How do you end a friendship?

United States
March 20, 2012 5:27pm CST
I have recently decided to end a friendship that has been one-sided for years. We became friends 7 years ago, and in the beginning it was great. We both gave each other great advice, we were there for each other, and did everything that "friends" should do for one another. For the past three years though, she has become toxic. She is obsessed with getting married and having kids. This is all she will talk about. I can't get her advice without it turning to the kids/marriage topic. When I bring it up with her, she admits it is all she talks about, but feels like if she stops talking about it...it will never happen for her. She has become so draining it is hard to be around her. My question is how do you end a friendship? I have told her how I feel, do I leave it at that?
2 people like this
13 responses
• Lenox, Georgia
20 Mar 12
You know, I have had to put a stop to things with certain people also. One girl I was friends with didn't really do anything wrong herself but she had no control over her kids and they were bullying my daughter who was much younger than them. I couldn't take it anymore so I had to stop hanging out with her. When she would ask to go do things I would decline and say I was too busy. I wasn't mean about it but I just nicely declined aand eventually she stopped asking. I also have another friend who constantly talks about her own life and problems but never listens to mine. Looks like I am going to have to put some distance between us too. =( Good friends are hard to come by...
• Trinidad And Tobago
20 Mar 12
Sad but true. It amazes me how people can be self absorbed. Makes me do periodical checks on myself from time to time to see if I'm doing the same thing to my friends, cause I don't ever want to be found lacking in the friendship, or to be found complaining about my life constantly to them and not giving them a listening ear in return. It's a sad situation what happened to your daughter, but you did the right thing. We've never met but I can tell you're a really great mom, and your username is fitting, you really do love your babies :)
@lilaclady (28236)
• Australia
20 Mar 12
If you have arguments or heated discussions just suggest you have a bit of a break and just move on, I have had to walk away from a couple of friendships as it was obvious that we were heading in different directions and that is ok that happens in human nature, you have to get toxic relationships out of your life they will drive you nuts.
• United States
20 Mar 12
@lilaclady thanks for the advice. I agree, toxic relationships can only drain you. I think a break would be good. It will either force us to move on, or show each of us what we are doing wrong.
@2wicelot (2945)
21 Mar 12
I think ending the friendship may not be the best way to approach this particular situation. Seem she has changed on her part I guess you need to readjust and adapt to the new parametres of the friendship. Just realise that there is no point asking her for advice and stuff and just hang around doing other stuff. It may work out in the end, but if it doesn't then you would probably end up winding down the friendship till it dwindles to and end.
@Christoph56 (1507)
• Canada
21 Mar 12
A lot of people have been just saying to make some space between you two, and I agree, that is a great thing to do, but some people won't get that, and they'll just be coming after you more and more, and everytime they do, its going to be worse, so here's what I do... Break up with them. This is far more common with relationships then friendships, but both work. Tell them that you're not happy with them, that you don't want to hang around them, and that's that. They'll get the message, and it'll let them see that what they were doing is wrong to others. Maybe in another few years, you guys will run into eachother again, and things will work out better, maybe they'll be off the direction of kids, which is what's been bugging you, and you two will get along great.... but for now, it's best just to end it.
21 Mar 12
end your friendship by just ignoring her...
@kaeirole (669)
• Philippines
21 Mar 12
for me, if you're really a true friend, you won't end a friendship just because your friend isn't acting the way you want..maybe she's just like that..you just have to accept..and try to understand her..
@cearn25 (3457)
• Philippines
21 Mar 12
Are you sure enough you want to end the friendship? Then if yes, stop every communication you have with her. It is up to you if you want to tell her about your decision. Ending a friendship is a hard thing to do. Maybe you are just driven by your thoughts that you wanted to end it already.
• China
21 Mar 12
The friendship between you and the girl who had been the mother is so great,you are friends when you are little girl ,girl ,and then one first become maid ,and she is so happily to have husband and children, of course her topic will change into her own family life, then you will come into that life too,you will also have your own family and this new experience will cost you all time and attention ,but magic, for year later your children will become girls and boys beautiful and handsome. I think friendship is precious,never end a relationship of friends. In the life if somebody is bad and use you ,but treat you bad, then may be you can stop the relationship even by leagal. your friend is joyful ,and this is also will be your own life, wish you all happy.The maiden honey change into mother ,wife honey.
@Runite (307)
• United States
21 Mar 12
1.) Attempting to get into a love relationship. 2.) Destroy them emotionally. 3.) Destroy them physically. 4.) Expose things that were secrets. 5.) Become a jerk. 6.) Borrow things. 7.) Don't invite them to some events. 8.) Giving bad advice. 9.) Gossip behind back. 10.) Being immature at the wrong times.
• United States
21 Mar 12
Let it fizzle out. Get busy with other people, places and things and if she asks you why you're no longer available for friendship you can tell her. Tell her that you'll always think of her as a friend but you each have different priorities now.
@elementah (106)
• United States
20 Mar 12
Well, I've had ended friendships plenty of times before. I say the best thing to do is put some distance between you and the person who's draining you. It'll drain you even more to worry about it so I suggest you do it quickly. Just avoid the person as much as you can but be polite about it because you don't want to end your relationship in a bad way. Good luck! :)
• Trinidad And Tobago
20 Mar 12
Well I think we can all agree that keeping your distance from the lady of toxicity is the best move to make right now, but do it gradually not sudden. Great and sound advice was given by all before me, best of luck as you seek to restructure this part of your life. It's unfortunate however that 7 seven years of friendship has come to this, but right now it's all about self preservation. You need to take care of you. And considering you've addressed the issue with her, she has acknowledged her shortcoming and yet still refuses to make the necessary changes needed to sustain the friendship, you've made the right decision. Self preservation sweetheart, self preservation. Some might call it being selfish, well so be it, but the truth is if you can't be good for yourself, you definitely won't be good for anybody else. Take care my dear, and welcome to mylot :-)
• United States
20 Mar 12
Write them a letter. Or you could always promise to call it usually does work.o so. Gradually start to become distant. I've ended friendships that way. Eventually you just lose touch with eachother. Don't know if it's the best idea, but