Advice for a long time complicated relationship!

@myzhian (584)
Philippines
February 23, 2012 9:03am CST
I have this friend who have a longtime relationship with his boyfriend, and they have been living together for almost ten years and was blessed with two kids but they were never been married. My friend keep asking and proposing to her partner about getting married but she never get a clear answer from him, The man will always answer her this way..."yes will get married soon...next month...next year...!" or sometimes may not even like to talk about it.The parents or family of the man was against my friend.One time my friend told me that she was tired and confuse about their relationship, she love the man so much but she never get assurance from him. I can not give her a good advice because her situation was too complicated....Mylotters maybe you could help me give my friend a good advice!
1 person likes this
12 responses
@CJscott (4195)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
23 Feb 12
Sounds to me like they are already married, in Canada by law, if they were to now go their separate ways, it would just as if they were married. So, the only thing that is missing in this faux marriage is the blessings of the family, and the little piece of paper that says you are now officially a married couple. I think it would be best if she stopped asking when, and started asking why not, it could cause more trouble then it is worth, Love is more powerful then marriage anyway. Many people don't even know their spouse before they are married. Best of Luck to you, and your friend.
1 person likes this
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
I wish we could have this kind of law here in our country wherein the government will acknowledge you as couples even without marriage. Here in our country women will never get any benefit from her partner if they are not married.
@CJscott (4195)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
23 Feb 12
Well I think it is sad that not everywhere can recognize an interdependent relationship when one exists. Time to get to the root of the problem, maybe you could try an intervention. Get a whole lot of her friends together, and then get her boyfriend there, and then drive home the importance of his marrying her. Maybe a couple of scary cousins to help him to see reason...
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
The girl is helpless. And I think she was sacrificing too much for her kids! Marriage here is so important, my country don't have a divorce law! So I guess she would think enough specially for herself and her kids as well.
@vt689586 (584)
• India
23 Feb 12
the condition in your friends relationship is really very complicated.and the giving advice in that case is also a very difficult.but from your discussion one thing i can understand that your friend's boyfriend love his family also that is why he always denied for marriage.because he is not so confident to face his family after the marriage.so tell your friend first to sort out the problem belonging to his family.
1 person likes this
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
24 Feb 12
Maybe this could be the reason why. The man is afraid of shame from his family!Thanks for your comment my friend.
24 Feb 12
read this wht u said abt ur frnd i just want to share some thoughts mite tht vl work for u see u mite hav find people who does nt believe in marriege may be due to any reason therefore thy dont want to marry see if there is something in his mind to left u thn he must did many years ago he spent his crucial years vth u an still vth u tht shows he loves u an vll do too in future but doesnt want to marry .Dnt worry he vll b vth u always just think of his side too he mite nt believe in marriege.If u keep asking him abt marriege an all an do doubt on him this mite create problm in ur relation so dnt worry just hav fun in ur life vth him an dnt be insecure he vll always be vth u an ur children
• Leesburg, Georgia
25 Feb 12
If she wants to be married then she will have to find someone else to do it with. This man is playing with her constantly telling her sometime in the future and never doing it. It is not going to happen. It doesn't mean she has to stay with him just because they have children together. If she wants marriage and he does not then she should look for someone that does want the same things she wants. There is no reason for anyone to stay with someone just because they have kids together if they want different things out of life. I would tell her to make herself happy.
1 person likes this
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
26 Feb 12
hi lovingmybabies, your right my friend. Maybe to some who haven't experience this kind of situation might say never mind the "marriage it is the relationship that counts", this is only applicable for couples i think, but if children are already involve there is a need for them to get married to establish the name and foundation of their family. To give their family some rights and protection to their home, environment and from other people. The man should give justice to her and his children.
• United States
23 Feb 12
I would have said to tell her to leave him. But,now she has two kids b him. so she either stay and get over it of leave and hope someone else will marry her with two kids. I take it your from another country so this may not work.
1 person likes this
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
This is one of the problem being encountered by conservative or not so liberated country like ours, wherein single mothers or parents will have a hard time looking for someone who could accept their past and the people involve with them.
@sanofer (525)
• India
26 Feb 12
your friend's relationship is very complicated. i think that guy is not truthful to her. if he was truthful,he would have married her. he is not even ready to say the reason for not marrying her. it is better for your friend to come out of that relationship.
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
26 Feb 12
hi sanfore, thanks for the advice. I will let my friend read all your advices so that she would get some idea to bring out her decisions for her children and for herself.
• Philippines
24 Feb 12
I am sorry about that. It doesn't have a good effect on both the wife and the children, knowing that the father doesnt have a decision to marry his wife. And I should say that he doesnt love your friend that much, unless the guy is very rich, and afraid that his wife's reason for marrying him is only his money. But still if the guy love his family not his parent's family he would do marry the mother of his kids.
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
26 Feb 12
wealth or fame doesn't matter if he really love my friend. If is man enough he must accept all the responsibilities and obligations for his family.
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
I wish I can talk to your friend. Does she myLot? Hehehe. Whatever I say in the next few lines, the final decision will still be hers. From the way you are describing the situation, I could only assume that the only thing stopping the guy from marrying the girl is the disapproval of the guy's family. The thing is, if the guy loves his OWN family, meaning your friend and their kids, then he should know his priorities, and nothing on earth should hold him back to make a decision. Not his father, not his mother, not his brother or sister, unless of course your friend is a criminal. See this is a problem with a lot of people. Some tend to think that you have to please everybody. Whether the guy admits it or not, he couldn't marry your friend simply because he doesn't have approval from his family. When you go into a relationship, and you start making your own family, you will need to realign your priorities. I guess what I'm saying here is that the guy is a coward. If he couldn't fight for his own family, then the best thing to do is send him back to his parents, who he can't seem to disappoint. At this point in time of his life, he should've known the obvious decision.
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
Yeah I agree with you that the man is coward enough to fight for her and his kids. Despite of the love and care given to her by my friend. And I guess he is selfish too by taking advantage of my friend's great love to him, he assumes that my friend will do all the sacrifice and will not leave him despite of the odds.
• Pakistan
25 Feb 12
Always try 2 prove that you are right but never try 2 prove that others are wrong. "Beauty just catches the Attention, But the personality captures the HEART".
• Canada
23 Feb 12
Has your friend asked her bf why he doesn't want to marry her Has he given her a reson, is it because of his parents? Maybe your friend should ask him the reason for not wanting to marry and see what his response is. If she isn't feeling any commitment from him then I say that she should leave him but because she has 2 kids with him, it is very difficult to be a single parent. Also, they have been living together for so long now it is same as getting married without the paper certificate so if she is happy living with him then does she really need to get married to him...
@emdjay23 (1575)
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
Hi myzhian.. I personally don't believe in marriage, and weddings Its just a piece of paper given to you and your partner, something that binds them together. But the thing about marriage is not a paper, its life, its love and its commitment. well if they have kids I guess they should get married because the children will be illegitimate. if they are living for about 1 years I guess the guy should stand up for his family, and be man and introduce his wife to his family no matter how complicated it is.. unless the guy won't do those things, I bet it will never happen too soon.
@aerous (13457)
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
If they still not marriage yet better to cool off than to make the situation worse. That way will be given them to realize the real feelings that they have. Enter to a relationship with misunderstanding is very complicated. Love should not be a burden with anyone but everyone...
@nobbsy123 (851)
• Australia
23 Feb 12
Both should discuss the marriage topic. If they don't know where they stand there will be little hope for the relationship to last much longer. Marriage is a two way street.