Calling on all married peoples in mylot....

Remind her that the only thing in life we can control is how we react to what we are facing. Every life has problems to face and many times we get frustrated because we don't know what to do. We need to then back off, list our choices and look at our point of view. Remember within yourself you have no need to stay within the box. In the case you have stated, maybe the challenge and growth this girl needs is how she can improve the relationship with her husband. Look and see what he needs in his life and make it a goal to make his marriage the very best she can make. I don't pretend to know if this will help but I do know she is the only one who has control of herself and her point of view. Blessings

Hi Salma, I know what you feel for your friend cuz I have seen an actual ceremony of arrange marriage in India with these two little kids ages range from 5-7 if I am not mistaken. You could actually help your friend out, tell here that she doesn't have to stay in a cage if she knows she can always open it and fly. You may want to read my discussion I made on how I admire this Indian woman who fought for her married to be annualed that her parents arrange too when she was young.Here is the link and I hope it help http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2653467.aspx please read the article on yahoo and it will really wake you up about the young wives in India. I am not Indian but I admire her.

I do not know enough about your culture to say what she should do. If he treats her well and can support her she should consider that a blessing though he is not the "ideal" she had her her mind. Everyone has this ideal guy in their mind when they are young, that "ideal" guy is hard to find. I was not looking for my husband he found me and he was a bit of a nerdy guy when I found him. But you know in time he was loyal, caring, considerate and things the ones who were "physically ideal" were not. I'd say give it time and see how she feels in 6mo to a year.

She is already married now.So you can't do anything about it.And from what you said,i think he loves her.So tell her to be more loving towards her husband.Because only this love for each other will be there.Being a dork doesn't mean he doesn't love her.SO i think it would be better to try and understand that than destroying their marriage because he is not cool. It will be hard for her to live with him,if she doesn't care about him.But that is what usually happens with this arranged marriages. If she really didn't want this,then how come she got married.She is an adult and she should be able to tell if she wants it on not.

I also have a person in my family who do not act as a matured one. He is little weak in his acts. Even he is an male, he acts all the things like a female. Such things is quite very strange and I am really sad to know that your husband have it. I think that mental classes help you to get rid from it.

I wouldn't call myself an expert but I am married and have helped a lot of my friends with relationships. In my honest opinion, your friend is a bit immature as well. Life isn't always how we dream that it will be. We don't always find that ideal partner who will encompass everything that we thought our partners would be. I am sure there is at least one happily married woman who will tell you that she once dreamt of a man who would sweep her off her feet, take her to exotic places, treat her like a queen and well the list goes on. A four year difference doesn't mean maturity either. My ex is the most immature person on the planet and he will be 28 and I am currently 24. I think your friend had too many idealistic views and is now disappointed. If India allows for divorce, she could do that but she should stop thinking about her dreams of the perfect guy right now and seriously take a look at her husband. Then she should ask herself... what would she be looking for in 5 or 10 years in a partner to share her life with.

this one is kind of hard because what you are dealing with is culture. it's is hard or her, as you know because she feels stuck to it. she is probably wondering what her family and her community will say. she is also probably affraid of her mother. i wish i could tell her to just be patient, but she never chose this guy. love is something that is natural between two people. it's not forced, nor is it supposed to be. if she didn't agree to this marriage she is going to get more and more miserable and it's going to get worse. i say she should have to courage to do what she wants to do in her own life, and marry who she wants to marry. over here if you beat your grown up child, it is assault. just like if you were a criminal. i would fight for my life. i think your friend should before she ends up miserable.

Well, your friend should start appreciating the good side of her husband. No matter what she thinks of her husband now, but still he is her husband. She has to learn how to love and honor her husband. She should bring out the best in her husband by teaching him how it is to be sociable and cool. She seems to be having everything already, so she has to make the best out of the negative things she sees in her husband.

Being or acting mature has nothing to do with age. Most men will never act mature. I am sorry to say but your friend accepted this marriage so she has to deal with it. She better thinks over if she is willing to give up her dreams/goals/life for presents and a husband like she has or if she is willing to pay a price and leaves. It doensn't matter if her parents found her a husband, if it's habit or not in India, you live in 2012 too. You have internet too, you know what is going on. This besides of the fact these arranged marriages where once or are still there in other countries as well plus there were always people running out, refusing, leaving, divorcing, staying single. She is responsible for her own life, if she is depressed/unhappy she better walks out and lives her own life, even if this means the society will spit her out. The world is big enough for people with courage, who are bubbling and full of life.

It really is not easy to be in this situation. I wouldn't imagine myself being forced to marry someone I don't love, especially, if my heart has been set for someone else. I would rather die. I would suggest, as a friend, just be there to listen to her and help her be strong as an individual. I guess it's too early, 2 months being married, for her to tell that this marriage can really go nowhere. Perhaps, she can just try to be a good wife and when they have kids, she could direct all her affection to them, and still be happy.