Daughter who left home and elope with her man.

@Angelpink (4018)
Philippines
August 18, 2012 11:42am CST
If you have a daughter who eloped with her boyfriend , and this daughter graduated newly from her Nursing degree , will you get your daughter from her man or leave them and disown her? From my own point of you , i guess i will get back my daughter , never disown her , for i believe each have pieces of mistakes to be committed in this life. No one is perfect. In this situation , this is the very time when a child needs love , affection warmth from the family specifically from parents. It is never right to correct a mistake with another mistake. disowning or excommunicating a child from family does no good to the child and to family as well. it would only add insult to injury. What about you friends , what is your stand , share me your thoughts.
1 person likes this
14 responses
@sedel1027 (17855)
• Cupertino, California
19 Aug 12
If she is off on her own, with a degree and can support herself.....why disown her? I would imagine that such an action would be frustrating but on the same note, you have to look at why they chose that course of action. I don't believe running off to get married is a reason to disown my child.
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
20 Aug 12
I agree but children needs sometimes to be closely guarded so they will be able to land a good person because sometimes they are blinded and can't balance heart over mind matters. Most of the time can't manage emotions that leads them to a dark future , it's wrong to judge but we need to be practical to foresee also the future.
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@sedel1027 (17855)
• Cupertino, California
20 Aug 12
Someone who is old enough to have a degree is no longer a child. If they are trustworthy enough to go into the workforce - especially as a nurse - they are more than capable of making their own decisions - even if they regret them later.
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
22 Aug 12
Yes nurse but they emotionally immature , so parents needs to guide them closely.
@caopaopao (12745)
• China
19 Aug 12
Dear Angelpink, I know you are having a rough time for that. I am really sorry for you. I don't know the relationship between your daughter and the man, I think if your daughter loves her, why don't you satisfy them? Is the man not good enough for your girl? I don't know. If your girl wants to elope with the man, she must love him, then you can just ignore it. Or it will be not easier for you and your daughter to get along well with each other . If the man is not good, I think you had better give some time to them, your girl will come back to you when she knew him well one day by herself.I believe you won' t disown her, you are a woman loves her daughter, I can see that.
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@caopaopao (12745)
• China
20 Aug 12
Oh, sorry .Hope that daughter's mother is happier now.
@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
Hi , thanks for sharing your wisdom and sympathy , got a good heart i can tell but it's not a daughter's story , it is an experienced of other's ,i bring it to our discussion.
@oXAquaXo (607)
• United States
19 Aug 12
If she is old enough to have a nursing degree, she must be an independent young woman. I wouldn't consider this eloping, I would just consider this her being with her boyfriend. She's old enough to make her own decisions, and I would let her. Elope would be more like young teenagers leaving with their boyfriends, but she's old enough to do what she wants with her life. But if it was a younger child, I would definitely not disown her. Family will always be family, and disowning your own kin doesn't help them, it hurts them. If they made a mistake in life, as a mom, it would be my responsibility to help them and allow them to learn their lesson, and keep them in my life. ~ Annie
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
It is a matter of culture maybe , some culture , parents would still have a say though the child have a degree already. other culture also give that full freedom. The way i look at it both show love and responsibility in a different manner. So true , at the end of the day , no one is there for us but a family and yes , a family is a family.
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
19 Aug 12
Hi Angelpink, I really feel for any parent who is confronted with those issues with their children...I really don't know what I would do if I had to deal with that situtation... I am blessed when it comes to my children ...I dream my son at the age of 19 told me "NO" when I asked him to take out the garbage and I woke it in a panic,,i didn;t know what to do, my children ever told me "NO"..never....my mother never played that and neither did I... So my heart goes out to parents who has to go through this,, whatever the out come...good luck to you and your daughter....
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
True ,it might not be easy to be in this situation , would be so traumatic and shattering . Guess it is never easy to be a parent! Thanks but the story is not mine , it is somebody's out there.
19 Aug 12
It is such a difficult situation to deal with when parents have to forgive or disown their daughters for eloping with their men. Parents sacrifice unconditionally to rear up their daughters and also providing education so it is such a heartbreaking situation for them when their daughters do things like this. However, if the their daughter pick the right sort of men, I think parents should forgive their daughters and help them to fix their life.
@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
I can tell from the way you speak , you are a good person and a best parent. I agree , parents should forgive daughters and fix life.
@R109948 (71)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
i guess that's how parents loved their daughters..and it's true..based on experience..my mom and dad tries as much as they could just to get me back..but because i was young and so aggressive, what they did never stops me from getting what i want..i eloped and been away for a year..then i got pregnant..but u know what, when i called them saying i wanna go home..they pick me up and never says anything more...
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
Yes you are so lucky then having those kind of parents and mostly parents are only so rude , hard when the situation is still fresh but later they come to understand whole thing.
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
18 Aug 12
i think,i will leave her alone,its her choice not mine but of course it is a very disappointing moment for the parents,but daughter is also a human being,the more we dislike it, the more they like it.
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
I respect your opinion but i guess we can't leave her alone , we need to guide her for maybe she's just too blinded with whatever she have seen , or she is just so emotionally immature. She needs our wisdom and guidance and parents little strictness in imposing laws.
@dainy1313 (2370)
• Leon, Mexico
19 Aug 12
It may not be easy to me to accept that she eloped. Specially because I´ve been in a church ministry for the last 17 years, I´ll fear for her, and feel sad because she didn´t trust me. But life is not easy, and I will have my doors opened, and I´d pray every single day for her, for whenever she wants to come back home.
@dainy1313 (2370)
• Leon, Mexico
20 Aug 12
Sure the forgiving heart! That´s what I mean.
@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
Church expect us to live according to the lectures being taught and if something happen like this then , seems a great dishonor and shame to the involve and to the whole family as well , in the other side, christians have a forgiving heart , welcomes back , the lost daughter.
1 person likes this
@lampar (7585)
• United States
18 Aug 12
If she is a grown up woman and no more a child, i am doubtful as a parent i can stop her from eloped with her boyfried, parent usually don't have much legal rigths on controlling their adult daughter or son life in the eye of the law. They probably will hide in a secured place where either i can not reach them or have ever heard of in my entire life. I will definitely not disown her because of that; after all, she is still my child and i will continue to love her until the day i die. I am sure every young girl make few bad decision during her life stage, that may well is one of them, i will forgive her and pray for her safety every day and wish her happy with the decision she make even though it is a wrong one from my side of perspective. I'm not saying it is easy to be a parent, there is always up and down in that role regarding our own children.
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
Your words just implies how good you are as a father. Having a kind heart and forgiving heart. But i guess parents parents yes might don't have that legal right on controlling daughter's life but they have moral rights over it. Parents obligation is for life . Thanks !
@fantabulus (4001)
• India
22 Aug 12
If my daughter wants to marry with her boyfriend I will check all background and his nature and then allowed her. But I find out any fault then talk with my child like as friend and say the face and show also. But if she are running with him and came back after some days due to any reason I will accept her. No annoy on her but I feel at least she learn the lesson for next time.
@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
22 Aug 12
I am impressed with this kind of thoughts. Checking the background , for me it is very recommendable thing to do for a parent because child's future is at stake her , once decision is given , no more back our for life. Thanks Fanta !
@Raine38 (11504)
• United States
19 Aug 12
I will not disown her. She will always remain as my daughter, but I will not also come and get her. If she's already a nurse, then she's old enough to know what's right and wrong, old enough to know what she wants. I will let her sleep on the bed she's made. I will let her learn the consequences of her actions. This is something she needs to learn on her own, not because I'm tired of teaching her, but because she will never grow up if I will be always stepping in to fix everything for her.
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
Sometimes a daughter might have earned a degree and might be in right age but then emotionally they are handicap , they can be fooled easily , thats why parents must always be there to check and be a guide as daughter's sails. I guess if a daughter is guided well , communicated often there would no elope thing that will happen because whatever plan she will have , she will tell parents about it.
@kulisap (70)
19 Aug 12
I will surely get angry but I will never disown her. What good will that do? Yes, it will teach your daughter a lesson, but it will be hard on both of you because you'll be ruining your relationship. Family should be the first people you can run to when you're through rough times. So disowning her is no solution.
@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
So very true , disowning only makes the situation worst and it is like pushing more the daughter in the mud. This is the very time she needs family's understanding , love and comfort.
@tetris15 (539)
• Philippines
18 Aug 12
I guess you just have to let her know that you are thinking of her specially in this situation she is into. Let her realize what she had done. Only then she will know if it's right or wrong that she eloped with her man. Sometimes, parents can only do so much for their children but still it is your daughter's decision to be with her man. If in case she realized that she's wrong, just be there for her and never judge her. In life, sometimes we need to do wrong in order to correct ourselves and it is better to commit mistakes while we are young so we will have the future ahead of us to correct it.
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@Angelpink (4018)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
So very well said , yes it is so true , better to commit mistakes in earlier life so more chances to correct it also the person is in her best when she have undergone so much in life.
• Indonesia
23 Aug 12
I agree with you, Angelpink. The children are unstable sometimes. Parents with their experience, have more wisdom to make a decision. And love will guide children back home :)