how to motivate a lazy teen RANT

@cher913 (25782)
Canada
February 29, 2012 1:21pm CST
my daughter is turning 19, yes, i said 19 this year and has been accepted to go to college in September. (she is doing the victory lap which is the year after graduating grade 12). Trouble is, her father and i cannot afford to send her and have been telling her that and been telling to get off her lazy backside and get a job. but no, she would rather hang out with friends. She thinks we are going to pay for her schooling and that daddy (she is daddy's girl, she and i always but heads!) is rolling in money! And what ticks me off even more is that when we tell her that we have financial issues (we were careless with a credit card and now are paying it off, hubby has been unemployed some in the past and is now working at a low paying job (i only work part time due to health issues) plus he and i work 3 other jobs to pay the bills! But she then says 'i don't want to hear about your financial problems.' i am pretty close to kicking her out the curb!
2 people like this
13 responses
• Ireland
29 Feb 12
She has obviously never learned the value of money. 19, has she ever had a job? If I was in your shoes, I would sit her down, explain calmly, simply but in detail, exactly how things are financially and that if she wants to do anything with her life other than sit at a checkout or flip burgers (not that I am putting those jobs down, but I'm sure she has aspirations to some form of career), she'd best get out there and get a job and that you guys simply can't afford to allow her to keep riding daddy's gravy train. Tell her that she won't be going to college as you can't afford it if she doesn't get herself a job. Don't give her an allowance, she doesn't need anything but the clothes she already owns or the food you put on the table. She won't be long about getting up off her lazy butt and doing something about it when she can't go to the movies with her friends, or put credit in her mobile phone (if she's bill, cut her off), or go out with friends to various events.
29 Feb 12
I'll second all of that! Even if you continue her allowance and so on, all you need to do is make it VERY clear that you can't afford to pay for college. Then it's her choice. She either works and goes or farts around and ends up with a McJob. She's an adult now and no longer your responsibility. And it's not like she hasn't had time to work out the importance of earning before spending.
29 Feb 12
i really should have read this one before writing mine. ive made the same points.lol.
• Ireland
4 Mar 12
Funny, most of the time people disagree with what I say because they are of opposing minds or don't want to hear what I say, yet here on myLot I'm finding more and more like-minded people who agree with me - hooray! lol
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
6 Mar 12
As a parent I know that it is a difficult decision to have to put your child out to the curb, but I also think that there are times as parents that this is something that we need to do because children will never be able to function in the real world until they've had a healthy dose of reality. My mother didn't put me out of the house until my husband and I were ready to purchase a house of our own, but she gave us reality checks by making us pay rent and we also had our own cars and other bills as well that we paid. If you don't feel that putting her to the curb is a comfortable option for your family, you could start charging her some rent to live with you as an adult and try to keep that money aside to help pay for some of her college tuition.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 May 12
hubby and i are trying to push her out of the nest and she will be getting a government grant for school, just not sure how much.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
2 Mar 12
Has she tried for grants? Scholarships? Anything of that nature. At 19, it's up to her to come up with the money to go to college. Kicking her out to the curb might be the best thing you can do. Here, if the person is declared independent of their parents, then the person can get full grants and scholarships because their parents' income is not including. I knew my parents' problems. They started a business and were operating in the red. Therefore I didn't expect them to pay for my college. So I went to my high school counselor and told him that my parents couldn't pay for college. My high school counselor helped me apply for grants and scholarships. She could do that. She's over 18. I was also 19 due to starting Kindergarten late and failing 2nd grade. I did not hang out with friends instead of doing what I needed to do. Kids that hung out with friends in college failed collage. So the fact that she's been an adult for a year and going into 2 years now doesn't seem to be sinking in. Maybe it's time that it did. So tell her to start applying for grants and scholarships. Because you don't want to hear about her financial problems. You have enough of your own and not having money for college sounds like a financial problem to you. Give it right back to her. My parents would have never let me get away with that, but then I would have never been what they call "cheeky" to them. Not about finances anyway, religion maybe, but not about finances. Parents sacrifice a lot. Sounds like she has no clue. I also took the ASVAB test to see if the military would pay for college for me. I was very, very busy my senior year. Maybe you should have her read these responses.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 May 12
well, she is starting to get a little better these days. keep your fingers crossed! she will be getting a grant for school, just not sure how much.
@thedaddym (1731)
• United States
1 Mar 12
You need to sit her down and give her the straight facts of the matter. That you paying for her college just can not happen and is not going to happen. She has roughly 6 months to earn the money she will need for her fist year which is pretty much impossible but at least she could get started on it and earn some so that she does not have to take out as many student loans. Tell her starting out life with a bunch of student loans is no way to go. If she doesn't listen to you then come the time when tuition is due for school reality is going to hit her really hard. Funny thing about reality it has a way of straightening people out.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 May 12
she is starting to get a better idea about money and how much everything costs. hope she gets better at it as she ages.
• United States
1 Mar 12
I am assuming that she has filed a FAFSA. She should be awarded a financial aid package comprised of grants, scholarships, work-study and/or loans. Since she is a dependent, your finances would be considered when the financial aid package is calculated. However, that does not mean that you will end up paying for her college. If she is moving away to college in the autumn, she has plenty of time to work a part-time job and still enjoy a social life. Then, when it is time to go off to college, she will hopefully have some money to cover some of her expenses. After all, she will need some things for her dorm room, text books (which can easily cost $100 or more each), etc. Once she has her baccalaureate in hand and is off to the "real" world, she will likely learn quickly just how hard it can be sometimes to keep the bills paid.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 May 12
we are in Canada and she will be getting a grant, just not sure how much.
@yanzalong (18980)
• Indonesia
1 Mar 12
I can feel how you feel. Lack of money has caused a lot of problems. Most children don't understand their parents' financial difficulty. Hope she will understand it.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 May 12
thanks!
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
29 Feb 12
Problem is, you said, "she is daddy's girl" and without his support, it will be a very hard and uphill battle, not only against her, but your husband as well..What does he say about her attitude? If he sees nothing wrong with it, I don't know what to tell you, but if he agrees with you, then you need to get together and let this girl know you are both in agreement that she has to get a job or get out..
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
1 Mar 12
Yes! you must really kick her out. If that is the case that she is not realizing the problem then I myself would not motivate her and tell her couple of times in order for her to understand the issue. If I were you just don't send her to school and your hubby is not suppose to give something on her. That is for her to realize and feel that you don't have money to provide for her. She is lucky enough that you can still send her to school even if you have money issues. Others are working hard in order for them to be sent in school. Others are working students. So let her feel how hard to live in this life.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 May 12
as she gets older, she is learning that mom and dad cannot afford everything she wants.
@edsss17 (4394)
• Philippines
1 Mar 12
Uh? How could she say that? I just turned 18 but working not for myself but for my parents, as well. Both of my parents are employed but we still have financial issues too. My parents doesn't need to ask or tell me if there is a problem, I can already feel it. I meant no offense here, okay? But, your daughter is irresponsible. She should at least understand the situation and instead of hanging out with friends, she should find some useful things to do or get a job. I can say that my generation is bit disappointing, isn't it? She will just realize this when she gets older and having a hard time in life (I hope not.) Good luck!
@laura1991 (177)
29 Feb 12
hiya. am am 20 and have had a lot of indipendance in my life. i got my 1st job when i left school at 16, moved out of my parents house at 16 (my parents moved away and i decided i wanted to stay here). i think the problem is that because she is still in school, she probably still feels like a child instead of an adult. she needs to realise that you will not be able to supprt her forever. my suggestion is that you dont give her money to go out with friends, buy new things etc. provide her with the things she needs like food etc. but thats it. be sturn with her and tell her she needs to grow up and gain independance if she wants things in life. i would even go as far as to say that you wont be paying for her college unless she gets a job. you and her dad need to stick to it and let her know that now shes an adult, she needs to act like one. good luck.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 May 12
she is slowly getting to that point. thanks!
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
29 Feb 12
got a kind of similair situation over here.. my daughter just finished her education and loves to stay home in her room, always drawing, making movies (she is animator) but a job... I told her she has to find one since it's not possible for me to pay all her bills (health insurance for example is ordered by law). To I force her every day to respond on something and I tell her to come out of her bed (otherwise she stays in whole day and works in the evening and through the night). Might be she is lazy, although if it comes to what she likes she isn't at all. I think we (rest of the family) are just bothering her in her creativity. If she doesn't make an income at least a bit I told her too she has to leave.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 May 12
good for you. my daughter will be going to college in the fall and is scrambling to get her money in place as her dad and i cannot afford to send her to school.
• United States
29 Feb 12
i would say kick her to the curb? my dad would always sit down and talk with me and tell me about what he was doing at my age when i was 16 he sat me down and told me by my age he had his own place and had like 6 jobs and was paying for his own clothes and everything by the time he turned 17 he started going to college and paying for it all himself he never could rely on his parents they were always getting drunk, so he just moved out and took care of himself on his own managed to get 3 years of college under his belt and ran apartments afterwards now hes 50 and i help him take care of things that need to be done around the house and im currently looking for a job but its just impossible where i live almost every job place out there already has maximum number of employees so if your daughter does have a chance at getting a job its time to stand your ground and tell her whats what. hoped this helped i recently turned 18 and i know what i have to do around here for myself all my friends have already gotten a grant or something to go to college i am the only one out of the bunch who has to work for it so im guessing she does too.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
29 Feb 12
wow 6 jobs! your dad was pretty amazing! good for you for paying it for yourself. we are going to cut off her phone. that should be a start.
@batcuie (50)
• Romania
29 May 12
Make her understand that nothing on this earth is ETERNAL , including you , her parents. Your duty to help her is limitless but you can`t do that all the time , she MUST get a job , it`s her life in this game. Starting with right foot on her college journey , it`s important but has to fight for it she must understand this. Nothing is free in this world and if you want something she must go get it , or at least try to get it. I am 26 years old and worked my back from 17 years old , i managed to pay for my college yes maybe i was lucky ( i`m not from USA) but here in Europe college is also expensive but if you really want it , you can do it. My parents also are not millionaire :) and after i was older 16-17 years old i saw that they do what they can do :) only to support me and my brother , and i understood that i have to take with my own hands my life. Explaining her in a nice way would be a solution , but if she is a stubborn person , it`s difficult do it a little hard :) get a job or stay home You can manage this situation one way or another but a serious discussion is requested Hope this helps