I really lost it today , I went insane !!!
By mor
@stringer321 (5643)
Kiryat Ata, Israel
August 22, 2012 12:32pm CST
I lost my mobile phone yesterday. My dad broke my spirit for that , he told me it was the third time I lost my phone in 3 months , he didn't leave me alone and criticized me a lot. I don't like answering to my dad , I just swallow all the insults. Me and my dad also had to make some arrangements , we went to the market to buy some things and before we went out of the market , he noticed I made a mistake. That mistake was that I had put something in the back sit instead of the back of the car (trunk) , that thing was a pipe that we use for passing diesel from containers to the car. He just shouted at me in front of all of the people "dam you , what did you do ?!!!! idiot !! " and so on... Then , I just lost it , I got a wrench (a work tool for opening things , heavy and made of iron ) I started to shout at him to shut up , I started to hit him in the head , punched his jaw and in the ribs " Diee !!! you sun of the ...!!! I had enough of you !!!" and that's all , I had no success in making any damage but I really wanted to put an end to him.
Living with my dad is just so stressful and sometimes I just lose it , I feel like attacking him and get rid of him. I can never know when he is going to shout at me for any mistake whatever it may be. It can be to do something without any alarm in advance , it can be criticizing me , it can be just treating me like a child.
I decided to leave home and I told him "living with you hearts my health and my sanity , I can't stay next to you no more"...
4 people like this
14 responses
@NailTech (6874)
• United States
22 Aug 12
All I can say is I hope your dad realizes one day how he acted towards you and you can both forgive one another. Emotional abuse is not acceptable. This is the wrong way to raise any child. You could have really killed him with all of that violent intent. I'm not so sure I could have gone that far but I do have some instances where I have been around family members that drive me to the breaking point practically. I have been told I have the patience of a Saint. I'm not so sure I do always, though. I will be checking and seeing if you answer these posts and see what you've been up to lately again after what happened.
3 people like this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
22 Aug 12
That's exactly his problem , his abusive talk , he repeats everything like I was some kind of a brain handicapped. He sometimes shouts on his friends too.
Why can't he just be a calm and peaceful person like my mom ?
I'm sure living without my dad could not prevent problems but dealing with the problems was a lot more peaceful , not making a mountain out of a mouse,
I just must get out of his control , leave the house , get a job , be independent and just forget about him. He will get rotten with his feelings alone.
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
22 Aug 12
I always appreciate when people respond my discussions. I start discussions on rare occasions since every thing was talked about here already lol.
It had never been to such a point I wanted to kill him . I told him "do you realize I tried to finish you today ?!" , " I can't deal with the stress you bring me"
Thanks god we have a cute dog that purifies the bad energies in the house , he is like a small solar ray.
I must say , my dad is right many times , he cares about saving money and not just paying to the professionals to fix the car before he tried to fix it himself. And caring for apartments is also important , he rents them and it is a good money for the long run. But , the problem is his attitude, everything must be done fast , early , in his way , just his way. Bummer he sees life in that way...
1 person likes this
@NailTech (6874)
• United States
22 Aug 12
I have a cat in the house that I think sometimes does this what you said about the bad energies. I am glad she's there in general. Your dad is a successful and tough person it sounds like but when he wants something done his way and it doesn't get done he starts with the abusive talk and that is just not right. He needs to understand it gets hm nowhere, and just makes the other person feel bad and probably not even like doing anything anymore like what the person was critiqued about. Is he like this with everyone or just you? I know some of the traits my family members are that way too but they never resort to calling names like idiot, someone should let him know that is wrong.
2 people like this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
22 Aug 12
Wow stringer, I don't know what to say. I do know that criticizing is a form of emotional abuse, I have seen it and still see it, but not to that extreme. I even touch on it in my book and how it can be devastating. It sounds like both you and your dad needs help and I hope you can get it.
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
22 Aug 12
Thanks , carmela , I'm always try to satisfy my dad and not argue with him , but , he has many problems and it comes to a point we use old cars and those get broken seldom so we have to take them to the garage , sometimes we have to fix them (or at least try to.) it makes life harder and stressful , my dad also has apartments and he rents them to people but it requires us to do renovations moving furniture from place to place , I am the only good son that is there to help him. My big brother is married and not lives with us , my sister is a female , and I have to suffer and absorb all the stress of dealing the problems.
As you can see , I'm not that kind of guy , I like reading , computers , internet , play with my dog ...I just don't want that kind of life of solving so many problems just to save money. I told him we need a radical change in our lifestyle because it costs me with my health.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
22 Aug 12
If I remember correctly, you live in Israel, right? I don't know how old you are, but I was under the impression that both men and women serve their country, and then when their time is up, I guess either college or a job? I didn't know you were still living at home and yes, if ones gift is more in technology, then it can be tough to work with your hands like that. Perhaps just keep trying to do what you can, but in the meantime, make a goal to get an education, maybe majoring in computers, because so much of our computer world is thanks to Israel, maybe there is something for you..:)
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Aug 12
carm its my feeling that he should move out as one more explosion like he had could land him in jail. he doesnt need that and I think that fighting is not good for either of them. He does need a good education but too he needs the other b rother to helo dad and get
away from him,.
1 person likes this
@slico79 (212)
• Philippines
23 Aug 12
If you really need peace in your life then leaving your dad is not gonna help. Have you ever tried, I mean really tried, to talk to him about what you feel about his criticism?
From what I read from your post and replies, I can see that you love your dad. And I can also see that he loves you so much and he is trying to prepare you for the harsh realities of life. Yes, his methods may be abusive, but can't you see that he is trying to correct your mistakes. He never shouted at you when you do something good, right?
Do you have any idea how he was brought up? Did he came from verbally abusive parents too? If he did, then this may be the only way that he knows how to discipline you. I am also a father and though it pains me to scold my kids when they do something wrong, it hurts me more knowing that what I am doing is making a gap between us. I asked my son once what can I do to make them listen, and he answered "Die". I never showed him that I was hurt by his answer but deep inside, I really want to die. I hope your father didn't share this same feeling.
@slico79 (212)
• Philippines
24 Aug 12
Yes, you don't need money to be happy but can't also feed happiness to a hungry family. Tell him that you have grown up and that you need to be treated that way. Fixing things, dealing with liars, and trying not to act the fool is basically what everyone does everyday. Try doing those things before he tells you to and keep doing it, in time he will realize that you have indeed grown up and is finally responsible to deal with the tasks ahead.
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
23 Aug 12
He loves me very much , he always tells me that. The way he loves me is not always comfortable because I am not a little boy anymore and he finally realizes it.
His father was also abusive , he was an angry and lazy person just smoked and was at home a lot of time.
Emotional skills is also a thing to prepare people for life , they need to work on it.
The way he prepares me for life is like I'm going to fix things all day and deal with liars that try to get my money and make me a fool. I know money is important but it's not what we need to be happy.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
23 Aug 12
okay what happened today was scary, this is a side of yourself that you must recognize now so that it doesn't happen again. If you killed your father you would have gone to jail, and you probably lived with the guilt and shame of killing your father for the rest of you life.
Hatley is right, if you feel you cannot control the rage inside of you, then you need to leave before anything bad happens,
If you are sure your dad will be less abusive and you will control the rage then stay until you are settled. But frankly I still feel Hatley is right.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
23 Aug 12
yes but screams, slamming doors and vomitting is not going to kill him, hitting him with tools can.
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
23 Aug 12
My dad told me 3 hours ago that he started to change himself 180 degrees . But I think only a life style with less worries will help him do that.
I am a peaceful person and I almost never get angry like that. He can just make me lose my mind sometimes , my sister for example lose it because of him more often. She screams , slams doors , she vomits...
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Aug 12
dear stringer calm down take deep breaths, if you had killed your father yes it would have stopped the insults b ut also you would have just landed yourself into prison and thats not what you need.
so yes move out even if you have to move in with a friend for
awhile. I know how demeaning a father like that can be and you just have ran out of options.He seem s to fed on angering you which is 
really sick.i would have hated that too being shouted at and humiliated. You must get away from him,he is a toxic relative and
it appears he is not going to change.Are you paying rent as that might help but no get ou t of there amd find a place for you alone.
God bless let us know what happens.
really sick.i would have hated that too being shouted at and humiliated. You must get away from him,he is a toxic relative and
it appears he is not going to change.Are you paying rent as that might help but no get ou t of there amd find a place for you alone.
God bless let us know what happens.2 people like this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
22 Aug 12
Listen to Hatley stringer, she knows what I am going through and she also understands what you are going through as well...
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
22 Aug 12
Thanks , hatley , I always tell my dad , I don't want money nor apartments , I just want peace , not stress , not problems to solve from now to now (I mean , like " get up , we need to go to the garage and get there first") , it's not for me.
When I told my mom about it on the mobile phone ( yea , I lost my mobile phone but she gave me hers so I can keep in touch when my dad needs help with anything) I started to cry , I told her "I saw blood , I wanted to finish him , do you understand ? I didn't recognize myself , it was like a demon came out of me , I was someone else".
My dad is so sorry he made me angry like that and all of us in the family talked to him that he needs to change his attitude or else , he will stay alone. No one will want to be with him.
2 people like this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
22 Aug 12
You are right , that kind of a relationship is like toxic , like hatley said.
I still process what was today with my dad and I just hope I will be able to teach others from my experience without exposing private details (here I feel ok to tell many things because it feels like being anonymous ).
1 person likes this
@caopaopao (12395)
• China
23 Aug 12
We can choose friends , we can choose partner, but we can't choose parents. I know some people can't get along well with parents, it's a sad thing. But sometimes it's really impossible for us to change a person, even our parents, so at last we still have to try to get on well with them even it's difficult. I do hope you can feel better, my friend.
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
23 Aug 12
Me and my dad work on it , he really made a 180 degrees change in his behavior with me.
He admit he has a hard nature and he makes his effort to change.
I personally think only time will tell how it went.
.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
7 Sep 12
Getting along with people no matter who they are, is not always easy. Having to put up with people and be around people who are always abusive verbally is never good, especially when they are your parent and do it to you in public. This is not right either. To hit him like this might not be the most appropriate thing to do, but it is a good thing you came to the conclusion that living with them might not always be the best thong either. Moving out away from them sounds like much needed, and wishing you the best.
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
7 Sep 12
Now , after more than 2 weeks , I can say it is more comfortable with him as long as there is no thing that is urgent to do.
The problem is to find a job now...I try for more than 2 weeks now and still didn't find. No one returns to my mails and it will probably stay that way for plenty more.
Until then , my dad makes an effort to be nicer with me and he has some success.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
22 Aug 12
i have to say if my kid lost 3 cell phones in 3 months i would be flipping out too. (especially if i was paying for them). i think your dad had a right to be mad. i wouldn't go to the extreme that your dad did but i sure would be mad. i think you went overboard too.
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
22 Aug 12
The loss of the phone was not the main problem. It just set the fuel and today it was the spark that made the fire.
With a dad like him , I need a mobile mostly to be ready to help him for any thing that comes up. It's about time for me to leave him so I won't ow him nothing no more.
Sometimes its the phone that I didn't answer in time that makes him mad , sometimes it is some garbage that I didn't pick up in the garden , sometimes it is not cleaning the house...Those small things just annoy him so much.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
25 Aug 12
If it is pushing you to those limits..leaving is the best option I think. Sometimes people get along better when they are not in the same house or around each other all the time. Maybe by leaving and making it on your own, you and your father may someday have some kind of relationship that is easier than it is now.
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
25 Aug 12
That's for sure. All the stress will go away.
It looks like the most common respond here , in this discussion.
I am looking for apartments for rent and I found some numbers to call them to check apartments. Any job with minimum salary will be enough to cover the rent and bills.
I will be free :)
@marguicha (215518)
• Chile
23 Aug 12
This is a terrifying story you are telling us, friend. Why are you living with your father insstead of living alone? Does he need your financial help? I saw in your profile that you are 30 years old, old enough to be on your own if you can´t stand his abuse (or even if you go along well, there´s a time to leave the nest). Take care.
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
23 Aug 12
That's right , marguicha , but , the house is comfortable with the air conditioner , the internet , the dog , the nice neighborhood , my mom who I love very much...
I am waiting to get accepted to a job soon and I will leave my home as soon as possible. I prefer my health and sanity over comfortable life.
@shibham (16977)
• India
30 Aug 12
Hi there..
Before taking such a decision to leave him just think a lot. Is he suffering from something like mental issue as a result he shouts on you in public places. If you do something wrong, then you will not get any way to regret. So better to think first what will be suitable to you. Dont be rush or harsh.
All the best and have a nice time.
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
30 Aug 12
It's been a week now since I lost it , I am going to close the deal tomorrow with my 2 friends , we will live in a house we will pay rent about 300$ a month.
Even if I could find a cheaper and better , I don't care much now. The sooner the better. Look , I love my dad , but , I think he needs to change his priorities in life and take it easy or else , he will be left alone.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
23 Aug 12
i will also agree that i would be upset if my kid lost 3 cell phones in a month. when i was growing up if i even lost the 1st one i was in trouble. but at the same time your dad is taking the mad effect to far. i can understand a little yellin about it but not all the name calling. that is emotional abuse. The thing with the gas and all that well that just mad my mouth drop. i mean he really didnt have to do that to you. i mean it was uncalled for all together but if he felt as tho it was that important to say something he could have waited until you guys were in the comfort of your own home.
I am sorry but you need to leave and get out of his home. this kind of a relationship is not healthy for him or you. to me it seems that it will do nothing but get worse with time.
i hope that thins get better for you.
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
23 Aug 12
My dad told my just 2 hours ago that he admit he was 100% wrong yesterday at the market. He admits he is not normal after the hard time he has been through , he needs to take care of many things like fixing apartments he owns , his boat , the cars that get broken once in a while...
In Israel , there is a sentence that says : "more possessions , more worries". This is so true.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
23 Aug 12
well that is nice to hear that he apologized to you and that he knew he was in the wrong. to me that is a step in the right direction. i am not sure if this will make things better between the two of you but if it continues i still believe that the best thing for you is to get out but who knows maybe this opened his eyes a little. i know that times get tough and at times i take it out on others but not to the extreme that he did. i hope tha either way you wereable to forgive him because atleast he made the effort to make the wrong right.
I can understand that saying and I can agree with it 100% lol
@djalex14 (195)
• Canada
22 Aug 12
Hello!You should be more careful with your phone.Your dad has right.I remember when I lost my phone but I dont lost it.Somebody stoled the phone for me and I found that guy and he returned me back my phone.I give you an advice.Be carefully with your phone!
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
22 Aug 12
I know , I decided to tie the phone with a string to my pocket so it will never get lost again. (I have another phone now.) . I ran after my dog yesterday and the ground was so rocky with ground stones that I had to jump above them. My phone fell down probably...
My dad told us he is not a regular person , he has been through rough times in his life and specially with my mom . A lot of arguments and insults and gossip. Ohhh , the describing of what she did to him he didn't hide any details about how she cheated on him and I love my mom so much. I don't care what she did to him. She is nice and peaceful , she is my fairy in my life.
@Marygoround (155)
• Philippines
19 Sep 12
I was once a victim of abuse, both emotional and physical. Like you, I don't talk back and fight and like you I left home. It was my Mom, she'd shout at me every single mistake no matter how little it was. She'd hit me anything her hands can hold too. One time I had a nosebleed because she was kicking me under the table and constantly hit my face. It was a nightmare.
I'm on own now for 8 years. Never a time that I regret what I did. Sometimes you just need the courage to do something to get better. We are actually in good terms as of the moment, but I'm not going to live with her in the same roof, EVER again.
@stringer321 (5643)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
19 Sep 12
I can't imagine your pretty face being hurt :(
Living with a parent we are different from can be a big problem.
Specially when he demands us to do stuff and to do it good.
When my dad shouted at me, I recalled all the arguments we had, all the bad history and it's like living it all together at once again. Plus the thought there will be more moments like that in the future, just made me lose it.
