Loving someone else

When you love someone,you love them wholly or not at all.Love can`t be divided into parts,one here and one there. Yes, you cannot forget your ex but you can`t love him when you have found someone to take his place.You may have pleasant memories of your association but that`s about all.people have 2 or 3 exes but that does not mean that they should divide their love into parts and keep loving them.If i were you i would put the ex out of your mind and life and concentrate only on your present and hopefully permanent husband and give him your love 100%.

I think I understand what you are saying perfectly. Maybe it is because, yes, I have an ex-beau that I still love. Also, I don't believe we easily turn off our feelings, at least I don't. I don't love lightly. My love runs deep. I have not seen this fella for 4 years and have talked to him on the phone only a couple of times in these past few years (he called me). Yes, I loved him deeply, still do. Not being together hurt me deeply, but it was best we not be together. He has moved on and married, I remain single. Even if I ever fall in love again I have no doubt there will always be a part of me that will love this fella, a special place in my heart to hold.

I think this is pretty common, and why not? The human heart has the ability for unlimited love. That said I would say that the important part of this is how you handle the situation. I watched my Father worry and fret over his love of my Mother for most of his life. Even though he loved his new wife he could never accept that he was not in someway lacking because of the divorce of my Mom. She never seemed to regret the divorce but was alway very bitter about the second wife. To me this seemed like a destrictive relationship all around. I always felt for the second wife. Good thing that you can be honest with your present hubby.

I don't have love for my exes. Specially when I met my husband.

the right thing to do is to forget the feelings you have for your ex. it's within yours to forget.do the right thing and that is to be loyal and faithful to your husband.

I still have some kind of feeling for my exes but it is not love. They all did me wrong so I do not have that kind of love for them anymore.

Personally I think most of the time this is quite natural and nothing out of the ordinary. I know there are some ex's in my past that I still have some feelings for. I know though it is not the type of love compared to what I have for my husband but there are still feelings there.

I do still love my ex, but in a very different way than when we were together. I know that old romantic love can not ever be rekindled. We have both moved on and have other spouses and we are friends. I see nothing wrong with having feelings for someone you once shared a very deep intimacy with as long as it is kept in proper perspective.

NO, it won't happen to me. When love is broken, it means i have no feeling toward to ex- more. Of course i don't forget them but no feeling more. If meeting on the street, just say hi as friends. This situation won't happen also because i never keep contact with ex- and they can't find any my information when love is broken.

thanks for this discussion dear dorannmwin. I am not feeling so alone any more cause its the same here. I loved my ex bf with all of my heart cause he loved the Church and loved books, so we fit together perfectly. I was so proud to be seen with him on weekends he visited. We had a long distance relationship and he visited me every third weekend or so. He was and still is the man of my dreams. He even had the old fashioned me taking a step back from what I always believed, thats a relationship is only serious when it could lead to marriage. I was willing to stay with him even with no marriage in sight. But there came a time after a bit more than three years I couldnt live with this neglect any more. He put more and more weeks between his visits to me etc. and then came a moment when I knew it will hurt me like mad but I need to get on with my life without him as he didnt love me as much as I loved him for sure. Hadnt changed towards him but that needed to be done. He did something very embarrassing, thats inviting me to a marriage seminar in his hometown when I least expected something like this to come from him and I agreed and he enrolled us for it but when the time came he just didnt turn up without any explanation or apology thats when I broke up with him the same day. Later I met my now husband in person. He had been very patient and understanding, having met me over the internet first exchanging mails, saying take your time and think about whether you really want a break up with that guy, I am waiting patiently but I bet he is only playing with you. We met for the first time in person after that breakup and my husband was the one helping me, showing me he cares and he wants me to be happy. He also knows I will never forget my ex and that there is love for this man till I die, just like you describe it here. I dont see my ex as he now lives away even further away from me than when I was in my old hometown, and thats good cause it would still break me seeing him. Unfortunately the train I take in the morning to commute to work ends in my exes hometown so its a constant reminder of what I lost. But I am able to cope knowing that staying with him would not have been easy, there would have been far more neglect in the future and I would sure have broken up with him in the 10 years since so better have done that early.

To be honest I don't love my ex any more at all. I haven't loved him in a long time. I know my husband doesn't love any of his ex. I don't think its wrong to love an ex in some way or another just that there are some people that you are always connect with in different love it might not be the same love that you once had or have but as they say there is many kinds of love in the world.

I do not have such emotions for any of my ex's, as they were indeed of the past. As I read your comments, I remembered a song that had a stanza "torn between two lovers...it's breaking all the rules" I know that women establish loving connections differently from men, and once those 'unique' connections are formed, it it challenging for those love bonds to be broken. Hence, while I can empathize with you, I don't know how you could allow the 'love and emotions' of an older relationship to factor in, or exist alongside your current relationship; as this activity -if goes unchecked- could cause some 'serious' conflict of interest! Anyway, everyone's behavior towards this sensitive topic is different from each other, and, I have to laud you for your honesty in this regard.

It seems to be that you still love your husband. My sincere advice is to keep your love with your exes in a corner of your mind and be loyal to your husband always.

I posted a topic here a week ago about exes http://www.mylot.com/nr/newresponse.aspx?p=1&qid=2680395 I mentioned there about an ex-bf of mine whom I have not heard for about 16years already. I cannot say it is still love, but there is a part of me still longing to see him and curious on how his life is now. He is from another city. Everytime I meet somebody who's coming from same city, I immediately ask if he/she happens to know him. Unfortunately, none of them does... But when my brother who is in sales had an out-of-town training there, he told me he saw my ex, but he have not noticed my brother. I was hesitant to show him that I am interested and afraid to tell him to ask for his number. I might be judged wrongly... But somehow, I regret for not asking. It was my chance already. But I am also reserving some uncertainties that it might also cause trouble if my husband knows about it...

I have only been married once and for 33 years but I can understand how you can have some left for the first person t o share your life with. you will love your husband now even more being you have love for the one you left too. not a romantic love anymore but the love you have of a person who you shared a life with.

I didn't have many boyfriends before my hubby . . . we have been together since we were 18. The one person I would consider my ex - eh - I don't give him much thought really (that's how much I really cared about him - ha ha). I will say I have some friendships with a few males that I miss . . . they were great friendships, but unfortunately they had to end. It always seemed like the other would want more than friendship - and of course I couldn't give them that (nor did I want to) because I was already in love and in a great relationship with hubby. I don't talk to any of these guys now - though I'm sure I can find them in a snap. I miss the friendship and do think about that a lot . . . it's really a shame that it ended on a bad note and my heart still hurts over that at times. I just think how wonderful life is with my hubby is through thick and thin - and I'm glad I'm on this road with him.

Hi, I have lots of ex before but as the song goes, "I remember the (boy) girl but I don't remember the feeling anymore." In that case, I would say, love has nothing to do with it, if I may stick to my definition.

I don't have such feeling as you. But I think it is formal emotion that one love his or her ex. As a member of the family, we must pick up the burden and responsibility of the whole family. Maybe the romantic feelings we should remember in our deep heart. Best wishes.

I had some crush and its not love.

Some of my friends experienced the feelings like yours, but they tried to conceal the overpowering emotions. They don't want to hurt somebody else for discussing the exes. They considered as the past relationships and leave it that way.