I just feel so blah right now...
By courtknee525
@courtknee525 (3742)
United States
October 8, 2012 1:39pm CST
Ever since my boyfriend left again for the army yesterday I've felt so out of it. I have no appetite and I just feel sick all the time. Not that long ago I got my last call from him before he left for Korea. I'm not sure when I'll here from him again because the only way he'll be able to talk is through skype or his ipad. I just hope that he gets internet soon once he gets to Korea.
All I want to do is just curl up in bed and either watch tv or sleep. I have a bunch of schoolwork to do and finals to study for but I just can't bring myself to do it. Without him here with me I just feel so empty and a little lonely. I know it's not good to be like this but I just can't help it. My best friend left yesterday and I don't get to see him for at least 6 months. I have no appetite at all and when I eat meals I just get sick to my stomach afterwards.
My boyfriend told me to keep my head up and that I'm a strong person and I really don't want to let him down. I know that I'll have to keep my chin up and be strong because I know how much it's killing him to leave me and I don't want him to feel even worse if he sees me the way I am now. His time away is only temporary and after a year he'll be stationed in the U.S. The first few days after he leaves are always the hardest. I just have to tough it out and keep my head up. He stays army strong for me and his country and I can definitely return the favor by staying army strong for him.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@angelkarah050182 (4980)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
Yes, I guess while he's away, you should take care of yourself. What do you think will he feel if he'll find out that you lost your appetite and you're lonely. I guess he won't be happy at all and he won't have any peace of mind. I guess you are still adjusting. Just keep yourself busy and try to remember good memories. Tell youself that you're going to be alright without him for a while. Move on. Don't torture yourself with loneliness. You deserve to be happy. I hope you'll be able to eat well soon.
@angelkarah050182 (4980)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
Yes, we have to be tough at all times. Let's just think positively. Time goes by so fast. Take care of yourself and stay happy. Your boyfriend will be okay and he'll be back. For the mean time, just talk via Skype and other social networking sites. You still can see each other's faces. You're just one video call away. Happy mylotting.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
9 Oct 12
I definitely don't want him to know that him being away is making me so sick. He would feel even worse than he already does. I try to eat but it just makes me queasy and upsets my stomach. I'll eat little things here and there and I make sure I drink plenty of water. When I talk to him I make it seem like everything is ok because I don't want him to have to worry about me so much. With time I think I'll get better, it's just hard to adjust to him leaving at first.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
23 Oct 12
The first few days after he leaves are always the hardest.
By me responding to this discussion 3 weeks late, hopefully you've already gone through the 'first few days', and that it's a little better these days. And that you are keeping your head up and keeping army strong for him. As he is doing the same for you.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
24 Oct 12
The first few days really are the hardest. I ended up getting sick that week as well and it was horrible. I'm doing better now though. I still miss him but things are slowly improving.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
8 Oct 12
Thank you, it means a lot to me :) I'm really going to focus on school and work while he's away. I'm almost done with my bachelor's degree and by the time he gets out of the army I'll be finishing up my master's. In my spare time i'll work as much as possible and save my money so that when he does get out of the army, we will be able to get married and live together. It's tough to be apart, but both of us are working towards making our future better together.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
9 Oct 12
You're right. This happens every time he has to leave. I felt like this back in May when he left and then again in July after I had to leave him after seeing him graduate basic training. Things somehow get better and I'm able to not be as sad. I always miss him and think about him, but most of the time it's not as painful as it is right now.
@rs1982 (99)
• United States
8 Oct 12
well..no words to say except..good luck and stay strong! Count days..focus on other tasks and college..to keep the mind busy..think of the happy stuff..such as his stationing in the US next year..in fact, you should be glad that your long distance relationship is going great. Touchwood to that!
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
8 Oct 12
Thank you :) Despite the distance and the fact that he's away most of the time, we really do have a good relationship still, probably better than most relationships that aren't long distance. I think it also helped that we dated for 2 years before he decided to join the army. We already had a strong connection and by the time he left our connection became stronger. I will try to keep busy and look forward to when I see him next and get engaged to him which will probably happen when he comes back to visit in 6 months. In the meantime I'll try to stay as busy as possible and hope that the time flies by.
@ajlasent (536)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
Your boyfriend believes in your strength and so should you. :) He's being strong for the both of you and you're right! You can be army strong for him as well.
Try to find the appetite and will to eat. Imagine what your boyfriend would feel if he finds out you got sick.. :( He'll get worried and the situation will be harder for both of you so you should find your strength inside you to go on.
The time will fly, and try to occupy your mind with positive thoughts and be productive while waiting. Next thing you know, he'll back beside you!
I hope you cheer up now, and please take care of your health. :)
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
8 Oct 12
Thank you :) And I will try to get my appetite up so that I'm not sick all the time. The least I can do for him while he's away is stay healthy and strong. I would hate for him to find out how sick I get when he leaves and that I don't eat much, it would break his heart knowing that he's the reason why it happens. He already apologizes so much to me for leaving that I don't want him to have anymore guilt. Seeing him stay strong inspires me to do the same. While he's away I'll stay busy with school and work and try to save up my money so that when he's out of the army in a couple years we'll have enough money to live together.
Thank you for your positive thoughts :)
@GemmaR (8517)
•
8 Oct 12
It must be very hard to know that you're not going to see him for a little while. You're right though, you should be strong for him. Let him know that you miss him, but don't let him know that you're not coping at all. It might help for you to talk to your friends and family but tell them that you don't want him to know anything about the way that you're feeling about everything. Another idea would be to try something new like a hobby so that you could take your mind off things at least a little bit. Things like an exercise class can also be a good idea, as exercise can release endorphins in your blood stream which would make you feel better right away.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
8 Oct 12
It really is hard and I know I have to keep my chin up..but sometimes it's just so hard and I get overwhelmed by all the feelings I have of missing him. Whenever I talk to him I try to put on a brave face so our time talking can be happy. We both miss each other but I don't want him to have to know how badly I'm doing. I really would like to start up exercise while he's away. It would be a good way to keep busy and stay healthy and in shape. I do have a treadmill at home as well as a bike, so maybe I'll add that to my list of activities I can do :)
@hilarion (72)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
though i know it is really really hard for you but i believe you should do all things you ought to do like studying hard so once you talk with him, you could tell a whole lot of story and share a lot more things that happen to you. doing nothing at all will not make you tell something to him when he talks with you.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
8 Oct 12
Yes, that's true. When I talk to him I want to have things I can tell him about so there aren't long pauses of no conversation. The first few days after he leaves are always the hardest on me.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
8 Oct 12
That's right. Stay army strong for him. He won't want to see you pining away for him. Keep busy and focus on your college work. The time is going to pass easier if you occupy your mind with the everyday things going on in your life.
I know it is hard. But you will be strong for him and yourself. I believe you can do this.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
8 Oct 12
No, seeing me like this will only make him feel worse about leaving me. The last night I had with him I was crying as he hugged me and just saying over and over "take me with you" and I think it really broke his heart because he wanted more than anything to take me to Korea with him. I know he really misses me already but he stays strong and I get my strength from him and that's usually how I'm able to get through things. He stays very calm and he just tells me over and over to keep my head up, we'll see each other soon, and after he's out of the army things will be better and we can live together. I'm going to try my best to stay busy and work as much as I can so I can save up for when we can finally live together.
It's just very hard right now and the idea of being without him for 6 months is a bit daunting. But like the other times before, I get used to him being gone after a while. I'll always miss him but I eventually get used to the idea that he's away no matter how much it hurts.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
8 Oct 12
Well yes, earlier in your discussion u had mentioned about how much u are missing him and glad to hear that u are feeling like being on top of the world now. Well it is normal to miss your sweet heart and u must be longing for his presence and i am sure he will also miss u as much as u miss him and he is smart and intelligent enough to give u calls everyday and keep u happy and elated.
What say?
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
8 Oct 12
This always seems to happen when we first leave each other. I was like this when he left in May and then I was like this again after I had to leave him in Oklahoma after flying out to see him graduate. I'm back to that same feeling again but with time I usually adjust and get used to the fact that he left.
