my parents
By roshigo58
@roshigo58 (4856)
Pune, India
July 10, 2012 12:25am CST
I am the only son of my parents so it is my prime responsibility to look after them i their old age. My mother is now 80+ and father is 90+.My wife is suffering from muscular dystrophy so she has difficulty in walking and cooking. But she is managing somehow but it is not enough to take care for my parents.Due to my job i can not look after them fully.I am having two elder sisters. My one brother in law is kind enough, knowing my difficulty he is ready to take care of both of my parents. But parents, especially mother is feeling odd to stay forever with daughter. My wife is having good relations with them,also wants to look after them but she is helpless and so i am. I feel sometimes very guilty that being son i am useless to look after my parents. Up till now my parents were managing all by their own,staying alone ,with the help of two servants and neighbors. I use to go their to to meet them but i can not stay there as my wife will be alone here.But now the time has come. My parents are so helpless that they can't move, do anything. Somebody is required to support them at every moment. So my sister and brother in law have decided to take them to her residence against their wish. I don't understand, am confused,puzzled as to what should i do?
2 people like this
5 responses
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
It's odd that you think you need to take care of them because you're the son when in fact that's a daughter's job. Sons are supposed to take care of business or look for money while daughters are the ones taking care of the parents.
I know it may feel odd for your parents at first but I think you should go visit often with your wife - you can bring your wife so that they could talk.
I think what's important here is that you could support all of them financially and with your presence. It's right that your sister decided to help because you have your wife to take care of too.
Have a great Mylot experience ahead!
@roshigo58 (4856)
• Pune, India
10 Jul 12
Thanks a lot for your valuable response. My parents do not require any financial support but they want physical presence of both of us which is not possible because my wife can not go out of the house.
1 person likes this
@roshigo58 (4856)
• Pune, India
10 Jul 12
Dear dupremo,
thanks for the response.Be in touch and share.
1 person likes this
@kkaria309 (297)
• United States
10 Jul 12
I think you and your sister both should take care of them in turns. That way, you can take care of them, but you will have someone to share it with.
@kkaria309 (297)
• United States
10 Jul 12
Then there is only one solution. Let them stay with your sister, but you assist her in every way you can, maybe handle the finance part, I guess medical expenses are not cheap. This way your parents won't feel dependent on your sister and you will be supporting them, in a way.
@roshigo58 (4856)
• Pune, India
10 Jul 12
thanks for the response but it is not possible for me to bring them at my home as my wife is unable to look after them.
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
10 Jul 12
You are in a no win situation.There is no way you can look After your wife and your parents,give yourself a break.Elderly parents need a lot of looking after and full time care is what they need.Once they go to a home life will improve for everyone ,you can stop worrying about them.The other relatives can have a break.No one is deserting your parents they will all go and see them.In a ideal world we would all live together elderly parents could stay at home.But it is not ideal and one person can only do so much.It is awful but my mother in law is still at home at 91years old.My brother in law and his wife do what they can for her.She is always falling over ,not eating properly or not making the toilet.We all wish she would go into sheltered housing with a warden but she will not.I feel for you so much responsibilty ,like I say give yourself a break.bless you.xx
@musicloverfriend (1465)
• India
10 Jul 12
I'm not so old to advise you about this,, but I feel daughter can take care of their parents too,, it's not your responsibility only. I have a cousin, who is girl, whose mother stays at her home and she takes care of her. The mother really has a good place to stay and there will be people to take care of her otherwise too,, but still her daughter likes to take her mother with her.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
10 Jul 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about your situation, as you mentioned your mother was not interested in staying in her daughter's place, it is quite common among some parents, they wish to stay with their son. Better you can appoint some care takers to care about your parents, it will solve your issue
