The doc said I could die in my sleep

United States
July 9, 2012 2:31pm CST
My doc said now that I'm getting worse that there is a greater chance that I will stop breathing in my sleep because my oxygen levels go down so much. My oxygen levels go down into the 70s when I sleep. I would guess this should bother me, but it doesn't. I feel I have lived a long life (62 years), and most of my years have been good ones, even if bad stuff happened. I feel that I did all that I was supposed to do and I am what I am supposed to be up till now. I feel that I have no real reason to be here anymore. All I do is suck up air and take up space. I'm not useful anymore.. can't work and make a living anymore... so it is kind of comforting to know that I have a big chance of dying in my sleep. I'm not saying I want to die.. so don't go there... it's just that I feel I am at the end of my road.. the path I'm on goes to a dead end. I see the end and there is nothing there. Being at the end of my road with no right or left turns to take me anywhere else in life, leaves me to feel that being here .. taking up space, eating food, going through the motions of life is just a waste of time. Before you say I'm depressed... I'm not. I'm a realist. I'm just facing what my reality is. My diagnosis will kill me in time. I was sent to a specialist awhile back and he said that my diagnosis is a death sentence...it's just a matter of time. I think I'm relieved.. I'm not sad. Knowing how I will die is quite a comfort. Oh I guess I could get hit by a truck before my illness gets me.. but it's not likely. More and more I'm having problems with breathing and with fish flopping in my chest.. atrial fibrillation.. but it feels like fish flopping around in my chest. My mom died at 69 and she had the same thing, but she also had diabetes. I don't have diabetes, but I hope I will live as long as she did. If not.. I'm ready. Sleeping is good, and dying in one's sleep is good. I couldn't ask for better. I used to fear death years ago... but I've changed as I get older. It has nothing to do with religion or anything... I just don't fear it. It's something that changes you as you age, I think. Do you think your thoughts about death change as you get older? If you have been sick and you are already up in age, have your thoughts changed? Are you ready to go if your number is called?
5 people like this
13 responses
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Jul 12
OK stop it right there! you say you are not depressed and are ready. Well, I dont think the people who love you in this world is ready. when i talk like that my son (oldest) makes me feel sorry for him. because he says "STOP IT!" I still need you to be here cause i dont want to think of life without you. Its ok if you are not afraid but saying you just take up space, etc. is not fair. We want you here. you cant just freakin give up its ok to be ready. iam ready, but i know my kids are not.what about your daughter? have you let her know this? I kind of know how you feel. i mean, i just sit at this pc most all day if im not doing house work and very little of that. lol. I dont have a partner and i have nothing but my kids and memories but i keep having hope. Hope something good is to come. you never know. you are a little younger then I. maybe you need a new doctor. have you tried that Spiriva at night? ive been on it for 3 yrs now. it helps me breath at night. one capsule inhaled before bed. or at least same time each night. dont be giving up. please. hope i havent made you mad. but maybe that will perk you up some? lol. i was on oxygen 24/7 for a week or so last time i went to the hospital and i weened myself off because i heard my lungs would keep depending on it and stop working for me. im not saying do that. im just saying something can be done i think and some options are not being taken. when you first moved you was all perked up. working, walking, all that. what happened so quickly? i just dont understand it.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Jul 12
bunnybon I am bawling thank you thank you for what you said. I am crying as I do not want to think of my lot without PQ here,. no we need her. she lights the way for most of us.there are other doctors so do not just give up
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Jul 12
im so sorry. i didnt know there was so much more. Still i have COPD, and had cancer in my worse time last year. and my execlent doctors have gotten me better and now at least i can do more then i have in yrs. Im hopeing you can find a doctor that will figure a better way then just saying you might die in your sleep. how about one that says, well, lets do this or try that to make you better? maybe i just have to much faith in not giving up. something else is going on with you and it needs investigation!
• United States
9 Jul 12
Oh and I forgot to mention... my kidneys are not functioning the way they used to. I used to get up 4 times a night to void... and now I never have to go anymore.... I might go 3 times in 24 hours now.. or sometimes twice. It doesn't matter how much I drink anymore, I just don't void. My last kidney test was okay but that was before this started with my not being able to void. I will be getting a new one done soon.. I think I get them every 3 to 6 months.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
15 Jul 12
oh my....poor PQ with all these health problems. Wish I could shoulder the load for you as you already got enough on your plate anyways..... Hmmmmm. I am not ready to go, yet. You know that my life has taken a turn to the better roughly a year ago. In fact I started my life a year ago with 49 years old. Right now its not much more than commute to work, work my butt off and commute back with a nice break for the weekends and more sleep plus time to communicate via internet and snail mail. But now as I am a free person my hopes and dreams are surfacing again. I want to stop working with 60 and so we save up to bridge the 7 years from 60 to 67 with savings. My old age pension will be small cause I have worked part time for the last 7 years plus when I get out of the work process 7 years earlier it may cause financial problems in my old age. I also want to relocate when I dont need to commute to work any more to an apartment where cats are welcome. The dream of giving kitties a home is 46 years old now and I still never had one. When I wont have to work any more to make a living I also want to be available for my local Parish. I will ask what I can do there to help out as there should definitely be more lay persons taking responsibility and see where this will take me. Maybe I will even have the time to get to university with 60 getting a diploma in Catholic Theology, just for fun Besides my husband is disabled. He has a personality disorder and I am not really sure he could cope well on his own. He is used to be around now for 10 years to help and step in when needed.....
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jul 12
Hi Ritter! Sounds like you have some great goals in place. I'm feeling better since I have my new bed. I keep my oxygen. My daughter comes in every morning early to see that my head is still elevated and my oxygen. If I don't she will wake me to fix everything right. I sometimes lower it to sleep on my side better. Or swat off the oxygen during the night. I get tired out just doing simple things. I have to lay down a lot in the day.
• Lippstadt, Germany
15 Jul 12
sounds really good with that hospital bed you got now. I am happy for you that your nights are better now. Hugs to you
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
10 Jul 12
I am glad you ate at peace with dying. My grandmother was the same way when she passed. I think she knew it was coming. I think I would prefer to die in my sleep as well. y grandfather passed in his sleep, my grandmother (the one I just mentioned) did not. My mother was there when she passed. She just collapsed and was in a lot of pain as her heart gave out. I don't wan tot experience that.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 12
I'm not worried about dying any time soon. The doc said this will most likely happen to me since my oxygen levels get so low. I've had to start taping the oxygen tubing to my face because I take it idled in my sleep. It was when I told her I can't keep it on at night and don't want to bother with it is when she told me I could die in my sleep.
• Singapore
9 Jul 12
Hi PointlessQuestions! I think you are very brave. But what are your medical conditions besides the ones you mentioned? It sounds scary that one would not wake up the very next day. But at the same time, it is humbling too, that at any point in time God can take us away (whether we have the ailments you do or not). I think living a life knowing that you might never wake up makes you more grateful with each and every new day the person experiences. For me, I'm not ready to leave this world. There's so much I have not done. And from a religious perspective, I think I have not repented enough. For you, Iwith your positive attitude, I think you will live longer than you think.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
10 Jul 12
Gosh! I think you are putting yourself at much risk. I don't think you should be doing so much work when you are so ill. You really need more rest. Please do not forgo sleep in order to get things done around the house. Housework will never get done anyway. Other people in the house really should help you out.
• United States
9 Jul 12
I am not ready by a long shot. I have a list of things that I need to do before I die. I want to spend time with my kids teaching them every thing I know so that when I do go they have me to pass down to their kids. I want to tell my kids my life story and tell them how it was when I grew up. I want to hold my grand kids on my lap for the first time and wonder at how beautiful they are and when they cry give them back to their parents. I want to cry at my daughters wedding and I want to teach my grand kids how to put a worm on a hook. Just because you feel that your useless in a way does not mean that your loved ones feel the same. It seems that you are at peace with what you have going on and for that I commend you however dont you want to leave a lasting legacy one that can be passed from generation to generation not to mention now is the time for you to do all the crazy stuff you have always wanted to do but was afraid to do. I mean that way if you die at least your family can say she was living it to the fullest and that nothing got to you even when you were not feeling well you were still living? Good luck I hope that when you do go its peaceful and in your sleep not by getting hit by a truck that would not be a nice way to go for any one.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 12
That's so cool about the books. You seem to have it all figured out I hope you get your great grand kids That would be the best thing ever.
• United States
9 Jul 12
I ave done many of the things you speak of. My daughter and grandson still live hearing about my young days. My grandon is married but has no kids yet. I asked him to please give me some great grands before my time is up, but no pressure! . I believe I have a legacy to hand down. I published two books that my daughter is very proud if. She will make sure her son gets a copy.
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
9 Jul 12
I think and through to your explanation your a positive mind which you face whaever it is, I understand and normal a bit of worry about the situation, so I think better keep on positive side that god will supply all your need in the situation.. You can do it by your faith.
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
So you can... keep it up.
• United States
9 Jul 12
I have that. For sure.
• United States
10 Jul 12
Wow... You have a good outlook on it and it seems like you are in god's hands! I agree with you though I would find comfort in knowing that I pass away confortably in my sleep! Life is precious and live each day to it fullest! You never know God may give you 10, 20, or 30 years yet of life! God bless you
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
9 Jul 12
I understand that you're just being a realist that's why you said what you said. And am glad to know that you've accepted what might be your fate with arms wide open. You've said the facts and anything is possible. But, please know, too, that there's a higher Being Who can make the final decision. I don't think that you have no more real reason to stay here on Earth. You know what? You can still be a great encourager to many. You can make use of your remaining days on the face of the Earth by reaching out to those who had lost their hopes. You have very positive outlook. There's no harm in wanting or wishing to live a bit longer than just taking every word the doctors say. I mean, it is not your situation that will determine your purpose or if you still have any purpose. Is is up to you if you still want to live with a purpose. It's not the life that counts but how you make it count, right? You're not giving yourself false hopes by hoping or wishing for longer life. Like what the Bible says, "Your will to live can sustain you when you are sick, but if you lose it, your last hope is gone." You can find this in the book of Proverbs. If you have anymore reasons to want to live, I believe you can still remain longer. Your inspiration can benefit a lot, Pointless Questions. I even wanna know your real name. So, I hope you'd still will to live longer. Your thoughts are precious. You are precious.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 12
Well, thank you. I am a child of God. I am not really the religious type, but I am a believer and I know I'm heaven bound when I leave this body. I am an encouraged on mylot. That is about as far as I go. I'm stuck at home, but I'm okay with it.
@AmbiePam (86113)
• United States
10 Jul 12
My parent's do the same thing. That's why the doctor prescribed them a sleep apnea machine. They told my mom to use an oxygen machine, but my dad can't keep it on her because her dementia makes her forget why it's on her. So she goes without. Her oxygen levels get dangerously low because of it but we can't do anything else about it.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
9 Jul 12
i have no problem dying because i have a sure hope in Jesus Christ as my personal savior and that he has a home for me in heaven. i have seen too many miracles (or some would say 'coincidences' to not believe in Jesus. i have a health issue with breathing as well. i have a buildup of phlegm in my throat but they don't think that it is copd now. no one is sure why i have it but it just keeps getting worse. do you know what is going to happen to you after you die?
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 12
Oh yes. I know I am heaven bound. I'm living my eternity now. I was saved when my daughter was a baby. She is 42 now.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Jul 12
wow had a nice long response but forgot something keeps eating my posting so now copying to clipboard.You are very brave and intelligent in facing this., I applaud you but hope God keeps such a sweet wonderful mylotter well enough to live a few more years.we need your wisdom. you do have things to offer. i am 85 but I want to live for a few more years to make up for the pain of the last couple of years. I am not ready yet for the wild blue yonder.
1 person likes this
@larish (2191)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
I am 36 & I can say that I am also ready when called. I am confident that I am not leaving my family any financial burden because I have my life insurance coverage. I am married and have no children to leave. So if my time is up, I think I am prepare but if not, I am still excited to wake up every morning to do my thing.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 12
That is great. I think it is best to be prepared as much as possible. It's better than just reacting with fear to every circumstance.
• United States
10 Jul 12
You are a very stong woman for being ready. I dont know about you but i believe that God will take you when he thinks you are ready. plus you are not a waste of space. God gave you life and he wants you to be happy and i think it is a sign from him that you are getting ready to go.