Why do you think this happens?

India
May 4, 2012 6:19am CST
When we are in love it can be an amazing feeling.We all want to be with the person we are in love with.We love being with them and we are okay with making sacrifices for them and also we love to listen to them talking. But then why does this change so drastically once you are married?These same people who liked all this.Why does the other partner become a burden to them?
3 people like this
13 responses
@ferritic (82)
• Philippines
4 May 12
vaishnavc, Greetings! When people are still not married and in the boyfriend-girlfriend stage, responsibility is not yet present in the equation. We are still experiencing euphoria for we get all the attention from our girlfriend or boyfriend. Each will only see the good things in you and do not mind any bad things about you. When married, partners are now having an elevated level of relationship. You and your partner will push each other to the limit or to extract more of your abilities and time in order to make ends meet, responsibility sets in. Jobs right now are more demanding and more competitive. It makes the individuals more stressed out and thinly spread and a little bad comment from our spouse might bring out a discussion, debate or elevated to a full verbal fight. Improper communication is one of the reasons that make relationship sour and make us see our spouse as a nuisance rather than a loving wife or husband. You may still love your partner but today's society is making you lose more time with your family. Communication now is in its lowest level, for we cannot communicate directly to our spouse. We need the aid of the gadgets such as cellphones, tablet, emails, and computers. We tend to be rude and not to listen intently when our partner while he or she is talking, instead, we tend to look at our cellphones or gadgets. The gadgets become more important than our spouse. We buy bling-bling or accessories such as screen protector, slings, extra batteries, silicone cover, case or other things to beautify these gadgets and be fadish. How frequent did we spend time or buy things for our spouse to make them happy and important? We tend to forget that they exist except when notify you with a problem. We easily get irritated and always brushed the wrong direction. Innovations are good when used correctly but too much "instant" also slowly make us lose our skills in actually communicating with our spouse or love ones. All things right now are made "instant"; instant coffee, instant money, instant happiness, instant entertainment, instant satisfaction, etc. These "instant" things makes us more stressed than relax. Try to avoid the gadgets and these "instants" for a day and communicate truly with our love ones. See to it to say good things and avoid to be rude and try to practice politeness often. We are polite with our co-workers and associates but mostly we are very rude with our love ones. We are still in love but being polite will make our relationship more sweet and long lasting. Inject humor to your relationship and see the difference. Ferritic
• India
4 May 12
I don't know what to say.Fro, what you wrote,You obviously have a lot of experience with this. And i guess you are right.Responsibilities and the stress could make it a lot harder.
• Philippines
5 May 12
Vaishnavc, Greetings! Thank you for replying. Hope to give light to your questions in the future. More power. Ferritic
• India
5 May 12
The way you reply,its funny,It reminds me of what i heard in a movie. "Greetings eathlings, We come in peace." HAHHAHAAHAHAH....
@Zee703 (8)
• United States
5 May 12
Marriage changes alot so do kids. When you get married other outside problems affect your marriage because they come into play and they were not there before. Money, their families, work, children are just a few. You becaome married and stop doing the things for and with eachother you use to. You have to work harder to keep that love alive. It is easier to just let things go. You get comfortable. You see that person everyday so you lose that butterfly feeling when you get a chance to see them. You rather hang out with friends or family when before all you wanted to do was hang out with them. i guess even though you are married you have to try to keep that love alive and do things with eachother outside of the normal things married couples do. I know that once i had children i became less intersted in doing everything for my husband beacause now i had to do it for my kids. You need to remind yourself everyday that although you are married doing those little things that use to make your partner happy is still important. you have to tell yourself that although you dont want to do it or it may bother you now when it didnt before it is imoportant to still do to keep that love alive. Being married is hard it takes work and although I think we all go thru periods where our partner is more of a burden then that person you are so in love with like you once were you just need to be aware that you are feeling this way and try to do all that you can to get back to where you once were.
• India
5 May 12
Hmm.So if both partners were to try hard to keep their love alive,then they could live a happy life full of love for each other.
• United States
5 May 12
My guess is that the couple try to fit into the traditional marriage roles and resentment sets in. They spend less time together and they just fall out of love.
• India
5 May 12
What is the point if the marriage if they fall out of love after it?Then wouldn't it be better if they just don't get married?
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 12
My feeling exactly. But then again I knew from age 13 that I would have to choose between being in love and happy Or getting married. I chose love and happiness. To many they think that love , marriage and happiness is Suppose to go together. So they marry and then it surprises them how unhappy they are. But.. I do have a few friends who are happy and married. I just know if I were to marry my guy , I would be miserable.
• India
5 May 12
How can you be sure that you will be miserable if you marry your guy?I mean if you guys really cared about each other,you would really work towards it and try to make it work.My parents and my uncles have been married for about 30 years now.And i have never ever heard them fighting.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5650)
• Philippines
12 May 12
That is why I believe that in girlfriend and boyfriend relationships, it's ideal to have some arguments and gain experience as to how to resolve these kind of problems. In marriage, it's like a level 2, a lot more challenging, more responsibilities and such. The other responders have already explained. I think it's natural that people become like that in marriage, so what they really have to do is find ways to manage it, take control as much as possible, reassure each other that the love is still there and the fights are only temporary. Don't spend too much time with each other and if one partner is stressed, he or she should be left alone to relax, cool down his or her temper. Only discuss things when both partners are calm and clear minded. Of course, that is easier said(written in discussion) than done.
• India
15 May 12
Well..All this is easier said than done. But you do have a point. The thing is people don't pause to think about stuff like that.I think that is why here are a lot of problems.
@Aja103654 (5650)
• Philippines
23 May 12
this piece of information is vital. Of course, I learned it because I have fought with my partner. See? We learn from fights, we can seek ways to be more reasonable with each other.
• India
23 May 12
Yes.We could learn from the fights.But the thing is that most people don't.That is the problem.
@ryanong (9685)
• Vietnam
5 May 12
When being in love, both still work, earn money and living in the separated house, no thing is the common except the love. But when do marriage, they live in the same house, many things will be the common, money, kids, etc and they have to care their own family more so that people will be changed a bit for it.
• India
5 May 12
I am not married.So i only know what i have seen from my friends.But i think that if you really tried,You could make anything work.
@ryanong (9685)
• Vietnam
6 May 12
It is a theory only, it will be so complicated between 2 person.
• India
6 May 12
Yea.I understand.Both of them having their own wishes and all.It can be difficult.
@Dominique25 (9471)
• United States
30 May 12
It has a lot to do with our body system. When we are with someone and have that loving feeling it's because our body releases a chemical that makes us feel this way. Over time that usually after two years we don't have that same exact exciting feeling we did at the beginning. But we should strive to grow our love for the person we are with. We can do this by spending time with them and continuing to share interest together.
• India
31 May 12
You mean to say that it is all solely depended on the chemicals in our body?I mean it has a part in it.Ok. But you saying that it is all based in that|
• Philippines
5 May 12
I guess it's because you see each other every day, bills keep coming in, difference in bringing up your kids. There are a lot of things that can be argued about and issues that are not being resolved will blow up to something big if it's being taken for granted. One day, you'll just wake up and realize that so much had changed since you first met the person you fell in love with. Marriage takes a lot of work; you have to keep on trying to rekindle what you once had with your partner. Also, don't underestimate the power of praying for your partner.
• India
5 May 12
Everybody says that marriage takes a lot of work.And i know what you said are also true.But if both partners wanted it and made a few compromises,it could be fun like when they were just starting the relationship. Don't you think?
@vertu007 (683)
• Romania
5 May 12
Probably because they stop doing nice tings for each other. The routine settles in and they just get used to things. They don't surprise one another. They don't spend a lot of time with each other. They don't talk about things and keep them in until they burst.
• India
5 May 12
Everything that you are saying.Are things that can be changed.Then why does people always tend to give up?They could make it work and have a really happy life.
@jaiho2009 (39182)
• Philippines
5 May 12
As for other couples, love fades and they feel less interest with each other. It's hard to determine the main reason why some relationship do fade as time goes by. But one thing is for sure- the feeling is not the same. It become less, the spark has gone. And in some point,trials and problem also made a big part why love falls apart. Couples who fights instead of resolving their problems tends to lost respect with each other that causes the relationship to break.
• India
5 May 12
Yea.Those fights i have sen a lot.My friends fight even when sometimes when one of are there.
• Philippines
5 May 12
I am not yet married but then I heard a lot of complaints like this from friends. Maybe that is why marriage is still at the back of my mind. But I think it all depends on the situation. Burden is such a strong word, but yes, it happens. Maybe because of over familiarity. When you were still in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, everything seems so exciting because there are still things to discover about each other. But then when you get married, it seems like everything is just what it is. However I still believe that it depends on how you handle your relationship.
• India
5 May 12
Yeah i think that it depends on how you handle it. And even as in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship,we have been together for the past 5 years and i knew her even before that...And i still don't think of her as a burden.I love her.
@obe212003 (2300)
• Philippines
4 May 12
Everything changes and that includes your feelings for your partner or for someone. Love is unexplainable on the first stage, it is so intense that you want to spend most of your time with him/her as you feel most happy and complete. On the other hand, spending much time together would come to a realization to such differences which would either tend to cause for the love to grow or to erode, and in cases wherein love is lost, then that is the burden that one has to carry out.
• India
4 May 12
I think that it is their own fault.If they don't try to make their marriage work.If you truly loved someone,then how can they ever become a burden to you? There are a lot of people out there who are really happily living with the person they are in love with all their life.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
4 May 12
it's not changing when you are married, it's already changing way earlier. We get used to eachother, we know what we have, there is no need to fight to get what you (can not) get or want and we want our life back. Back to our own interests, goals etc.
• India
4 May 12
If it happens way before we get married?Then what is the point of getting married anyway? We get married because we are happy with them and we want to spend our whole life with them.And if it feels like a burden?Then why bother getting married?
• India
4 May 12
At first people do not realize what is life and doesn't have any idea how weight it is but as they are living they came to know that she is a burden. Such cases are very rare. In most of the cases people live their life at their best.
• India
4 May 12
Well such cases are rare.But i have seen it happen.But we can't say that they didn't realize that life will be difficult.Why can't people support each other through these difficult situations and try to have a happy life? In most of the cases people have time to understand what their partner is like and if they should get married.And even after they take this decision,...people sometimes tend to be like it.