how can I make him see the truth....
By alina
@swissheart (6482)
Romania
September 24, 2012 1:58pm CST
here's a friend of mine's story
he has been with a girl for 4 years. they broke-up in the end because he cheated on her. he couldn't take being a liar so he confessed his mistake. she couldn't forgieve him. the girl he cheated his grilfriend with was there for him so they started a relationship. they spent the last 4 years going back and forth..breaking up and getting back together. he doesn;t have the courage to start a relationship with a new girl because he got used to the girl he cheated his first girlfriend with. he pretends that he loves her . but I;m afraid that he's going to get married with her and realise after some years that he doesn't love her and leave her maybe even with kids. he cheats on her and when they break up he says he's going to change and that he wants her back. they get back together and the story repeats.
so if he really loved her would he cheat on her?
how can I make him convince to take the risk of starting a relationship with a new person
1 person likes this
7 responses
@monkmano (585)
• Canada
24 Sep 12
i believe if you truly love someone you would never cheat on them. and i don't know if you can convince him, he has to make his own mistakes. it couldn't hurt to talk calmly and express your concerns but that would be delicate if he gets mad at you for saying that. are you willing to take that risk, and save him from regret?
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
25 Sep 12
I tried to talk to him but he just won't admit he's wrong. as you said if you trully love someone you won't cheat. but he's used to the fact that that girl always forgieves him and recieves him back no matter what he did
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
28 Sep 12
we're not that close...in fact she's a little bit jealous because he spends much time talking to me. I couldn't approach her to tell her that. she might interpret wrong my intentions and consider that I'm trying to steal her boyfriend away from her. I tried to talk to him and I said our discusion didn'[t go anywhere. my impresion is that he can't decide what he want and in a way he's also ruining her life
@monkmano (585)
• Canada
28 Sep 12
if he is difficult to get through to maybe you could talk with her. in a not too upfront 'break up with your boyfriend' way but ask her why she always takes him back, maybe you could open her eyes to the situation? its such a complicated thing trying to help.
also he's used to the fact he can cheat and get away with it i'm thinking now he just might do this to many other girls. if they're fine with the arrangement i suppose it's up to them, try to help give it a good shot and then let them make their own mistakes.
:)
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
25 Sep 12
This sounds like one of those horrible toxic relationships. The ones that you stick with because you have convinced yourself that you love them and that there's no getting away or moving on. But the relationship is poison. He needs to get out of that. The sooner the better.
I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years and getting away was the hardest thing I had done at the time. But it was also the BEST thing I had done for myself. 6 years later, I am happily engaged to another and no longer regretting my life.
I hope you can convince him to move on. To not waste his life settling for unhappiness. He needs to know it can be better!
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
25 Sep 12
It's true that he's mistaking missing her for loving her. It's normal to miss someone and mourn the loss of the relationship. Especially after so long a time together.
He sounds like my brother in law. This guy's gf has thrown him in jail 3 times. She fights with him in front of family and friends. She's hit him, thrown things at him, moved out on him. And yet they get back together every time. They've been together on and off for 5 years. We've tried so hard to convince him that he can do better. But he doesn't listen.
I wish I knew what to say to convince him and your friend. Sadly, some people have to learn things on their own I guess. I hope your friend comes to realize that he needs to leave her before it's too late.
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
25 Sep 12
he's convinced tha he loves her because every time they break-up he misses her. it's normal after they've been together for 4 years. he got used to her and he takes advantage of the fact that she always forgieves him and recieves him back. I would describe it as you said...toxic. I have no idea how to convince him that what he feels it's not preciselly love because I"m afraid that if I tell him something he's going to get mad at me. and as I said I don't want him that after some years of marriage to realise that he doesn't love the girl
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
25 Sep 12
What if he is someone who is just not suited to being in a relationship? I mean, if he thinks he loves her but cheats on her anyway, then maybe he would cheat no matter who he was with.
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
25 Sep 12
you're right. I never tought about things this way but this might be true. anyway at the same time that girl deserves a guy who would love and appreciate her.she loves him that's no doubt
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
25 Sep 12
I think this friend of yours, you have to tell him to get his life straight and to know what he wants and be sure if this woman is for keeps. this person i am sure does love him and to be fair, make him or give her the truth if he is serious with her. i am afraid he is just seeking for the next victim! no offense meant to your friend but he just seemed like the type of guy that does this.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
29 Sep 12
Hi!
I am unable to understand what made you think that the guy is needed to be convinced.
If he is in a relationship with a girl for the last 4 years and the girl accepts her back even if he ditches her ten the girl is also at fault or is vulnerable and he is exploiting the girl.
When the girl is not strong and unable to withstand the seperation with the guy, the guy will always try to fool her.
I can not find any solution to this issue .... Lol!
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
24 Sep 12
If he is cheating on her he is not in love with her by no means. Explain it to him like you did to us. "You really don't love her if you did you would cheat. You both are always breaking up and getting back together and its just not working for you. You need to stop looking or dealing with a female of any kind till you get your act together completely. When he least excepts a new women will come along and be the right one. The one that he won't cheat on."
@swissheart (6482)
• Romania
24 Sep 12
I tried to do that but he doesn't understand. each time he loses her he says that he's going to change. and he makes another mistake and I"m afraid this is going to repeat forever. that girl loves him if she was capable to forgieve him for cheating on her. I adviced him to spend some time alone to that he would decide what he wants but when he's single he's going crazy. i never saw him single more than 1 month....I think he never reached 1 month in fact. and each time he got back together with that girl
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
24 Sep 12
I belie e a person has to realize few things first before being able to move on... First, there's no such a thing as "mistakes", or very rare... It's not like he slipped on a banana peal & landed on top of a girl naked... And even if it was possible, it wouldn't be a mistake in that case... It would be an accident... He made a choice... Probably a bad choice but a choice either way... He has to cometo terms with the fact that he made a choice & live with the consequences, not make excuses & try to justify it by calling it a mistake... Mistake implies there was no knowledge of right or wrong... He knew he was at wrong but he did it anyway... That being said, he has to decide weather moving on with a new relationship is worth it or not... I think 4 years is long enough to know weather the person you're thinking about spending the rest of your life with is right or wrong... Again, he's faced with a choice... And like many other things, choice can be only made by the person who's faced with it... We can't make it for them... All we can do is tell them what we think & hope that he makes the right choice...
