My mother saw my father with the other woman at the mall
By jureathome
@jureathome (5361)
Philippines
August 11, 2012 6:40pm CST
Just a little history, my parents have been separated (although, not legally) for more than 10 years now, but she still fusses at the sight or even thought of my father and the woman.
Mother was so furious about seeing my father and her mistress together in the mall, the other day. She said they were coming from the upper level where the cinemas are, and she sent me a message about it, and also asked if I have been giving my father money. So, I told her, I have never given him any sort of allowance, and that I have no plans to do so. I told her that he may have made some money from his small business that's why they have money for entertainment. And, he has always been a movie-guy, even when we were still together as a family, so he sure would find a way to watch good films showing, once in a while.
I felt that she was sort of envious that they were able to watch a movie, even with their meager source of living. Then, I told her not to worry, she had a better life with us, and with me supporting her needs. I promised her that when I'm back to working, she'll live a more comfortable life.
Oh my mother!
Oh my mother!5 people like this
12 responses
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
12 Aug 12
Your mom doesn't want to give up, and she is still holding out hope, but I think that it might be time for her to move on because clearly your dad is. I know that it's painful, and that it's tough, but this is what he wants, and you can't stop him.
My father completely walked out of my life, and he left my mother, and my step-father likes to be with multiple women, that's just who he is, and none of us can change that.
Here's the thing. She can't change him, and if he wants another woman, then that is how it is.
Seeing as how it has been 10 years, then maybe it is time to move on because this isn't a temporary separation. This is permanent. If it has been temporary, then they would have been back together by now, but they aren't.
@Tina30219 (82978)
• Onaway, Michigan
12 Aug 12
I agree if it has been 10 years time for her to move on. I know it hurts her to see him with the other woman. Has she even tried dating since he left her? She really needs to give it a try. Is she scared of being hurt again like she has been with your step-father? I wish her the best of luck.
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
Hey guys, thanks for responding.
My mother didn't want my father back, that's for sure. I guess she just hasn't forgiven him yet, that is why she is still hurt or mad when she sees him, and especially with the woman. My mother has moved on, one way or another, but the separation left sad traces like the issue we have with my brother.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (230365)
• Chile
12 Aug 12
How old is your mother, jure? It seems that she was counting on your father to take care of her needs before and now she is envious that she does not have that anymore. You say that you take care od your mother and her needs. Why would she care anymore about a man that left her 10 years ago? I know that each country and culture is different. But I have seen society women here who work as seamstress for their friends when needed.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
My mother just turned 60. She doesn't look her age, though. People would be surprised to know she's a senior citizen already, when she still looks 10 years younger.
Anyhow, I think you're right about the reason for being envious. I also think she's expecting and hoping that they would be struggling in life, like a punishment for their sins.
1 person likes this
@ladygator (3465)
• United States
12 Aug 12
That must be a tough spot to be in. I just wonder why she would think that you gave him any money? Could she have paid maybe because if she has a job then she would have money and since they are a couple then that would make sence that she could pay for the movie. Why would she assume that after 10 years she would know their exact income?
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
I don't know why she suddenly thought of me giving him money. My mother can think too hard, sometimes. She speculates and could put words in to someone else's mouth, at times. She had too much frustrations in life and I just hope she'd have peace of mind, soon enough.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Aug 12
hi jureathome ouch your poor mom.I think she needs to rethink things and make the separation final by divorcing as he is not going to change now after ten years,let him womanize and get Mom to see he has moved on and now she must too. she has you and she'can now start to live for herself. He has to be out of her picture so she realizes they will never be together again,.I feel 'for her but she needs to stop living in the past
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
30 Aug 12
I'm sure she no longer hopes to be back with him. I hope they will reconcile, however. And, probably be friends, so they can both have peace.
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
12 Aug 12
It is not my business, but from what I see, since your parents already separated, he has his right to find another love besides her. She has no right to interfere his personal life right now. He had done nothing wrong to date again; and your mother can do the same. Honestly, one relationship is gone, another relationship might be suitable for your father. So, let it be.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
As I have noted on my post, the separation is not legally done. So, in the eyes of the law and the people, they are still married and she is still the legal wife. They didn't go thru the court anymore because it's very costly. It was just like a mutual agreement between the two to just settle and live separate lives. They did it for us, their children.
And, if my mother would really want to push filing a case against him, she can definitly prove his crime.
@thanks1961 (7033)
• India
12 Aug 12
It is sure that they had a life together for a period of time with good and bad times. They found it is hard to live together with one or many reasons and they separated. This tendency is quite common on these days and unfortunately, if there are some children for them, they are the victims of such events.
Anyway, it is 10 years and more and we can assume that he might have lived the way how he preferred and now there is no point in follow-ups and as a father, if you got any softness, no one can blame it. However, if he forget about you as his child, what is the meaning of parents and children. Now can console your mom and ask her to think free and divert the mind to something good and think about people who are happened to live worse cases than this and she will really get a relief.
2 people like this
@thanks1961 (7033)
• India
16 Aug 12
After active in myLot, I got understood that many women got separated after marriage due to unknown reasons. Compared to my country I think other countries have higher rate of such cases and I don’t know why such a tendency is happening. Is that women are looking for more self life even after getting married or the man are thinking that they can look for other women even after settling with a women.
Anyway, I am sure that you won’t allow your mom to worry on other things and you will be there for always to help her.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
16 Aug 12
Yeah, even for a catholic nation that doesn't promote divorce, marriage issues are in an alarming rate. It makes me worried for my own marriage. But, that's one thing I keep praying to God for. I really hope this marriage will last and we won't have a broken family, like I did.
From what I've seen, it's actually both men and women committing crimes against each other. It used to be mostly men who are adulterous, but now, I see women also doing it their own style. Sad truth!
Are you happily married, thanks1961?
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
Do you think its okay if I ignore her when she starts talking about that scene and anything about her angst on my father and his mistress? That's what I do most of the time. But, I also feel guilty that I may be rejecting her feelings. She may just want someone to listen to her. At the same time, I also think its not good to allow her to dwell on the story because it will just further her pain.
1 person likes this
@flagella08 (5065)
• Philippines
12 Aug 12
your mother just showed normal feelings. anyone who were in her shoes would still felt that. time can't easily erased bad memories.she had basically had this feeling ever since, but because it has been so long, she tend to forget about it, but then sometimes she realized that she still got it, which made her felt that way. just assure her always that you'll be there for her no matter what. she's lucky she got you as a daughter.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
You're right. She looks as if she's forgotten all the painful things that happened in her life, but certain situations would just bring back the pain so easily. I do pray that she'll get the peace of mind and true joy in life that she deserves.
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
12 Aug 12
Hi Jure, I just hope your mother would moved on from the 10 years been separated with your father. Just told her she will continue to get jealous and hurt if she will not moved on. I've been separated for 4 years now and when I see them I don't care I just go on with our lives with my daughter.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
Good for you, lynboobsy. That's a fast recovery for you.
My parents were together for 21 years, before they separated. It was not a good separation, so I guess it's really not easy for her to forgive him and forget the past.
@hsofyan (3446)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
12 Aug 12
I'm glad to hear you will help your mother.
Hopefully for the better.
Hopefully for the better.
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
12 Aug 12
I hope your mom will forgive your father.
That's the reason why she still feel bad each time she saw your father with other woman.
10 years is enough to move on and accept the truth.
It's nice to know that you are supporting your mom and she is lucky that you are supporting her as well.
Therefore, she must be happy because you are giving her support and you stayed with her.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
I hope she sees it that way. And, free herself with all the animosity.
Forgiveness does sets us free from our grudge and ill feelings towards others. I've felt that myself, when I've forgiven my father.
But, I guess my mother will have a harder time giving the forgiveness, because she loved my father so much.
Sometimes, I also get annoyed hearing my mother fuss about him and the woman. I would tell her to just don't mind it and not even think about them.
@dream_ozn (1752)
• Singapore
12 Aug 12
Hi jureathome, its quite sad to hear that you mum still get angry when she sees your father with another women. i believe they separated because you dad has a mistress?
reading your story, i feel like your mum is torturing herself all these years. she should try and forget about your father.
however, i think she still love your father and that is why she will respond as such when she saw your dad with another women.
perhaps you can get her into more activities, so she can concentrate with her life and stop thinking about your dad.
i wish your mum happiness
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
She's actually engaged in a few stuff to keep her busy and keep her mind off those sad memories. And, she does seem like she's okay for the past few years, but its only when she sees them or hears stories about them, when she gets all furious again.
I don't think she still loves him. All the love she has left for him must have already turned to disgust and hate. I think she's even mad that I and my sister have forgiven him.
@asliah (11137)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
if that will happen to my mom i will confront my father regarding to the girl he accompany in the mall,and if he lie then he is guilty but when he answer it yes then i will ask him why she need to have another girl in his life even if my mother still alive?
