Breaked up today with my long distance boyfriend and now regret it
By bdjvanilla
@bdjvanilla (83)
Latvia
May 7, 2012 1:41pm CST
The reason why i broke up with him was that he didnt keep his promises and he knew that if he will do that it will hurt me.
One of promises was that he said he wont add random girls to his msn and facebook (i dont see anymore updates about friends on facebook) and wont talk to other girls at all. He didnt did it often but he did it sometimes. When i confronted him about that he always said that they invited to be friends with him and he added them just to be kind, but he hasnt talked to them at all, because he dont even know them, and he isnt interested in them, he wants just me.
When i was so hurt and told him that, he apologized and said he didnt knew il react like that, if he would know he wouldnt even accept their invitations. And then he apoplogized that he hurt me and promised to not do like that again. And i kind of dont believe in his promises anymore, because he dont keep his promises sometimes.
I told him that maybe we should stay just as friends, because he dont keep his words and because we are 2 years 5 months in relationship and havent met yet, and wont so soon because of money and we live half world apart. I thought it maybe will be better for both of us also because we didnt get along so well lately because of my jealously. Im jealous person, so sometimes it piss him off.
But he didnt want break up with me today and he reacted normally at start, and said he want be with me, we are fine, we will be ok, and that i need calm down and relax and not worry so much. He told me that almost whole time and then close to end of conversation, he confronted me that i havent changed as well that i dont trust him and im jealous even he dont cheat on me and he wasnt going to do so, and that im not so perfect as well and has made mistakes as well, and things like that.
He kind of got mad at end of conversation (i would too, of course, if il be him) and said that im unfair to him and i dont see all good things what he has done, and dont see all effort what he has made for me, and that he stayed home friday nights and saturdays to be with me, and i see just bad things. And then he left.
I hurt him and myself as well, but i just wanted good for us.. i do appreciate he has done to me so much and made effort to make me happy, and so i too did made effort to be with hm and make him happy. we both want to be together but i f**ked everyting up by this. i regret it now so much, it hurts as hell.. i cried today as i didnt cried in a very long time by all of my heart :( i feel so bad and now i think i made wrong decision.
He agreed to stay friends. What to do? Let him go or be friends for a while and then apologize for everything and try to get back in relationship? Or do it better tomorrow when he will come online? Please help me, i regret it so much, i feel like i really am unfair to him. Please tell me advice.
Thanks for everyone who read all my long story (sorry its so long), i just dont have anyone with who to talk right now.
1 person likes this
16 responses
@chrisica_angella (138)
• Philippines
8 May 12
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry to hear what happened to your relationship with your bf. I know how hard it is but if you really love him, you need to talk to him as soon as you can. It's hard to be in a relationship with someone online. I don't even think that it'll work. Although there are a few relationships that worked out but it would be like one in a million chances. If he really loves you, he shouldn't let you go that easy, right? I think it's your time to find someone else who is not miles apart. Whom you can touch, kiss, hug and walk with hand in hand in the park.. You're still young, you can still find someone whom you can spend your life with. And regarding the jealousy thing, it's normal. If you love the person, you'll always feel that. If you don't, then there's nothing for you to get jealous of. I think you really loved this guy, but for how long? You need to think about it. If you should continue with your long distance relationship online or just move on and wait for someone who is real. Think about it.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
He said to me all the time that hes not quiting just because i giving up, he didnt want break up with me for long time. only now i realized that im so wrong that i thought hes not interested so much to be with me anymore, and because of that i wanted to break up.. stupid me :( i regret it so much.. and yes i feel like i love him no matter what... I hope he will want talk with me today, if not i will email him.. Im so scared that he wont want talk to me
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
He is online il try to talk to him now, i hope il have some luck and he wont ignore me. I dont know if he was flirting on fb, i just know he added girls there who he didnt know. No, we living half world apart in different countries. He live in China but i live in Europe.
@chrisica_angella (138)
• Philippines
8 May 12
If he really loves you, he won't ignore you. He's not in the position to ignore you since he was the one flirting with girls on FB. You can try talk to him about it but if he won't, don't force him. Give him some time. Are you guys living in the same country or not?
@musicloverfriend (1465)
• India
8 May 12
Well I can't say much because it's like a relationship over internet. I don't know how much you can trust anyone like that. But if he was real, it reminds me of how I behave to my boy friend. Same like how you don't want him to talk to girls much, my boy friend too don't want me to. And I make a lot of promises and break them but it was not 'cause I wanted to break his heart but it just happened. I always apologize and we quarrel and even we said 'break up' a thousand times but none of us could even bear to think of being without each other. We never broke up and I always try not to hurt him and he knows that. He believes me. Maybe you should too. He gets little jealous and I too most times but never hurt each other for that. Don't be so much possessive. It can be harmful sometimes. If you regret it and feel bad, you should call him back. If he loves you, he'll come back. What you explained is exactly like my story and there's nothing to worry about 'cause I'm happy with my life. 
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
Thanks for your story.. it brings me to tears, im trying to think how to tell him that i regret it so much and want to be with him. And yes he is real, i saw him everyday on webcam for long hours. I miss even his cat who was meowing always :((
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
I did it almost same like that :) omg im so happy, i finally can smile cos we are back together, before it felt like my world fell apart :')
@musicloverfriend (1465)
• India
8 May 12
What is their to think how to tell? Just tell him "I can't be without you,, I was wrong, I can't break up with you" Are you egotistic? Don't want him to know how much you love him? Just tell no.
@autumndreamer (3185)
• Philippines
8 May 12
Hmm. I think your boyfriend is right. You're becoming too jealous. I think he doesn't cheat on you or anything and he doesn't lie. It's just really hard to keep promises sometimes. Sometimes I break promises to my boyfriend too but I never intended them and he forgives me always. I think you should be more understanding? It's very clear that he really loves you and he trusts you so much so I think it would be fair if you do the same. My advice is to apologize to him about everything and when you get back together, you should promise not to be over jealousy again.
@autumndreamer (3185)
• Philippines
8 May 12
Don't worry, I think he still have feelings for you and still willing to accept you. I know he loves you very much. Us girls sometimes tend to think negatively of our boyfriends. Sometimes I think my boyfriend doesn't love me too but that's when I'm becoming unreasonable and the truth is that our boyfriends love us so much. Men are just not showy and expressive as girls.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
yes he said same that i think just negative things and not remember good ones. I hate to say that but he is right :( of course i did think of good things what he have, thats why im saying he is such a great guy. Yes, maybe your right, men arent so expressive like we girls, and thats why it cause us to think sometimes that they arent interested anymore.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
Yes, i will do that today if he will IM me, because i guess he dont want to talk to me right now.. If he wont IM me at the end of the day i will email him and apologize about everything. And yes i realized he is right as well, thats why i want to fix it as soon as possible :(
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
8 May 12
Sorry for what happened and I really feel how you feel. I am in a long distance relationship and I really can tell how hard it must have been for both of you. My bf is in the European country as well and I am in the Philippines, so like you, we are also worlds apart. I think if would be best if you take time for each other to think thins over. Maybe by then you will be at your most calmest and most relaxed mood and no hurt feelings will be said and done. It's always good to talk things once there is no pain or anger anymore. Don't take all the blame because in a relationship there are also two persons included in it. There must have been something wrong between you two that you have to sort out once you are in a calm mood.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
We sorted it out and agreed that we both did mistakes and will try do everything better to each other from now, and i wont be so jealous, and he wont break promises, at least he will try ard not to do that... for me :')
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
8 May 12
For a long distance relationship where chatting or video calling is your way of communication, I understand for such reaction of yours. It maybe shallow for others why you broke up with him for this MSN and FB thing but for me what you asked for to your ex-bf(?) is well justified. He made promise to you and yet have broken it not once, twice but often. What I want to imply is, if he really cares for you, how could ever he prove his faith on you if you are not together and you dont have any idea what he's doing offline? Thus, he should serve you in other way possible to prove his worth to you and in your case keep his words where you have your own eyes to see if he really keep his promise.
@Lance26 (956)
• Philippines
9 May 12
Well those are the things you have no say about as you are not there beside him nor confirm to someone you both know of. Considering this matter alone, have you ever thought that he is somewhat telling lies or if not something he skipped informing you about? Forgive me for being negative. Except this discussion, I don't know a thing on your relationship. If you think and feel this guy is worth trusting for then go on and follow your heart for there are things that we can't able to see as you do.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
He always tell me what he does when he is offline, mostly he work, sometimes hes out in dinner with family or out with friend in bar or play football. and if he is later than expected he always tell me why he is late. we both learned our mistakes and got back together, and we will try to do our best :)
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
8 May 12
I think that you should apologize to him and tell him that you want the relationship to work. If you both have been together for two years and you just broke up recently I'm sure there is time to fix things. Just let him know why you acted the way you did and hopefully he will give you another chance. You have to talk with him though.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
15 May 12
I'm glad that the both of you have made up. It is good for us to try our best to work out the problems we have in a relationship that we have been in for awhile. We all are imperfect and will make mistakes. Glad that he has forgiven you.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
Thanks for your advice! i did it, he forgave me, and i hope it wont happen again like this and all will be even better now between us :) we did learn our lessons so all will be ok now
1 person likes this
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
8 May 12
while you keep talking,there is a chance for everything. but first, you have to assess this relationship. how do you see it in the future? do not dwell much on the good feeling of the present. it may blind you to the reality that you are separated from each other. virtual reality through the internet is different from the reality that we live everyday. i wish you the best.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
if he will forgive me i will try to change and trust him lot more than before and will try not to be so emotional. and i will do everything to get money faster so i can go there and meet him and see how it goes.
Yes i know, it is different, but we get to know each other though net very well i think, because we arent people who like to act on something and it would be pretty hard to do so 2.5 years.
Thanks for wishes!
@allamgirl (2140)
• Philippines
8 May 12
I think it's better to just stay friends in the meantime but don't close your doors to getting back together. Just act naturally around him (or at least when you guys talk online). If you guys are meant together, it'll happen. It's also harder for you guys since you've never met in person. It's hard enough to trust a person who is away from you when you personally know that person, so I guess it'd be twice as hard to trust a guy whom you haven't personally met. For me, that's what I would do, I'd stay friends, but would keep my options open. If I see him changing the things that I want him to change then maybe I would reconcile.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
Right now i have dillema about that, because if i wont tell him that now that i regret my decision and it was huge mistake, then he might think that i dont want him anymore and he will move on. I didnt can sleep tonight well and i woke up 6am and cried my eyes out for 2 hours, i miss him and want him back so much :(
I think maybe i need wait few days (2 or 3) and see what happens, because i guess he dont want talk to me right now and he wont want listen to me.
Thanks for advice!
@lampar (7584)
• United States
8 May 12
Broke up today and you already feel regret so soon, Well! there may be a remedy, you can go ask him to take you back and restart the relationship again, he may well turn out to be a great boyfriend who is willing to forgive you but not forget. Men usually are very forgiven in nature especially the one that is in true love with a long term girl friend. 
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
I think we both wont forget it, i do understand it. we did restarted relationship, and im hoping it will be even better than before :) missed him so much
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
8 May 12
Long time in relationship and you guy haven't met in person. You dont know that meeting on net only and meet in real person are so so different? many problems may raise when you guys meet in person.
I don't know what do you expect from this relationship? you guy will be in love like that forever and no plan to meet in person also?
I never want to be in love on net only, i want to be in love and go to marriage life then i want to meet in person.
By the way, if you really love him and can ignore his mistake and he does too then you guy can come back but at least both of you should think for the future of the relationship.
Best luck for both you guys!
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
Its not planned to stay just on net forever, we planned to meet for 2 weeks when we will get more money, we just didnt know wen it will be. But i will do my best to get money (if he will forgive me and will want be still with me) fast so we can finally meet and see what happens. And after travelling for some time we plan to live together somewhere.
Thanks, il do best i can!
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
7 May 12
It's a bit hard for me to understand how you can have a relationship if you never met in all this time and there is no intention in short time to meet.
Also it's impossible to ask someone not to talk to other girls.
I think it's a good thing you broke up with him. You have demands that are far of realistic and there is no trust if it comes to you.
You are not ready for a relationship at all. Ever thought about the fact you might not like him at all if you meet him personal? What if he smells terrible (many relationships break because of that) or you don't like his daily habits?
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
7 May 12
Its not like he cant talk to girls at all, but that he cant do it in flirting and romantic way. And also not online. He does talk to girls of course because he have job like that, and im not against it because its his job. And he also have few girl friends.
Yes, i had thought about that, of course there is risk that i wont like him, but i see (saw) him in webcam everyday for hours and i know how he looks and how he act. He dont have bad daily habits.
@vertu007 (683)
• Romania
7 May 12
I don't think it's a good idea to make him wait a while and than talk to him and try to get back together because his feelings might go away. Talk to him when you get the chance and sort things out.
I'm not going to stay in the way of your love and feelings but a relationship like that is kind of a waste of time(it's harsh but it's true). You are in a relationship for 2 and a half years and haven't met. As humans we need contact with the people we love. Walks on the beach, dates, movies, playing twister, strip poker or whatever come to your mind but we need contact. A relationship that long in which you haven't met each other is not ok.
Maybe I don't get your feelings but I'm a pretty reasonable person and I think you should find someone closer to you, or at least someone you meet and spend time with.
What if you never meet for 5 more years ? 7 years in a relationship with someone you haven't even touched or kissed once. That can't be right.
You don't have to do as I say, it's your decision.
But this is my opinion. I think you should find someone you can be in normal relationship not just the internet. It will make you happier.
From what you wrote I can see you're really affected by all of this so whatever you decide - Good luck !
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
7 May 12
i was thinking same that i shouldnt wait long to apologize and get back together as well. but from other side tomorrow i think he will be still hurt a lot and wont want to forgive, maybe im wrong, i hope im wrong :(
Many people think like that, its their right to do so, everyone have their opinion. But i think it wont take 5 years to meet, it will take some time because of money but i dont think it will take that long.
I know that about normal relationship.. but i know i never will find someone like him not even close to him, hes such a great guy, just if he would keep his promises more and if il meet him soon it would be ideal.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
7 May 12
I think you should think over some things. Will you be able to put all these feelings aside, and not make drama all the time if he's around any girl? I mean, I understand that you don't like him chatting with those girls on fb, he promised it... but what if you get back together and meet in real life, and he stops talking to a friend girl? Would you stop from making a scene?
If yes, I think you should call him, apologize, say that it was because of a sudden burst of emotions, you didn't really think it over and miss him. If he says no, still, you tried, and you can kind of see his intentions... then, time to get to know others. If he says yes, you could ask him to stay true to his promises, and in exchange you're not going to bring on the drama anytime you see him with any kind of girl. That would be a fair deal in my opinion. You should lay down the "rules", because if you don't know what could be a reason for a break-up again, you're going to suffer again, both of you.
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
7 May 12
if we will bet back together i will let him go more out, but just with guys. He says that he dont go with girls anyway, but he did go with few flients and he said they are just friends. So im hoping he really go just with guys.
And yes if he would stop doing things like that what he has promised on i would stop make a scene.
i dont make drama if he talk to girls related to job, because he is personal trainer, so he dont have choice talk to girl or not, and its just job, i got used to it and im not scared so much anymore that he will cheat on me with some client, because its just business for him. he has told me that many times that it would be against his own rules to get involved in something with female clients.
I will try to do that tomorrow if he will message me first, i hope he will forgive me. :(
@xh0z0rs (4)
• Bulgaria
8 May 12
Girl i don't get it.Why you get mad of this things --Facebook Jesus...
You are jealous of him because of a website and some friendships..pff
Girl you are in mistake why you are going to brake with him...
@bdjvanilla (83)
• Latvia
8 May 12
there wasnt just facebook, but i understood my mistake and apologized and he understood his mistakes and we got back together. :)
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
8 May 12
Long distance relationship is very common of today.
You see you were having this relationship for more than 2 years and haven't met each other in person.
Did he ever tried to set a vacation to see you in person?
Make sure he is willing and serious with this relationship.
As long as he is not doing anything to see in person- you have no guarantee with this relationship.
I am not disappointing you, but telling you the truth.
If he really loves you, he will do everything to see you in person.
I have a friend who met her boyfriend from the net/social site and after a year of having long distance relationship, the guy came to see her.
We and other friends met this guy too and now he is coming back again to spend a vacation with our friend.
They are not planning for a marriage yet- but the guys is doing all effort to visit my friend.
Maybe next year, there will be a marriage plan already.
So, in your case, ask him to come and if he won't do anything to see you in person...
Sorry to say, but he is not serious and maybe just having fun like others do.
Open your eyes, this is reality...there is no guarantee that the person you are talking from the other part of this world is telling the truth.
2 years is too long...he has to prove his sincerity...
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
9 May 12
I can't believe it... you had a relationship with him for five years without ever seeing each other yet.. that's a very enduring attitude.. if i am in your place, i doubt if i can make that.. and you said your half the world apart...
as what I've read, it seems that you still really love him... you just acted upon impulse that time bdjvanilla... you should have thought about it a hundred times...
my advise is you try to contact him again and talk to him.. don't waste the great amount of time you both spent by just the mere reason of adding random women over social sites.. it's too immature and invalid for a reason...
