helping people out

hi jazel, Actually this is normal with in a family but sometimes some family member become abusive like my cousin they keep on making babies even they don't have stable jobs in times of need they will seek help to mom and of course they are family mom will help them but we cannot help them most of the time we also have a life to take care of. Your brother is lucky to have a sister like you maybe your husband can understand but not all the time cause you also have a family happy mylotting

I think you should still tell your hubby about this, if he remits to you his whole salary ever payday. He has the right to know how much the expenses should be. However, if you both keep a separate management of each of your own salaries and do your share as agreed upon, i think you don't have to tell him that you also give some monetary help to your brother. However, i am wondering why you still have to help them, because when they get married they know their obligations in life.

Hi jazel_juan. You are a good sister to your brother. I understand that helping each other is part of our culture. Even though a sibling has already married, our duties as their his/her family does not end there. My father had been in a similar situation. He was the one raising money for his sisters' college education. By the time he got married, he couldn't afford anymore to pay for his younger brother's education. Instead of understanding my father's situation, his sisters became mad at my mom (because after he married, my mom was the one managing my dad's salary). Every time we would go to our relatives' house, it is not uncommon to hear them say "I have no money." They're too scared that we would borrow money from them too. It's sad that my dad had helped them so much yet they didn't know how to be thankful. It was because of this experience that I don't give money to relatives that easily. But don't get me wrong, what you did was right. I admire your kindness. And I believe that your brother would repay your kindness tenfold once he got back to his feet.

looks like my mom has almost the same problem here.. and my dad is ok and always supporting my mom to help his brother (my uncle). i think that when a woman and man in a relationship especially married, there should be a fully understanding in that couple. and i think your husband will be ok :) cheer up ! it will be fine :)

you know instead of giving your brother almost as if it is your responsibility why not teach him how to be independent let him work for his family just how you husband works for you, if your relation with your husband get affected with what you are doing,(i hope it will not) it will going to be a harder problem for you to handle.

Hi there jazel_juan, In your situation, It's okay to help people most specially if their your family but at some point still there is a limit.

Helping your family is quite honorable. There is something about family that allows one to believe he or she has people who will be there through thick and thin. I have come to understand that people need to be self sufficient and capable of setting priorites. There is no better feeling than being able to help yourself and others, but perhaps there is a reason for the need that is uncontrollable or misunderstood. If your sister-in-law's family need to make better choice, maybe you can advise her about that as well.

God is righteous enough to repay what you are doing. Every good deeds always are blessed. Your reward will come in due time. Just keep it up

Hi jazel You are doing a noble thing here and such deeds might not earn you any good here on this world but they definitely mean a lot - for your own satisfaction and good. As far as I know, you and hubby are a good understanding couple and I am sure he would understand - maybe you can tell him all about this when you find a right kind of thing - but avoid a delay and let him know from your side before he finds out himself or from other people (I know there are some neggers around everywhere on the planet)

In my opinion, your hubby must be in a state of sentiments, but he can comprehend the situation. Traditionally, if you are going to marry someone, we are also going to marry the rest of the family. It's been our culture, having a close-family ties. I do same thing, I lend my hand for those people, who needs my help.

I think it will be fine with him if you will tell him before you help your family. Asking his approval or informing him before you do something is a must if you are married. You know that everything you have he owns it too. You will avoid any misunderstanding if he is informed. He'll understand you more if you do that. There's nothing wrong in helping others most especially if they are your family and you are the only one who earns better than them. Your husband will agree as long as he is aware of what you are doing.

I can understsnd as i am also facing the same issue . My brother has gone done due to which they r facing family crises. Due to which i started helping him by sending few cash and sending dresses for the family. But i am afraid to tell my husband as he is a bit kanjoos. I really don't know what to do.

It is may be your husband needs to be told by you that you are doing a fantastic job as to help them out when they are in need of help and you are helping his family. Make him understand in a pleasant way and he will probably understand what a great job you are doing.

Your situation was the same with my sister.My sister married a foreign national.Most of the time, my sister lends help to my brother and his family most of the time.When her husband knows it,he tried to stop my sister.But family are family.So right now, my sister lend help discreetly.

I have been in the same situation as yours right now. I am also a wife and a mother who cannot just stand and stare while my immediate family struggles with some financial problems. Like you, I still try to help even when I no longer have anything for myself. I have my own problems as well but maybe I cannot just sit back and do nothing. Sometimes, my husband and I argue as well especially when he kept on saying that I have a brother who can help more that I do because he is still single and has a good job. My husband is not against helping my family. In fact, he even gives monthly contribution to my parents (although we live on a separate house, but the property we live in belongs to my parents). But what he wanted to make me understand is that, sometimes there are limitations. We cannot just simply give and make others depend on us all the time. Help them not by giving money, but help them to make a living. In my case, I didn't stop helping. I still do for as long as I have something to offer. I just wanted my elder brother to realize that our family needs him..that he should help his family first before helping others. What we have observed is that most of his money goes to something/someone else. Although we cannot dictate what he wants for his life, but he should start helping our parents because they live in the same house. In your case jazel, I understand your situation especially if your siblings don't have jobs. After your sister gives birth, try to talk to them and discuss how you can help each other. Try to convince or help them find a job. Of course, you can always be a kind aunt to your nephews. Help each other. It's not only a one man's fight. You have to work as a family. And also, just try to explain to your husband all your plans. It's always right to be open and honest to our partner. God bless you always!

I have been in the same situation as yours right now. I am also a wife and a mother who cannot just stand and stare while my immediate family struggles with some financial problems. Like you, I still try to help even when I no longer have anything for myself. I have my own problems as well but maybe I cannot just sit back and do nothing. Sometimes, my husband and I argue as well especially when he kept on saying that I have a brother who can help more that I do because he is still single and has a good job. My husband is not against helping my family. In fact, he even gives monthly contribution to my parents (although we live on a separate house, but the property we live in belongs to my parents). But what he wanted to make me understand is that, sometimes there are limitations. We cannot just simply give and make others depend on us all the time. Help them not by giving money, but help them to make a living. In my case, I didn't stop helping. I still do for as long as I have something to offer. I just wanted to my elder brother to realize that our family needs him..that he should help his family first before helping others. What we have observed is that most of his money goes to something/someone else. Although we cannot dictate what he wants for his life, but he should start helping our parents because they live in the same house. In your case jazel, I understand your situation especially if your siblings don't have jobs. After your sister gives birth, try to talk to them and discuss how you can help each other. Try to convince or help them find a job. Of course, you can always be a kind aunt to your nephews. Help each other. It's not only a one man's fight. You have to work as a family. And also, just try to explain to your husband all your plans. It's always right to be open and honest to our partner. God bless you always!

I can't imagine what we did last December 2011 when we were hit by typhoon Sendong. All the people were busy doing their best to offer a helping hand to the affected and victims of the said killer typoon. Our family responded immediately especially that my sister and my three married nephews's houses were all washed out nothing was left except the flooring of their houses. Like what others did in our neighborhood we emptied our cabinets and giving them out prioritizing my affected family and some to our church. I also bought some extra towels , blankets , some underwears and foods. We even helped them to built a temporary shelter which until now they are in. With these activities we come to realized that we almost have nothing for us left especially for our Christmas and New Year celebration. But it doesn't matters now because we did the right thing.