Hearing what others think about you

@savypat (20216)
United States
April 28, 2012 11:30am CST
I had occasion to find out just what others think of me. It was a surprise to me. They said they felt I was a nonconformist. Well I guess they are right, But I didn't know that was the most evident thing that showed of my personality. What do you think about yourself? Have you been surprised to find the truth?.
5 people like this
17 responses
@cotruelove (1016)
• Denver, Colorado
28 Apr 12
Most of the time I don't care what other people think of me, except when it is a family member. Unfortunately, I am misunderstood more than I'm understood. I'm pretty much a loner and I like it that way. Most people see me as an extrovert, and I'm not. Because I'm over conscientious and I am blatantly honest, most people see me as a know it all. At my age, I've learned how people see me is really none of my business. I've also found it depends on the relationship I have with a person how they view me. The interesting part of what you asking is "find the truth." The truth of who you are lies within you not from someone else's viewpoint in my opinion. If you are happy with who you are, then the viewpoint of other's just doesn't matter and should be taken as a grain of salt. I have a philosophy about life and it is: I try to go through life and hurt as few a people as possible, unfortunately, it doesn't always work the way I wish.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Mostly I am like you, I am true to myself and not concerned how others see me. But Professionally and socially that is a very unrealistic attitude to live by, what others think does count if you need to interact with them, and there are not many of us who don't have to do that. This is how we become people of many faces and cannot ignore our public image.
• Denver, Colorado
29 Apr 12
Having been a professional and in the public eye, I do not find your statement has been true for me. As long as I maintained honesty and integrity, I've found the view of the majority of the public to be less than important. Most of that view is formed by appearances and not by the person's behavior or personality. When you sit three people down and talk to them, their opinion of you is vastly different from one to the other, unless they confer with each other then they will be influenced by each other. If I was to try and please each of them and influence their opinion of me, they would think I was a phony personality. I've found most people are people pleasers in one form or the other. When they group together and discuss a person is when the problems arise because they try to impress each other. For example, look at the politicians today and listen to what the public has to say. The opinions will vary to the extent that seldom from one person to the next could you recognize one politician from the other, yet they vary greatly. How many people vote for a person just because they are first on the election ballot? Statistics show the vast majority of the public vote exactly that way. But from the vast majority today, regardless whether a politician has been in office long enough to prove who he is, they are mistrusted and considered to be corrupt. Does that make the public image and opinion valid and reliable? It is not a matter of ignoring the public image, it is a matter of validity. The fact is most people are not many faces when you truly know them, but seen that way because of the person you are listening too who may exaggerate the personality traits of the person of whom they are speaking or simply manufacture that trait because of something they have heard. In fact, if they do have many faces, they are considered to have multiple personalities and not reliable. Again let us look at a public figure, Lady GaGa! From her appearance I would consider her to be eccentric but many consider her flat out crazy. Yet, with all that appearance, she has become wealthy and a pop star. Why? Because she sings and says what people want to hear, but does she appear in public the way most of us would expect her too? What does it take to maintain that public image? Is she being true to herself? Personally, I think she is but I sure wouldn't trade places with her and especially not for her wealth. I've found when interacting with people, something as simple as eye color or hair style may be the issues they find fault with the most. So who do I believe from their standpoint? I don't, I stay true to myself and let them have their opinion and do not waste my time defending who I am. Most people I've met in the professional world, trademark themselves. They work very hard to maintain one image not many. One memorable image can do more for a professional than all the so called opinions of what people think of them. The Geico gecko is an image I think most of us recognize, but it definitely isn't realistic by any means. I know today, I am rarely in the public eye. Yet when I go to a group of people who have known me from the past, they expect me to still look the same, act the same, be the same as when they knew me fifteen years ago. I'm not that person today due to age and health. I don't look the same and seriously doubt I act the same. But their expectations are the same as they were back then. In other words, my public image is now tarnished in their eyes and their view of me shattered. So do they retain the same interaction with me from the past or change it to fit today? I find it depends on the person because regardless of what they see, their expectations are always flavored by the past. I wish it wasn't that way and people lived more in the NOW, but they rarely do. My public image no matter what I do, is going to vary from person to person, and if I'm lucky they might remember what clothes I was wearing the last time they saw me or a phrase from my conversation. But rarely have I found that people remember exactly what I say and most frequently take anything I say out of context depending on what purpose they have for its use. In fact I've had words attributed to me and comments, that don't even fit who I am but when uttered by someone other than me, it is amazing how many people believe I said it. I could deny I said it forever, but by the same comment being passed around from person to person, I'll never be able to stop the misinformation or opinions formed by that action. That can form my public image for me and not even come close to being who I am or have anything to do with the truth. For instances, I have essential tremors. When people meet me today for the first time, they invariably think I have Parkinson's disease. They also have an opinion of people with that disease that usually implies I am feeble minded and not capable of doing much. The truth is far different from that. If they don't form that opinion, then they are either too shy to ask or they act like I'm a child they have to talk down too. It would almost be easier to wear a sign that tells them exactly what they want or need to know about me, because their opinion frequently comes out in inappropriate behavior on their part. That unfortunately is the public image that most think is correct today. It is totally based on appearances and basically has nothing to do with reality. Is it unrealistic to make what others think of me none of my business? I don't think it is. They will either like me or not, and mostly that is based on first impressions or on someone's opinion they have already heard before they meet me. If they are open-minded their opinion may change, but I find most people are not open-minded. Just my experience for you to ponder. Thanks for the discussion. And remember, don't take life too serious or other people!
2 people like this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
3 May 12
here on mylot we only know you as you chose to be known. I find you to be a thoughtful, caring person, but I would not know you if I tripped over you, like many of us you have posted no pictures. Blessings
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Hi pat~ I have friends who definitely have very strong opinions on "everything", especially the things that are the most negative and absolutely get pleasure out of sharing them with me! But, when it comes for "their turn", dare I say one critical thing and they flip! I am aware of my weaknesses and faults and also my "good points". Nothing anyone tells me is going to be a "surpise"~it's what I tell them that might be~
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
30 Apr 12
That's my point pat! They don't care about what they say. They don't think about the reprecussions of their words and how they might be hurtful. They just want to say whatever comes into their moronic brains! And if it gets turned around on them then they can't handle it and are the first one screaming and denying and cursing me out for giving my truthful opionion! Believe me, I am a Libra and am "supposed" to be a "peacemaker" and usually am. But, if you push me too far, you are going to see the the wrath and wish you never opened Pandora's box because my friends know I have one hellofa temper when pushed beyond my limit!
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
3 May 12
I have found the older I get the less I respond with temper, I think that I would rather spend my energy on other things, or maybe I just don't care as much as I once did. I know that over the years my feelings about people have changed a great deal. I am far less judgemental and more forgiving then I once was. If however my button gets pushed and I become angry as in the case of child abuse I am totally ready to fight in any manner I can for the children.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Have you ever told them how much you enjoy their remarks? If not it might be worth your while to do so. Some people think you benefit from these sugestions, I'm sure. But I have often found that bullies attack those that do not fight back, And this is a form of bullying. I never tell anyone something personal unless I clear it with them first. I ask "Do you really want to know what I think?" If they do then I try to be as kind as I can while still being honest.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
3 May 12
I used to be whatever anyone wanted me to be. So when different friends got together and became familiar with each other and spoke about me, they thought the other people must be confused. Now I do my own thing and if people don't like it, tough.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
4 May 12
i just found it interesting to hear what others thought of me. I do my own thing, but i always try to be kind and help when I can.
@marguicha (223493)
• Chile
28 Apr 12
The people I know are usually divided in two groups: those that like very much how I am and those who don´t. I gues it depends on each person´s personality. I´m sure none of them have the truth and I don´t have it either. Some days I´m sunny, others I hate myself. I think that what someone says about me depends on the person I ask. I better don´t ask that though. I want to add that I love your post and answers. I haven´t noticed through them that you are a nonconformist
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Thank you, I try to make my discussions interesting and a little unusual. After all who cares what you eat for breakfast or how often you brush your teeth.
@marguicha (223493)
• Chile
29 Apr 12
I love your discussions. Many times I don´t answer them as I don´t find anything else to say, but still I am happy reading them.
1 person likes this
@anangf (1146)
• Indonesia
29 Apr 12
for any reason we can not judge ourself for beeing something that other can not understand. that's true only other that can see how we
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
29 Apr 12
The thing is they can only look at us from their point of view, they cannot see what is truly in our hearts. Blessings
@anangf (1146)
• Indonesia
29 Apr 12
true, so we stand still with optimist and trough our live positive way. but hear and try to understand are important as a mirror how we are
2 people like this
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
30 Apr 12
I have been accused of many things. Or should I say of being many things. But to this day no one has ever told me what they truly think of me. The one thing that is evident is that no one can read me. I have been told this many times. I think people are sort of intimidated by me. I primarily stay quiet and I always look and listen to everything. So no one knows where I am coming from. I actually like it that way.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
3 May 12
It may be true that no one can read you, but here on mylot I think maybe you have been more open. I read a lot of what you right and while it's not as strong as it was at first I still feel you carry a great deal of pain, frustration and sorrow. I hope in some way we are helping you heal. Blessings Many of us have come here to heal.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
3 May 12
Well in all honesty you and everyone else here knows what I write. Everything I write about the evil ex is true. Yes I still feel it. And the anger is the part that is not going away. But as for me as an individual, no one really knows me. What ever people know about is what I want them to know. But, all that reading mystery stuff aside, I do enjoy coming here to MyLot and it does help me and keep me calm. But that is to a point. There are those days that if I do talk about it it angers me to no end and those days that it does not bother me at all. I do have my ups and downs.
@kareng (60211)
• United States
28 Apr 12
I would probably be surprised to hear what others think. I'm pretty driven for all things that I love and I'm very loyal to my friends and family. I do believe that nobody is perfect and we should realize this and not expect the world out of everyone that crosses our path in life.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
29 Apr 12
I've been a proud nonconformist since I walked away from the church almost 60 years ago. I've had a good life, raised a Great family, and would do the same thing all over again. Anyone can be an emulator, but it takes guts to be a nonconformist!
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Thank you for the encouragement. I don't mind being labeled a nonconformist, it's better than some things I've been called. I would call myself a nonbeliever or a believer depending on your point of view. I will believe most ideas until they are disproved at the same time I will believe very little until I see proof. A good example is Ghosts, if you believe in them I can accept that but I didn't believe in them until I was exposed to one. One thing I know for sure, there are many more things to know and I know very little.
@GemmaR (8517)
28 Apr 12
I have been in the position lately to find out what some of my friends really think about me, and I have to say that I was a little bit upset because they said that I am needy and text them too much. They don't know I overheard them, but since I did, I haven't contacted them at all and they have been texting me asking why I'm not texting them, so it would seem that I just can't win either way, which is a little bit annoying to be honest. But at least when you know what people think about you, you can do things to change yourself for the better.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Be careful to be true to yourself. We all have faults and being a little needy seems to me to be a small thing. Maybe you aare just miss read. You are more giving and care more than most, so you are more in contact than others. Don't change just because you heard something you didn't like. So what if you are needy, we all are in some ways, many just hide it.
@MandaLee (3764)
• United States
28 Apr 12
No, I can't say I have. People say I am loving and that I care about them. I try my best to love and care about people. I hope you have a great weekend!
1 person likes this
@galileo2008 (1170)
• Philippines
29 Apr 12
Everybody has something to say about anybody. I guess it's just natural for humans. As for me, I definitely heard a lot of things about me, especially for those who do not know me that much, but I just don't think too much about those issues as I know myself better than they do. But sometimes I am also surprised to hear those things as I would also think that maybe I was not aware that I did something that offended somebody, so what I usually do is to apologize if I did such a thing and move on.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
29 Apr 12
It sounds like you hear negative things and you are right to disregard these, you know that you are not that person. Blessings
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
1 May 12
For the most part, I find that the opinions that people have of me pretty much stay in line with the way that I view myself. The biggest example of this that I can think of is the fact that I'm a very giving person and that is one of the first things that people will say about me. However, I was shocked over the weekend when my best friend's little sister said that she thought that I was a really good singer and that I should be on American Idol. I know that I love to sing, but I've never really thought that I was all that good at it.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
3 May 12
What a nice surprise. Blessings
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
29 Apr 12
The interesting thing is that in all these years I did so many for other people (gave away my stuff, my car, lots of money, took in homeless friends etc) people always blamed me for being selfish and not able to put myself in their shoes. Fact is they never did anything for me and in all these years none of them became a true friend. Since I changed my attitude (I only do good to those who do good to me) I have a complete different life. Nobody tells me anymore who or what I am according to them. Nobody is abusing me anymore. If someone would call me selfish now I would be happy. I don't see it as a bad thing but look at it as something I finally learned, how to pamper myself, how to love myself, to count om me to make me happy. Pity nobody does say that anymore. For the rest I changed too. I don't care anymore about what others think about me so I am never surprised. I like and love me and I am the only one who knows me the best.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
29 Apr 12
I can only say that you are in charge of you, no one else has that power unless you allow it. I think you learned this lesson. I also think you learned the value of a true gift, a gift once given should be forgotten, no strings attached, if you only give when you expect a return then that is a price paid not a true gift. I am glad that you are a happy person, there are way to few of us.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
3 May 12
What anybody thinks of me is none of my business. I read that in a couple of different book and it is oh so true, so I don't even care to give it much thought. Does it make your life any richer to know what others think of you?
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
6 May 12
I would like to know what people though of me...or maybe not..LOL. I don't often go along with the crowd either and people sometimes are intimidated by that or dislike me for it. It's funny because there doesn't seem to be an in between status. They either like me alot or none at all...LOL.
28 Apr 12
oh yeah sometimes I get surprised when learned a different way perceiving my personality by other people who are not so close to me. But I am not already so surprised to know that since I expect a lot that people will always have different impressions on us.
1 person likes this
@ShadowSky (221)
• Bulgaria
28 Apr 12
I think I have pretty realistic idea of what people think about me but it's a little different than what I think about me. The first thing that people notice when they meet me is that I'm slightly introverted and a space cadet.They are both true but the first thing I'd say I am is a pessimist which is not good but it's not good but it's true and unfortunately it's the character trait that I keep in secret the most. I try to be positive and that fools people but I absolutely cannot fool myself. Others' opinion of a person is usually slightly or not so slightly different then his/hers vision of themselves because only you know who you are really and some actions may lead people to think the wrong thing about you.
1 person likes this