Should I feel selfish
By SissyRose
@SissyRose (235)
United States
May 2, 2012 3:05pm CST
I have been married for six years in october.. we have 3 kids, and we NEVER get any time alone.., we don't go out on dates, we don't even go grocery shopping with out the kids. Ugh... so I am thinking about putting a little money back so that me and my husband can maybe go on a mini vacation alone. And when I say mini vacation I mean like getting a room a couple towns over, with an inside pool and just relaxing. But the problem is that we live paycheck to pay check so if I save this money I am going to feel guilty for not spending the extra money on the kids. Should I feel this way or no? Because my marriage is kinda suffering because we have NO intimacy AT ALL...and I love my husband and I want him but I need him alone..and not just in a dirty way..I have with the kids all day and I need some adult time.
2 people like this
9 responses
@ethansmom0129 (136)
• United States
2 May 12
It is normal to feel guilty, even if your not living paycheck to paycheck. I also have 3 kids and finding the time for just me and him can be rather difficult. We go on 2 vacations a year. First one, with the kids and for a longer stay. Second one, me and my husband rent a cabin or go camping for like a 3 day weekend and the inlaws take the kids. That is once a year, but we also dedicate one Saturday a month to just us. So, we pre-arrange a babysitter, either family or paid and we start our day with lunch, then we go do something fun together, then dinner and a movie and home. Although, we generally come home to kids on Saturday night, it's ok because we had the "adult" time to be together like before the kids ever came along. Believe it has worked wonders for our marriage and respect for eachother. Good luck.
@ethansmom0129 (136)
• United States
2 May 12
Sometimes, we just get a family member to keep the kids over night on our Saturday and we just stay in and enjoy eachother with no distractions (it's free).
@SissyRose (235)
• United States
3 May 12
I like this idea. I have often thought about us scheduling a date night. Once a month. I think it is seriously nesseccary, but it's just hard. I don't like to ask family members to watch them because I feel like I am imposing my problems on them. And I dont mean my kids are problems I mean my issues and needs to be with just my husband. It's hard to as for help when in all reality it's a much needed help because I feel like if we don't do something fast its going to go way down hill. Because I litterally am almost at my breaking point and I just want so much more out of our marriage. I am not asking for a 2 week cruise. I want a tiny time away with just him, and some adult time with just us every once in a while. I want to not be his wife anymore but I want to be his girlfriend that he is married to..does that make since.
@nonersays (3329)
• United States
2 May 12
Because you are feeling guilty it is because you love and care for your chidlren and want them to have it all. But you and your husband DESERVE some time to yourselves. I don't think there is anything wrong at all with trying to put a little money aside to have a mini-vacation with your husband. Just as long as you're kids are not SUFFERING they wont be hurt by missing a few bucks here or there, and in the end you can come back to them as slightly rejuvinated parents.
@SissyRose (235)
• United States
2 May 12
Thank you so much. I know this is how I should feel I just need some reassurance.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
4 May 12
I think it's important to be healthy and to have a healthy marriage, and if you've been working hard then you do deserve a minivacation. I feel guilty when I spend money on myself instead of on my son, but you know what? I still do it because I need things too. And really, I wouldn't spend money on myself if my son didn't have everything he needs, but he does.
@gloryacam (5540)
• Philippines
3 May 12
It is important to spend sometime with your husband alone. Some marriages fail because the spouses lose each other because they're too busy with work, with the kids, etc. It may seem selfish spending on you and your husband, instead of your kids, but, in the end, it will benefit them more because their parents are still together. So, I say, save up for that "date" and rekindle the romance between you two.
Oh, and don't forget your time alone, too. So you won't lose your self, as well.
@marcmm (1804)
• Malaysia
3 May 12
I don't think you should feel guilty at all. As long as there are somebody, like their grandparents, can look after them and they also want to be with their grandparents, you and your husband should spend time alone.
Having kids does make us forget about husband and wife intimacy because we are too busy taking care of our kids. Many couple does sacrifice their private moment just to be there for their kids. That is normal.
So if there is an opportunity, just spend your time alone and enjoy your private moment to the fulness. All the best. 
@Zee703 (8)
• United States
5 May 12
No you should not feel guilty you and your husband deserve that time. Being a paerent is difficult so is maintaining a marriage. Your children however will learn about a healthy relatonship from watching the two of you. So be selfish and spend the money on you guys. However trying to save a marriage that is lacking in some areas is not at all being selfish it is actually the exact opposite. You are doing what is best for your partner and your children. So put the money aside and go reconnect. You will be a better parent for it.
@youless (112130)
• Guangzhou, China
3 May 12
I think it is very normal for you to think so. And I can tell you that you and your husband deserve to spend some time together to have some fun without kids. You have sacrificed a lot for your kids and it is nothing wrong for you to spend some time with your husband alone. I hope you and your husband will have a good time and it is also good for your kids. They want to see their parents happy:)
I love China
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
3 May 12
MY wife and I raised 4 boys, and now we are grandparents, and we wonder where the time went. Children grow up so fast! Parents should cherish the time that they have with their kids. WE took lots of pictures, and we are always getting them out and remembering the fun we had when our four boys were growing up!
@ShyBear88 (59296)
• Sterling, Virginia
3 May 12
Nothing wrong with being a little selfish now and then. What you can do is save up money for you two to go and then save up a little money to do something nice for you kids or get them a treat that they have been wanting. A little time two yourself isn't a bad thing even when you live on a tight income.
