just going to have to lower my expectations and face the fact that I am never going to receive the expensive gifts that I might want, or that I might have received from partners in the past.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
19 Feb 12
I know exactly where you're coming from. I come up with all these really nice things that I think he would get, but then I get disappointed when he gets me something completely different. I'm either going to have to specifically tell him or just not expect things from him at all and then just be surprised by whatever he gets.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
1 Mar 12
As you might have deduced by now, most of us guys are 'clueless' when it comes to gift giving. We would have the best of intentions, but we literally don't know what to give our significant others. Then some would say 'don't get me anything' or 'anything will do', this would further confuse us guys.
But I do get where you're coming from. You get certain expectations, but for guys it's just sometimes world's apart.
I guess this is the beauty of growing your relationship with him. So, that he can get to know you better. Don't worry, he'll get it! It may take years (and years, and years), but he'll get it.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
6 Mar 12
He usually does pretty well with picking out stuff for me and he can even pick out clothes I like. Sometimes i Just think he waits until the last minute and then panics. I mean, I really do like the xbox controller, but I guess I was just expecting something a little different and kind of got upset.
There are a couple things I had thought would be nice to get as gifts from him before he left, I just wanted him to think of them on his own. I ended up giving him a few hints because I know they're things he's thought of giving me before but I'm sure he was a little hesitant about whether I would like them or not.
I ended up getting one of the presents yesterday, a camo bear with a little army outfit from Build a Bear. It was nice because we went to dinner and he took me to the mall after and we made the bear together and I could tell he was excited to get it for me.
For the most part, he does pretty well on his own, he just needs a few hints every now and then lol
@obe212003 (2299)
• Philippines
20 Feb 12
a gift is something that you yearn for, its essence lies on the the act of giving and receiving. The element of surprise is also to consider with the recipient not dictating what he/she should receive. Don't get frustrated if you don't seem to get what you want to receive, but instead be appreciative. It's the thought that counts.
