daughter
family issues
family problems
friend
friendship
getting married
marriage
parents
relationship
wedding
Marrying someone whom your parents hasn't met before
By Paper_Doll
@Paper_Doll (2373)
Philippines
June 13, 2012 12:39pm CST
A friend of mine told me that our friend K is getting married. At first, I thought that it was some kind of joke since as far as we know, K doesn't have a boyfriend. But this afternoon, learned that everything is for real. I really do not know what to say that time. Yes we are friends but I am really fine if she will not invite us to her wedding. The most I expect is to inform us that she is getting married so we could also prepare our gifts for her. But what worries me a lot is when I learned that her parents still haven't seen this guy she is going to marry. I was told that her mother is crying and I really feel saddened about the news. Yes I know that our parents should not dictate whom should we marry but definitely, they have the right to know the person their daughter is going to marry. I am also worried why K hasn't told anybody about this guy and why didn't even bother visiting K's parents to pay respect to them. I remember that my husband's parents insisted on visiting my parents to formally inform them that we are getting married. I bet that K's parents are in pain at the moment. I thought of talking to her but I am afraid that she doesn't want to talk about it since she did not really informed us that she is getting married. I am worried since I was told that the wedding will be held this month.
Do you think that she is making the right decision?
3 people like this
9 responses
@cooldude1964 (12)
• Uganda
13 Jun 12
I am unaware of any law stating that parents have the right to know the person their daughter is going to marry. Please tell me if such a law exists.
I do not think that it is wise to bring a person into your family without having introduced the person to your family members.
However, circumstances may dictate a different approach.
It is unclear from what you have revealed thus far, whether if K's actions are justified or not. We should at least consider the issue of who will benefit from this decision, and who will suffer?
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
:D It would probably be found at
Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Ephesians 6:1-2 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise.
You're maybe right. This is not the first time she is going to make such kind of decision. The only difference now is that she's marrying this guy. I don't know her reason for hiding her relationship with this guy but I find that not only alarming but dangerous.
@cooldude1964 (12)
• Uganda
13 Jun 12
Ah, by law I meant state law and not biblical law. But thank you for the information.
I believe the best way to judge a person is by his previous behavior. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior after all.
As for hiding relationships, well, I know of a young man who hid his relationship with an older woman. He got married without telling his parents as well. I spent some time with the couple and found that they were getting on well.
So I think it would be rash to judge a relationship based on its secrecy alone. One must consider a multitude of factors, in particular the individuals involved in the relationship, before coming to the conclusion that the relationship is unsound.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
Yes, you're maybe right. All of us are just worried since we don't know what kind of person she is marrying. We're worried that something is wrong because she tried to hide this to everyone including her parents. We've known each other for sometime and she knows that we would disagree if we found something wrong with it. As of now, that is the only reason I can think of why she hid this relationship to us. Well, I really haven't talked to her. I should prepare myself because I know she would be very mad if I open this topic to her.
I admire your way of thinking, very broad and open-minded. Thank you for sparing your time to comment to my post. Have a nice evening!
@musicluv4life (1867)
• United States
13 Jun 12
I dont think its seems like a good idea at all, there most be something she is hideing if she doesnt want him to meet her parents.
If they are getting married so quick like that, i wonder if she is pregnant.
I just hope for hersake that the guy is not abusive or anything toward her hopefully he is a good person and all that. It seems fishy to me.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
Yes, I feel the same way towards her situation. Thinking why she hides all this makes me worry. And I feel sorry for her parents. They have been in this situation before and I thought my friend have already learned her lesson. I think the best I could do now is to pray that, like you have said, this guy isn't someone I was thinking. I hope that she is making the right decision.
@musicluv4life (1867)
• United States
14 Jun 12
Yeah, I will pray for her too.
I hope all goes well.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
13 Jun 12
I wonder why you worry about something that is not of your business or responsibility. It's up to your friend if she wants to let her parents meet her fiance first or not.
It's her life, her love, no matter what other people think, want or hope for.
A good friend should respect that. My parents (or other family) never met my ex husband also never met my present husband. If it comes to my present husband I only told my kids, two were there (the youngest). I am an adult, it's my life, my choice who I am marry, how I celebrate it or not.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
I can't really say that it isn't something I should worry about since we are friends. If we weren't, I should not be worrying about her. And I find it hard to just watch her hurt her parents, they are like a family to me. Yes, I know that I should respect her decisions but as her friend, I should help her regain her balance in life. Make her realized that marriage is something she should take seriously. I was thinking if she could think about it, give herself time enough time to think, before going into it. So we could avoid more problems in the future. The hardest part here is that she always get mad when we tried talking to her although it was all for her best interests.
I understand what you have said. Every people's opinion may vary. We grew up that suitors should go to your house and not on the street to court you. That your fiancee and his parents should pay respect to your parents before the actual wedding. Most parents do that formally. I love and respect my parents and I also want my husband and his family to do the same.
You are right that it is her life. We can only advice or warn her. That is the best we can do. It is up to her if she would listen.
@no_ming (137)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
Maybe she's really a secretive person when it comes to love life that is why she doesn't tell her friends or her parents either. Or maybe their is something in the guy and his afraid that you will discover it that will cause their marriage will not happen..
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
We've known her for so long and she is definitely the other way around. She likes stepping into the limelight. I can't help but worry about her situation. The fact that she hid this to us, I am bothered that somethings is really wrong about this guy.
@alutka (211)
•
13 Jun 12
right, right, and the family and comes with some other laws, I think this decision was not his chosen one rodzico najlepsza.Przedstawienie and so would not change anything between the young couple, and for the parents was a tribute to how, and so they deserve, even with because of his upbringing dziecka.Poswiecenie so the moment of attention and time was just to good start narzyczonych life together, and so, instead of enjoying the wedding will be stressed and parents are probably concerned disappointed young, and this in the future may prove to be gaps in their relationships.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
Yes, I heard her mother cried after hearing that her daughter is going to marry this guy whom they hasn't met before. They have no single idea who this guy is. I really feel sorry for them. I have seen their efforts to bring their daughter back in track. I fully understand why they worry a lot since I feel the same way. They are only concern about their daughter's future. If they happen to know this guy and they have seen that this guy is a good person, I don't think that they would oppose.
@immigrant_swallow (21)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 12
So, It seems that K had decided yet and none of us cannot change her idea. However, I believe that more that two eyes can judge better. Also, you are right. Her parents grow her up and they have had a lot of dreams for their girl. It was nicer if she respect more to them. Any why we should pry that K remain happy.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
14 Jun 12
Yes, I believe that's the case right now. You're right, we should also learn to listen sometimes. This could also serve as considerations and warning before making important decisions in life. And we cannot change the fact that our parents play a vital role in our lives.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
23 Jun 12
Well, for some I guess it would depend on the age of the person, or persons getting married, and how close you live to their parents. I know I met my FIL right before I got married as my husband did not want him to try to change my mind after meeting him as he is can be a very mean man at times.
But personally to not have everyone know about this man she is marrying and not even letting her Mom know she was dating makes you wonder. Hopefully this is going to be something Good and everyone can quit worrying once the wedding is over.
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
16 Jun 12
No one has been given enough information to determine whether K.. is making the right decision or not. There must be more to the situation.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
13 Jun 12
When the same situation occurred years back, I have tried to talk to her but we ended up arguing. Can't just accept her reasons before because it is so clear that she is putting herself in danger. But this time, we don't really know the guy.
:D Perhaps it is love... yes, that could also be possible. I hope that this may be the case. Thank you for your comment :D
