What You Will Do If Your Best Friend Abuse Your Kindness
By HULYO
@julyteen (13252)
Davao, Philippines
August 27, 2012 2:46am CST
I consider him as my best friend. He was also a nice guy before when we meet. He is my staff, so anything I commanded him during working hours he followed. At the beginning I am hesitant to accompanied him, specially when he will go outside for grocery or shopping. We become close because we walk, in short- at the same path.
Lately, I discover some of his bad attitude. He abuse my kindness. When I visited his place, I saw his situations very hard. No more bucks to pay bills and also for their daily needs.
One day, their electricity and water almost cut off because they didn't pay for almost 2months. I give him the money and he pay the bills. But I didn't know that the amount I give has a change of about $15. He did it many time already, I allow him to used my clothes because he is my best friend. Everything I have he can used except my wife.
But last time I visited him, I was amazed on the attitude he showed to me. He doesn't care to me, even attending my breakfast. He borrowed me money around $2,500 until now even $5 he doesn't pay.
I don't want to destroy our friendship, despite of his attitude sometimes, still his good attitude registered on my mind. I won't count the bad things did of a friend. Instead, I always count the good things that he did for me.
What should I do that our friendship still remain?
But last time I visited him, I was amazed on the attitude he showed to me. He doesn't care to me, even attending my breakfast. He borrowed me money around $2,500 until now even $5 he doesn't pay.
I don't want to destroy our friendship, despite of his attitude sometimes, still his good attitude registered on my mind. I won't count the bad things did of a friend. Instead, I always count the good things that he did for me.
What should I do that our friendship still remain?3 people like this
17 responses
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
28 Aug 12
Your 'friend' is not really a friend. Are you his supervisor at work? Then you need to make it clear that you are his supervisor or boss, and not his friend. He's been taking advantage of you, and with his attitude, he's probably done it before.
I know you offered him money to help him out of a difficult situation; did you also talk about his paying you back? Because if you didn't talk about it at that time, don't expect the money to be paid back. I would no longer offer him money, and perhaps find a way to switch one of you from your current position.
I'm sorry, but he's most definitely NOT a friend for you.
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
29 Aug 12
Do you have it in writing? Based on your story, he sounds like someone who cannot help his family, let alone himself. I wish you well in putting this behind you-from the sound of it, it doesn't sound like you'll be getting your money any time soon.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
1 Sep 12
No black and white at all. Only verbal. I trust him, I know he will pay but the problem when, he doesn't have work. I referred him for a job abroad but he don't have effort to visit the agency even I talk to the manager already and the manager agree. They give him a chance. After I called him and told about the work, I stop contacting him. I want him to show some effort if he want work so that he can pay his owe to me.
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
You don't want to loose your friendship but it seems he's the one who's doing it. Money is the root of all evil that's what they say specially if the one who uses it was controlled by it. I think you also spoiled him by not asking for return if he borrowed it or asking for the change and then you allowed him to do it many times. You cannot blame him for he know you will understand and accepted him whatever he acted in you. If you will still continue in your friendship maybe you can talked to him seriously and I hope there will be peace in you both and bring back the friendship.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
27 Aug 12
Yes you are right. I spoiled him that is why he is thinking I will understand him.
I don't want continue doing it with him. I need my money back but I can't force him to pay me because he doesn't have money at all. He is asking me to help him, find job abroad so he can start paying me. Well, I promised him I will do my best so that we can go abroad both.
Imagine what happen lately, after I said to him that I was very disappointed because of what he showed to me when I visit their house. Of course, I am full so my feelings like a bomb near to explode. I sent him an SMS telling that I didn't expect the things he did to me. Instead of asking apologize, he was very silent and never sent me SMS. After 10 days I sent him again an SMS, and asking an apology. Telling him that I only expect what he promised.
That's the time he replied me and tell to forgot everything.
At that time, I was about to have my medical examination for a job abroad. My employer ask me to refer 3 staff possibly from my previous employer, I refer him but instead he refuse because of his family. I don't know, what in his mind. I argued to him and we raised our voice. I went to their house so I can explain to him. I told him, how can you pay me if you will not grab that opportunity. He didn't answer and remain silent until we sleep.
Early in the morning, he wake me up and ask me to include him. I agreed and left their home. After few days, he sent me and SMS , telling he is ready to go with me. Did I made a good decision to help him?
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
It seems he don't have consistent mind but I hope you will not be ashamed to your boss whenever what attitude he will show up when he is already at work. Try to think it first many times before help him your the one who will blame here not him. If you knew that he will appreciate all the things that you help for him then go but if not maybe you can think it twice. If I were you about your money? Maybe I will not expect him to return it It is just very frustrating when it did not happen. But if your sure that he is qualified about the job and your sure that he also like to go with you, then help him. Just don't force him just because you want your money back.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
27 Aug 12
With regards to work I can trust him. He was my staff before and I trusted him several job assignment. I was very relax when he was with me because of his performance.
I don't know if he will be change. I am worried also if he will change and make some worst things related to our job. I help him even to go home from our previous company because of family problem.
I didn't expect now that he can pay me the total amount he borrowed. What in my mind, I want to help him specially to his financial status.
1 person likes this
@adforme (2114)
•
28 Aug 12
I would question if he is a friend at all. Friendship is earned. The fact that you consider him your best friend is most likely causing you considerable disappointment. I hope your friend can fix his financial situation. You have shown kindness by allowing him to borrow money. Money is usually involved in the weakening of friendships. If I were you, I would be patient and keep my distance. Your friend is probably going through some things that does not allow him to be your best friend right now. Hopefully, he will be more involved in preserving the friendship you two have. At this point, it is your friend's choice to extend a hand and give your friendship a chance.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
28 Aug 12
It come's to my mind to keep silent and leave my friend until he will realize how important our friendship would be but everytime I start, he will also come to me and ask help. Don't know why my life pron to friends who always abuse my kindness. Not only this guy did it to me. But most of them at the end they accept their mistakes and ask apology.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
Convince him to change his ways (bad habits)
You are too good to be true- but if you will not guide him for the better path, someday the friendship might end...
So before something bad happens in between- make him realize his bad habits and change his ways for his own betterment especially for his family.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
1 Sep 12
Hi july teen: I think as you mention on your discussion that this is a difficult situation but the only possible answer is to be honest. It could be hard to say it but if this is a real person he will be your friend even if he doesn't like what he hears. You have to tell exactly how you feel and that this situation is disrespectful to you because you can't trust in him for his behaviour and of course stop borrowing him money until he understand that he is destroying your friendship because he is not caring about you.
ALVARO
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
25 Feb 13
Have you tried talking to him about the money you lent him?
Yes, we can help our friends whenever we can, specially lending money. But there is a limit to this. He/she should at least tell you when she/he can possibly return the money. By that, you will know that he has the intention someday.
But to act like it was your obligation to him so he /she has no obligation to return it to you, that's arrogance.
For me, when that happens, i might as well talk to him about it and when he still continue his attitude then it's time that i distance my self from that friend.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
25 Feb 13
You have to distance yourself from him and give him a cold shoulder. Maybe that will make him feel your annoyance and do something to be able to repay you.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
28 Aug 12
It might be that your friend has been using you. He probably thinks you have plenty of money and so have enough that you can just share with him, so he doesn't feel like he has to pay you back.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
28 Aug 12
[/b]Best thing you have to do is have a heart to heart talk with your friend. Tell him what you feel about his treatment towards you. It really hurts to have a friendship ruined because of money matters. Give him the benefit of doubt, maybe he just don't have enough money to pay you, but the problem is he should have treated you right. Good luck 
[b]
[b]
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
28 Aug 12
You mean you still want to keep the friendship with him? Well if I were you, I'd forget about that man. He does not deserve your kindness. If you don't want your kindness to be abused further stop your friendship with that man. He does not deserve you.
@sweetloveforeve (13107)
• Portugal
30 Aug 12
julyteen you are an amazing guy^^ i wish i had a friend like you. he already showed you that you cant trust him completely and still you are so sweet to him. for you to remain that friendship your friend should show you how much he appreciates everything you do for him. he should try to pay you back what he owns you little by little if he cant pay all right away. and he should be sweet to you as you are to him. after everything you did for him you dont deserve that he has a bad attitude towards you.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
1 Sep 12
I think he appreciate but not that much compared to how a treasure our friendship. I have hundreds of friends since I was still a child and until now still I connected with them through facebook, SMS and sometimes I pay a visit to some of them. They are amazed because I didn't forget them. Which the only thing I can give to all of my friends.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
I admire you for treasuring your friendship with your so-called best friend. For me, I could not go beyond that level of friendship as to using everything you own except your wife. I guess, I am different, I don't let anybody use my clothes and other things that are considered too personal. Regarding the fact of lending money to a best friend, well, during the first several times should be observation period. When there is abuse that happens that would be enough cause for going away from any friendship that has been established.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
28 Aug 12
I admit, it's my fault! I spoiled him and used all my resources. The reason why, it because I felt pity with him. He is young and need guidance. Don't have enough experience at all. Married on his early age and have 3 kids even he is still 24 years old. He don't have good relations with his parents.
With regards to work, I trusted him many things. That is why, I was very relax while on duty because of him.
@Pegasus72 (1898)
•
28 Aug 12
I think you have to do what is right for you. You know the situatin better then anyone else. I too have had to cut off from friends because of their only wanting you around when they want something. We tend to just be with family most of the time with little visits to friends, guess that is why we had a big family so that we always have someone to be with.
@HomeBase (1153)
• United States
27 Aug 12
I think that you should talk to him about the money that he owes and about the way that he is treating you. Does he treat other people like that? Sometimes people do not DESERVE a good friend. A good friend is like a job, when you get the job you have to continue to do the job RIGHT or else you will get fired.
@lonelyjem (74)
•
28 Aug 12
For me if my best friend do that to me i will tell her frankly to she know that its wrong but other side i dnt ruin the friendship that were build i will thinking the pass happy moment im with bec i know things hapen for reason if she do mistake i know she hve a teason and its plesaure to hve friends its a part od life havibg a misunderstanding
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
28 Aug 12
We are treating not only as best friend but it's like we are brothers. Like he said, it's normal for a brothers to have misunderstanding. Well, I think he need more adjustment and improvement to his attitude. Like you, I don't want to ruin our friendship because of the money.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
27 Aug 12
I think you need to talk to your friend about your situation. It is alright to help a friend in need, but if that friend becomes to dependent on you, I think it is time to let go of your friendship. A friendship, like any other relationship is a give and take process. Both should be there during good times and bad. Both should be sensitive towards one another's feelings.
Open up to your friend. maybe he will realize his shortcomings after you tell him what you feel. It'll be alright soon! Smile!
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
27 Aug 12
I am expecting him more of what he promised to me that he will treat me like a prince when I visit him. Maybe because of the things I did to him. He said, whatever happened we will treat each other as brother even we are not related in blood.
I am expecting all his promises but I think I also consider his weaknesses. He is a human being and not perfect all the time. The reason also he doesn't have close friend since before, it's because of his attitude. He can't keep his promise and made it to disappoint people.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
27 Aug 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about your friend, surely he is misusing your kindness, i wonder why he is doing such kind of things to you? your topic shows that you are innocent person, this kind of cheats are not deserved for friendship, but you mentioned that you are not interested in spoiling the friendship , then tell that you hate his activities in a kind manner, hope he will realize his fault, other wise cut his friendship
@Raine38 (12257)
• United States
27 Aug 12
Are you sure you still wanna be friends with someone like him? Someone who only knows you when he needs something from you but totally ignores you when he no longer needs you? What if the time comes that it is you who happens to need help? Do you think he will be there for you to help you out or even to support you?
If you still wanna be friends with him, you have to have a heart to heart talk to him. Open to him how his actions and attitude affects you and how you feel about the friendship. After that, he should be able to pull his act together. TThat's all you can do, because the rest will be up to him.
