I Don't Want To Fall In Love

United States
October 3, 2012 8:26pm CST
I have recently been burned in the love department and I've just recently started talking to a couple guys. One I really like, the other I'm not really into. But the one that I like is honest, he isn't looking for a relationship, he says he just wants to date. He says if someone comes along and it starts to feel right then he will go with it, but that he isn't looking. In some ways, I think he has the right approach and we do talk every few days, but he works in transportation, so he isn't always available to talk to or hang out with. I'm trying not to persue him, but yet let him come to me if he is interested. I'm just scared that I'm eventually going to fall in love and then I'm going to wind up getting hurt. So, what are some things that you can do so that you don't fall in love with someone? Any ideas?
4 people like this
15 responses
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
Do not tolerate the feeling. If you guys don't have the same motive or reason for dating like you said, he just want to date and not really sure if he wants a relationship then you'll probably end up heartbroken. I suggest that you stopped communicating with him. That way, it will give him the hint that you do not really want that kind of relationship and might make him actually think more about his feelings.
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
You know yourself better singlemommy. If you think that constant communication with this guy may lead you to want him or like him more, then you know what to do now. It is hard to be with a guy that doesn't want commitment.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Oct 12
Part of me does just want to go with it and have fun. I don't really want to have to worry about commitment, because of the fear of getting hurt, but then again, I'm scared at some point that will change for me and it won't for him and then I wonder where that is going to leave me.
1 person likes this
@naster (13)
4 Oct 12
firstly,i'm sorry to tell you that you two probably wouldn't work out from my experiences.this guy has not prepared for a serious relationship yet.so if you insist,cousequence will not satisfy your hope.i think your Mr.right must be waiting for you somewhere,so if you want,just go out with someone with nothing to worry about.
2 people like this
@wongchoiyee (7446)
• Malaysia
4 Oct 12
Enjoy being falling in love and out of love, we do it a lot of times in our life, so if you feel you can't take it, why would you still talk to him? Avoid him, leave that plain man and go to another department of love and start over again.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Oct 12
I know exactly how you feel! About a year and a half ago I came out of a horribly mentally abusive relationship and one where I was desperately in love. And it ended awfully. I was with him for 5 years and I hadnt been 'single' for longer then a couple weeks at a time before him. So coming out of that relationship, being so hurt and feeling so lost... it wasn't easy. Honestly? One day you will fall in love again and trust again, even though you don't feel like it right now. The very best thing you can do after being hurt from someone you love, so to take a break. Learn how to be single and how to love yourself and live for yourself. Right now you are literally in a very special place. You have the ability to pick and choose the attributes and characteristics you want out of your future love. You have the ability to take your time, live life for YOU without needing to worry about someone else in the picture just yet. The best thing, so to take it day by day. Deal with the pain of your past relationship, learn about yourself and who you are and want to be, and then let your Mr. right come to you. Let him persue you. And then just make sure it feels right. I was single for 6 months after breaking it off with my ex and I had A LOT of baggage and pain that I had to face on my own. I dated here and there but just realizing that I had that right to choose what I was looking for, was such a new concept to me. When some of the guys seemed nice, but yet didnt quite feel 'right'... I took a break. I stopped looking. And shortly after I met my fiance. He was a customer of mine at work (At walmart) and he ended up giving ME his number and we started talking from there. But I would never have been at that place if confidence and ease of I hadnt first taken the time to find myself and my own confidence first. I hope this helps :)
2 people like this
@Zskyla (39)
• United States
4 Oct 12
Honestly, I think that the only way you can stop yourself from falling in love is to keep some distance away from you and the person. Talk to him occasionally, but don't hang out too much or else (as I can tell you already somewhat have feelings for this person) it will only get worse and you will end up getting hurt. The only way you should try to pursue the relationship further is if he decides that he is ready to take on a serious relationship, so that way you both know what you're getting into, and what to expect from the relationship. If you really care about not getting your heart broken, then I think it's best to explore your options, and let time set its course and settle everything out.
1 person likes this
@Mashnn (4502)
4 Oct 12
If you are looking for a serious relationship then I would not advise you to go for the second guy. He seems not to be interested in that kind of relationship. If you decide to fall in love with him, just lower your expectations by not taking the relationship so seriously. I think he has done the right thing by informing you what he expect from a relationship.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Oct 12
Yeah, I do appreciate his honesty, which is weird since it isn't exactly what I want to hear. LOL But he and I had a conversation the other day about honesty and he said that he would always be honest. He also said that he has learned that women say they want honesty but when they get it and it isn't what they want to hear then they tend to get mad. I can see where he is coming from because I've been like that several times. Sometimes the truth hurts and we don't want to face it.
• Canada
4 Oct 12
It sounds simple I know, but when you're in love with the right person, you'll both fall in love at the same time. don't waste your love on someone who isn't loving you back If you find yourself faling for someone who is not falling for you, you need to simply TALK YOURSELF OUT OF IT! Worked for me, and when the right one came along, I was avaiable, because I wasn't wasting my loe on "a bucket with a hole in it!"
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
6 Oct 12
first of all you give yourself time to heal, you just got out of a relationship. It is even too soon to date. then when you date, you just date, period. If you are already thinking about falling in love you are setting yourself up to be hurt. The other person is just out to date. When the time comes you will know and he will know together at the same time that it is right.
@dragon54u (31629)
• United States
4 Oct 12
I was divorced at 52 and never again wanted a man in my life so I can't really identify with the problem. But my mom and sister divorced while they were still theoretically "datable" and they avoided the love trap by concentrating on their children, raising them without their dads. It sure did fill up their lives and I can tell you I'm a better person for it and so is my brother--my sister and other brother were adults by then and not there. After my brother and I were gone my mom got on with her love life and was very happy with it until she got too old to bother with men. My sister is still very happily single and her kids are thriving with families of their own and good memories of their childhood. So, I'd say put your love life on the back burner and you won't have to worry about it. But you will raise happy, well adjusted children who got a mother's undivided attention. Without time to fall in love you won't get hurt. And you're young enough that once the kids are gone you'll have 40-50 years of dating to enjoy. I sympathize with your predicament, I was there. Life is full of wondrous things and men are just a miniscule piece of the pie. Enjoy the rest of life and quit looking for love--when it's the right time and the right man, love will find you.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20217)
• United States
6 Oct 12
make sure you know the differenc e between Love and Lust. At your age Mother Nature is prime in your life. Lust is what she uses to protect the human race. Love that is true comes from knowing a person and accepting his good points and bad. Just remember you are in charge of you and stay strong. Blessings
• Philippines
4 Oct 12
If you really don't want to fall in love then create a wall between you two. You can talk to him but remind yourself not to fall in love. However, it sometimes fail. Whatever you do, I guess you will still fall in love with him. Your heart is smart. LOL. That's why we have our brains to contradict our hearts. LOL. Happy mylotting.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
4 Dec 12
I think that you are doing the right thing, by not trying to pursue him. Let him come to you if he wants to date you and get to know you. If he never comes to you, then he will have never have hurt you and like you have said, he already told you what he is looking for in a relationship. That would also all depend on what you are looking for in a relationship. If you are looking for something serious, then maybe you should leave him a lone just to avoid yourself from getting hurt by him. But if you just want to date around too, then if he comes to you and try to pursue you, then maybe you should give him a chance. Also, maybe you could ask him on a date to see how things go. But it all depends on what you are looking for.
@sanjay91422 (2725)
• India
4 Oct 12
I think there is no idea to not fall in love with someone. If you love him then you will love him no matter what ideas you get on your mind. You figured it right I think that you are going to fall in love but you don't want to be looked as a desperate one so you are feared of falling in. I think if the guy want to date with you then he is interested in you but he has not decided to get committed to you so you should also play it same way. You should not rush for anything just enjoy what ever comes in front.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
10 Nov 12
Be in love with some body can make us enjoy our life
• Canada
4 Oct 12
I know it sounds like it would be easier said than dine, but for ne if the guy didn't love me back, I would not be able to fall in love with him. That is to say, I'd know I was pouring water into a leaking bucket, and what would be the point of that? Don't open your heart till you know it's right for both of you.