Having a bit of a battle with my concience today!

@Humbug25 (12540)
May 29, 2012 5:27am CST
Today is my big brother's birthday today and did I send him a gift? No! Did I send him a card? No! Have I text him to wish him a happy birthday? No! Will I call him later when he has finished work? No! Why is that you may ask? Well every year I go out of my way to buy the ideal gift for my brother and his family and make sure that their gifts and cards arrive on time but he never does the same for me and my kids. We have had all our birthdays already this year and do you think my brother sent a gift, card, text or even phoned any of us on our special day? No! Not one of us! The problem I am having is that I never miss a birthday of theirs and it is just not like me to do so but this year I just felt that enough is enough. What do you think about this? Do you have someone in your family that is like this? Is it you? Hahaha
1 person likes this
7 responses
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
29 May 12
Well, I can see your point and I do understand, but like what jkct said and as I have also stated, it's just better to just do the right or the good thing. Besides, at least doing the good thing won't leave you bothered knowing that you have done something good.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12540)
29 May 12
Hi there choybel I understand what both you and jkct are saying but I do feel like I am the one who is losing out and my children too. Although I have decided this year not to acknowledge neither his or his wife's birthday I could not do as he has done to my kids. I have also felt that over the years that I have just been getting one up on him by always being the one that gets the gifts to him and his family and on time, which also makes me feel uncomfortable because it shouldn't be about point scoring. Thank you for your response
@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
29 May 12
I may sound idealistic but I really feel that we should always do what we think is right and not react to what other people do. We should live for ourselves and so we should do what we want to do. Doing a good deed is good by itself. It is even better if the same good deed can be done by others onto us, but that should only be counted as a bonus if ever there is. The point is, you do it because you want to do it. It is not because you want to put up a show, or you were forced to do. So, in my opinion, do not be bother with what others do or not do. Just do what you want to do.
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@Humbug25 (12540)
29 May 12
Hi there jkct02 I totally get what you are saying but I have felt bad for a while about it and it bothers me that in the past he and his family have recieved my good deeds with very little recognition needless to mention the money and time I have spent. I am a single parent to 3 kids and he is married with two. He uses his memory as an excuse for missing birthdays in the past but this year he has even mentioned ours! Thanks for your response
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@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
29 May 12
I know and understand your frustration. I have also felt the same way very often - why always me doing that and why wouldn't they do in kind to me? We are just human :) But I will always try to clear my mind of these uncomfortable feeling. I try to focus on only the positives. There are people who take things for granted and inconsiderate. But as I say, they are just people who are a bit not up to the mark. Just let them be and feel a little bit sorry for them. They may learn one day.
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@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
29 May 12
I agree with what jkct02 stated here. I, too feel that doing good despite what others think or do or not think or not do to you is just better. I like to think of it as just being the better person.
2 people like this
@roberten (3128)
• United States
2 Jun 12
You have misplaced anger, Humbug25, gifts are not conditional, they are given from the heart. Your brother doesn't have the same heart as you; that doesn't make him a bad person, he's just done a very unkind and thoughtless deed by not acknowledging birthdays of other family members. You can try to punish him all you want by not giving gifts to him and his family, but that will only serve to make you less happy in the long run. You should do what you do and not worry about him. If you give presents in the hope that presents will be given to you, you and not really giving anything. Do you want to be a selfish giver, or a righteous one? If gift-giving makes you happy, then give them with no strings attached. Your glass is not half empty unless you want it to be; change you and everything else will fall into place. Please do not hurt yourself inorder to punish your brother, I promise you he really won't care.
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
29 May 12
Well in my family we don't always send gifts not because we don't care but because times are tough and we know that we can't always afford to buy a gift for every single birthday so instead we say happy birthday with an understanding heart and we are just thankful that our family is alive, and healthy that's not to mean that we never send gifts or at least a card Members of my family understand each others situation, and there's usually no hard feelings yet still a lot of love, and when we are able to get one another a nice gift it's just considered an extra blessing and it's not expected but as I said we love each other a lot, and we call each other and at least wish them happy and blessed birthday and whenever gifts are given they are truly appreciated because they are sometimes rare, and from the heart and we don't take it for granted That said you have made it a nice tradition to give your brother and his family gifts on their birthday, so it would seem like the right thing for your brother to do the same to show his love and appreciation for your thoughtfulness or if he can't afford it at least wish you a happy birthday and maybe explain why he can't or didn't get you and your family gifts.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12540)
29 May 12
Hey there apples99 It wouldn't be so bad if he and his family at least appreciated the effort I go to each year. I don't expect gifts, even though both him and his wife are in well paid jobs, just would nice to have a call or text or even a card but there was nothing at all. If we had all agreed to no longer do gifts for each other that would have been fine too. Thanks apples
• Pamplona, Spain
19 Jun 12
Hiya Humbug, Have to admit that they were all like that every last one of them and the ones that are left are still like that. They won´t send you a Birthday Card to save their lives but it is the way they are. I don´t they are any worse or better really I just got to accept them as they are. You can get tired of being the only one to bother it got to me like that too but then things happened and we have not seen or spoken to each other for a very long time and they have also made the telephone numbers ex-directory as well so there is just no way I am going to send them anything ever again that is the way they want it so I respect that. If I were to send them anything I know for a fact it would go straight into the rubbish bin so why bother? I was never close to them as they never wanted to be either so I guess that´s the way things are going to be for much longer lol. I have a Niece whom I send a Christmas Card too and other Friends that are much closer to me than Family. Sometimes you just can´t win I have learned to live with it but it does not mean that I forget it forever.xxx
• United States
19 Jun 12
I think you should still wish him a happy birthday. You don't have to go all out, but as annoying as the saying is, two wrongs really don't make a right. You shouldn't do good for people only expecting them to do good back to you...Then you're only doing it for your own best interest. I agree that you should not go above and beyond when they don't do anything, but at least be the bigger person and wish him a happy birthday.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63187)
• United States
30 May 12
We don't do gifts, but I'll admit I'm kind of bad about the card thing... I do call and/or text, but often as not the card is late!