End of Discussion
By AnnieOakley1
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
Canada
8 responses
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
6 Nov 12
Having used this term myself (in real life AND here), to me, it's when I'm done with the topic of conversation. The other person has not been convincing in their efforts to sway to their point of view, nor have I been successful in bringing them to my point of view. The entire discussion has broken down to screaming or yelling (in real life) or name calling (in either situation). I say it as one last attempt to remain civil with someone; when said to me, it's frustrating, but I realize that we've hit the wall and neither of us will gain anything.
As I've gotten older, I've learned to accept that I just can't win them all, though I like to continue to wish I had. But it does hurt a bit to a certain extent too.
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
7 Nov 12
In that case, it was uttered by someone that wasn't mature enough to fully explain their reasons. I'm sorry that someone was so rude to you-they're definitely not worth your time in this case. Did they not remember (or realize) that you're an adult that is capable of making your own decisions and beliefs, and that really aren't in a position to order you around? I'd suggest steering wide of them, at least until both of you can tolerate being in the same room. Was this a family member?
1 person likes this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
17 Nov 12
At this point, if it were me, I'd just let it go. Of course, being a Scorpio, I'll also cut them out of my life (like I did with my aunt) for hurting me so badly. It's obviously hurt you severely, but if you keep trying to go back to them over this, they'll continue to shut you out. You, of all people, do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Don't let them continue to hurt them, but always remember how they treated you. If the situation is reversed, how would you handle it? Do you think that they could tolerate being treated that way?
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
7 Nov 12
Yes, I can see it being used to end a long debate, but this wasn't a debate. An angry snap decision based on lack of all the facts was made, and when I asked why I was told to shut up, I was lectured saying they didn't say that, and that they are different, but not how they were any different. For the most part, they mean the same, don't they?
Either way, I found it to be very rude and it certainly brought me back to childhood, making me feel like I was suddenly 8 yrs old again, and I did something wrong and was being ORDERED to stop protesting because it won't get you anywhere.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
6 Nov 12
When I hear it I think that whomever I am conversing with does not want to hear it anymore, as in it's not so much a discussion but an altercation of some sort. I guess I am thinking of when I was a child and if I continued to beg or tried to beg away from doing something or for something, sometimes I'd hear "End of discussion."
I think I've even used it once or twice with my niece and nephew.
Either way, "End of discussion" just has a rude feel to it.
1 person likes this
@scorpiobabes (7225)
• United States
6 Nov 12
It reminds me of trying to convince one of my parents to allow me to:
1. drive
2. go out with certain people (friends or dates)
3. attend concerts
It was frustrating because I often felt like I wasn't trusted. Some of those things were important (driving), but others feel like I have lost opportunities (concerts). But there are a few people that my chose to allow into my life that I knew were a mistake.
I am the type of person that would rather make my own mistakes to learn from, than have someone else tell me that I can't do it. I've grown up rather sheltered because of my parents choices, so I'm a touch resentful that they (mom more than dad) didn't allow me to make mistakes while I was younger, and the cost was much less than now (as an adult).
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
6 Nov 12
Aww yes...the parents! My mom,especially was famous for that. I get it to a point and I've done it as a parent but I also agree with Scorpio that it can be overdone to the point of crippling a teen's abilities to make sound decisions and learn from mistakes.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
7 Nov 12
Scorpio,
I was somewhat sheltered myself, with somethings more then my brother and sister were. Some of the things were "Boys do that more" or "girls can do this more" type thing, if that makes sense. Like for instance, being able to walk home from a long distance etc, they may have let the boys in the family do it more then the girls...
I agree, some things should be sheletered, but somethings not, and there is such a thing as over sheltering. You've got to know when to let the kids make their mistakes, and be there for them when they do, to answer questions, to give support. To deprive them of the learning experience... No matter how much good you are trying to do, it isn't always the best idea.
1 person likes this
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
15 Nov 12
Hi Annie,
I think it means the person does not want to talk about the issue anymore and is warning you not to bring it up again. It also depends on how it is said. If the person asys it in an angry and harsh way it would be pointless at this moment to pursue the subject. Best to let it rest or forget about it. However if the matter is important to you you could then say :"I see this is not a good time to discuss this but the subject is not closed for me and I would like to revisit it at another time".
How would I feel if someone said "End of discussion" to me. It would depend on how it was said, what it was all about, how much I respected or loved the person. If I saw it was important to the person to stay away from the subject and I respected them I would back off and not feel hurt. If I felt the person disrespected me I would be hurt.
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
16 Nov 12
Yes, that is how it felt, a warning that I was not to discuss it any further. And had I actually gone on and on about it for some time, I would have understood it, but that just wasn't the case. So what confuses me is what justification is there for the sudden rudeness/anger towards me when I hadn't done anything wrong in the first place? They caused the bad feelings in this issue, not me. I got in trouble for doing something wrong when I did not. And then, when I claimed my innocence, I was told off further, as if that is proof of my guilt somehow.
@ElicBxn (63252)
• United States
8 Nov 12
I figure that, but what you have to do it distant yourself. Maybe not as much physically, but more importantly, emotionally. I am not suggesting that you "act like it never happened" because THAT'S what THEY want, but don't put yourself out for them, at least for a while. If they want something that you might have previously agreed to do, don't do it.
I won't say it will be easy, but if you don't put yourself out for them, they will either realize that they have damaged the relationship or you have put too much trust in them and they aren't worth it.
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
7 Nov 12
Yes, if it was a stranger, or someone I didn't care about, sure....walk far away and NEVER COME BACK. I found it to be very demeaning and insulting. But this strangely, was done by someone I care about, and I wanted to 'sort it out' peacefully. But how can you do that when you are FORBIDDEN to speak of the subject any longer??
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
6 Nov 12
Hi Annie,
It's been so long since I've seen you on here!! As to your question, well, I take that as whoever I am talking to just does not want to discuss it any further. It's a way to say that they are just done discussing the issue and are not open to hearing any more of what you might have to say. I just shut up when someone says that to me.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
6 Nov 12
Hi there Annie,
Well as a rule, it makes me feel pretty bad and distant from the person I had been talking with. It makes me feel that the person does not feel that my thoughts,feelings, etc are worth the time to listen to & that they really do not care. If it is someone I care about then it hurts. If it is just some aquaintence then it just makes me want to avoid conversing in the future with that person.
I will say that I've had those words spoken to me with the kindest of intent also. For example, if I'm out for a drink or lunch with a friend and I insist on paying and they are also insisting on paying, i have had my friend go:"I am paying and that is it. end of discussion!" that's just an example but it isn't always a bad thing. I'm guessing this was said to you??
1 person likes this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
7 Nov 12
Yes, it was said to me, and it was said from someone that I do not want to walk away from. But it has definitely negatively coloured my feelings for them now.
And it helps me to understand more thoroughly with you refreshing my memory and giving me these examples, it is very much appreciated. Gives me a better definition. It IS an ORDER, even when said with good intentions. As I have done kind things like that, too, and said it in that context and it is good.
Unfortunately, in this case, it doesn't seem to have been said in that positive context, but in a negative one. Basically, it says to me:
"I am angry, I have made MY decision, THE ONLY DECISION, you have no choice in the matter, and don't anger me further by talking about it any further".
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
7 Nov 12
Yes, I thought that it meant they were offended, but I do not feel they had any reason to be offended, since I did nothing wrong. Which is why I am confused. And yes, I also felt it to be quite rude.
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
7 Nov 12
I agree. It certainly left me wondering what the heck was going on. How they went from 0 - 10 on the angry scale so fast defies logic! And then refused to back down from that illegitimate anger.
@wonttakelong (3555)
• United States
9 Nov 12
it means just that!
the person who says it no longers wants to discuss the topic
how I feel depends on who it is and what setting we are in
1 person likes this
