Inviting classmates

@dorannmwin (36396)
United States
October 9, 2012 10:02pm CST
My son will be celebrating his sixth birthday during this weekend, but we are holding off having his birthday party for a week or two because this weekend is also fall break for their school district. Well, I believe that since my son is just in kindergarten and really hasn't had the opportunity to really get to know his classmates that he should invite all of the children in his class (at that I would bet that there would only be a handful that would show up). When I mention this to him, he will actually cry because there is one little boy in his class that he doesn't want to invite. If you were in my situation, what would you do? Oh, in addition to his classmates, he is also inviting a couple of his neighborhood friends and his cousins to his birthday celebration as well.
4 people like this
16 responses
@marguicha (196326)
• Chile
10 Oct 12
I remember that I would not invite all my daughter`s classmates. I could not deal with it. But I talked to the teacher if I could take a cake to school so that everyone would have a sort of party at recess. And then I`d let them invite 5 or 6 of their best friends for a house party.
3 people like this
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
As the children get older, I will limit the number of friends that they are able to invite. However, being that he is only in kindergarten, I really don't think that is fair because the kids have really only been in class together for two months and they really don't know each other all that well yet. I will also be taking cupcakes to school for him on Tuesday. We are waiting a couple weeks on his birthday party with his friends though because he really wants my best friend's children to be able to come and her release date from jail (the check scam) isn't until a little over two weeks from now.
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
10 Oct 12
Hi, You should invite the whole class for your son's happiness. The boy who is disliked by your son will not come and if he comes it's ok. Your discussion reminds me my son's childhood. We also used to invite his some best friends, neighborhood friends and some relatives. It was very happy times.
3 people like this
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
Oh yes, I think that having the opportunity to celebrate with all of the people that you like and care about is the best when it comes to a child's birthday.
@Hatley (163955)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Oct 12
hi dorannmwin I suppose it would not be nice to invite all the class but the boy he dislikes bu t maybe that boy will not come sol go again ask the whole class as half of th emn will probably not come anyway Hope they all have a wonderful time.I remember a birthday party whenI did not want this boy to come and was so happy as he did not come at all.
3 people like this
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
I can't guarantee that the sitaution with Paul's kindergarten class will be the same as my experiences have been with my daughter having class birthday parties because of the fact that my son is in a magnet program. But when Kathryn has had birthday parties, she has only had a couple of people from her class show up, but all of the children in the neighborhood will show up.
@dawnald (84835)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Oct 12
I'd invite the whole class.
2 people like this
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
We've decided to wait on his party for a couple of weeks because of fall break, but I am going to be inviting his entire class to the party. I really think that is the only fair way to do it.
@savypat (20217)
• United States
10 Oct 12
Try to get him to think how he would feel if he were the only child not invited to a birthday party. If you can get him to step outside his own feelings maybe these two kids can have some relationship. Of course 6 years old is a little young for this exercise, but he might surprise you. Blessings of parenting.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
I do think that this is something that is beyond him at this point in time because I have asked him how he would feel if he was the only one that was not invited and he said that he wouldn't care. You and I both know that this would not actually be the case in these situations.
@sallyj (1226)
• United States
10 Oct 12
You will have your hands full. Quite often the other child will not show up. Hope you all have a good time.
2 people like this
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
Oh yes, I know that I will have my hands full, but I also know that it is going to be something that is really special for my son and that is what is the most important to me.
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
10 Oct 12
Let all of them join as an assembly of peers. It would be great fun and enjoyment to them being in togetherness, Let them sing and dance to their heart's contentment
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
That is what we are going to do. We will be having a belated birthday party though for a number of reasons.
@jillhill (37356)
• United States
11 Oct 12
All or no one....I know that is tough but you don't know how bad the little guy would feel if he were excluded....and explain to your son in a way that he can understand that he wouldn't want to be left out either....and maybe the little guy wouldn't show up anyway....I know it has happened to someone's kid I know and they were really hurt....enemies sometimes are just friends we haven't met yet.
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
That is what I told to Paul, he either had to invite everyone in his class or he wasn't allowed to invite anyone in his class.
• United States
10 Oct 12
I would only invite a few of the kids that he seems fond of. I remember what it was like being forced by my mother to give Valentine's Day cards to everyone in the class--including the *******s (which was most of them). It was a horrible thing to do to a child, and I have vowed to never do that to any of my children should I ever have any. Children shouldn't be forced to socialize with jerks. If the other little boy is mean to your son, why should your son be forced to invite him to his birthday party? That just is not right, and it may undermine your son's faith in you--especially if you keep doing stuff like this.
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
You could be right and you could be wrong. I just really wish that I had the opportunity to meet this little boy because the only thing that I've actually heard about him is that Paul thinks he is ugly. Well, when the school year started, he swore up and down the he didn't like Luis. Well, now Luis is actually Paul's best friend in the class. It started out that this Luis told him he stank and one day Paul looked at him and said he stank and now the two of them are best friends.
@cynthiann (18603)
• Jamaica
10 Oct 12
Just explain that it is not polite to invite the whole class and exclude the one boy. Ask him to think how he would feel if it was him being excluded. Having said that, I would invite the whole class and who knows? The boy he doesn't lke may become likeable. Good luck as inviting so many children will be such a lot to organise but I expect that you will get help from family and friends. I hope that it goes well. Let us know how it goes.
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
Well, we have decided to delay his birthday party for a couple weeks because he wants my friend's kids to be able to come and she won't be able to get her kids back for a couple weeks. I have, however, convinced him that it is in his best interest to invite all of his classmates.
@lelin1123 (15598)
• Puerto Rico
10 Oct 12
Ok if I were you I would only invite a oouple of his friends from the neighborhood and his cousins. If you invite everyone from his class that could end up backfiring and you have everyone coming or worse that one kid that your son does not want to invite will come. Why put your son through all this on his birthday. He will not enjoy it and will end up being sad. Leave it small and simple and he will be happier. For him to cry concerning this one kid tells me this kid might be giving him trouble of some kind and I would ask him about this too. Good luck!
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
I guess that could be what happens. But, I also know that there are a few of his classmates that he really wants to have at his birthday and it wouldn't make him happy to not be able to invite them either.
@much2say (49051)
• Los Angeles, California
10 Oct 12
I met this lady the other day at the party store - and she told me she was having a birthday party for her 6 year old too. She said this year was going to be "interesting" because she did invite the whole class . . . and the point she brought up was she wasn't sure what was going to happen because she didn't know most of the kids - and that would mean she wouldn't be knowing the parents who were coming either. She felt it was a tad scary letting in these strange people whom she knew nothing about in her home! But, she was doing it. I think I would invite the whole class. It's possible too that if that one little boy should show up, he might show his better side at the party - and all could be well from then on! On the flipside, he may not show up too (as you said, only a handful usually show up when it comes to inviting an entire class). But some people only want to invite a certain few . . . like what our friend did when they had a birthday party that was budgeted and they could only invited a certain number of kids at this indoor playground. In our school, there are homework folders that go home. I've seen some parents ask the teachers or the aides to put in invitations for certain children because not everyone was being invited (and the parents never see the parents of the children and they wanted to ensure they got the invitation). So that's on option as well.
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
In most classrooms the idea of having the teacher put the invitations in a homework folder would be great. The complicating factor in his class is this, the child that he really doesn't want to invite is the twin of one of his best friends in the class, so it would backfire on us. The twins ended up in class together because of being in the magnet program that only has one classroom of children accepted each year.
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
23 Oct 12
Yeah and the twins are in the same class. This isn't something that typically happens in the county that we live in. However, being that Paul is in the magnet program and the twins are too, they are in the same class because there are limited spaces for this program. Now the real irony in all of this is that these same little girls are friends of my two nieces as well (they used to all go to daycare together).
@much2say (49051)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Oct 12
Oh - hee hee. Being that they are twins - yah, I could see how that complicates things!! Well, in most cases, I think both of then should be invited then - it wouldn't do to invite one twin and not the other, especially if they are in the same class. My daughter has twin friends - and both siblings are always at parties together (unless one is grounded - ha ha).
@RitterSport (2452)
• Lippstadt, Germany
14 Oct 12
hi dear dorannmwin, for me it would depend on how big the class is as he also invites the neighbourhood friends and his cousins. Probably I would ask him to pick the two or three kids of his kindergarten group he likes best.
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
16 Oct 12
That would be a good point as well. I know that if we were doing a birthday party at a place where we had to pay per child that was attending, I would have to put a cap. However, doing it at a park I figure the more the merrier.
@bagarad (14357)
• Paso Robles, California
10 Oct 12
It is your son's birthday, and if there is a child in his class he really doesn't like, I'd only have him invite about five people from his class that he really would like to know better. That doesn't exclude just one child so that there are hard feelings. If he's only going to be 6, he really doesn't need a huge party. Why not have just a few classmates, the neighbor children, and his cousins? i like the idea of also taking a birthday treat to school to share with the whole class so that classmates not invited to the party will still not be completely left out of the celebrating. Maybe I'm for limiting party size because I would not have felt able to handle more than about twelve six-year-olds myself. It can be stressful, unless the parents of his cousins will be helping out. I took the coward's way out. We lived near a beach (well, it was an eight mile hike to the beach.) We invited everyone we knew and their families, including people from church and the entire school class. The kids and my husband and other willing parents hiked to the beach and those of us with the food drove met them there. I didn't have to worry about games because the kids were content to build sand castles, bury each other, and wade a bit. I didn't have to watch everyone because their own parents, for the most part, were there, too. It gave me a chance to get to know the parents of the classmates, and everyone had a good time. It became a tradition we all looked forward to every year. Did I mention I hate having indoor parties with games, etc.?
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
With Paul having a birthday in October, I do try to do outdoor parties whenever I can. We've had several birthday parties at parks in the past and that is what I hope to be able to do this year as well (we are doing a belated birthday party). If doing an outdoor party doesn't turn out to be feasible because of the weather, we will be having it at a fast food restaurant with a play land.
@shaggin (63113)
• United States
10 Oct 12
I have to say that I would have your son do what you said give all the kids in the class an invitation. I always invite all the kids in my kids classes because I dont want to single certain kids out and make them feel bad. Somtimes with the cost of parties you have to limit how many people you invite but we try to do things that will be low cost no matter how many kids show up. My daughter the one year cried because she didnt want one boy to come to her party she didnt want to invite him she said he would ruin her party because he is so bad. I said if that was her she wouldnt want to be the only kid in the class that is excluded either. I said chances are he wouldnt come anyway and I was right he didnt come. One time about 2 years back all the boys in the class were invited to a boys birthday and a few of the girls as well. My daughter was one of the ones who didnt get invited and she was really upset about it and my heart broke for her.
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
You see, I remember a time in my life where I thought that I wasn't invited to a birthday party that everyone else was invited to and my feelings were really hurt. Well, it turns out that I was invited to the birthday party, but my invitation didn't come in the mail until the next day.
@katsmeow1213 (28867)
• United States
10 Oct 12
When I was growing up I got to pick 5-10 classmates to invite. It's been the same for my kids.
@dorannmwin (36396)
• United States
12 Oct 12
I've decided to just invite the entire class because if my experiences with Kathryn having parties with her classmates is the same, there will only be a few that will actually show up.