Help those who help themselves

I don't believe our government knows what to do with itself in the way of giving money to people who do not deserve it. They haven't gotten the system down right with screening and I doubt they ever really will. There are plenty of people who do not deserve the money but are getting it, but there are some - with depression - who do get it and need every penny... regardless of how they use the money, whether poorly or otherwise. I'm not saying that your husband's uncle deserves the money, I'm just saying that mental illnesses are disability as well. I have a uncle who could not function outside in the real world, but he does need money to survive. I don'tlike the way your husband's family is treating him and your family. Honestly you guys work for the money and do what you can, even when times are tough (IE with your husband's illness). I wish there was a way for you guys to distance yourself and not give so freely (even if it isn't so freely, either way.) His family needs a wake up call, are you guys the only place they go to for money?

I try not to think about stuff like that, otherwise I get frustrated with the situation. I know a lot of people like your husband's family. People who probably could work but just don't. Now I do need to say that having depression does make it very difficult to work. I personally suffer from depression, so I know what it feels like. People who don't understand depression don't see why it's a problem to work or do other things when you have it.. but believe me it is a struggle. I have to fight myself daily to get up and shower and go to work. I've come close to quitting my job so many times, and for no good reason either, just because it's a hassle to go to it everyday. When I was younger I would just up and quit my jobs for no good reason, then I'd sit home broke for awhile until I eventually got the urge to go back to work. Until the past 2 years, I never held a job for longer than 6 months. These past 2 years have been the hardest of my life trying to fight with myself to keep going with school and work. I will say that other areas of my life have gone a bit downhill since I started working. I don't cook or clean as much as I used to. I guess I use up all my energy and motivation just struggling to go to work. I am on meds, so it helps a bit, but it's not a cure and I still have a lot of bad days. I'm not excusing the behavior of your relatives.. just trying to point out that depression can be a lot more difficult than some people tend to realize.

Too many loopholes, I guess. Some people are getting assistance who don't need it, and people who do (like some long time unemployed friends of mine) can't get it.

I know exactly how you feel. I know so many people who get disability and they are so much more able to work than me, yet I get the run around all the time when I try to apply for any help after working my butt off for years when all my friends were having babies and getting nice welfare checks for their efforts. And let's not even talk about family. My family barely has anythig to do with me since I lost my good job and have not been able to help them at a moment's notice and I can't even get a ride home from the grocery store after buying food for their kids with my foodstamps. I sometimes laugh at how they all think they are so much better than me now and how they just turn their noses up as if I don't even exist. But I did exist when I was making good money and paying their bills, taking care of their children while they went out at night, letting them use my cars, etc. And I do say they because it is the whole family (except my dad) who act like this. It does not seem right but that how it is.

I know! The system is out of control - that's for sure. There are those who genuinely need it but cant . . . and then there are those who definitely know how to take advantage of the system. I remember going in a grocery line and the lady paying was counting out her food stamps - yet you can see she had her claw nails and hair done, with nice clothes and shoes - with her Gucci bag . . . something in this picture just didn't seem right. I can't remember who said it, but they said they could get more money from Uncle Sam than working at McDonald's. My husband's older sister and her family uses people whenever they can - thankfully they are far, far away from any of us here (but they still call up my parent in laws to hit them up for money). And after all the help they are getting, they still think her family doesn't do enough for them. ????????? I think they were on welfare for a while and were still getting money from her parents. The parents never put their foot down. Just wondering if these uncles or aunts helped you guys out when your husband was going through chemo? Not money wise - but at least being thoughtful in some way? At some point, I'm sure you guys will have to put your foot down with them - because if not, they are going keep taking and taking. Everyone needs help every now and then - but if it's getting to the point it's bothering you, it must surely seem like they are taking advantage now.

Hi friend, sad to hear about your hubby's relatives, most of the persons are in this sort, they can do anything to get help from us and completely forget about us, it is really hard to see a good friend and genuine relation in this modern ays

Being used like that must feel horrible, don't let anyone take advantage of you like that. I don't understand why the system is the way it is either, someone trying to earn a living the honest way often cannot even afford to pay for the health care they need; it's time to give the hard working people a break!

i know what you mean. i don't think i would be catering to these people. what i would be saying to them is 'sorry, i (or we) are not able to help you just now. you will have to get the money from somewhere or someone else). too bad if it causes bad feelings. you have to look after yourself and your family first. also, i agree. the government often seems to have a skewed view of what is considered to be 'sick' and 'not sick'.

This is something I don't understand either....like I know someone who had to fight three years for disability yet another person I know..much younger with just early signs of a disease got it immediately. I do think will all the welfare they are turning our country into a bunch of cripples that refuse to help themselves....and many times its the same famlies...generational so to speak. About time some of them get a job!

hi dor time.nnmwin yes I wondered about disabliity for being depresses? I mean it took forever for me to get ssi and I am partly physically handica pped and 85. but people often work with depressions so I hav e seen .those people the aunts and uncles sound like users to'me,they use your hubby and you yet do npt even try to' be friendly strange odd yes users.. let them get jobs like all others who su pport them selves.,I tr y not to be a user althoug my bestfriend does t ake me shopping and tothe bank b ut we have been very close friends as our our sons, and we share all ourproblems'and I am there for her too and she often phones me just to cry a bit on my shoulder about her husband heart surgery'and his set backs.we just help each o ther all the time

some may argue this but i think its the policies of our politicians at this time. Obama is making it harder every day for the average hard working person. only the very poor or supposedly disabled and the very rich are coming out well here. if you have a job you are expected to pay for all your medical or most of it, if you dont have insurance. and even insurance costs a lot. for most people if you lose just 1 or 2 pay checks, you dont get enough help in time to save your place to live,. and lots of times you cant even eat unless you have kids in your household for medical expenses. no change has come except for the worse in 4 years.

That's a bit (or a lot) frustrating! Specially the fact that they are family. And they expect so much from you, knowing that you (your hubby) had to go through a difficult health issue. The most frustrating part is that even if you complain, I doubt no one would even listen. And that you really have to help yourselves, because the consequences if you don't, is unacceptable.

Hi, Dorannwin! I am so sorry to know about that. There really are just people who are insensitive to certain things. Some would think that asking those help is not a big deal. But, really, if this goes on every single month, maybe you should talk to your husband about it. We have good hearts to help people, but this is obviously an abuse. I hope things go smooth soon. Smile!

Hi, I think your husband's family is selfish. They don't want to help others but they demand many things from you and your husband. When someone do favor for us we show at least gratitude for their help. But your husband family doesn't have even courtesy. When you are going through difficult situation they would have to come forward and try to help you as far as possible. Difficult times teach us to recognize the genuineness of relationship.