But I don't want you back...

United States
February 20, 2012 10:22pm CST
So... here recently... I feel so crazy lol... because I am still trying to get over my ex that I broke up with back in October. I have friends, cupcakes and just random guys that are coming out in their feelings proclaiming to me that they want to "wife me", "cuff me" and start a relationship? I do want a relationship... eventually... because I have been single for a little second. But, honestly, right now.. this person has to be on a totally different caliber from what I am seeing right now. I am the type of person that does not like to hurt other people's feelings and I have a hard time issuing rejection nicely (which is not very Leo-like of me I guess)... but I have been having to come up with ways to turn these people down and still maintain a friendship, cool type of level with them. The first attempt turned the guy into hating me damn near... the 2nd attempt has this guy trying harder than ever which is growing to be annoying and the 3rd... I am pondering on a way now... so I ask you here tonight Mylotters.. how do you tell a person you don't want a relationship with them or want to be with them in a nice way? Just in case you come up a couple weeks later or a month later in a relationship with someone else? lol...
1 person likes this
10 responses
@Genericbe (1376)
• Philippines
21 Feb 12
I understand and believe that it is hard for you to reject any person feelings though it is in you that you have also to take in consideration of your true feelings and decisions. Though you have some ways how to reject them, it is not an assurance that they will stop their emotional feelings for you, except if you have directly told them that you by all means will not anymore open such door for that kind of relationship but only for the level of friendship. It is good approach for you when entering to a new relationship again. You give yourself a SPACE and TIME to heal yourself and realizes many things that happened and what should not remain in your coming relationship. The best way to deal with rejection is to observe the guy first, if he can be talked in a one-on-one manner and if he is understandable enough to you, then he will accept your opinions, there you will know his inner thoughts to have a clear understanding that you understand his feelings but you are not ready for such any commitment at this point in time. Assure him, that you are not closing your friendship with him. Give him ideas that life must not stop in this point but continue enjoying and meeting other people. That, if he need a friend, you are there to listen.. Although, there are some guys who have been rejected still strive to insist what they feel, and I guess, just let them to express their feelings to be inspired with you and at the same time you know your limitations and remind them of to what are their limitations too or extent they should be so that at the end, you have given them that chances and they will not take your actions negatively. Still, it is in your decisions, you are directly in the situation. This time, if you really do not feel entering into a new commitment, do not push yourself.. Let other people show they care for you and who knows, in the right time, the man you are looking for is just around waiting also for the right time you are healed and ready to start over again..
3 people like this
@Genericbe (1376)
• Philippines
21 Feb 12
You know, there are people who thinks that an act doing a rejection for a person is a bad attitude.. But, it is not, if the intention of the person is for a " good purpose" never will it be a bad one at all.. In your experience, is rejection bad? not at all because in the most way you can? even you are over recovering with your past relationship? You still strive not to use or hurt any other people feelings by involving them with you..In fact, you are sacrificing yourself already although you can instantly find other guys to replace your past EX whenever you wanted .. Your act of rejection is for a good purpose not only for yourself but to save others life and at the same time opening the doors for them to appreciate the friendship you can offer..You know yourself more when to start a new relationship or commitment again.. Thanks mrscallands for the BR.. Have a great day ~!@
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 12
That is like a breath of fresh air. No... I am not really accustomed to rejection and can't say I have really experienced it for myself. I'm sure I will miss my ex for quite some time, but I find myself becoming irritated when the people that are coming at me, I tell how I feel, and they still are pressing me. That is eventually going to cause me to snap! Like for instance, right now I have a homeboy here that I've been friends with for about 4 years, and he really likes me... but I'm not attracted to him whatsoever. It really irks me sometimes when he tries to insist a relationship or ask me why when I've already explained countless times why... It's so hard when the people that want to be with you and do right by you, are not the ones you want. Thanks again!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 12
That is beautiful.... and so true. I had to read it twice and I understand. I thank you so much for this.. words cannot express. Best comment award from me goes to you!
1 person likes this
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
21 Feb 12
it is quite difficult to hurt other people's feelings and ego. but you may turn them down politely by saying that they are not the one you're looking for. some may be adamant to refuse the rejection, but soon they will accept the fact that you are a different person. just stand your ground and tell them why they are not the one you want in life. soon and eventually, they will understand.
• United States
21 Feb 12
I would definitely hope so. I've never been rejected... but I'm sure that if it were to happen... I would not hold it against that person or think badly of them... I just would want to know why. I hope this works! Thanks for commenting!!
1 person likes this
@jhuddith (222)
• Philippines
21 Feb 12
I've been through that also when my husband and I was not yet dating at that time. I had suitors, a lot of them, but if I really don't like the person, I tell them right away rather than giving them false hopes. I also had friends who can not say "No" to suitors, i don't know why. But, in my case, I tell them right away so that they can move forward and find another girl who will care for them. My usual line is "You are a great guy and I admire you for that, it;s just that I have no feelings for you. If I say "Yes" to you then it's just as if I'm fooling you and myself. I know for sure that there will be other girl who can make you happy. Can we just be friends instead?.. and you know what happened to my suitors right now? they are also happily married like i do..
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 12
I never lead anyone on because that's not my style. But, I do try to at least be nice about it. Maybe he will understand sooner than later. Thanks for commenting!!
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
21 Feb 12
I am probably not the best person to give my opinions here coz I ended up being a stranger to those guys I have rejected before. I only have 2 of them who are still a good friend til now. One of them is still trying so hard and not giving up. What I usually do is tell the person that I am not ready for another commitment. ANd wanted to be alone for sometime and focus on my career and personal life alone.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 12
I am going to try my best to attempt to do that.. but I hope that 2 weeks later, I don't find someone I really like and start a relationship and then they look at me like I basically disrespected them, "played" them or whatever... it's just going to look crazy lol. Thanks for sharing your views!!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 12
That is soo true!! I am in that EXACT same situation and I'm feeling more vulnerable everyday to just cut things off completely, but I feel that that's the easy way out... so I will continue to try to make him understand exactly how I feel.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
21 Feb 12
LoL! I've got the same problem with a friend before. Thank goodness we became good friends again now. I never gave him a chance simply because I know I don't have feelings and will never have feelings for him. See him as a brother only and our long friendship would have give me the hints that I can fall for him. But nope, even I know his real feelings for me before he admitted it to me - I never have developed any special feelings for him so I know I should not let him court me if one day he revealed his feelings. So when he did I told him to just forget his feelings for me and let us continue to be good friends. He was broken of course. And said to a friend why I never gave him a chance. I've got a boyfriend after sometime whom all my friends don't know. And those friends told me why it's easy for me to accept and love a total stranger rather than give a chance to a long time friend who's a kind person whom they all know. Well you know we couldn't teach and force our heart who to love.
1 person likes this
@kaeirole (668)
• Philippines
21 Feb 12
for me, you are hurting other people's feelings if you don't tell them you don't like them the way they want you to..it's like giving them false hope.. you should make a stand to which decision you made..if you don't like the person, just tell it straight to them..yeah it could be hurtful for them to know that..but eventually, they will understand you after they have accepted your decision..
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 12
You have misunderstood, it seems... completely. I never said that I didn't voice my opinion or express my feelings concerning the matter to these individuals. However, I am not responsible for how they happen to interpret what I communicate to them. Some accept it and we go back to normal, others take it harshly and get into their feelings and yet others feel that they shouldn't give up. I don't exactly know what the right thing is considered to do when in this particular situation, however, I played my original part best by communicating to everyone how I felt upfront. I am just not really liking the feedback that I am receiving thus far.. Thanks for commenting.
21 Feb 12
well if you want to be single you must state this but tell them you do not mind the odd date but with no commitments, this is what you should tell them as soon as you meet them, they need to know before they get too involved, the one who is near hating you took it badly, so the next time you date someone tell them that this is all it is, a date, no commitment, i know you don't like hurting peoples feelings so telling then the get go is the right way, that way they know the score, if they get too involved then that's their fault, you did tell them and they didn't listen, you need to say this before you even go out with them,
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 12
That's the funny thing about it, trinkabelle, we never even dated. We were just friends and only chilled from time to time. I guess developing feelings isn't hard at all, but trying to get rid of them is damn near impossible! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 12
Thanks & I already have!
21 Feb 12
oh i know its easy to fall for someone, but falling out of love is harder, hope you make the decision that will make you happy
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Feb 12
mrscallands22 just tell them what you told us,be open and frank as that way there will be no mistunderstanding. I am sorry but I am very flattered but am not re adt fir a relationship with anyone right now.if they are so touchy they get mad then they were not much of a person to start out with. Just say I do not want a relationship with you or any one else. thanks but no thanks.We can be friends but that is all.blunt and to the point saves misunderstandings later.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Feb 12
should be I am very flattered but am not ready for a relationship with anyone right now. missed editing this. sorry
• United States
22 Feb 12
I try to be open and honest with everyone in a nice way. Some of these guys I have been friends with for quite some time, others I just met. So I am just trying to remain the "nice guy" out of the situation, but sometimes that isn't always possible dependent upon how people take things. I am hoping that everything works out for the best, but if not, I know that they were only here for a season and really didn't want to maintain a friendship, but was only interested in being in a relationship. Thanks for sharing your views!!
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
21 Feb 12
There will be no other way except tell him the truth that he is not your type~(^^) It's hard but there is no way to get him out of you if you are not telling him the truth. He can be like the first or second guy but at least you have tried to tell him the truth. If he feel hurt then it is up to him. Even if you tell him the nicest way if he can't accept it he will be like that forever~ Don't worry sooner or later I am sure he will accept the fact that you do not want him back.(^^)
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
22 Feb 12
Better to hope that he finds some other girl to distract his attention so he won't just focus on you all the time.
• United States
3 Apr 12
You're right and I am hoping so because like I said.. I still want a cool friendship, but nothing like that!
• United States
22 Feb 12
It's kind of a weird situation. I am hoping that it gets better with time and maybe he finds some type of understanding, all of them, somehow and not feel any hostility towards me. Thanks for sharing your views!!
@bhonti (1246)
• Philippines
21 Feb 12
You must be a very attractive girl, that many guys are going for you. Well, there is no other way to reject them but to tell them the truth. It is more wrong to give them false hope right? Just try to be polite as much as you can.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 12
lol I never want to provide anyone with false hope as I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me. I am definitely going to contemplate a way to break this solemn news to them efficiently and nicely as possible... I just hope it actually comes out the way I plan... Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!
1 person likes this
@bos_kg (9)
• China
21 Feb 12
In my case ,I would tell the real to them ,this is good for eveyone .There are many things hapened in our life.we should take it esay .
• United States
21 Feb 12
I tried that in a nice way. I guess the feelings run deeper than just a simple "No." I am going to have to come up with something different. Thanks for commenting!!