First insult from my boss

Philippines
October 18, 2012 12:49am CST
I am the happiest person when our department got a new boss. Four months have passed and now, everything changed, I am really disappointed. I thought he is different. I thought he is fair. I told a colleague of mine about what happened, and she said she's already expecting that to happen. My boss just arrived from a trip and gave me a paper bag containing sweets and told me repeatedly and in a firm manner that I will give one to the other section and the other, to the section where I belong. He talked as if I have plans of giving them all to one section alone. So I did exactly what he told me, and found out that there's a key inside the bag. I returned the bag to him and told him there's a key inside. It is actually his car's key. Instead of being grateful, he told me that it is good thing that I am using my brain sometimes. I feel insulted. I just left his room and go back to my desk. I just didn't expect that from him as I have high respect for him. How would you deal with it if you're in my situation? Would you feel the same? Thanks everyone.
5 people like this
25 responses
@adnileb (5067)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
What a boss?! Surely I will feel the same like you. You should have asked him, "Are you insulting me?!" I think that's what I 'll do if I was in your situation. That's so rude of him to tell you that. Hope you are okay now,
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Thanks belinda, I am fine now. Just trying to get over what has happened. He actually talked to me last Friday but I am not as friendly as before. I just answer what he asks. Some people don't really realized that they have already hurted other people.
@adnileb (5067)
• Philippines
24 Oct 12
Good to hear you are okay now and you already talked with each other. Better stay casual so he knows he has done you harm. Hate those kind of bosses.
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Thank you. It is hard to return the previous relationship we had before after the incident as I am now uncomfortable talking to him. Would you believe that I have to think many times before going to his desk and ask him to sign some documents? It is like looking for the courage to do something that is difficult for you. I hope this feeling will pass soon.
@berting600 (3455)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
I will also return the bag with the keys in there,but I will tell the boss that I did not know there was his keys there,and that it is good that it was not lost upon giving the sweets.Your boss must have given you a positive feedback upon the recovery of his keys because it is very difficult to make another key to replace the original one.You should be given a message a appreciation for a job well done.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Thank you berting. I hope that it was really the case but it is not. I would definitely know if he was trying to commend me for doing something good yesterday but he is not. I didn't hear him say thank you at least. He insulted me for having to return his keys. It is like we should be glad that at last, I am using my brain. Was it like I was in coma for the last four months or what for him to say that? I was so upset by his words.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
If I were you do not have to return anything in his favor,because he is a person who do not know how thoughtful you were as one of his employees.He did not realized that someone like you could be trusted more than he thinks was a bad thing to return someone else things to the rightful owner.I think that he thinks you just did that for other reasons,that is why he told you use your head.If I was the one who was told at it,I could elaborate my reasons why I return it to him,and just knowing it was his car keys.No matter he was my boss,I will really tell him that I did it for his sake alone,and not doing it for my own reason because I know he needs it very badly.
• Philippines
26 Oct 12
What other reasons could I have for returning his keys? It feels so sad that you do something good for others and they will think that you have other motives for doing so. I know that he's been having a hard time lately but I don't really care much. I hope he realized by now that he indeed lose one ally.
1 person likes this
@mhypie03 (684)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
That sounds weird. How long have you been working together? I have had several bosses before. The one that I could share is the time when this boss acts and reasons out childishly. There was a one time when he got all our time sheets and he started scolding me about my undertime yet he himself is not exemplifying it. And almost everybody else were doing it any way so why only me? Later on, when we were all rebelling he asked me... "I just want to be your friend". It was fascinating, overwhelming, entertaining & quite irritating. One more thing, if it gets repeated you can consult your hr department about that because insults, moral degradation, public humiliation or something alike is something not to be taken lightly and should never be tolerated especially if it's a multinational company.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
We've been working for 4 months already. My previous was the same so I was thankful when they sent us a new boss. I didn't expect that he would be the same. I wanted to think that he was just tired or something. I felt that I really lost my brain that moment. I was in shocked to hear those words. I hope this won't happen again as with my experience, when they started treating you that way, they will be like that forever. I will take into considerations what you have said. I hope our HR department can do something about it as I always think that they don't have a voice as well. Thank you so much for your response.
@mhypie03 (684)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Since it's the first time (am I right?) you could let it pass by just this moment. Then have a feel if there's more that could happen anytime soon then go straight to your human resource department. It is their job to take issues like this because it deals with resource and issues. Don't let people look down on you, you have to know your rights and fight for it.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Yes, I'll take your advice. This is the first time he has insulted me so like you said, I'll just let it pass. I hope I won't be needing to ask for our HR's help in the future. Hope this won't happen again. Thanks again.
@aejey322 (1004)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Maybe he's not just in a good mood? Or he recently encountered some problem that disturbed him. But I understand how you feel. It's really bad to be insulted. Especially from a person that you never expected to act that way. But just observe him. Maybe he'll return to his real self soon.
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
Thanks aejey, I am taking into consideration that he was maybe tired because he has just arrived from a 2 day trip. But his choice of words were not really nice. He could have said other things, I might understand. I felt so stupid that time and it really put me down.
@aejey322 (1004)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
I agree with you. It is really a wrong choice of words. He did not even think before saying it. If it is me who received those, I will really feel hurt and insulted also. But to make yourself feel a little bit better, maybe you can try to switch your mind to believe that he did that out of being tired, but he has really no intention of insulting you or hurting you personally. Hope this will help yourself feel at ease, and change your perception with your boss. Because it will be difficult to work with someone having some unsettled issues. And well, I know (based on my own opinion), you cannot discuss it openly with him...
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Yes, I am trying to just think that he has said that because he was so tired and pressured with work. We actually had the chance to talk this past few days and so far, he hasn't done or said something that would offend or hurt me. But of course, I always have this feeling that I should be watchful and careful because I don't know what else he is capable of telling me. We're discussing about something this afternoon and realized that I was talking too much. I was giving my opinions about this sample programme for our incoming event, when I suddenly stopped talking. I don't know but I just remember about this saying - less talk, less mistake. I thought that if I would just keep my mouth shut, he won't have anything to say against me. So I just concluded what I was saying and leave his table. I don't know if this is some kind of a phobia because of what happened. I hope not.
@fatlex06 (895)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Oh. Frankly speaking I don't know what will I do or how will I react if that's happened to me but you should've defended yourself. Ask him what does he mean by that? Was that a joke? Because if yes, he should be more careful next time. He should be more sensitive of what his employees will think and feel if he said that knowing that he is professional. So, who is not using his brain now, huh? But, like must go on. Just cheer up. And don't let yourself be in that kind of situation again. :) Have a nice day.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Yes, I feel worse as I was not able to depend myself. When he told me that, I just can't think of a word to say. He's the boss. I don't know if he sees that but I am usually easy to read. I just left after returning him his keys, I did not say a word. I should have reminded him to be more careful with his car keys, and so as with his words. I am disappointment as I thought he would be happy that I am returning his keys. This is exactly what he said when I returned his keys: "I was looking for it everywhere. It's a good thing you are still using your brain sometimes." So I guess, that is how brainy people do - left their keys and forgot where they placed them then insult those people that would return the keys to them. He is really so much.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
just like fatlex, i tend to be frozen by shock by such incidents so i can't react instantly. then mostly likely, it would get in the way of my work the rest of the day, like i would space out every now and then reliving it. if i were a gutsy and witty person, i'd probably say, "so that's why they haven't fired me yet!" while it's true some smart people are absent-minded, i noticed that the way he treated you (i.e., repeating instructions to make sure you understand, commenting on your initiative and honesty) was as if you're just one of his paid helpers at home that was only able to finish grade six from a remote province. furthermore, it's not that you're expecting him to be overly grateful, but i'm guessing even an unemotional "okay, just leave it on my desk" would have been far better than that loaded comment. so maybe he's under pressure because work has piled up while he was away, maybe he's projecting his frustration with the company on you (because like you, he's seeing things that he didn't see before), or maybe he's had or is having bad experience with househelp, it's still unwarranted. but since we know we're human and all prone to mistakes and outbursts, he would have also recognized it and apologized. would you be willing to tell HR about it?
• Philippines
26 Oct 12
Thanks for sharing your thoughts hereandthere. I don't think I can tell our HR about it. I've heard so much incidents in here where bosses would humiliate their staff but nothing happened. No justice at all. What I noticed here is that they like making fun of others specially those who have lower positions. We're really hoping the the top management would be changed. We're praying and hoping that the present head of our office would be dismissed but we're worried that one of his subordinates will be taking the position so most likely, nothing will change. I kept my distance to this boss after the incident. We do talk and discuss work related things but I no longer care much. Like if there's an occasion and there's food in the office, I won't bother to bring him food in his table.
@JohnRok1 (2051)
19 Oct 12
Maybe he's beginning to think of you as a friend, and you know, we are rude to our friends. This comment, in the circumstances, is so preposterous that I wonder very much whether he was expecting you to take it seriously. A reply like "Well, someone around here has to!" (even adding "for a change") might have elicited no more than amusement, or "touché", or a mock "You need to know your place". See how it goes, but be careful who else is around when you reply in kind. Provided people do their work, some bosses love informality.
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Yes, you do have a point. I see some people who treat their friends that way. But honestly, I have never heard such harsh words as that from my friends. I hope I can be comfortable with that kind of treatment in the future so I can take them as a just a mere joke.
@JohnRok1 (2051)
27 Oct 12
In my country, when a boss says something like that, it's because he feels that if he gave you the thanks you deserved, everyone would think he was being sarcastic. So he says something ridiculously denigrating instead, so denigrating no one could possibly take it seriously ... unless they'd been so much more downtrodden than he could imagine ...
@sjvenden27 (1847)
• United States
18 Oct 12
There would be a couple different ways you can handle this. Since it was the first time let it go; he may of been under a lot of pressure since he did just get back from vaction and his mind is full of things that need to be done.. Its not right but may be he snapped on you because he was extremely embrassed.. Instead of being humble he was cruel.. Another way; It was wrong you didnt do anything, you could report it to HR. And let them handle the situation.. Letting your boss know that you do what you are suppose to but you do not and will not allow someone make you feel that way.. But then he will also have you on his radar meaning he may judge you worst them the others becase of saying anything at all... Granted it is not right but it does happen
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Thanks for your response. My previous boss is worst so we're thankful that a new boss came. Not knowing that he is the same. I don't really have plans at the moment of reporting this to our HR as no one heard him said it except him and I. But if he happens to said that in front of many, I'll have to report him to the HR Department.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 12
That sounds like a good idea.. Oh granted its on here.. What happen is time-stamped and if he does get worse you can use what you wrote down here towards the "next case".. I hope nothing goes wrong but it just keeps a record for you; dates and stuff like that..
• India
18 Oct 12
I am very sad to know that you had faced an unexpected face from your boss to you. It is really sad. I feel this insult is without any reason. Anyway you have to adjust with you because it is your lively hood. Keep all your emotions inside you and don't put them out from you. Never show rude face to your boss always show your good smiling face to him and just belive that nothing such incident may not happen again.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Thank you, I did not speak although I am so upset with the insult. I know that it may cause more problems if I answer back. I really didn't want my resentment to take me the wrong way.
• India
19 Oct 12
Anyway past is past. Try to leave them from your mind and go back to your works as usual with your full energy. Dedicate each moment of your life with your god he will surely help you to get out from troubles.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Is it the only thing he told you? I dont get it why he said that. Well, its not new to me, my boss is kinda like that everytime. He's usually the one always right. But we're used to it. Its normal to us already. And somehow its just a matter of expression. Not a big deal for them. So I suggest, dont be too affected.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Yes, that's the only thing he told when I returned his keys. Should I take that as a compliment for doing a good deed? How can a boss be careless about his staff feelings. I expect him to at least say thank you.
@ztuberi (395)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
Just dont mind it. He's a boss. Take things professionally. Not personally. We do good deeds as a volunteer, we are not asking in return.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
18 Oct 12
That's unacceptable, no one has the right to use their power like this. Many bosses just go too far because we can't complain. Now it's about seeing what you can do about it, if you like your job. You are right to feel offended, insulted, anyone would cause what, you do not have brains? We all have, it's not funny. If this person wasn't the boss I doubt it would talk like this.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Thanks katie. I exactly felt that way. Did I really lose my brain or something? Do brainless people do return car keys to owner? I should have just let him look for his keys and never cared about it.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30197)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
that is what he deserved paper_doll for what he said to you. i would have just not returned it to him if i had know he is to say something so rude like that!
@meozard22 (872)
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
You're boss is so rude! That should be reported to the higher management to have something to do to him for that. No one should speak to anyone like that even if he's the boss! That's power tripping!
• Philippines
26 Oct 12
It is sad as I don't think that the higher management can do something about it as they are worser than he is. I once posted here before about my previous boss who was already promoted and now belongs to the top management. He once told me that he's going to fire me just because of this small teapot. And he said that with many people around us. He is far more rude than my current boss. I don't think those people would do something about what happened as they are the same.
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
24 Oct 12
He may be in a high position because of education and experience, but with manners, he failed. .
• Philippines
26 Oct 12
Like I said, this is very common in our office. Those who occupy higher positions are harsh in dealing with their staff. Actually, those who answer back will risk his own career in here. You will never reach the top if you are going to oppose them. You have to become their dogs to be able to walk your way to success. I don't think I want that kind of life. I am not even that type of person so I hope that sooner or later, the management will change. Thanks so much. It is indeed true that high education won't really dictate if one is a good person or not.
@ARIES1973 (9535)
• Legaspi, Philippines
20 Oct 12
There are really several people who complain of an unfair treatment from a boss. You are not alone. We also experience the same thing. But just the same, we are just subordinates and there is no use complaining about these things. That is why many of us would want to find another source of income hoping that someday, we would not be working anymore under anybody. That we will be our own boss. Hopefully when that time came, that time when we will be the boss already, we won't change our attitude. That we will always be humble as we are when we are still a subordinate. Have a nice day!
• Philippines
26 Oct 12
That is so true. Those incidents make us think of having to write our resignation letter or look for another job. Yes it would be nice if this job would be something that we won't be needing to deal with a boss. A business of our own, or working at home is probably the best. Yes, some people do change when they are already at the top. Hope that we will always keep our feet on the ground. Thanks for sharing!
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
There are those that look at themselves so up high that they already overlooked the need to be with others,the importance of good and healthy interaction towards their subordinates.If you act a role model then the rest follows, cooperating to the growth of the company.Working together towards progress. If hate is implanted, the do it yourself thinking and do it at your own risks may occur. If you are a boss you should love your subordinates and listen to them.Inside the company is also a family that works together.He should humble himself and act as the leader to be followed with respect and not to be hated.
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
I totally agree with you. You can't really expect your subordinates to respect you if you won't treat them fairly. The way I see it, he's just a boss and not a leader. There's a big difference between the two.
• Thailand
19 Oct 12
Wow, that's some kind of hurting you know, if i will be in your shoes i will be turned off since i have given him all the respect since the first day. So, if he told you such thing it is an act of a less conduct person. He abused you by his words and left you with a degrading situation. If you think that you are doing a great job then, shame on him. By you giving back is key to him was already a good points for you in return, is you are in different manner or he have done these things previously i will not give him back the key so he will be in trouble... ahahha
• Philippines
25 Oct 12
Thank you gracia. How we treat other people would really tell what kind of person we are. Yes, I do regret returning those keys. If I just thrown that paper bag, my life has been better that day.
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
18 Oct 12
How rude can you get? Just because he's the boss doesn't given him the right to treat his staff like that, if anyone spoke to him like that he'd have you up for insubordination or a reprimand. Sadly power goes to some people's heads and they forget that they are human and all their manners go out the windows. There is no excuse for rudeness or insults. You have to ask why he got the position in the first place. How can you have respect for that type of person?
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Thanks wolfie, you really said it right. I agree with you. Like I said, I am so much disappointed with his behavior. It is really hard for me now to respect him for what he has said.
• Bangladesh
18 Oct 12
May be your boss is an uneducated man and kinda lunatic. Such kinda people art just dirt of a country. How do they get job without being verified mentaly.
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Contrary to that, he is very much educated. So you will really wonder why he acted that way. He should go review his values education class. I agree with you that they really should be verified mentally as I have really seen many bosses who really needs that.
@smilemoon (766)
• United Arab Emirates
18 Oct 12
Oh ! poss. Sometime they so mean but we shouldn't give them too much care.
• Philippines
22 Oct 12
Yes, that is why I do regret being too friendly to him. He never cared at all. He is actually sick and was not able to report to work today.
@gaiza12 (4885)
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
Sorry about that. I say that is really not a good attitude from your boss. He doesn't have the right to say that even if you have done something wrong. He should respect you if he wishes to be respected in return. If I were your boss, I'll be thankful and give you a smile and say "Good Job!" Don't let him get you with that insult or you'll days of stay in the company will be ruined. Just do your thing and do it best.
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
Thanks gaiza, respect should be observed all the time. I am sure that he knows that. I think I will have to give a copy of our core values for him to remember what do you think? Like I said, the least I expect yesterday was a simple thank you for returning his keys. No need for commendation or anything of that sort. Unfortunately, it is the other way around. It is heartbreaking that doing a good deed can put you in this kind of situation.
• Philippines
18 Oct 12
That's rude. If that happens to me, I would surely react negatively. I would sarcastically reply "thank you for that touching recognition of my brain sir, I hope one time I'll recognize yours too". If my boss will treat me that way, I would surely quit. I can never work with someone who doesn't respect me, even he's the president of the company. After all, I didn't finish my degree just to be humiliated.
• Philippines
19 Oct 12
Thanks rizza, you are very brave and I admire you. I honestly don't know if I can do or say that but I really hope I can as I felt really stupid yesterday. Imagine, I was with this big smile when I returned his keys and I still wear that smile when he said those words to me. I don't really know how to react so I just left. I don't understand sometimes why some people here act that way when they swear to demonstrate trust and respect for everyone. I guess he must have forgotten our core values.