What would you do?
By krupar5
@krupar5 (287)
United States
April 30, 2012 3:46pm CST
I have an older sister who has 2 children and is going through a divorce. My sister filed for a divorce a couple of months ago and has moved on with her life. The marriage has been over, in her eyes, for several years and she has finally filed for divorce. I talk to both of them and told them I do not want to get involved but they keep calling me. I told them that this is between the 2 of them and I do not care what they do but to try and resolve this with the least disrruption for the kids. The problem is that my sister has started dating a new man and believes she is in love. They are planning to live together and my sister has asked that if she moved closer to me will I watch the kids.
Let me give you some facts and let me know what you would do please.
I am terrible at saying no to anyone. I have helped my sister many times before and several times she has wronged me. The kids have told me that they want to live with me and I love them as my own and do not want them in any danger. My sister's bf has a criminal record of assault amongst other things. He is married still, but his wife has filed for a divorce just 2 weeks ago. He has been married before and is divorced to his first wife and has 2 older children. He is not allowed around my niece and nephew for 6 months because my sisters husband filed a complaint that he does not want him around his kids. The order will be finished at the end of July. The kids father (my sisters hubby) also has a problem with drugs and has a court hearing the end of July. My sister cannot afford to put both children in daycare and wants me to watch them. I have no problems with that but she is planning on moving in with her bf. The entire family does not like her bf. He gives everyone a bad vibe. We have all tried to tell her to dump him and that he is lying to her but she is convinced he is her soul mate and will not listen to anyone. She is currently staying at our parents house but the house is small and she needs to move out. My mom does not like her bf and he is not allowed there and my other siblings do not want him around. My sister will definitely be moving if I do not help her she may move closer to his family, but on the other hand if I watch her kids the chances of her taking advantage of me is high. She most likely, as 99% chance, will have me watch her kids from 5 a.m. til 8 p.m. and most likely if they have school I would keep them overnight. I have 5 kids of my own. So my question to you lotters is, What would you do? Again, I have never told anybody no if I am able to help.
1 person likes this
2 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
1 May 12
Hi Krupar,
Wow...what a tough spot to be in, heh? Well, one thing I know is that with everyone getting on her case about this boyfriend, she is almost sure to cling tighter to him. It would be good if you could convince everyone to at least pretend to be giving him a chance. Who knows...you may end up actually liking him. At any rate, for the sake of the kids, I would do my best to remain close and at least get to know the guy.
Babysitting: You have 5 kids of your own?? Do you have a husband or boyfriend helping you with them? How old are all of these kids? It sounds like a huge load of work if you are doing it by yourself. I would probably do it for family but I would put my foot down on the amount of hours. I would do it while she worked but not just so she could go and have a good time.
What really is sad is that she is moving in with this guy and while she sounds to be ok with the divorce and moving on, the kids probably aren' understanding it so much.
@krupar5 (287)
• United States
1 May 12
Thank you for your insight. I am married and my husband is wonderful. He understands that I want to help, he just does not want me to be taken advantage of. He said he will support whatever decision I come up with. I have met her bf and so has my husband. We have invited them over and I give everybody a chance, but my husband was not to sure about him. The kids are all around the same age so caring for them is no issue for me. I love children and have watched my niece and nephew since they have been born. I will try and talk to my family again because you did bring up a valid point, so thank you.
In my sister's defense she is taking the kids to see a therapist. She also has agreed to wait for the children to get to know him, but she is set on moving in with him.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
30 Apr 12
At first, I think I would talk about that to your sister that you'd be happy to look after her kids-for a certain amount of time, so she would understand that your main duty is not to look after her kids when she's away and having fun, because priorities... like I would set a certain time when you are going to babysit them. I guess from her reaction you would see how she feels about you... I guess if she accepts that criteria, she won't do any wrong to you, but if she starts complaining or badmouthing you, that's not a good omen.
