Is there need to bring the emotion of job back home?

@xiaobing (235)
China
March 5, 2012 8:10am CST
You know my girlfriend is a doctor, and she is always very busy with her job. And she is the one who is influented by her job easily. She is very busy today and she is complaining for a long time no matter what I said to her. I know how busy she is, but is there need to bring the emotion back home? when does she behave as a matual human? Anyway, I am not in the good mood now. Do you have any advice for this problem? Mylotters.
4 people like this
31 responses
@choybel (5046)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
I know how you feel as my girlfriend can become like this sometimes. I also told her about this before and then we had a talk about it. I then understood my role, and since then I can cope with it and she minimizes acting like this. We as boyfriends are usually the ones they rely on, and they don't mean to really irritate us, they are just venting out this emotions from work, so we serve as stress absorber. It is best to just listen to them and try as much as possible to react only in a good way. When she is in a good mood, then that is probably the right time to talk her about it.
@xiaobing (235)
• China
6 Mar 12
You are absolutely right. Maybe I am not a good boyfriend now. I am not a great stress absorber, and I need to have some improvement soon.
@choybel (5046)
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
I am not saying that you are not a good boyfriend, my friend. I'm just relating to you my experience with my girlfriend and how I have managed it. Maybe it would also do you good. Good luck!
@jdyrj777 (6538)
• United States
6 Mar 12
Commucation is the key. Talk to her about how you feel about that and make a new rule what happens at work stays at work.
@jdyrj777 (6538)
• United States
6 Mar 12
If that dont work. Turn the tables ina role play. Act like she does. Do the same back to her about your job.
@MandaLee (3695)
• United States
5 Mar 12
Hi, We spend most of our time at work. Sometimes it is hard to leave our emotions at the office. Try to listen to her. Try being patient, kind and understanding. Her job is not an easy one. Give her some time to relax and unwind. When she is caring for her patients, being influenced by her job is just part of being a good doctor.
@xiaobing (235)
• China
6 Mar 12
You are right. My girlfriend is very responsible for her patients. There are some patients who is hard to dealing with. I believe it is not an easy job of being a doctor. I really appreciate you saying that being influenced by her job is just part of being a good doctor. She is so hard working and deserve that praise. Thanks.
@savypat (20217)
• United States
5 Mar 12
She has a great deal of stress, and so far it seems that bringing her job home is her way of unloading this stress. I would suggest that she do some type of exercise, even if it's just Yoga to reduce this stress before she comes home. You must also realize that right now you are the most helpful when you just listen. Maybe you could both do exercise together, just make sure you do it regularly. Blessings
@xiaobing (235)
• China
6 Mar 12
Your advice is very great. I agree with you that she can do some type of exercise, and she has decided to do Yoga. It is the first time to do Yoga today, but there is no time for her, because she is on duty in the hospital. Maybe she will have time to do it next time, and I hope she will enjoy that feeling after doing some exercise. Thanks.
• China
5 Mar 12
I think you should not treat it as a serious problem, maybe you need some time to calm down and be more patient, you both need more care to each other and think about the things on the opposite side, anyway just doing things with emotion didn't went to the bad end of quarrelling with each other, correct?
@xiaobing (235)
• China
6 Mar 12
Thanks for your response.
@marty3888 (2357)
• Acme, Michigan
5 Mar 12
I have a girlfriend I'm living with. She is in the health care field. They do work very hard. When you say she's complaining, is it about you personaly or is she just complaining about work. If it's about work I say listen, she is probably just venting. And my girlfriend is a nursing assistant. I'm sure a doctor has her own stresses. In both cases, they are dealing with people who are angry about their situation and she has to listen to them complain to her all day every day. Another thing, right now, I don't have a steady job and that irritates her sometimes. Are you working. Does your job have its own stresses? maybe you can both discuss your day. But in either case, I know it can be hard sometimes but let her vent.
@xiaobing (235)
• China
6 Mar 12
Yes, she is just complainign about the work. There are too many things about dealing with people with illness and disease. It is very sad. Hope you will have a steady job soon.
@fergus (817)
• Ireland
5 Mar 12
Hi xiaobing, It must be hard for her dealing with poeple all day. Your girlfriend should leave the job at the door when she comes home as its not fair on you.
@xiaobing (235)
• China
6 Mar 12
She would have that thought of leaving the job, everytime she is too busy. But it is not easy to change the job now.
@williamjisir (22821)
• China
13 Nov 12
You are right that there is no need to bring the emotion of job back home because it will affect the others in the family of their happiness or mood. You may talk to your loved about it, but it is not worth it to have this kind of mood back home. To live every day to the full is of great importance to us. Your girlfriend is a doctor, who is supposed to know better the disadvantages of such emotion bringing home. Do you agree?
@syoti20 (5293)
• Philippines
18 Mar 12
I feel your pain my friend. When your gf is at its good mood. Asked her if you can have a deal with her that don't bring her emotion when she's with you. And explain why. Usually things like this is easy to compromise if both party will ONLY agree to each other.
@aghiuta (525)
• Canada
13 Mar 12
Yes ,she is busy,but when she is finished work,maybe she should find a way to relax,(a hot shower,an hour at the gym,a run outside,yoga) and then come home to have a nice time with you.She has to learn to leave work at work,not to bring it home.You have to talk to her ,be very nice when you suggest any of this to her.May be sometime you could meet her and go out for supper,or for a walk...
• Marikina, Philippines
13 Mar 12
A doctor? Nice. That is good profession. Anyway, the advice that I will tell you is, tell her what you feel, so that she would know. Maybe, she does not know what is in your mind. Tell her in a nice way. Do not be afraid and do not be shy. Direct to the point; tell her what you feel about her so that she would know. My best friend already did that to me. I mean, I am always complaining about my love life to her when I was a teenager, and my best friend told me that I should stop complaining. She told me that she do not like it. So from now on, I stop complaining about my love life, but every time I got problems, I open up and talk to someone I knew in some of the forum that I join, because I was so shy to open up with my best friend. I did not want my best friend to get irritated with me just because I complain a lot, so instead of her, I look for other people in a forum who would understand me. Let us just pray that your girlfriend would not look for another guy who would understand her, just because she complains a lot, but if she did that, both of you are not meant to be, but if she listens to you, then both of you are meant to be each other. P.S. Avoid fighting to each other just because she has that personality and character different from you. I learn it from the book “Please Understand Me” by David Keirsey. I learn in the book that we have different personality and character and we must learn how to understand them, especially to the relationship. He he. You can still resolve it in a nice way.
@megamatt (14310)
• United States
7 Mar 12
It is really something that is not healthy to say the very least. One of my rules of thumb that there are certain parts of life that should not criss cross. While work and all of the problems is going to be in the back of our mind I'm sure, it is really not just something that people should be burdened by all of the time when they get home. And they feel like the need to burden others and while it is a good idea just sympathetic there is only really so much. I think that it is hard to tell people that you don't want to hear about it. Just try and gradually change the subject in a diplomatic way. Of course it is a constant struggle, a tug of war, as some people will change the subject back and that is really what the frustration is. Just leave the work at work. No one really wants to hear about it, and it is just leading to a very bad and uncomfortable atmosphere. It just saddens me when people just keep railing on it.
@gen143 (26)
7 Mar 12
You have to understand the situation of you girlfriend. That's the nature of her work. As doctor she must focus her work and forgets her problem at home. Because when she gets mistake....GOD forbid! She is liable to her patient. If you really love her, you have to understand and place yourself on her side so that you can understand. Please read 1 Cor. 13
@gen143 (26)
7 Mar 12
You have to understand the situation of you girlfriend. That's the nature of her work. As doctor she must focus her work and forgets her problem at home. Because when she gets mistake....GOD forbid! She is liable to her patient. If you really love her, you have to understand and place yourself on her side so that you can understandd.
• China
7 Mar 12
Yes,It is really a issue.I have the same experience,when I was very busy during the daytime of work,I felt very tired.I can't relax my strained mind soon when I went home.So even some small matters may casue me lose temper.I think some light music wil help,maybe your girlfriend can have a try.goodluck.
@andy77e (5159)
• United States
6 Mar 12
First marry the girl. If you don't you are wasting your life with someone that isn't going to stay with you. Either move on and find a real wife, or make this one your wife. Second, this is how women deal with stress and work. You need to get over yourself, and learn how to love her. Love involves listening to your wife, when she needs to talk. Listen to her, and you don't have to say anything back. Keep your mouth closed, and your ears open. Hear, don't speak. Again, this is how women deal with stress. The most loving thing you can do, is listen to her. Listen to what she says.
• United States
6 Mar 12
Yes, let this woman go. If you truly love her, you will have the patience to listen to her. She cannot vent at work; she needs someone who will listen, console her, agree with her, or just sit quietly while she gets rid of the ill feelings. You don't seem to have the ability or wish to do this. When will she be natural? This is natural - it is human nature to turn to the one you love, and who professes to love you, for comfort. She has a job most of us would never want. She listens to people tell her about their illnesses. She watches patients die. She sees the goriest, nastiest scenes in a hospital or sometimes at her office. Either love her enough to support her in her job or let her find someone who can. Hugs, Maggie
• Philippines
6 Mar 12
I she loves you,no matter how busy she is,she'd find time for you.No person is too busy for her loved one unless she loves the reason for her busyness more than her loved one.If I was in that situation,I'd send loves notes to her telling her that I miss her & that I'd like to spend even just a short time with her & send gifts for her to know how much she means to me. That's a doctor's life for you especially if you're a new doctor.Is she still an intern or resident?Just let me know if I can be of help to you.
@myfb2009 (8296)
• Malaysia
6 Mar 12
Hi Xiaobing, it is pity to hear that your girlfriend is too busy and attached with her work until she brings home her emotion. I hope she will learn to understand that job is job. And it is really important as what type of emotion we can bring home, and what type of emotion should be left at the workplace. I ever been in the working arena and understand why she is upset. Hopefully, you can understand her emotion as well. Hope both of you will work to resolve this matter well and be a good couple.
@derek_a (10881)
6 Mar 12
This is a common situation for those in the healing professions. I guess that is why it is regarded more than just a job. I have been a therapist for the past 30 years and I seeing people with problems had a similar effect on me. I took up meditaion not long after starting my career and this helped a great deal. yes, we have to let go when we leave our office, but we are bound to pick up on the poor people who are more often than not feeling desparate. My wife often has heavy problems in work too, and I just need to let her talk as this released her anxieties that have started in work. Then after a while, she lets go and we can just settle down and enjoy our evening together. _Derek