Is a healthy dose of tough love needed?
By hoseasmate
@hoseasmate (720)
United States
November 4, 2012 4:28pm CST
I'm a parent of adult children. I have always gone on the assumption that we are family and we help each other out. If either child needs financial help, I help. Both have been the recipient of financial aid from me in the past three months. I paid a mortgage and car payment for the married daughter and paid college tuition for the other. However, my two daughters don't get along. One daughter is very jealous and the other is on the opposite spectrum, she doesn't care about much of anything. Here is the issue. The laid back daughter had an old car that finally died and went to old car heaven. The other daughter is married to a car salesman. I texted him, thinking at the very least he would offer to go on his upcoming day off to help us find her a car. Instead, he send back a text that said something like I remember not having a car and it was rough. Well, I remember back when that incident happened to him and I co-signed a note so he would have a car. I want to distance myself very far from him and my daughter because of this incident. What would you say to him? What would you do?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@FrugalMommy (1438)
• United States
5 Nov 12
Um... I have to ask, did you directly ask him if he could help your other daughter find a car? I've found that my husband is totally obtuse when it comes to most indirect requests and I used to get so mad at him until realized that he had no idea that I was asking him to do things around the house. 
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
10 Nov 12
Yep, I did ask outright. I think he believes himself to be in a better social class than his sister-in-law and that was a huge factor in his decision to not help. It had to have been a personal decision on his part and not a denial by the finance company of the dealership he works for. I know this because my daughter got a car from a competitor that her brother-in-law could have sold to her, had he been willing to help.
@FrugalMommy (1438)
• United States
10 Nov 12
That's really unfortunate. 
I guess he must have his reasons, but it still stinks. I imagine your daughter will remember this if he ever asks her for help, and of course you will too. I don't think I would distance myself from him and your other daughter if I were in your shoes. Then again, I don't know the whole story. You're really the only one who can make that decision. 
I guess he must have his reasons, but it still stinks. I imagine your daughter will remember this if he ever asks her for help, and of course you will too. I don't think I would distance myself from him and your other daughter if I were in your shoes. Then again, I don't know the whole story. You're really the only one who can make that decision. 
@macdingolinger (10385)
• United States
4 Nov 12
Hey!! I do not even know what to say to this type of situation. I do not have any understanding of those who do not want to help others out - especially when they have found themselves in similar circumstances before.( and had to be helped out themselves!) I do not necessarily believe in "karma" -- but this will come back to bite him in the butt - eventually. 
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
10 Nov 12
I hope that when the butt bite happens that I will not gloat! I know that would be wrong and wouldn't want any part of being that type person.
