Your Children need your time and Presense, Don't they?

@chiyosan (30184)
Philippines
June 7, 2012 10:05pm CST
This Topic came about when a friend asks whether parents should really stick to their financial plans in order to give what they need to their children - a good education, with all the material needs well provided for. Or Does it really matter to the kids or our children that we spend time with them? I have mixed emotions with this.. maybe i cannot be of good person so comment as i have not really encountered missing my parents as even they work they were always with us because or business is just on the next door... What about those children whose parents are abroad? What about those children whose parents are always around but the children aren't having their needs met... So what is your take on this matter? Does it always mean when a parent is always absent their kids tend to rebel more, or do they appreciate the efforts of their parents trying hard to provide for them?
2 people like this
16 responses
@ShyBear88 (59261)
• Sterling, Virginia
8 Jun 12
I don't think you need a lot of things to be a good parent to a child. You don't need to be financial stable or have a plan in order to have a child or want a child. All parents want there kids to a good education. When it comes to spending time with your child at some point in that child's life they will want you as parent to be there to support them. You don't have to spend all day every day with your child to love they are loved and supported and give them time alone with you. You work around your scheduals and make time for your child. Weather you stay home with them all of the time or not or weather your over seas or not. The child will show you how much time they need some children want more time with you then others. It all depends on there personality.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
Hi to you, thanks for your participation on mylot discussion i created, =) well yes i agree with this as the greatest gift you give is time as you cannot buy time.. you only live it forwards and can never go bacl to the lost times you let go because you want to prioritize your work than your children... when they grow up they will have a time of their own and wants to be with friends.. why not spend time with them now while you still have 100 percent of their attention.
@ShyBear88 (59261)
• Sterling, Virginia
11 Jun 12
Some times not even young children want there parents or need there attention. Every child is different some need more and some need less. A parent learns to adjust to what his or her child needs from them. Both of my parents worked all of the time and I really didn't need them. i was more of an independent person but that didn't mean they weren't there when I need them to be there. All I had to do is ask. I love my daughter and some days I would rather work then be home with her all day. But then yes I would miss some of the things she does but at the same time its not far to my husband he doesn't get to see the same thing although he is miss every much by her when he is not home. But I know if I had to I could leave her with family like I will be in a few weeks since it's getting harder and harder to keep up with her while I'm pregnant again. The new baby needs me more then my 16 month old and one day she will understand that. A child doesn't just need there love of there parents where the parent is home with them all day or not they will know they are loved there parent will find away to be with them. My parents never missed a thing I did or what my brothers did and some times they had to do tag between all three of us. A child needs and makes relationships with other people in there lives that are just as much need like friends, or other relatives that might be close to them.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
Love is also spelled T-I-M-E. If we care for someone, we like to be with them as many times as possible. And working hard and giving everything the children need are not enough for children long for the presence of the parents. Less and less time spent with the people we care about means less and less information we can learn about them. Balanced lifestyle is what we need.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
Indeed, time is always important.. a very wonderful gift to be given to someone we value. I sure hope all parents would know this and give value to their kids now and be with their children every step of their way.
@Soniasony (1827)
• India
8 Jun 12
Some people are lucky that they have kids around them , but yes they cannot provide that necessary things .Few people earn a lot and provide all needed but they cannot be with them.I prefer the first one is better.Spend time with your kids, donot make assets for them , instead make them an asset!,what they need is your time and love.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
I like that, what you said with parents making their kids an asset... This is actually the same as to what my brother said.. that he is to give them all the love, and all they need to be ready for their live... but of course when they have got an extra they will give more of the money and material things they desire... but not to the point of them sacrificing time for the family and the kids especially.
@jziakhan (701)
• Pakistan
8 Jun 12
This discussion really pulls at my heartstrings. It reminds me of my present and my past. Let me tell you my sob story. It's a lot to take in, and I feel like Im going to start crying half-way through: I can tell you from personal experience that working hard to provide for your family isn't nearly as meaningful as spending time with them. All my life, my mother and father have spent hours upon hours away from me, earning a better living for us and my siblings as a unit. I feel as if they can not begin to comprehend my feelings for such a well-intentioned yet soul-crushingly depressing act. I know that can not see what they do to me when they go out and work excessively. They obviously believe that they are strengthening my future when in reality, they are quickly breaking my bonds with them at the same time. Only a child encountering the same situation will really be able to understand what I feel like. It's like giving a toddler a toy or another materialistic thing to get him to stop crying, to get him distracted with money and want instead of what he really needs; love and attention; affection. He grows up to be a snob, a brat or a greedy person. The situation has become so bad that I hardly talk to them, for my entire existence they have been missing, working away, now they don't know anything about me, because they never had the time to talk to me, about anything. Today still, we only converse with one or two dialouges whenever they need me to do some chore or run an errand, but thats all, we don't talk to each other about how our day went, they save that for my other siblings, the ones whom they have taken time to spend loving and talking so long that they are more comfortable conversing with them than me. I talk to them for 2 minutes every day, somedays not at all. This kind of interaction gradually turned me into stone, and I developed harsh feelings for them and my siblings as well, who were lucky enough to recieve love and care from them as they are older and my parents did not work as much at the time (when they were kids), and then I came into the picture and they had to start working to maintain and provide for a family of three kids. I was not able to see the hard work my parents put in, I could only see that I was being neglected, and over time I managed to convince myself that that was what really was happening. My message to all parents: If you have children then for the love of all that is shiny and that glitters, give them more attention than your job. A time will come when they will grow up and not love you unconditionally anymore (teenage-hood), then, your relationship with them will depend upon fragile memories, such as; you being there for them, spending time with them. And if God forbid, any parent has treated their kids the same way I was, then that time will come and pass and the children will turn their own souls to dust. They will never feel loved, and will end up being extremely independent, will never trust anyone, even with the most trivial and silliest of things and will ultimately become stone-hearted. Now that I am all grown up and can take care of myself (Im 16). My parents started talking to me, but I wont give them a chance to talk anymore. When I was growing up and needed them the most, when I was alone and sad and hurt and needed someone to take care of me, they were not there. Well, it's no use to me to be here now...
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
I have honestly thought that children whose parents provided for them and acted with animosity towards their hardworking parents were rather selfish.. until i read your reply to my discussion, jziakhan. I was really not in the position to say that these children wanting attention and all are selfish and that they lack understanding. Pardon my quick judgement, as i have always only seen one - my parents and how they worked hard for us.. and i saw all the hardships my mom was put through to get us into college... and the huge difference was what i said in the discussion that i always see my mom, she always come to the graduation, she wakes up early for my assignment, she helps me choose my dress in every occasion at school and yes though she worked hard - she worked extra time when me and my brothers "do not need" her at the time, say we are at school and or we were asleep. I guess what you mentioned here jziakhan, was that it is really hard to judge when the experience was not yours to begin with... i thought some children were just not appreciative of what their parents were doing for them... I was wrong. Like any relationship this works both ways... it is always give and take and yes parents give money, possessions, and every toy they can buy.. but never the time... it is however the most important thing you can give to your loved one.. and yes we all have grown up and once time goes by.. its just never going to come back. I do have some thing to share with you though, about what you said that at your age of 16, you already have declared you do not need your parents as much... and there is no hope... I am telling you to please still open up your hearts to your parents. There is no age when you stop being the child of your parents.. you will always be their child. at my age of 30, when my heart was broken.. would you believe that the only comfort that made me feel at ease and loved was when my mother cried with me. There is really nothing to replace that bond with your parents. Not even when all your friends drop whatever they are doing to be there for you. I wish you the best.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
8 Jun 12
Our children need us when they are younger to nurture and lead them. It does not martter how old your child gets. they will still be your child. Your child will always need your time [. You may not always be able to be as close by as you want, but your maternal spirit is always with your child.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
it is always when the children are young, between 1-8 that you form them and build their trust with you as a parent according to one of the study i read... having this inn mind i always think that yes, these aare really the most important times that you spend with your children, be with them and see to it that they know and feel your presence as their parent...
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
most of parent working hard to have maximum income and living their family, prepare the education for kids and others. they have good aims even can't deny it must sacrifice time to family.I believe that spend more time with kids will start a good education, and parent should consider about this too.bit of complicated but in housewife need coorperation. for example, father must have a weekend full with the family and kids or prepare a holiday to spent together. I do believe that kids who less attention to their father will tend to be rebel and stubborn, because I feel it in me
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
It is quite difficult when you have absentee parents, i think children will feel rebellious if their parents do not make them understand the need for them to be away all the time.. and of course if your parents are always away, and is always "busy" and kept on breaking promises...
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
yes, you are correct, but most do not start a family prepared and they end up actually trying to balance making money and making time for the kids, which is well, the latter is mostly sacrificed.
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
that's the main problem when parent start over working, sometimes they forget another responsibility which is more important than only looking for big income to feed their family. parent should be the first responsibility for the child attitude. the way out is spend more time together and they must give understanding and good education to their kid early and building togetherness
@sajuman (1854)
• India
8 Jun 12
Yea. Children need care in all the manner.They need money, freedom, care, support, and lots of other thing in their life.But everything should be controlled by the parents.Parent should have a clear knowledge about the child's life. But don't interfere in their personal life.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
Thank you sajuman for your response. =) Parents should all be made to understand all these things are temporary and that they should build something more important with their kids and that is to have them know and feel that their parents are responsible, dependable and are their "family" who loves them and not only wants to make sure they are well provided for - and is always using this as reason but with other motives like building their own career at work.
1 person likes this
@sajuman (1854)
• India
9 Jun 12
Yea.Exactly.This will be possible by showing them what he should be achieved by your own life.Correct their mistakes, appreciate their achievements and motivate them to don new things.Be a friend to your child.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
Supposedly, the time for work, and time for children to be balanced. But, in reality, it is difficult to divide time between work, and time to spend with the kids. It's a dilemma, for working parents. But, how busy parents, must spare time for his son. Not often shared, but the quality of togetherness.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
yes, yes i do get what you mean, and it is probably has something to do with the quality of time you spend together with your family... not necessarily every day time but just the right time for them to know they have always got you as their parents.
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
24 Jun 12
We are all children to our parents and as a child myself, I never experienced having my parents away from me because they have to work in another country or place. I was raised well because they were always there to see me and take care of me. other kids whose parents weren't around most the time really have a tendency to look for a parent figure or the love of parents that is why some would rebel as they think their parents will go home because of the bad behavior, some remain good and obedient for they see their parents hardships. For me,it always depends upon the kid and how the parents communicate with their kids no matter how far they are. If the parents always calls and ask how their kids were doing or if they continue to be a parent to their kids, I believe the child will still grow well and won't rebel. As long as the child feels the love despite the distance, I believe it will already be worth.
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
Hello chiyosan! Children have different attitudes and they tend to think of things with the help of other people around them. I do believe that if someone will talk to them regarding why their parents have to work and less seeing them is that they have to work for their children to have food in the table and for their needs for school and stuffs. If people should help children know this facts, they will learn to understand why their parents have to be away sometimes. But of course, parents should have their time scheadule for them to be able to catch up with their kids as well. And not just be there when it's dayoff and they just hurt their children because they have bad acts... sometimes children do acts so that they will be seen by their parents and talk to them.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 Jun 12
Hi anna, thank you for your response... i believe that all relationships can be fixed or can come to understanding. Especially that of your family. maybe there are a lot of other influences, and a lot more to consider but still, it does not erase the fact that we as children need to know we have our parents all the time who got our back. And that parents too should understand that children not growing up with the love and care of their parents will or might have their own issues as they are growing up...
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
11 Jun 12
happy family! :) - that's all we wanted to have
chindren should feel loved for them to be able to be a loving person as well. SOmetimes parents do have busy lives which means they don't find time for their children but then of course they have to talk to them when they got the time and spend a whole day for them to know about each other. sometimes children wants to hear from them and want to be able to their ownselves to their parents. This is needed to fill in to avoid the gap between them...
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
btw, last night I just read your message through inbox facebook and had reply it. usually I always open facebook through my cellphone, but for two weeks my facebook mobile application was error so I just have short time to open facebook and just last night read some message in inbox. so, you can tell me more about EC here, adhyz
• Indonesia
8 Jun 12
dear friend, sorry, this response should not type here, this is response for other discussion, I had miss-copy here
@jeth88 (68)
• Manila, Philippines
13 Jun 12
I think to answer your questions compliment with a simple answer. Balance everything.. I don't know how to answer them but this is all I have right now. :)
• India
13 Jun 12
no your are not a bad kid,actually every parents having their problems,cause they need to run their home to,that's why sometimes they forgeting they other responsiblity,or 99.99 percent people love their kids so you dont worried about that your parents love you,thanks
@xb5409 (6)
8 Jun 12
I am totally agree. Every parents has to strike for a balance on it. Spent time or effort in either side is not good sign.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
8 Jun 12
Wellyes, it is indeed important for parents to realize the importance of having someone to be there for you... especially your parents who are the first people to be there for you, appreciate you and care for you.
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
Yes I understand you, it is hard for a parent who wants to earn money for their children specially if they choose to go and leave the children for giving them a nice future. Specially for those single mom who happened to choose to go abroad and leave their children to a relative. I have many chance when I'm still young and I have my two kids with me but I choose to be with them. There are a lot of opportunities that passed by for I don't want to be away with my kids I still believe that I can give them proper attention when I'm the one who can handle when while their growing. My eldest is already 21 and she have her own family my youngest is still studying but also graduating in high school. It is worth that even I did not gave them so much things I guide them in right path. Lucky those parents who are still together for their kids while one is away they can trust each other for their children.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
11 Jun 12
It is useless to give your kids a good education if they get no personal attention. It's like feeding a baby with plastic gloves on without touching or hugging it. A child will only grow up into an adult with self esteem, a strong, healthy person if he/she is able also to develop him/herself emotional and social. For that you need way more as a finacial plan, good education (what is good education? most (high)schools/universities are not good at all) and material needed (the material is not needed you can find everything on the internet or borrow it or write in the sand if needed). It depends on the kid, it's character, the way it's raised, the intelligence, the social needs, social care and much much more if a child will rebel or not. If it is rebeling "more" depends on what you or the society calls normal.