Does your family talk at the dinner table?

Australia
October 8, 2012 5:51pm CST
My partner and I disagree on whether or not there should be talking at the dinner table. I grew up in a family where you chat about your day whilst eating. My Dad was a major chatterbox and would talk nearly the whole meal. Even with family get togethers, there was always lots of talking. This created a great atmosphere where everybody felt valued. Unfortunately, my partner grew up within a family where it was forbidden to talk whilst eating and would actually get punished for it. There were a lot of things he used to get punished for actually but we have been working on them. However dinner is still a sore point. Having two boys within the autism spectrum, I really want the boys to feel comfortable and to be able to talk about their days. Dinner seems to be the time that they prefer to chat - also, it helps me distract them so that I can get them to eat quickly. So, do you have a similar problem in your house?
2 people like this
15 responses
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
9 Oct 12
Well, I grew up in an italian family and believe me, we are always talking while we eat. I cannot eat a meal in silence. I have to have some stimulation. I think your partners family treated dinner like nazi's. That to me is unheard of. If you want to talk at dinner, then talk. If your partner does not want to talk, then let him either leave the room or sit there and listen to you. Ot just get a TV and watch TV while you're eating. You're like me, you need stimulation at dinner.
• Australia
9 Oct 12
WOW! Now THAT would have been a great family to have grown up in. I love how Italians talk, they have SO much expression =) My partner's mother was really, really strict with some very inconsistent rules. While I have been able to 'iron out' some of these things, the whole talking at dinner seems to be a sore point. Our boys are learning not to talk so much when Daddy is at the table but once he finishes and leaves, they are major chatterboxes. With communication being so important with children with autism, I am just going to keep on talking. After all, I'm not hurting anybody and I'm encouraging social skills. Thank you for your reply! =D
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
10 Oct 12
I think you are doing the right thing. I think they need to communicate, especially at the dinner table. That is when the family is all together. I cannot eat a meal without having some one to talk to or something going on. It is like a form of entertainment for me. Thats why I still to this day eat sometimes in front of the TV. Just like I was a kid. I really enjoy that very much. I know how you feel, my evil ex seems to be a lot like your husband. She wants them to sit and eat quietly while the adults talk. That is her and her bozo looking boy friend. I'm with you, talk away and encourage your children to talk also.
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
13 Nov 12
In our home no dining table and no one eat the meals at the same time. Everyone timing is changed. But this is good habit to talk on dining table and eating at one place. We want to purchase dining table. I think with in month we will purchase. For chat on any topic the dinner table is good place.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
22 Oct 12
Dinner time is a time for our family to sit together with some small talk as well. It creates a warm atmosphere for family members to talk about something one experiences within the day. We like it while having a meal. Thanks for the discussion.
• India
18 Oct 12
We people do not used have simple talk while we have food. My father don't allow us to do it. He asks us people to have food as fast as possible and do what ever we need. I don't know why he ask us people to do so but we still we just stick to it.
@cattibre (160)
• United States
16 Oct 12
We talk at the dinner table all the time. It is the one time that my children know that my husband and I are not busy doing anything else and they can tell us whatever is on our mind. It is our time to catch up and just have a conversation without a T.V. going or someone typing on a computer. I think talking at the table brings a family closer together because there are no distractions.
15 Oct 12
when i sit at the dinner table with my family we talk about different thinks with my children we also talk about what they done at school and talk bout tv programmes
@GemmaR (8517)
9 Oct 12
I love sitting at the dinner table, because it is honestly the only time during the day that we all get together and are able to talk. Until 7pm my Father is at work, and then after dinner my brother has to do his homework so we are not able to talk to each other about things then. I always cook and then everyone sits at the table and catches up with the things that they have done during their day. I think that it is amazing and something that families should definitely be making the effort to do more often if there is any way that they can do so.
@namiya (1713)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
dinner, lunch or whatever meal our family eat together at home is the best opportunity for everyone to talk and discuss anything. usually this is the ideal time that we could share stories, jokes and exchange ideas while enjoying the food that is served.
@kedralynn (980)
• United States
8 Oct 12
Growing up, we started out having dinner as a family at the table. But as we got older and all were home at different times, we weren't able to do that. Then it turned into a few of us eating in front of the tv. Now my fiance and I eat at the tv too. When we go out to eat, I'd love it if we talked and got caught up with each other, but he's usually playing on his phone! I think it's good to talk at the dinner table. Especially with our busy lives.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
When we're still kids, our father would normally ask us if we had a good day at school. He would listen to us but usually, he would make it a point to limit the conversation and would continue when he sees that we're almost done eating as he noticed that we were not able to finish our food when we're already engaged into conversations. That is how we were in my family. When I got married, my husband's family is quite different as they love watching TV and they do watch while eating and would talk about the TV program during and while having dinner. They keep talking and talking and would later realized that after so many minutes of being in front of my plate, I haven't really started eating my food. As I find it really disrespectful not to look at someone if they are talking to you so all the while that they are talking to me, I look at them and was not able touch my meal. This practice is being applied by my husband until at present. He would normally turn on the TV while we're having dinner and I really do not like it as this is the time that we should catch up with each other at least. And what irritates me is that he would not be contented to be on the table while watching. He would encourage me to take my plate with me and go near the TV to watch closely which is a big NO for me. But of course, this scene is usual to most couples as they grew up in different families so most likely, they have different ways of living. For me, I wanted to say that he is wrong for behaving like that, but I know for sure that he thinks the same way. This is why conflicts and issues arise in marriage as this is actually a union of two different individuals. So normally, what I do is tell my husband how I feel about it and find a solution to it. We make adjustments and we should at least meet at the middle.
@NailTech (6874)
• United States
9 Oct 12
I think it's fine to talk at the dinner table. We don't eat at one in fact but take the food to the other room while the TV is on. I would prefer to just eat at a table but the two of them are so addicted to TV you have to pry them away from it sometimes. In fact my adult brother has some kind of power where it's allowed to tell us older family members including his parents to not talk while he's watching the TV, & that really baffles my mind. Then of course he can talk when he feels like it if it's on when ever he wants.
@superbadx (484)
• Malaysia
9 Oct 12
Well, my family talk at the dinner table. But usually we only talk things such as the news or sometimes a little gossips. I find that my family hardly talk to catch up like some people like what happen on their day or what did they do the whole they at work, school, or anywhere they have been on that day. I think my family like to separate family and their life. At least i am that kind of a person.
@mikyung (2232)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
I'm glad that we are a talking family but sometimes we overdo it and to the extent of misunderstanding among us kids. But everything has to be fixed in time. I believe it is a wise thing to clarify just to be understood. I dont want to be misconstrued as something. That would add fuel to the fire. Communications is somethng that comes up naturally, and practice makes perfect. I would inculcate that to my kids also. For I believe, it is a way of bonding to make every relationship strong. I hope things will be better to you and your family. Goodluck. Thanks
@Raine38 (12258)
• United States
9 Oct 12
There isn't actually any rule in our household about talking or not talking during dinner time, but in my observation we can all share and talk during dinner. Even though there are times that we cannot take our dinner together, we still talk. And I think it is fine because our parents get to supervised us, knows if we have new friends, need to take field trips, etc. This is also the time when our parents would usually bestow us their parental knowledge and wisdom.
@adnileb (5256)
• Philippines
8 Oct 12
Hi there! In our home, it's not forbidden to chat. However, when me and my fiancé is eating and he finishes the story rather than eating, I get mad at him. But not that serious. I just tell him eat while talking not talk while eating. But it's really not a big deal for me. I think it's more of a bonding time for your family. Maybe just tell your partner that he's not in their home anymore. And with the situation of your son, you really need that talking thing. It helps for them, I think.