Your Teenage Daugher Approaches you.................

@Jshean20 (14349)
Canada
September 18, 2012 8:07pm CST
Imagine if your teenage daughter approached you to let you know that she would like to meet a boy from the internet, I can imagine this would be a scary thing but at the same time I'd be so proud that she came to me instead of going behind my back and doing it without asking. Do you think the fact that she comes to you before doing it herself shows maturity and therefore you should consider allowing it? How would you handle such a situation? Thanks.
2 people like this
15 responses
• United States
19 Sep 12
that's very mature of her to come straight to you first. under those circumstances, i would help her to set up the meeting in a public place, some kind of resteraunt. i would sit two tables away to keep an eye on them. that way, if she felt uncomfortable or if he wasn't who he portrayed himself to be, you're there.if it all goes well, you're there to be introduced to. she gets to have a little freedom but knows she's safe.
2 people like this
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
19 Sep 12
That seems like a good idea, be within the same restaurant as her at a different booth to make sure she's safe. I'm sure she would try to put up a fight with this idea with her mother sitting in the same room cause it would be so embarrassing for her, but there needs to be some sort of boundaries.
1 person likes this
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
19 Sep 12
I just think any parent who has their teenager come to them with such a thing should be so proud. A lot of kids are too worried that their parents are going to be too strict and they are too shy to approach them, so they end up doing sneaky things; sneaky=dangerous.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 12
exactly! but the way things are nowadays, it's more for her protection than anything else! he doesn't need to know that you're there unless a problem occurs or she decides to introduce you to him.
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@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
19 Sep 12
HI there! I think if my daughter approaches me I would be glad to guide her. I think parents are the best well wishers of their children and children should understand this point and should always share their apprehensions, new ventures and other things before plunging.
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@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
I like the way you worded that: " should always share their apprehensions, new ventures and other things before plunging", you are so right. I think if kids follow this quote life will be a whole lot easier for them and also for the parents.
1 person likes this
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
22 Sep 12
Not only this, but living as an example is important. They observe the kinds of things that we do and say and we can hope that they follow in these footsteps
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@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
20 Sep 12
I also wish that children should follow what we say.
• Philippines
19 Sep 12
Oh, my. Thank God I have a son. LOL. I guess it depends. If he sounds trsutworthy I'll let her. I'm going to interview my daughter first about this boy. I need to know everything about him.LOL. I sound like a very possessive mother. Haha. I guess, I'd just let my husband decide about it. If his father will allow her, good for her. I hope they will meet with our presence. I want our daughter to introduce that boy to us first before we give him our full trust. Thanks for sharing and happy mylotting.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
There is abolsutely nothing wrong with being a protective parent, my mother was very protective of me and at the time I hated it but now I love her even more for it.
• Valdosta, Georgia
19 Sep 12
I do think that shows a sign of maturity and responsibility! That is good. I would do what someone else said. Sit far enough away from them where ever they want to meet in case something goes wrong but it still gives them a chance to get to know each other without anyone else being on top of them. And I would tell her it is not her that you don't trust (the reason you want to go too), because its great that she came to you and she sounds like she can definitely be trusted but the other person might not be trustworthy...It can be really dangerous so I would go if it was my daughter but I would not make myself obvious or anything. At least you know with you there she will be safe if its some crazy person or something!
1 person likes this
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
19 Sep 12
Exactly. I wouldn't be close enough to butt in on the conversation but close enough that she could come to me for comfort or safety if something odd happens or she gets a bad feeling. Also it would be a relief to be there to see her meeting a young boy, not some 50 year old man ...**shivers**..
1 person likes this
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
19 Sep 12
You were very smart to have a guy friend with you when originally meeting your husband, you just never know! It's not hard for these people to get fake pictures and to have a little boy sounding voice if you talk on the phone, always best to be safe! Any decent person would understand this and not be offended to see that the person he was meeting brought someone along, I would expect it if I was a guy!
1 person likes this
@krupar5 (287)
• United States
19 Sep 12
i agree with you, that if my daughter would approach me and asked that I would be proud. it would let me know that she respects me enough to not go behind my back I would consider allowing her after I find out whom she wanted to meet. i would also add stipulations. she would have to have several friends with her and it must be in a public place.. I would also ask that she called when she got there and if they leave to go elsewhere. there are way to many dangers to not be careful. i also feel that if we do not allow our child to do something after they ask us,they will do it anyways. i also would fear that she would not be so open to talking to me if I did not allow her to meet the person.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
19 Sep 12
That's exactly what I thought. If you just flat out say "no" without any questions asked, chances are she's going to rebel against you and run into a situation which could've been avoided in the first place.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Sep 12
Wow that's so great you have the openess in the family coz i'm not like that you must be thankful enough coz your daughter wants your opinion maintain yoiur friendship with her and ofcourse you should also say the advantages and disadvantages of ones decision.
1 person likes this
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
Haha, I actually don't have a teenage daughter at all I'm just thinking about scenarios that I might run into later in life as a parent and I appreciate everyones opinion. I hope that someday I do have an open family where my daugher feels like she can tell me anything.
• United States
19 Sep 12
It really depends on the circumstances. What site did she meet him on? Is he the friend-of-a-friend that she connected to on Facebook? Or is he some random guy she met on some random site? I would want his full details at that point--and be very upset that I did not already have this information long before she got to the point where she was wanting to meet this guy. I would be doing a background check on him before allowing her to meet him in a very public place nowhere near our home with her father and I in a nearby spot monitoring the situation. If there were any red flags in what I found, I wouldn't hesitate to hire a private investigator.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
I also don't think you can ever be too careful. You bring up a good point that it would depend on how they met, through mutual friends on facebook would be a completely different scenario than if it was in some adult chatroom or something like that.
@toniganzon (72317)
• Philippines
19 Sep 12
That's a positive sign that she highly respects you and yes that's maturity. I would be relieved if i had a daughter who would act like that. I would allow her of course but I shouldn't allow her to go alone. I would suggest she bring her friends along and to invite that guy in our home too so I could get to know him. I know how dangerous it is to meet guys through the internet sometimes but there are those who can be trusted. As long as she won't meet him alone and I am aware of where they're going to meet, i would be fine with that. I would warn her of the dangers of course and tell her how to protect herself just in case that person cannot be trusted.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
In this situation I wouldn't feel comfortable with her going alone with friends, what if he friends decide to leave her for whatever reason? I just wouldn't trust that situation. I'd rather be with her, even if it's across the room and he doesn't know I'm there that's the only way I'd be comfortable with it.
@rafiholmes (2896)
• Malaysia
19 Sep 12
yeah..that is a good thing that she approached u first.. this shows that she is still NOT mature..but doesnt mean she is still not any smarter..it simply shows u that she still knows deep inside she is a child belongs to u..her parents..she knows deep inside whatever she gonna do..must let someone important in her life to know about it..incase something happen and makes the parents worry whole day.. good thing.. and i think ..u should tell her whats the danger of seeing someone from the internet..if she really still wanna go..ask her to bring a friend along..or meet in a public area..malls etc.. and just be quick about 1-2 hours ..enough ..then go home or ask u to pick her up..etc.. cheers..
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
For a first time meeting I would only allow it to be a day thing where they are not alone, I like the idea of them meeting at a restaurant and me being at a booth not so far away.
@krupar5 (287)
• United States
19 Sep 12
i agree with you, that if my daughter would approach me and asked that I would be proud. it would let me know that she respects me enough to not go behind my back I would consider allowing her after I find out whom she wanted to meet. i would also add stipulations. she would have to have several friends with her and it must be in a public place.. I would also ask that she called when she got there and if they leave to go elsewhere. there are way to many dangers to not be careful. i also feel that if we do not allow our child to do something after they ask us,they will do it anyways. i also would fear that she would not be so open to talking to me if I did not allow her to meet the person.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 12
I would be glad that she came to me but I would have to know in what context did she "meet" this boy. I would have to have my own chats with him and decide from there whether it would be a good idea or not, and then would still have to be present at a meeting in a public place.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
Oh believe me there would be lots of questions asked before the meeting and after the meeting if it even got as far as to meeting this person in the first place.
• China
19 Sep 12
Hi. First you should be happy that your teenage daughter turns to you when she has something. You can give her some advice on such thing as she can't deal with.But the most important thing is that you should show respect to her ,letting her know her mother always be with her whenever she has something difficult.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
I think such an action creates a special bond between a mother and daughter, it would show that the daughter feels comfortable talking to her mom in any given situation.
• United States
19 Sep 12
Absolutely! She came to ask your permission or even help with doing something she knows could be dangerous. That definitely shows a great deal of maturity. I'm sure you know this, but I have to say it, if you're going to allow her to meet a boy from the internet, accompany her to a public place. But she is demonstarting a lot of knowledge and maturity, and she is showing the she respects you. And that is amazing that your daughter can trust you like that. I don't know of any kid that would have asked their parents' permission to do something like that. If my daughter were to ever ask me that, I would be thrilled that she can trust me and respect me that much, and would probably consider taking my daughter to meet this stranger in a very public place. If I already knew what was going on with their online conversations, and didn't have a strange feeling about the situation.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
I could never just drop her off to meet this person, I would have a sick feeling in my stomache if I ever did that. I would take her and I'd be around in the immediate area and we'd also have a backup "just in case" plan in affect.
@wass11 (1)
• South Korea
19 Sep 12
That's not too bad.She is very sound or healthy to wish to be agreed with her parents's if she is not too early and the reverse is the same. Most people at that age tend to get her(or his) curiosity and longing stronger for male or female. I think it's pretty natural, furthermore, positive thing to show up without any behind-the-scene meeting.
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
I agree that most teens would allow their curiousity to take over the situation, they wouldn't be thinking about their safety first they would just be thinking about this apparent cool person they met online.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Sep 12
hi Jshean oh yesindeed I wou ld be very proud of her and allow her to meet the boy if she lets me know who he is and also I would ask that she take some friends with her and they meet the boy in a public place.Also if the boy asks them to go somewhere else I would want her to say no sorry my mom will not allow me to do that. that is if I were the mother of a teen age girl which I am not sorry to say. we lost our daughter at the age of 8 she would now be 52 so time had flown and Iam a widow and an elderly senior 'citizen too
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
I'm so sorry to hear that you've went through such a tragic loss in your life and I appreciate you taking the time to include your opinion in this topic. I'm with you, for the first meeting I would not allow them to go anywhere alone that would just be too much for one day, I'd want small steps to be taken.