Will you still pursue "Strong Family Ties"?
By Resy King
@resy21curapika (2151)
Pasay, Philippines
April 22, 2012 3:46am CST
Which gives me an idea to start a discussion about this. Apparently I have started a discussion about listening to the ranting of my best friend (under "Listeners" if you want to have it check) regarding her not having job and her family doesn't wants to have her freedom even she's already twenty-four (24) year old.
Point during the previous discussion; I'm sick and tired or listening to her (and frankly speaking; I did told her and ended our eight-year friendship afterwards). I would rather die to not see her than hearing the same complaints all over again; making ways for her but she won't do it the there goes the same process.
Point here is: the root of my friend's confusion if that "strong family ties" that is keeping her not to work because her parents wold prefer her staying home; taking care of sister's kids (nephews and nieces) and do chores all day like a maid (well; this is what she is quoting to me about it and prefers not staying at home) She would love to work and I did support her as a friend but her lack of confidence and her parent's push-downs/ discouragements are also factors she would do it all over again; goes back to me... complaining about her life once more.
Here in the Philippines (well; for Filipinos out there; admit it.. you know it is still exists) it's going to be for the better if parents and their adult offsprings will stay in one roof. In my personal case; my live-in partner before had the "singlehood" mindset again after his dad pushed him hard to go back to them with me. We ended up our relationship seeing that he doesn't have the effort in working for a living anymore.
Well; if you're going to ask me.. that's one "rich lifestyle". Lucky for them, you wouldn't worry about bills or any financial problems ahead. But not a wise decision for the rest of their lives staying a bum. I'm sure there's a better reason behind this "strong family ties". Would you still pursue that family ties despite of work demands and everything ahead? Tell me about it more. This time regarding culture of having extended families living together, pulling you down on your tentative aspirations personally rather than pulling the family apart.
5 responses
@gazinglady30 (75)
• United States
23 Apr 12
I do believe in close family-ties but of course it has its limits. It is okay to help out a family member who is in immediate need, especially if there are kidsinvolved in the separation, conflicts, unemployment and many others. But for my case, i do my best to convince the unemployed, to at least make an effort to make money, for their dependents. It is a burden to me as the breadwinner if I have to take care of the family of my sibling/s for a long time when they should have been standing on their own feet. That is why people get married, to be independent of their parents, to live their own life and their own rules. And me as still single Filipina, I made it my vow to help my parents in their old age so that they will still enjoy life when they spent years of their lives raising you out of their sweat, flesh and blood. There's no need to pull apart families here if there are just resources. But when your stomach is empty and you don't know where to get your next meal comes to the picture, it would be better to help people to help themselves. Invest for them so they will be independent of you and eventually have a place of their own and they in turn can help other family members to get on their feet. But that is just my own opinion and it works for me. Everyone should be entitled to do what they want and not just be stuck in the house for cultural purposes. We are not robots to be dictated of what life should be. Even robots get the malfunctins from too much abuse.
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8691)
• Netherlands
22 Apr 12
I will be honest with you. I deleted a big part of my family out of my life. Why? Because there is nothing positve about them, they always picked on me and my kids, they are never satisfied. Since then our lives improved so much. No tip toeing anymore we can we who we are. I can only advice you that if relationships are killing you, are tiring you out, if people can not accept you and respect you for who you are it's time to delete them out of your life. No matter if they are strangers or relatives. Nobody needs (extra) people to pull them down or make them feel useless, unhappy or sick.
@resy21curapika (2151)
• Pasay, Philippines
22 Apr 12
Nice one, Kitty. Freedom from parents and such negativity. It is really essential in moving out from your parents once that you're old enough to earn for a living. In your scenario it's best to moved out because you want your family not to get fed up with more negativity. And at the very least you're earning for yourself and for your family and not being dependent in your parents.
Way to go! Road to happier family with your kids ^_^-)
@MoonGypsy (4605)
• United States
22 Apr 12
in the the u.s. "family ties" have a different meaning. here, people are taught that they should respect family member's space. children here are taught that one day they will be out on there own. by 24 years old, kids are expected to be already started their own life. in this economy, it's very hard to have an adult child living with you and not contributing (if they are healthy). i do understand what you are talking about, but my parents are from a different country. their culture has almost the same ideas as far as "family values" goes.
i think your friend is old enough to make her own choices. she is a grown woman and needs to stand on her own to feet. i can understand if she was comfortable in her situation, but she is not because she keeps on complaining about it. i think she is using the family values thing as an excuse because she is afraid to live her own life.
@resy21curapika (2151)
• Pasay, Philippines
22 Apr 12
I know how independent individuals are in the U.S. I really envy you guys having parents pushing their kids real hard not to be a bum. Having respect to parents is essential; I understand. You should listen to them since they're your parents in the first place. But if you follow the first posts; there is a dilemma in listening to your parents or following them too much. That's one of many reasons we have low productivity rate here; they're considering bums! hahaha **jokes**
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
22 Apr 12
i am actually in that situation now, but the difference is that i chose not to be much contact with friends since i've always known as the "other guy". my big mistake was leaving work after my siblings worries about mom being left home alone. but my family isn't really like that though, they respect my decisions. sad to say, i haven't been making good one these past few years.
@jvincent_129 (4994)
• Philippines
22 Apr 12
Filipino families are known for having strong family ties. But some families have financial difficulties so they have to work or even work abroad. This results to having less time with the family and also being away from them. The important thing here is having a lot of quality time with them. Always aim for quality not quantity. When you have time with your loved ones, be sure to have quality time and good conversation and communication with them.
@resy21curapika (2151)
• Pasay, Philippines
22 Apr 12
Yup; in a different perspective Filipinoes are hardworkers.
But how about parenthood? Either parents needs to work overseas to feed their children whereas they can teach them already how to make use of resources and not to be an additional weight in finances. They should consider that before leaving the family.
I know the "quality time" that you meant awhile ago. I have nothing against that. Like wouldn't miss it for the world if you're a parent. But this topic is focus on parents or people who doesn't let their adult offsprings work even they're old enough to do so. In Filipino terms; "nakasandal pa rin" (still dependent to parents) which I believe this is not going to be good if you look at in the next generations. They should teach their sons/ daughters how to earn independently.
Like for instance; they should have their own house especially if they have a new family already. Well, given poverty can be a factor but in the first stages of building their families; they should have been prepared for this.
