Would you let someone live off of you?
By maezee
@maezee (41997)
United States
February 22, 2012 8:17am CST
Be honest here. I'm starting this discussion because my mom's "friends" are constantly coming in and out of her life, IN when they need something, and OUT when my mom finally gets up the nerve to kick them out. She has a deadbeat boyfriend, who hasn't worked in any form in over 2 years. I guess I understand this, LOVE and whatnot comes into play, but it irritates me to NO end that this guy thinks that he has the right to LIVE off of my mom for free - who is DEFINITELY below the poverty line and has a 9 year old daughter to raise in the same breath. So, she's in charge of paying RENT, utilities, credit card bills, and anything else the household needs. While he does nothing but watch TV all day.
I've asked my mom several times, and confronted her about this, "WHY do you let him do this? WHEN are you going to show him some 'tough love'?" She doesn't like hearing this - she is a pushover and only really gets angry when she's pushed over the edge. She always tells me, "I know, I know.."
A few months back a couple, who are my mother's friends, got evicted from their apartment for not paying rent. And who steps up to help them? My mother, of course. She allowed them to sleep in her living room on the couch (She has a 2 bedroom house, only), and charged them $50 a week to do so. This 'couple' is TROUBLE - I know them - apparently they are addicted to gambling and that's why they can never pay rent. I don't trust them - never did and never will (likely). They kept telling her they would be out in a week, no, two weeks, well how about three weeks? After a month they finally left. You might think, OK, she was making money off of it - but $50 a week, plus the added electricity, water, and groceries of hers they were eating...NOT worth it.
I realize my mom is putting herself in this position. BUT WHY? She acts as though she can afford to be Mother Theresa. (She can't). And she acts naive about the whole thing - like Oh, these are my friends! They won't take advantage of me, never!. But that's exactly what they end up doing. Why do you think she does this?
And as for my mom's boyfriend, how could you, especially being a man (don't men have those 'provider' complexes? Well, not this one apparently), sit and watch TV EVERY DAY while your woman struggles to make ends meet, to support your lazy butt? I mean, literally, guys what do you think he is THINKING?
Anyway, thanks for the chance to rant. Let me know what you think (if there's anyone who took the time to read this). 
2 people like this
10 responses
@free_man (7330)
• United States
23 Feb 12
Your mom is a saint! Her boyfriend should get a life and realize how lucky he is to have her in his life. I can't say much mom married a guy just like your moms boyfriend. After years of being married to him she now realizes he will always be a bum and lazy. But she makes him work for anything and everything she does for him. I pray that God will open our moms eyes and get rid of these lousy guys they have in their lives! Good luck!
1 person likes this
@maezee (41997)
• United States
23 Feb 12
Glad to hear you are in a similar situation. Wait, no, let me re-phrase that, I am not GLAD you are in a similar situation - oh, nevermind. . Seriously. Do you ever talk to your mom about this kind of thing? I try often and it seems like nothing ever gets through. Sigh. Hopefully one day they will both finally start taking care of themselves instead of these freeloading deadbeats.
. Seriously. Do you ever talk to your mom about this kind of thing? I try often and it seems like nothing ever gets through. Sigh. Hopefully one day they will both finally start taking care of themselves instead of these freeloading deadbeats.1 person likes this
@free_man (7330)
• United States
23 Feb 12
Tried so hard before she married this man but she wasn't in the mood to hear anything bad about him. He had her fooled, until one day she had to go into the hospital with heart problems and she seen it herself. After she got out of the hospital she changed her will to not include him on anything. Funny thing after she did that she started to improve tremendously. Think after that she told him if he didn't straighten up and do some more work around her home she would get a divorce. He did change a little but still spending a little of her hard earned money. Good luck hope your mom don't make the same mistake mom made, hope she never marries that man. Once a freeloader always a freeloader.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Feb 12
It seems to me that your mom doesn't think she deserves better in her life. She is willing to accept this bum because he is better than nobody in her life. She needs to start respecting herself more and kick him to the curb. If he cared about her he would get a frickin job. He will do it as long as your mother refuses to stand up for herself. She may think having a lazy bum is better than having no man at all.. she is so wrong!
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
23 Feb 12
I think she is in denial. When she is slapped in the face with him disrespecting her.. like cheating on her.. or when he finds some other woman to sponge off from, she will be devastated, but hopefully she will wake up and discover she has worth. She needs to like and respect herself.... right now I don't think she sees her worth.
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
22 Feb 12
I honestly think your mom's boyfriend knows he can get away being a deatbeat with your her and does! Maybe he has done this in the past in other relationships? It is possible! I am not sure why your mom would let the boyfriend do what he is doing and why she helped the evicted couple. Maybe you mom has confidence issues. Maybe she is afriad of being lonely? Maybe she thinks she is really helping these people out? It sounds like you mom has some issues and she is not going to confront them which is sad! I would never let someone live off of me! I did for a short time live with a guy who ran up my phone bill and other bills! It took alot of nagging to get him to pay those bills of mine! I never will let that happen again! Some people can be real jerks!
@maezee (41997)
• United States
23 Feb 12
I think you are right about her being lonely. Her and my father have been separated since I was 12 years old, but between then and now she's had 2 different boyfriends for about 4-5 years apiece - rarely a time with herself. Maybe she needs time to be 'single' to realize that she doesn't necessarily need a man in her life to be content with it. Especially not a man who's milking her dry of all of her money. It's so frustrating just to watch this happen. You're right.... I'm glad that you came to your senses right away and learned from your mistake right away. Wish my momma would.
@gustin09 (35)
• Indonesia
22 Feb 12
only one thing i have to say about your mother, she's someone rare in today's society. She's someone who's truly Sincere.. She did that because she values friendship more than anything, and the reason she did and bear those inappropriate actions done by her friends is simply just because she cares about them..
@maezee (41997)
• United States
23 Feb 12
It's incredibly sad, how people use her when she's just trying to help. I love my mom but she is naive from not learning her lesson time and time again. People you think are your "friends" can easily turn into people who are going to use you. You have to be careful and keep a tight leash... .Thanks a lot for responding by the way. 
. Oh and welcome to MyLot!
. Oh and welcome to MyLot!
@Cranos (273)
• Belgium
22 Feb 12
To respond to the question in the title, yes I would for a short time if a good friend was in need. That being said, none of my friends have a serious issue like a gambling addiction. I don't think I would trust them if they had, even if they were fantastic friends in the past.
Considering I have a very low tolerance for people that take advantage of me and the "provider" complex is still very much around in my head, I really couldn't say what they're thinking. What I do know is that guys like this don't respond to tough love, they prefer running away over actually getting a job.
@maezee (41997)
• United States
23 Feb 12
I think it's OK to help your friends out - until they get to the point where they are leeching off you and taking advantage of your "help" to the point where they are totally taking advantage of YOU. I would lend a hand to a good friend in need, but they need to HELP themselves otherwise of course I'd give them the boot... Thanks for your response. I really don't understand the mindset either.
@Shellyann36 (11385)
• United States
23 Feb 12
I am sorry that your Mom is going through this. It sounds like she has such a kind heart and everyone takes advantage of that. I do hope that she smartens up and kicks the boyfriend to the curb. Two years of being a couch potato is awful! As far as the friends go, I am glad they got out, it probably could have been alot worse. Here in our state if a person stays 7 days and has anything in the residence (clothing, furniture, etc) they have the right to stay and have to be evicted through a court proceeding. You are right that $50 a week is not enough for the hassle and the extra bills. As far as trusting them, I don't blame you. I know someone whose boyfriend was addicted to gambling. He made $1000 a week at his job and got paid every Friday by Sunday the $ would be gone. He ended up stealing and pawning several items that belonged to his gf's family to support his habit. I do hope that your Mom's friends did not steal from her. Your Mom will have to decide that she is not going to put up with the behavior. I am sure it is hard to watch her go through this. Wish I could tell you that there is a way to solve the problem but your Mom has to be the one to do it.
@yanzalong (18981)
• Indonesia
23 Feb 12
The question is how come you mom just let him stay there despite your asking her to stay away from him.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
7 Mar 12
Wow! What a life! It must be nice to just sit all day, and watch TV, and not have to worry about money because my girlfriend already does it for me!
NOT!
There's something seriously wrong with your mom's boyfriend. I think your mom should see past the 'LOVE' and see her boyfriend for what he really is. It could be difficult, but that's why she has you to make her see it.
There's something seriously wrong with your mom's boyfriend. I think your mom should see past the 'LOVE' and see her boyfriend for what he really is. It could be difficult, but that's why she has you to make her see it.
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
22 Feb 12
Before I married Randy I had an ex boyfriend who was very much the same way that your mom's boyfriend is a DEADBEAT. At first I helped him out then I saw that he did not love me, he just loved to freeload. Last I heard he faked a disability so now he gets disability. He is hard of hearing in his left ear and if he had the money or the guts to tell his parents a hearing aid would correct this problem. I hope that you mom realizes that she can do better than her deadbeat boyfriend. It is great that she wants to help a friend, but she should ask for more money to cover expenses. I live with my parents and I buy food as well as pay the heating bill. I cannot afford to pay anything else, but my brother should be able to help soon.
