what do you do when you and your partner get into a fight?

Philippines
April 30, 2012 7:20am CST
i find it hard to handle whenever my partner and i get into a fight. especially when it is my fault. it is so hard for me to please him even sorry is not enough for him. sometimes it upsets me because he always returns my sorry with harsh words and is so depressing. i know it is not his intention to say those hurting words and i understand that it was just because he is mad that he says those things. how should i handle this?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@krizzy (237)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
it's really hard to make peace with your partner especially if you are at fault..well just listen to everything he says and don't talk back..just be silent and eventually he will get tired and be silent too..and then tell him what's in your heart and then I'm pretty sure he will start to listen..anger will just aroused at first but after some calm and sweet talk, you too will be back together as a very romantic couple:)
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
30 Apr 12
In a relationship, there will be highs and lows. It will be unusual there is hardly fight in a relationship. The key is how to deal with it. What I understand is if it is my fault, I will say sorry and try not to repeat the mistake again. We are human and make mistakes, so my partner/boy friend should understand that and forgive me rather than saying those hurting words. Alternatively, if he made mistake, he should apologize. Unfortunately in this world, nothing is ideal. There were countless fights between my soon to be ex husband and I that we couldn't reconcile the issues and reach the agreement. So in your case, I would advise you try to minimize the issue and don't take those hurting words he said seriously. Learn to give and take and see the positive side of him. All the best!
1 person likes this
• India
30 Apr 12
It's very simple. You just have to understand his character first. Once you understand his character, you can easily avoid conflicts, rather than trying to solve them after they occur. To start with, there are four basic types of characters: There is one type of character, say type A, people having which are very easy going, very much talkative, highly enthusiastic and dynamic. These are extroverts and social maniacs who love being midst a crowd. They are very much into boasting themselves, story tellers and strong witted people. These people mostly don't think before they speak. They are not much sensitive, and hence dealing with them is very easy. They will cool down very easily. Your partner is not this type, i think. Type B people are dominating type. They are very powerful, authoritative, decisive people. Whatever they say, they do and they think, according to them, is right. They look down on others, especially on those who are weak and non-decisive. These people are very strict, short-tempered, and making them happy can be achieved only by going their way. If your partner is of this type, better don't argue with him when the situation is tense. You can explain your opinion later. But when the situation is tense, better stop arguing and submit yourself. Otherwise, he might get angry on his defeat, which he will not be able to take. Type C people are perfectionists, sensitive, introverts. They are bestowed with a very soft and delicate heart, which easily melts for suffering people, but at the same time breaks easily for even small hurts. These people are very much compassionate, deeply thoughtful people. If your partner is of this type, he will not show his pains off so easily. But he will feel inside very badly, even if you hurt for fun. When you are dealing with such people, you have to be very much careful about your words and facial expressions. Type D is definitely not your partner's type. These people are very easy going introverts. They won't care much for anything. If you could explain his character, I can help you better...
1 person likes this
@phoenix35 (384)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
Having a fight is just natural for two people in love. Do not worry, I think you are doing the right thing. And, I think he really loves you, that he always say sorry first even though you know that it is your fault. Anyway, just try not to do it often and if ever you'll fight, try to make up as soon as possible. Aw, good luck. I have been .... and still there :)
1 person likes this
@jinky2012 (438)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
misunderstanding that leads to fight is just natural in lover's.that is just one spices in our life. Yes you mean that it is really hard but you need more patience to do it.just understand what he feel then afterward he can able also to understand you. me and my husband have misunderstanding but it just take for 2 hours then we are ok already.it is just like that.then what i am doing is just i am going to my room and then suddenly he will come and hug me and also say sorry.and i even response him the way he did.so that is the way ou need to do.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
I've also been into numerous fights with my boyf and I must say that it's difficult and heartbreaking since you're trying to keep and save the relationship as much as you can. During fights, especially when one is on a high temper, the other needs to stay calm and patient as much as possible to avoid too much conflict. Pride doesn't help either. It would only make matters worse. You need to compromise and to meet halfway since competing each other's point of view as if you are on a contest or a debate would only worsen the fight. You could start from using soft and calm words instead, rather than using heavy words that could provoke each other. I guess both of you should do it vice versa then. And it's important to solve one fight and make sure it has a solution before jumping in to another topic which could possibly lead to another fight making it even more bigger. If you'll be having numerous fights that ended up unresolved this could lead you both to the wrong way. Instead of keeping the relationship, it could destroy the bond making you both forget about what needs to saved. Perhaps it's much better for both of you to talk through things once in a while too. Open communication is a requirement and a must. Also, it's not a good idea to sleep without having a solution to the fight you had during that day since that problem might happen the next day or the day after the next and it might end up not resolved. Basically, when you are in a relationship, it takes a lot of sacrifice, love, patience and the like to make it last. And you need to appreciate each others flaws as well as all of the other things that you adore about that person. Well, I hope this helps. Best of luck! ;)
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 May 12
hi zaskasahagun I always just lowered my voice amd apologized if I was wrong but he was not one to get very angry.He would accept my aplogy then soon he would be cooled off and would come up with a compromise that really worked for us.For you when he returns with harsh words speak softly"I am going for a short walk.,if you cannot be civil to me I am walking away." It worked with me and my husband.
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
Sorry to hear that. I have been in a fight a lot of times with my bf and like you I also find it hard to please him or to say sorry afterwards. What I do it to simply try to calm him down first by thinking of words that would not worsen the fight. I try my best to not lose my patience even if he answers me back with harsh words. It always works with us when one lowers his/her pride during the fight and try to be reasonable as much as possible.
1 person likes this
@JohnRok1 (2051)
2 May 12
Learn self-defence and make sure you win. But my advice may be of limited value as, for some strange reason, I don't have a girlfriend.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
2 May 12
Yeah it can be difficult when we have arguments with the person we are with. When things get tense we at times may say things that we later regret. That's why it's best to wait until both partners calm down before they try to talk about the problem. It is a good idea to also try and focus on solving the problem and not shifting blame. Your partner as well has to learn not to say mean things when he is upset.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
1 May 12
if we have a fight I don't see it as my fault. You can't fight alone you need at least to be with 2 people. Your partner does wants to hurt you on purpose otherwise he would not do it. So stop fooling yourself, finding excuses for his behaviour. He is responsible for his own deeds and own happiness. He sounds like a very childish and selfish person who loves to blame you for everything that is not working the way he likes to in his life. As you already said: its hard for you to please him. I can tell you by now you will never be able to please him. He will always find something to pull you down, to stabb you with. Dump that guy you deserve way better and unhappy and depressed you can be alone as well. You don't need him for that. He is just trying to break you, your self esteem.
• India
1 May 12
Hello friend, In that situation I controlled my anger and gave him a good smile. Hahaha. Then it is managable. Have a nice day.
• Philippines
1 May 12
Its good that you accepted the fact that its your fault. Just like every relationship you really encounter same situation you have. You need to be patient to your husband and be humble to him. In the long run you will be both ok and don't ever be angry when his already mad. Wait until you can already talk calmly to each other.
@yosrinal (65)
• Indonesia
1 May 12
sometimes regret to the end of this story, whatever it is we certainly don't want it all, should the couple understand what the lack of pair each other, and the other make it easier for couples to be more forgiving if there is a mistake, i think it could make comfort in your relationship the futher