The decission.....

United States
June 23, 2012 10:05pm CST
my husband had a long talk. i didnt hold back on him for once. i told him everything. how i felt about this and how he has been treating me and how much i love him but this cant continue. he was told all the trust he built over the past 3 yrs of marraige and the 3 yrs before that is all gone. he couldnt understand why i was so mad because he tells me that all four of them (him, her, her mom, and her moms boyfriend) were on the back porch smoking and they were on the swing not really all that close together. her mom and boyfriend went inside and they were talking about old times (like in school with teachers and other kids) and then she leaned in and did that. he said he as in shock and that is why it tool him a second (not really sure if i believe this one) and then he pushed her away and he left and came home. he was in a bad mood this morning and said it was because of this and that he didnt know how to tell me. once i got done with him he realized how bad it looked and why i was so hurt/angry with him. sometimes he isnt always able to understand some things. i have decided that he will get this 1 chance. i told him that this was his 1 and only chance. i have never had to worry about if he cheated on me or not and i have never been given a reason not to trust him so i decided that he would get the benifit of the doubt this time and this time only. we have had a lot of problems in the past but we have been able to work thro them together and get past them. i am hoping that this can happen this time. if he gives me any other reason to not trust him or doubt him then he will be packing his bags to move out. i love him so much and i hope that this can work but i am tired of always crying on the inside. he says he wants to make this work and to start to try and show he didnt do anything or wahtever hes trying to prove he is going to delete and block her all together tomorrow when i am over there and can watch him do so. he knows ill be wanting to see here and there and he is ok with that. not sure if i want to live like that but i am going to give him this chance to earn the trust back that will take a long time to do. i hope he uses this chance the right way and to his advantage for the good and not for anymore pain towards me. i may regret this but i hope that it turns out all ok...please keep praying for me
1 person likes this
5 responses
@JDaw2006 (428)
• United States
24 Jun 12
Ok i was bored out my mind tonight and decided to get onto mylot tonight just to see if it would let me post anything because the last time i tried to it wouldnt let me.So what all have i missed out on?I thought things were going really good.You so have to fill me in on this girl.Hope everything is ok.
• United States
24 Jun 12
things were good. things will be ok i think i hope. basically he went over to a friends house and she hit on him. i had told him i didnt want him to go this time but he went and this happened. he said she did it and thats when he left. she left hickies on his neck. PLEASE DO NOT tell anyone not even your new man. not interested in dealing with people. honestly didnt think id see you on here again haha but its all good just dont want people to know what is here on mylot.
1 person likes this
@JDaw2006 (428)
• United States
24 Jun 12
OH WOW.I hope everything works out for the best girl.Did you say anything to her have you seen her at all do you now where she lives?I just got bored waiting on eric to go on lunch and then i might go to bed lol.But wow i cant believe that and to be honest if he told you that he left right after that i would believe him i dont see where he would have to you much about it if he didnt you now what i mean.
• United States
24 Jun 12
i hope itll work out to. i wanted to send her a message then decided drama over facebook is stupid so i was gonna turn in on our way back from fishing and he wouldnt let me turn. he doesnt want me to start anything with her. i am trying to believe him but i am not just putting myself out there like that again you know how much he has hurt me before when he left.
1 person likes this
@keoni108 (42)
• United States
24 Jun 12
I pray for you. Your husband needs to realize that he only gets this one chance to spend the rest of his life with you. After time, you should forgive him for what has happened. You also need to go talk to that woman who did "that". She has sinned, and she needs to make up for it. God bless
• United States
4 Jul 12
thank you for the prayers because i need them really bad right now. i think that i got through his head that this is his only chance to be with me. i even gave him the option to leave if he wanted to. i didnt want him to stay because he thought he had to. well he chose to stay and i think that gives him a little credit and that says a lot about him and how he feels. i know that he could still be lieing but things seem to be ok right now. we had something happen the other night but i think we were able to move past that. i havent been able to forgive him all the way but i have accepted that he may have not done anything just because i know who he is and he has never been like this even tho it takes a minute to leave a hickie much less 2. i am hoping that he takes this chance and uses it wisely and things work out for us but i am prepared in case it goes the other way. the girl has sinned in a very bad way but she has moved now about an hour away and i dont know where so i am unable to talk to her about her actions and i dont want to start more things with my husband so i guess maybe it is better left alone even tho i have a bad temper and there is a lot more that i wish to say and do to her lol
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
24 Jun 12
I was with you up till I found out he has hickies. You don't get hickies in a split second. They take some time to get, and obviously you have to be in really close contact first. For the sake of your marriage though, you can let this slide, but, if you have one inclination of something going on again, it sounds like you know what to do.
• United States
4 Jul 12
yes i know that it doesnt take a split second to get a hickie or to give someone a hickie. i can actually give him a hickie in a few seconds tho if i am trying really hard (i actually tried this after those were gone just to porove a point to him and to make him understand why i was so confussed about them). from what i understand they were sitting on a swing on the back porch i mean they were like brother a sister and then she all of a sudden leaned in and started sucking. he said he was in shock and all so i am not sure what really happened but his story has never changed and he is bad at lying he has some traits that are easily discovered when he lies. sometimes he can get away with it tho it just depends. i thought that for the sake of the marraige and the kids that he deserved a chance to prove to me that he had nothing to do with this and that nothig happened that night. if this had happened before that would be diffrent but this is the 1st time i have ever had to deal with something like this with him. i hate feeling like i cant trust him but he is tryign to earn that trust back and he sees why i am hurting so badly. i hate to admit it but things can go badly but atleast if it comes down to that i can atleast say that i tried to make things work and give him the benifit of the doubt. i did however give him the option to leave and he chose to stay so i also think that says a lot about the situation but then again it could not. now i just watch and see i guess and hope that things stay going well.
• United States
24 Jun 12
Did you ever get a hickie when you were growing up? have you ever given one when you were growing up. I think your husband got off to easy. He was with her on his next longer than your willinbg to admit. I get them all the time and they don't take a second to do. I feel sorry for you because now he knows he can get away with it again. there is no one chance only where cheating is concerned. I am glad that you know that this could get worse bbefore it gets better. deleting her from his facebook page stops nothing at all. it will mak them find a way to talk to each other on the phone. even if it means he has to use another phone or have his friends tell you lies. He got off too easy good luck.
• United States
4 Jul 12
i do realize that he may have gotten off way to easy and that he may try to do it some other way but it was something telling me that he deserves a chance to prove that he did nothing with her that night. he seems to sencere with it and yes before you mention it i know that he can lie and that is a possibility but i feel he needs a chance to show me. i realize i may have made a huge mistake and that this will end very badly and leave me getting hurt but i also have hope that we can worl thro this and be faithful to the vow that we made almost 3 years ago. i know that is takes a minute to leave a hickie but at the same time he could have been in shock. i am not sure what went on and i may never know for sure but like i said he deserved a chance to show me that this isnt what i think it is. he has never done anything like this before and until he gives me another reason not to trust him i think that this is the best choice for me and my kids. i wold hate to kick him out to find out later that he was telling the truth and i just threw it all out the door for nothing...
• Singapore
24 Jun 12
Hi crazzydolphin, I'm glad you had the long talk. It's important for him to know what's on your mind. I think you made it very clear how things are going to be from now on. My advice to you - watch him! I'm saying that you should watch his every move, but watch for subtle cues - any changes in behaviour, work schedule, etc. Let him be for a while now, just watch. Let me ask you a question - how long does it take to make that hickie? I don't think it's just a few seconds before he pushed her away. Well, this is just my thoughts. I took a long time before I had the "long talk" with my husband about him cheating me. For one, at that point, he was not willing to listen. But as soon as I hit the right buttons, I poured my heart and soul to him. He started to really feel how I felt. Then I told him he can get lost. But he stayed. I gave him a chance, and you should too, if you think that the situation is repair-able. It's going to be a tough decision either way anyway. So be strong, which I think you are. Don't be afraid to leave him if you need to. Six years is not as bad as seven years of marriage and 9 years of courtship before that. So there, I hope I made you feel better.
• United States
4 Jul 12
that is what i have been doing and what i am doing. he has been figuring out that i have been watching but so i have backed off after we had another long talk and i explained how i was feeling to him. i know that it takes a whie to make a hickie and that is the part of the story that isnt adding up. i know that it must have takes longer but with this beign the first time that anything like this has ever happened i am having a hard time just throwing it away without trying to work thro it as a couple and to go by the vow we took 3 years ago. my husband has the habbit of not wanting to listen but if i go about it the right way he will listen. its just hard to find the right times sometimes. i also told my husband that he can pack his stuff and leave he can go with her or any where if he wants to that the door was open and he also chose to stay and said this is where he wants to be. to me that shows a lot but at the same time it could all just be a lie. i am hoping for the best and he has been givin this chance and i hope that he will use it the best way that he can. i am about as strong as i can be. i am not afraid to leave just afraid to lose the 1 person that i thought i would get to spend the restof my life with that i love more than words could ever say. i just hope/wish that he feels the same way.